If My Husband Is the Breadwinner Does That Mean It's His Money?

Hmm.... maybe you need to look up the costs of various "services" you provide..... maid service, babysitting, cooking, things like that.... and show him how much you should be paid for taking care of his children and house!

Seriously... I think the two of you need some marriage counseling....... and I agree, there may be some red flags that are coming up.....

I just love the responses telling you to get a job. As if you don't have one already. Some of us don't need to get paid in order to not feel "under someone's thumb". I have never felt less than my husband simply because I make less. My job allows me to be creative but it does not define my self worth.

Hang in there, K..

Red flag! Red flag! Something is amiss if he is all of a sudden pulling it's 'his money' card. I don't want to be too assuming but I would look over his cell phone records and see if anyone else is in the picture. If that's not the case, then I would contact a lawyer and find out what the laws are in your state. I live in Texas and it is a 50/50 state no matter who earns the money. No one owns all of the money in a marriage. You should be concerned, very concerned.

I can only imagine how hurt you feel, as well as, being demeaned by your husband in that manner.

I suggest you get a job QUICKLY and start stashing money away. You need to be able to stand on your own financially.

That is not how it works at our house.

I left corporate world when we built our first house and later had our daughter. I was a SAHM, however, my husband was on the road a lot with his sales job and it just happened that I ended up being his unpaid customer service rep because his customers knew that I could tell them exactly where he was and get in touch with him STAT whereas the HQ could not do that.

We always worked as a team and still do. I managed all the banking because he was out of town so much.

Now we run our own company from home and we both have paychecks, I do all the accounting and CFO work and he is the CEO. We don't dicker on who spends what and where. We DO discuss major investments or spending.

In you case, of course I would be hurt because the way he told you this is demeaning to you. I get what you are talking about as in not wanting "his" money... it hurts your overall picture of family.

I am sorry you are going through this and if it were me, I would be stashing every bit of cash I could somewhere else secretly because you may very well need it someday.

Good luck to you.

My husband is the sole breadwinner in our family. But what I do "behind the scenes" enables him to be that superstar at work. So, yeah, whatever he makes is just as much mine as it is his. Money isn't the only thing one brings to a marriage, and since marriage is a partnership, it should all go into the same pot for the benefit of the whole family.

Jeez, if my husband ever even *hinted* that it was "his" money, we would have a serious issue. If I were you, I'd be more than simply hurt. I'd be livid and I'd be worried. And I'd open my own bank account. His attitude is troubling.

First of all, every woman who is in your situation (i.e. works from home, has given up her job to be a SAHM) should have her own little next egg. Be it in cash in the back of a closet or in a bank account. It should be yours and you should be building it. It should be done on the sly. Take whatever you can pinch off of the top and put it aside for a rainy day (meaning your hubby either loses all of YOUR money or runs out or gets run over by a bus). It's your emergency cash.

Second, your hubby is being a real jerk. You can sit back and cry about it or you can make a move. By make a move I mean go back to school and educate yourself. In four years your 1 year old will enter kindergarten and you will either have your degree or not. 4 years will happen. What do you plan on doing those 4 years? GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

Third, yikes, red flag. Something is going on here. If you were spending tons of cash I would say, you need to stop what you are doing. But you are shopping at Goodwill - he's up to something. Hopefully not. Ugh...!!

Good luck!

That would never fly in our house!
My husband is the one that makes the paycheck. I take care of the kids and house for the most part, I also home school.
I do not give him a hard time about where he wants to spend some play money as he did earn it. He does check with me to make sure we have it though as I'm the one that maintains the finances in the house, paying the bills and balancing the checkbook. He doesn't give me a hard time if I want or need something for myself, I've earned it and it's money for the family which I am a member of.
I would be concerned that he's suddenly throwing the "it's my money" card down now. Just as Momma11 pointed out below, that is often a red flag that something is amiss in the relationship. I hope it's not for you but it is something to think about.

I think if a man is saying that he is probably feeling stressed by being the sole financial provider.

From now on, any money you receive should be kept for yourself. It's not healthy to always put your needs last.

Sit down with him and discuss your schooling/ work plan. Perhaps he is rethinking the whole thing. This is something you two should figure out together.

I'm sorry this is happening because I agree with others here that this is a red flag, maybe a small one at this moment, but a warning to you nevertheless.

