Hi ladies,
I am hoping someone can offer a suggetion or two about a therapist I can call, or maybe someone who can relate to some of what I'm going through. I am a FT working mom with a beautiful 2 year old girl. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married just one. And I'm embarrassed and very sad to say we've got real problems already. I love my husband dearly but as many of you I think can relate to, the romance pretty much fizzled during pregnancy and hasn't come back. On top of that, my husband is struggling with alcoholism, which resulted in him going through a rehab stay in January, which was at my doing. Unfortunately, I am just finding out he has been drinking again, and I am at a total loss. I told him months ago that although I realize this is a lifelong struggle, I could not live the lifestyle of uncertainty that goes with the hiding, sneaky tactics of active alcoholics. Not only for myself, but for the best interests of our daughter. He told me that he is greatly disappointed that our marriage wasn't all better after the drinking stopped , and thus he has started again. The sad thing is, I get that. I was kind of hoping for that too, as it was a huge source of our problems. I thought the intimacy would come back instantly, but neither one of us is making any effort towards it. But now I know something has to be done. He harbors a lot of resentment towards me and feels the lack of intimacy has been a deliberate choice I have made to punish him for the alcoholism. I know there is still love there for both of us, but we are definately disconnected. He is a great dad and a good person and I really want things to work, but I'm pretty scared and neither one of us know what to do. He admitted that to me as well, that he wants a good marriage but doesn't know how. We have no family here and our resources are limited for people we can talk to. I'm so sad.... I will continue seeking support at Alanon, which has helped, but I think we need some marriage intervention. Please help.....
My husband is a wonderful therapist in Minneapolis. His number is ###-###-####. We have six kids and are a blended family so he has a breadth of personal experience as well as professional.
Look at his group's website:
http://www.wpc-mpls.org/counseling.asp
His name is Steve Palmer
Best wishes,
L.
So sorry to hear your struggle together. My husband and I actually went to a counsler before we were even married and have work through tons of issues together. We even go back for "tune-ups" when we feel our relationship slipping again (that was really important during the first 2 years of our son's life because of the added stress of a kid).
I highly, highly recommend Martha Cohen. She has an amazing calmness about her and an uncanny ability to help you get down to the real issues that are just being covered by the surface issues. I have included a link to an article she wrote and it has her contact number at the bottom.
http://relationship-coaches.com/articles/articles-marriag...
I hope you give her a call today. She saved our marriage and saved the marriage of my husband's best friend.
Dear K.,
It takes a lot of courage to seek someone to help you and your husband. Most of wish things will get better and perhaps try a little, but having a professional, experienced with both marriage and chemical dependencies is a good way to help dig deeper into the issues that may be effecting the progress of your marriage.
I would recommend George Lindall, Licsense Psychologist ###-###-####) He specializes in marriage counseling (individually or as a couple) and also has a tremendous amount of experience with chemical dependency.
The other aspect of George that is very helpful -- he is mobile. He has a very comfortable home office, however, he is more than willing to meet at your home or other neutral environment for the convenience of you and your husband.
Good luck --
the good thing is that you don't sound ready to just give up completely.
I think you should contact the therapist listed below by the other poster.
My Fiance and I have had intimacy issues also after both of our boys were born. It is so very hard to understand why the desire isn't even there. It is even harder to explain to someone it has nothing to do with them at all.
I wish you luck, I wish your husband luck with his drinking.
I dont know of any couselors but as far as your "intrest"goes are you on any birth control sometimes those can have an effect on the sex drive, as far as the alcholisim in my experiance as long as they are willing to admit to a problem and get help there is hope, i won't say that it will make everything better, but it is a start. Give him love and support and hopefully if he is willing things will get better. good luck
I would suggest if you belong to a church to seek advice of the minister, I am told they do wonders. Other wise ask some of your closest neighbors or friends if they know of any good marriage councellors. Or you can call the help line of your insurance company and ask them for some good marriage councellors in that area. Hope it all works out! GOod Luck
Hi Kristen,
First of all, I commend you for seeking out help. You mentioned you are a full time working mom, have you looked into whether your employer offers any type of employee assistance program? Many companies offer this as an added benefit. Often you'll be eligible for a number of counseling sessions in which the EAP firm will recommend a number of counselors, all of whom must respect your confidentiality and report NOTHING back to your employer.
Also, on a somewhat related matter, have you talked to your Ob/Gyn about the lack of intimacy? I have been dealing with the same thing and was recently told that there could be a hormonal imbalance - that often after pregnancy, a woman's libido is affected (I've also experienced a significant weight loss, which also might be a reason).
Wishing you and your family the best.
A.
