Keep a Bowl Full in Ready Reach

To me the fishbowl sounds more like the mom's trophy. Look, I am so cool and understanding I have this bowl of condoms on the counter like a treat jar. It isn't about what is best for the child.

What is best for the child is to have a discussion with the child, hand them a box of condoms and if they want to share it with their friends then whatever. Fact is that way is the only way a kid would really use them when needed.

Sorry but no kid wants their parents tracking their sexual activity which is what that fish bowl would look like to them. You say no questions asked but you would have to have pretty dense children for them not to realize that removing a condom means you used it. You don't have to ask the question, a condom is gone, guess junior had sex.

Nope, I have never needed to look cool to my kids or their friends. My kids were offered protection and they never used it because for some strange reason my kids do not think high school is old enough to date.

I keep condoms available for MY kids...in a drawer in the bathroom.

I do not share that information with their friends though.

One, I do think it is overstepping a boundary,

And two, I have 7 kids. That would be a very costly endeavor potentially!

lol

Why can't I see anything but Amy Poeler in Mean Girls - I'm the cool mom!

(Rubbers? Really? Does anyone still call them that?)

Yeah... No. I'm a realist, but I also don't see the point in promoting it, either. Whatever happened to privacy and discretion? And yeah, I'd be less than impressed with another parent supplying kids beyond their own. Not cool.

My kids were taught enough at home to be responsible for their spiritual, emotional and physical health. They knew the were going to be completely accountable for the decisions they made, whether or not I ever knew about their choices. They were supported and encouraged to live out dreams of their future and knew full well how irresponsible behavior would derail them. They weren't stupid enough to think there would not be emotional ties to sexual behavior.

That kind of equipping your kid, can keep them knowledgable in a world where others can only foist condoms and say, good luck with that.

For that matter, if my kid wanted to have sex, they could always buy their own protection, but not their freedom from consequences.

I really don't care what you think you would do or your coworker.
I care about my kids.

Our son is only seven now, and when the time comes, I will be sure he has ready access to prophylactics, as well as having had some conversations on STIs, how they can be transmitted through sexual contact without intercourse, and also just good conversations about his future and how his sexuality fits into his long-term goals.

Personally, I think the goldfish bowl on the counter is a bit much. I wouldn't balk at my son giving the condoms to another kid, or even telling his friends where the available ones are, but I want to stay out of that situation. "Charlie gave me the condom" says the kid whose mom wants to know why he's got one and where he got it. "Charlie's mom has condoms for all the kids who visit." BIG difference. HUGE difference. The former is the kid whose parents are taking care of him; the latter is a parent feeling that it's their place to parent other people's kids.

I am hoping, though, that if my son feels mature enough as a teen to be having sexual relationships, that he is also mature enough to go buy condoms on his own if need be. I did when I was 18 because 5 minutes of embarrassment at a Safeway (they had to come unlock the case when I was that young) was preferable to pregnancy for me.

It sort of reminds me of the parents who buy beer for their kids and friends because they'd rather they drink at their house so they can know "what their up to".

The fishbowl just reeks of a parent desperately trying to seem cool. There is something sort of gross to me about her filling it up as her kids and their friends get it on.

I think personally giving your children birth control when you have a feeling the time is right is one thing. Putting them out like candy seems like trivializing the seriousness of sexual intimacy.

The kids who are having sex at 14 fall into two groups. The ones who don't yet understand the emotional side of it and are just messing around and the ones who truly think they are in love. My observation has been that neither ends in happiness .

My son knows where I keep my condoms in my bathroom. He is free to use them. So far, he has not.

At 14, I discussed sex and relationships, and birth control with him but also told him I did not expect him to have sex until he was more mature and emotionally and financially able to handle it and the possible resulting responsibilities.

He turned 18 today and the condoms are still there.

Wow. I agree with you FB on many things - but on this one we part ways. My 17 yr old daughter is a virgin. I know this becuase we considred having her on BC pills for other medical reasons - so she was with her regular doctor and the OB/GYN alone for quite a while. Both were pleasantly surprised that she hasn't made the move to physical intimacy. She doesn't currently have a boyfriend, but she has in the past. Someone who had been a good friend of hers ended up being sexually active with boy after boy after boy. My daughter saw what it did to her emotionally and the changes she went through.

We've been talking about this stuff with both of our kids since each was about 10 - how the emotional connection is made so much stronger with physical intimacy and how painful it is when the relationship is ended. We adjust the discussion as they get older and more knowledgable and ready to talk and ask questions - and it's never a one-time thing but an ongoing discussion. Regardless of my hopes for them I am a realist so they are also well aware of how to protect themselves from STDs and how to prevent pregnancies. But I'd never consider having a candydish of condoms by the door.

I think there are a few things -
- if you've raised your kids to be responsible, (giving them increasing responsibilities & priviledges as they grow up) they will be increasingly responsible people. This is their responsibility - jsut as raising a baby would be.
- This may be more common among parents who strive to be more of a friend than a parent. My kids have told me, many times, that they're glad I'm not one of those moms who tries to be cool to their friends. I am called mom by many of their friends - since they're always welcome here, I'll always make food availble or drive them places.
- Ask this question - would you make alcohol available to them? since they may be drinking with their friends would you make up a tray of jello shots for them, or a cooler of beer - or a bong?