One line in your post jumps out at me: "According to him I have no right to tell him how to spend 'his money.'"

Could you please do a "so what happened' update and let us know: What was said between you and him that he responded like that?

Did he make some specific expenditure that you questioned? Does he have a pattern of spending money on things that you feel are not necessities? It would help us here to know how this conversation came up between you and him. Maybe he spent money on something you felt was not in the budget, or was frivolous, or just for him alone, when you yourself don't spend anything on extras.

If this subject came up over a single expenditure he made, and in the heat of the moment, he got angry and defensive and made a comment about "my money" -- that could be worked out. He might have blurted it and not really meant it; you won't know if you and he do not discuss it. Say he came home with something you felt was just for him and kind of silly and frivolous; you said, "Hey, you bought X but I don't even get manicures--and we need to set aside $ this month for the kids' college fund...." and then he got defensive. Was that the case? If it's a one-time thing like that, talk to him.

If there is a pattern, or he has said this more than once, and especially if he keeps a tight rein on the money and you are subject to his rules (or his whims) about what YOU can have or spend -- then there is a bigger and more serious issue and I would definitely seek couples counseling as others suggested. Does he dole out an "allowance" to you and nag at you if you need more and ask for it? Does he keep hold of the checkbook, or deny you a credit card, or haggle with you over your credit card charges when you use your card? Those are all big red flags that he is controlling you by controlling access to money, and if he does those things, you need more serious help and counseling is a non-negotiable requirement.

Only you know if the situation is one where he blurted something once, or just gets defensive at times maybe out of guilt over spending on something for himself -- or if the situation is one where he keeps the money under his control and questions your expenditures. If it's the latter, that is a sign of a controlling nature, and that is a relationship problem, not just a money problem.

In our household, my husband is the sole breadwinner but has never, ever thrown that in my face in 22 years of marriage. Your husband is doing it after only three years. He may be feeling that your large difference in age gives him a "right" to be the boss financially or whatever. But as you can see from posts here -- your idea that all money is "our" money IS the way that healthily functioning couples look at finances.

Well, he really should not have to consult you to buy a fishing pole or a $50 gift certificate. And you should not have to consult him for the same. However there are some realities you probably should face. He is 11 years older than you. He has likely been self supporting for a long time and is 100% used to deciding how to spend his money. And 100% used to it being 'his' money. You have never been a financially equal partner in the relationship and given the age difference, I suspect you likely do not hold equal power in other areas as well. If you want to try to make this work, you will likely need a lot of open communication. I would also strongly recommend finishing school (if you have not) and getting a job with an eye to a real career. You are not wrong to be hurt, but probably wrong to be surprised at it.

A woman should never be dependent upon a man to provide for her. It is nice that you "gave" up your dreams. However, you should have your own funds separate from the family especially in this day and age when things can go south in a heartbeat.

All the money that was given to you as gifts should have been put in an account for you or spent by you on you.

As TF says, it is time to squirrel away any extra money in case hubby decides to put you to the curb. You have got to protect you and your children at all costs.

Make a date and go out to eat. While out discuss what he meant by what he said and go from there. If he does not clearly answer your questions, then you know to get ready to do your own thing. Sometimes you have to learn to become selfish in order to survive in this world.

I wish you much success and pray that you go back to school to finish your degree.

the other S.

Your Husband is being a jerk.
I am so sorry.
But SOME men, get like this when their wife is a SAHM.
He is selfish.
And it is NOT right, that this is how it is for you.

Google search "what is a stay at home Mom worth."
The facts will be amazing.
Show it, to your Husband.

Your Husband is being very disrespectful to you, and insulting.

Of course you're right (and he's completely off his rocker!) You know you're right about this. I think the only reason you are questioning it is because it seems to have come out of the blue and kind of shocked you.

Can you think of where this could be coming from? Are there things going on in his life that are making him feel he's not in control? Has work bee particularly stressful for him? Maybe he's starting to notice how much money it costs to have children and he's panicking?

Obviously you need to talk to him about this. I would think about it carefully and consider how to approach him. I would be willing to bet there is something going on that's upsetting him. It is important for him to change his attitude, but it's equally important for him to know that you have is back and are willing to hear what might be stressing him.

ETA - I don't know if Momma11 is right, but I have to admit I had those same thoughts.