Kids learn more by what we do, than what we say. "More is caught than taught". So, to me, offering condoms but saying "I don't condone or encourage sexual activity" send them the message that mom expects they'll be sexually active anyway - so what the heck, why not.

I don't have the perfect answer - but I know that entering high school is not an automatic entrance into sexual activitiy. If anything, kids need more long drives with their parents where they're not face to face and have an expanse of time to talk about awkward things. They don't want their parents to be in their face, but they want them to be around when they resurface from their bedroom for a snack. That's when they end up on the couch next to you wathcing some stupid TV show or asking what book you're reading.

Kids spell love as T I M E

I know I'm old school - and that's OK with me.

Nervy has really good points.

At our Unitarian Church, they have "body awareness" units that start at 1st-2nd grade and go through high school. They're age appropriate, but also reasonably detailed. My 7 year old knows how babies are made (the science part) - and since there are pregnant people around at church, and mommies of his friends at school having babies, it's good that he knows this stuff.

Their approach is to give them the information they need to make GOOD DECISIONS, including the emotional and other aspects of sex. Not knowing how your own or the opposite sex's body works doesn't help at all. If you understand what's going on, you can make the decision to STOP much easier.

One of the moms told a story of how she'd read the mini-bios of all the girls from the show 16 and Pregnant and EVERY ONE except for 1 girl got pregnant because they didn't fully understand. They all thought those old wives tales of you can't get pregnant if you: have sex standing: the first time; during your period; if you douche right after, etc. Only one had forgotten birth control and decided to take her chances.

I would hope my kid would tell me, but I would hope he'd come to me first and wouldn't need to grab a handful at someone else's house.

I think it's wise to allow teens the option of birth control, without condoning sex. If they are going to do it, they are going to do it regardless of what mom or dad think. Might as well make it so they can so it safely! I knew a girl who got pregnant because she was too embarrassed to buy condoms for herself when she was 17, and her boyfriend came over to visit and one thing led to another... She says they didn't plan on having sex, but it happened and they were both unprepared. Boom, baby.

Though... I don't think parents should make them available so much for their kids' friends. That is overstepping a boundary a bit, unless they let the parents of the other kids know about their fishbowl system. I personally wouldn't have a problem with my kid getting condoms from a friend (or friend's parent...) but there are parents who would. (Plus, it's easily circumvented by the friend asking your kid for them... Then they can still be safe, without you technically being the one giving them out to the other kids.)

My daughter will start high school this year, which means she is 14. A bit young for condoms to be readily available, my opinion.

I think a box of condoms in a bathroom drawer would probably be more appropriate.

If I found out they had gotten condoms from somewhere else I would be pleased. I love freebies.

I think that mom was a realist.
Honestly if a condom prevented my son from becoming a teen dad or getting an STD? I wouldn't be too concerned with where he got it.
I'd be happy he had it.
I plan on supplying my son with condoms in the future.
If I keep them in a fishbowl his friends are welcome to them.
Because wishing and hoping don't make it so.
He's 11.
He knows about sex.
He knows our expectations.
Right now he still thinks girls are 90% icky.

Not your co-workers place to be the community teen sex-enabler.

ETA: Funny, even though I come from a poor family and have 3 brothers, none of my brothers have ever needed my parents to get them condoms, and all of them have been sexually active since they were 15 or so, they're all clean and none of them have fathered any babies.

Good intent, wrong approach.

Discernment comes to mind.

Yes, prepare your children, raise with healthy boundaries for themselves and others, but provide birth control to all? I wonder if she has free access to condoms and that's why they are readily available. Or if this mom is over compensating for super strict, rigid parents that raised her?

i get her POV, and it has its positives. but i kinda agree with the posters that posit that it does kind of reek of 'see what a hip mom i am?'
kids SHOULD be smart and safe about sex, and the dialogue should be open and ongoing. but condoms on the counter is kind of overt, isn't it?
i think a drawer in the bathroom is fine. and if i found out my kids had picked some up there, i'd be a little put out that they hadn't felt comfortable coming to me first. but i wouldn't be mad at her.
khairete
S.

I thought this was going to be about fruit!! hahaha.

Nope - too extreme for me. I'd never offer condoms to any of my kid's friends. I might make suggestions or tell them to talk to someone but I wouldn't have them handy for all to take. I do think high schools and colleges should. But my house, nope.

I had not done the fish bowl thing, but I did ask my son before he went out if he had his "balloons" and he would go back and retrieve them if he didn't. It was just a casual thing in conversation. The bowl thing might be different especially if you are the only house "supplying" the condoms. This is when you need to know the parents of the friends and have a frank talk about such things in a nice way.

As for finding out about the bowl, I might be offended that you are parenting my child about sex when I should have been doing it. The other thing is that I maybe thinking you are condoning kids having sex before they are really ready.

It kind of reminds of the school nurse dispensing them in school. The world is different now days than when I grew up.

the other S.