ETA again - After reading your SWH, I'm inclined to say this is much more about learning how to communicate as a couple and not so much about whose money it is.

It sounds like your ideas about spending money on your aniversary and on a baby gift vs saving money for an ac unit might not have been heard by your husband. It depends on how you said it, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if he completely missed the point. If your comments were made in reaction to something he did, whether you further explained or not could have been completely missed. And if you explained after you commented, even if he heard you initially, what he's bound to remember is the feeling of you telling him that you didn't like the choices he made.

I'm not justifying anything. It just takes time to learn how to effectively communicate with each other. And even then we screw up.

Based on your words, it sounds like he might have felt very criticized by your comments. When any of us feel criticized, we often also feel disrespected. Again, your not wrong in your goal, but it's possible you need to rethink the way you discuss it with him.

Sometime when you're both calm - maybe after the kids go to bed - sit down and talk to him about this. Talk to him about some of your thoughts and goals and ask him about his. After you both see that many of your goals are the same or at least workable, you can tell him you never meant to hurt him by those conversations and let him know that his comments to you were very demeaning.

We all say things we shouldn't. No one is immune to that. It's what you do afterwards that really counts. So what can you do now to try and bring the two of you back together on this topic?

That would make me so angry if my husband thought that way. It's just so wrong! I would tell him what you told us - about how it breaks your heart that he thinks this way and that you thought that the two of you were a team. That is how a healthy marriage should be. If it helps him to think of it in financial terms, show him a spreadsheet of everything you do and what the cost is that you are saving him.
Child care for two children $800 a month
After school care, taking to Dr and Dentist appointments and to activities: local price
House cleaning: $100 a week. This might be low. I actually just had an estimate for what it would cost to clean just our downstairs. The cost is $450.
Grocery shopping and cooking: x amount
Not eating out: save x amount
Just being around and raising your children - what price do you put on something like that? Does he value that or does he wish that you worked?
You are contributing to the family in many, many ways. Anyway...there are other things I am forgetting...but yes, you are right to be hurt over this.

You're right and your hubby is an idiot. Find daycare and get yourself a job. Don't worry about how he feels about the kids being in daycare or you staying home with them - he doesn't care how you feel.

In strictly financial terms, Google salaries for a full-time, highly skilled childcare provider and housekeeper. That's the portion of the family income that rightfully belongs to you.

Beyond that, when you got married, your husband took a vow to love and cherish you. What he's doing is not loving and cherishing, at all.

So he's wrong twice over.

All that said, I do think you need to look toward making some kind of income. If he doesn't get his act together, then eventually, you're going to need to bring in some income that belongs solely to you and the kids, that he has no claim to. I'm not saying this is definitely the road you're heading down, but it's enough of a risk, that you need to start preparing.

Wherever you were going to school, see if they have day care. Take one class at a time, so you can be working toward your degree and at the same time your husband works on remembering how to be a decent guy.

If he can spend his money how he wants then you should be able to spend your money how you want and since you are equal partners in marriage, half the money that comes in is yours. But that is not the best way to get along. Talk with him and tell him how you feel.

K., everyone makes stupid, uncaring statements now and then. And some people were brought up in households where one spouse or the other controlled the money. I've never been rich and I have been poor to destitute several times, but my wife and I always struggled together. When a man and woman get married they are equal partners.

When I was a child, my dad earned the money and placed money in a joint checking account. My mom had the check book and she spent the money. She paid the rent or house payment, bought food, paid the utilities, invested the surplus.

In my house I was the bread winner most of the first 30 years of our marriage. I had my check direct deposited to a joint checking account. When the NOW was spewing their perverse doctrine, my wife decided she had to have her own accounts and make her own money. Then what ever I made was "our money" and what ever she earned was "her money". She decided she wanted to buy a car and have it in her name. AND I kept loving her and kept giving her flowers each month and kept writing love poems to her.

After a while, she got over the NOW garbage and finally realized I was NOT out to make her a servant or imprison her, I just wanted a loving wife and helpmate. Then what I earned was "our money" and what she earned was "our money" too. (She always had the check book and paid the bills.)

Keep loving him and talk to him about how you feel. Explain that he made you feel bad and that you are his wife and helpmate, not his maid or servant. Then tell him you want his trust and him to honor you as his wife (and equal). BTW, if he spends $200 per month on himself, then take $200 per month out of the budget and put it in an old purse you keep in the closet or wherever you keep your extra purses.