I get that she wants her children to be safe if they choose to engage in sex. My children are young, but I am leaning towards making birth control available to them...I would rather do that than deal with a STD or pregnancy. However, I do feel that it is an individual parenting decision. I do not think it is appropriate to give other people's kids condoms...

While I won't have a bowl full of condoms at my house, I will buy them and GIVE them to all of my kids at a certain age - maybe 14? I know they start earlier and earlier these days. I'm glad that mom was/is comfortable enough to provide that without asking questions but I don't think I could be!

If I found out that my kid had picked up rubbers at my coworker's house, I would have asked her why she didn't let me know she was out and I would have gotten her some if she didn't have the money.

I doubt that anything in life is totally black and white, and almost nothing is actually an either-or situation. I think this is a good idea in general, though, as I have a highly-intelligent and sensitive aunt who did this with her 5 kids over 40 years ago. This is one terrific family – all the kids have grown up to be amazing, successful adults, raising responsible families of their own. No STD's, no unwanted pregnancies, no abortions.

And yet, in my own fundamentalist household, where sex was hardly ever mentioned other than to forbid it, two of my sisters have had three abortions between them (that I know about; there could be others). One of those pregnancies happened in high school.

I expect my daughter and son-in-law will have a realistic plan in place for my grandson when he's a bit older. That may well include easy access to condoms. I'm actually going to mention this idea to them – I'll bet they're at least going to consider it.

I am so NOT looking forward to my sons' teenage years!!!!!!! I just want them to go to never-never land and be frozen in their current ages forever (10, 7, and 6)!!! I don't want to think about things like your post, but in a few short years, I realize I will have to! I do think it is not right for the mom to leave a bowl of condons out for whomever wants. That is most definitely promoting sex, whether she realizes it or not. With that said, however, leaving a tacky fishbowl of condoms out for anyone to take is MUCH better than one of my sons God forbid knocking up some girl, and me becoming the caregiver of this baby - heaven forbid!!! So when you think of it that way, sure - bring out the fishbowl of condoms. However, I do think there are better, more tactful ways to accomplish no teenage pregnancies than what this mom is doing.

No, I'd put some in a drawer or somewhere out of sight. They'd have an allowance and be able to purchase them if they wanted them.

Just because a kid is "raised" to be responsible does NOT mean they're not going to make mistakes. Having sex without using protection is dangerous for their health. Period. STD, AIDS, Herpies, Cancer, etc...condoms are not just to prevent pregnancy.

I teach the kids that their body is the most precious thing they have to take care of on this earth. They know that sex makes babies. But they are also human and I want them to make mistakes while they're still at home and have that protection and support. A mistake and getting pregnant? That's one I'm willing to say let's talk about this and learn the truth.

I had a conversation with the 10 year old a few months ago. She had the "I'm a young woman now and my body is changing" video. I mentioned to her that if she had any questions that we'd look it up on the internet and get the facts. So she'd know exactly what was what. Not what kids thought or what "I" thought but what doctors and professionals said.

She has come to me with some very important questions and we've done the research. She trusts me and will ask me anything.

I don't do anything similar.

I don't think it is a good idea to make it a community grab bowl. Maybe your co-worker should keep it in a special place that only her family knows about. I think it is a bad choice to make it available to other people's children.

This is definitely not something I would ever consider doing in our home. To me it makes casual sex just that more casual....and condoned.

I sure hope that with these condoms, your co-worker talks openly about sex in her home. I hope that she uses her children's doctors to support her in raising her kids. Our kids doctors have been so wonderful to talk to our oldest about his body, its changes and questions he has. We have such a great relationship between parent,doctor and child.

So many kids today are in the dark about their bodies and sex. Totally in the dark!! At best, these kids parents just throw a condom or pamphlet at them.

We have had such great discussions with our kids about many facets of sex. Our kids even come to us asking questions. Most of the time we know the answers. But there have been a couple times we will have our son bring up a question in a doctor's appt. Oh my goodness! It is so wonderful to see the doctor lovingly, with expertise, discuss various STD's or Testicular Cancer or erections at odd and embarrassing moments. Casual discussions of sex do not cause casual sex. Knowledge is power!

A bowl'o condoms sounds super tacky to me.

If my kid needed a condom I wouldn't care where she/he got it (unless it was stolen from a store, that's not cool).

I agree 100% with Mymission, I think that's how I want to focus on raising my kids.

I probably won't have a "candy bowl" full of condoms out, but I plan on stocking them and making them easily accessible for my kids, no questions asked.

I am probably the exception, but I am not a proponent of "waiting until marriage" (to each their own, I think it's a terrible idea and would never suggest it to my daughter).

I don't really have a strong stance on teen sex and I would rather they do it safely and have a positive experience than sneaking around behind the bleachers or in bathroom stalls. But I am also from a culture that is very secular and accepting of teen sex, where teens have easy access to birth control and teen pregnancies are rare...even though the average age of first intercourse is 15.

So I would not be mad if my daughter picked condoms at a friends house, I would hope that she won't have a reason to - because she has access at home. I probably won't be the "cool mom" that hands them out to her friends either, but if her friends get some from her - that's fine with me as well.