Go to counseling if you need to.

Good luck to you and yours.

Marriage counseling! That's my response. It really will help if you go to someone good.

And no - the money is NOT his. It belongs to both of you. That was a great analogy you mentioned. You take care of the kids most of the time but they are still both of your kids!

I'm hoping this is just a little bump in the road in a beautiful life together! Work it out if at all possible.

This is so reminiscent of the beginning of the end of my abusive marriage with my ex that I struggle to even answer.

I suggest you find yourself a job. Quickly.

www.youarenotcrazy.com

ETA: To address Talkstotrees comment about "not needing a job to not be under someone's thumb," in a normal, healthy marriage, you wouldn't. But your husband's view towards the value of your contributions shows that he doesn't respect you or the fact that you don't work, and it's unlikely that he'll respect you if you do contribute financially. I don't suggest getting a job to appease him, but for yourself, because you'll need one in order to maintain autonomy and in case you decide that the marriage is not salvageable. Don't count on him for a dime. And if you do file for divorce once day, before you do, take exactly 1/2 of what's in that joint account and put it into your own. Because a man like that will lock you out of the accounts in order to control you and leave you destitute.

You are not wrong. My husband is the sole financial provider and he has never once expressed a view point like that. We are a team, a joint unit and it is family money. He was raised like this, so it is the norm.

If your husband wants to have his money, I'd give him a bill for my services. You are being a full time caregiver, with over nights (so that's lots of over time), cook, cleaner, driver, etc. He won't be left with any of "his" money ;-)

My husband and I both work, and both have separate accounts. But it is all our money, not my money or his money. We have a budget, and if either of us wants to spend more than a certain amount, we either save up (my husband has saved his fun money for 3 months for an accessory he wants for his Renaissance Festival costume) or we agree together before it's bought. We're a team.

I heard this from my ex husband all the time. Funny, when we were getting divorced it turned out it was our money. Check out what your state says to have some back up if you have any disagreements. You can also spend a little time to investigate how much it costs to do each job you do. For instance maid services, chauffeur cook, babysitter/nanny, etc. I have a hunch that adds up to far more than his money would make, Personally I would tell him to stick those buggars far back into his nose. It is both of yours. He decided with you that you would stay home and believe me, child care and all those other extras would cost the two of you together far more. He is (oh sorry here) a cheap son of a gun.

I haven't had a money making job in over 10 years. My husband has never once questioned how I spend our money.

I would certainly feel hurt if I were in your shoes. Good luck.

Wow. When I first read the title of your post, I was going to ask if it was a joke.

Look. It sounds to me like he is unhappy with not having as much money as he would like to spend like he wants--without strings or having to be accountable. That isn't a reflection on you our your marriage, per se... it's more a reflection of him being childish. He isn't living in reality. Nobody spends money without any accountability. Maybe Bill Gates. But I bet he didn't get there by not being accountable for how he spent his money.

It's a selfishness, that frankly, we all have a little of. But, being a "MAN" he is rebelling against it, not wanting to admit to any limitations. Especially, given that those limitations are probably due to HIM. (Now, you and I see that as "life" and "where we are in life right now", etc etc... but for your husband... he is letting it color his self-image. And he sounds like he is feeling a little "less" of late?).

I would suggest some marital counseling, like some of the other posters may have mentioned. Maybe it is a growing pains/maturing pains kind of thing, since you haven't been married all that long. Anytime one person is supporting the family, there is a lot of pressure on that person. No matter whether it was agreed to or not... the pressure and awareness that they are the sole support of several people outside of themselves can be rather overwhelming at times. He's feeling a little trapped under the weight of it all, and so he is doing what people do (usually when they aren't thinking). You are broke? What do a lot of people do? They go on a spending/shopping spree! Doesn't make sense at all... but people do it all the time as a response to help themselves FEEL better. To not feel so broke b/c they got that spending high...

Counseling. And sit down with the bills/income and write out a budget ON PAPER (not just on a computer/tablet)... and post it. EACH of you should get some amount of $ that you are free to spend however you desire. If you choose to spend "yours" on the family.. fine. But he can spend "his" on fishing poles if he wants. But when he has spent "his", he is done... until the next month. It can carry over from month to month if it isn't spent.

Just try it. Knowing a certain amount is "guilt free" helps. But he may rebel about the amount. It's a work in progress. Counseling can help.

He's wrong. He's supposed to provide for the family - that includes you. You are not a child and do not need his permission to do basic stuff.

I am the "bread winner" in my family and for years, my husband felt HE had the right to determine how all of "our" income was spent. This is really about over-entitlement inherent in how too many men are raised - because it's all about what the man wants to do with the $ - it's not actually about who earns the $. That's my opinion anyway...

ETA: Did you get him something on the anniversary? Or voluntarily deprioritize yourself? Speaking from experience, do not do that. It doesn't lead where we want it to go.

You not wrong to be hurt, and in fact, I would be absolutely furious over this kind of statement. I think you two need to have a heart to heart over the financial aspect of your marriage and set some boundaries. And like another mom here pointed out, you should try to put aside some money just for you. Whether you sell consignment on ebay, or do a yard sale- something for just you. Good luck!

So I just re read, he has said this before when you were arguing, this is something he says repeatedly?? You sound bright, you know better, you know this isn't healthy, dont let your children think it is.
No, it should not mean it is his money, and yes, you are right to feel hurt. But it does tell you that he regards your part in this family as next to nothing. It does tell you if you separate he has no plans to help you get on your feet financially, will not feel responsible for supporting you and the kids, and would feel justified hiding money from you in a divorce. This comment may have been made in a tiff over a fishing rod, but it tells you a lot about how your husband thinks. Open your own bank account and get a credit card in your own name. Best case scenario, it will be a way for you to surprise your husband at birthdays, anniversaries etc. Worse case scenario you will not end up putting your children in cheap crappy daycare, working a minimum wage job and trying to figure out how to feed your children.
Sorry. been there done that.

If it's 'his money', he needs to start paying you a salary for all the services you do for the home/him/the kids.
Cook/shop
Maid
Baby sitter/nanny/chauffeur/nurse
Gardener/landscaper/groundskeeper
If he had to pay a surrogate for 'womb service' - that runs into some serious money.
etc and so forth.
If he had to actually PAY for other people to do these things - he couldn't afford it.
Money is just one of those things people - all people - no matter how happily married - ALWAYS bicker about.
Perhaps it might be a good idea to get on the same wave length with what gets put into savings first and then what 'mad money' each of you should have to spend on what ever each of you want.
If he's saved up a 'fishing pole' fund and everything else is taken care of there's no problem.

Actually, I think you are both hurting. You have one idea of how much money should be spent and on what, and he has another. This difference can destroy a relationship, but you both can decide to change this. I suggest you both take a Dave Ramsey course. This would allow you to discuss the pros and cons of how money is spent, how to plan together and how to get what each of you want (eventually). When a couple learns to manage money together, their marriage becomes stronger in communication, sharing and trust.

I will start with a real flip comment...if you divorced, it would be both of your money! Okay, not the purpose of your question.

You are not wrong and I suggest you seek employment and make your own money. There is no way I would live with someone's thumb over my head telling me I had nothing. That is the exact reason I never took my husband up on staying home.

What your husband doesn't realize is the economy has taken complete different dynamics and some woman make more money. It likely was not the plan, just the way it is.

My husband has always made more money then me and right now we are making almost even amounts. That could change one way or another.

The money is ours. I do track the finances and he does come to me when he wants to spend something. It is the way many families have it set up because I make sure the bills are paid before we spend. Since he is the spender, he has to ask. In the beginning of our relationship, I always asked before making a large purchase, now not so much. However, I hardly spend money.

I suggest you go back to work because the agreement is not working.

What prompted this statement? Was it a purchase he made that you thought was frivolous or extravagant?
No matter how many people are bringing money into the household, everyone in the household has expenses.
If he's the only one making money, then he has to face the fact that he is responsible for the expenses of everyone in the house, not just his own.
This kind of attitude is one of the many reasons that I would never be a SAHM with no income of my own, and I would never combine bank accounts with a spouse or SO.

Dear Heartbroken,

You may want to get your husband to read these posts.....never know what the old boy might learn!

If your husband bought a $50 present for you for your anniversary, would you have been as upset as the $50 gift card for the neighbors?

My husband just started pulling this.
I used to make a lot of money & think he's starting to miss it plus feel like
he has total control over the money he makes.
This is what I have done:
-started making my own money where I could (babysitting, have garage
sales, selling all of my old jewelry I no longer needed, recycling aluminum cans etc.), make stuff to sell online. I save it for me.
-We have separate bank accts.
-I finally told him I needed money, like a salary, for grocery shopping, bills
that were still in my acct, gas etc. He gives me a small amt each month.
-Whenever you get money from your relatives, you keep it.
-Keep money in your acct in your own name.
-Keep cash on hand. I would hide it.
-Since I'm in charge of groceries, I go to the cheapest store & buy the
cheapest items. I don't over buy & don't buy in bulk anymore at those
big stores like Costco.
-Going down to one income often changes couples. It doesn't have to be
a deal breaker (stand up for yourself) or last forever (I will be going back
to work once the kids are older & both in school).
-I, too, shop at Goodwill at times, buy a few t-shirts at the big cheap local
box store, no longer get my hair done, don't get pedicures etc.
Hang in there, take care of yourself, put money away when you can, ask him for some monthly money explaining it's for the gas, the kids' doctor
visit copays, meds for kids when they are sick etc.

You are not wrong and I would not be okay if my husband behaved this way. We made the choice over a decade ago that what would work best for our family was for me to stay home. Not once in all that time has he ever called it "his money" or acted like I was not 100% an equal partner in this relationship. We make all large purchase decisions together, and in fact I handle the money. He has never made me feel like I was dependent on him, just the opposite, he often says he knows I would by just fine without the money he earns, but he would never be okay without me in his life. I would not accept anything less, we made this choice together and we are a team, 100%.

As for those telling you to "get a job", only do that if it is what you truly desire. For myself, I don't regret staying home with my children, not one bit. The way I see it when I am on my death bed I know for a fact I will never look back and wish I had spent less time with my kids and more time earning money. But your husbands attitude about it needs to be addressed or it will keep coming up and causing resentment between you two. I agree counseling can be a great step.

It's not HIS money, you are a team. My husband and I have a larger spread than you, and when I stayed at home when our kids were younger he never once said that to me or acted like I was out of place to do the things necessary to keep our house running - or even treat myself sometimes, even when finances were tight.

You could get a job, but you would have to check into childcare costs, which would likely be a lot and possibly more than you would earn without a degree.

You need to talk to him, get in to counseling, whatever it takes, to make him realize it's not HIS money, HIS house, HIS anything, it's yours as a couple.

No, you are not wrong. You don't contribute financially (I don't either, I stay home with our 2 kids), but you are definitely contributing to your family by taking care of the kids and the household. I don't think however that you have "the right to tell him how to spend his money" any more than he does to you. So if you've been telling him not to buy something that he wants and can afford than I can see why he's upset. Sit down together and work out a budget, with whatever "fun" money you each can spend. My husband makes the money right now, and has more expensive hobbies than me. I do give him more leeway to spend on things than I did when I was also bringing home a paycheck, but that doesn't make it "his" money. You've also only been married 3 years, so until he was 30 he was used to making and spending money as he wanted. Give him a little slack, and sit down and have an adult conversation with him about how it makes you feel.

This has nothing to do with money...he doesn't respect you.

Some married couples keep separate finances, with each contributing money to the household in one way or another. That is a predetermined preference and both people generally have an income.

In your case, either he is breaking your agreement or you never actually discussed this prior to marriage or having kids. Either way, it isn't 'just words'. At best he is being a pill, at worst he is starting down the path of controlling you. Probably he is somewhere in between.

If he can't put aside this attitude, then you will have some hard choices to make about how you intend to live your life. Marriage counseling might help.

Money issues are the #1 cause of divorce. You need to be in agreement if you want to stay married. You need to create a written budget together, which should include savings for emergencies, savings for fun stuff and special occasions, and every day spending money for the both of you. Then you both need to stick to it. If you can do that, it eliminates any arguments about fishing poles or how to pay for the a/c repair.

Early on in my marriage, my husband and I decided that we would let each other know when we were wanting to buy something over a certain amount of money. That worked really well for us. We were on a budget and it was important to both of us that we manage our money well. Now we don't do that anymore because we've been married for 12 years and we are in a better financial situation, but it really worked well for us earlier on. I think it's time that you sit down together when you both feel relaxed and talk. You both are entitled to your feelings, but ultimately, the messages that you send to each other are VERY important for your relationship's overall well-being.