I Am Worried About My Almost 5 Year Old Needing Counseling. What Is Normal?

Sometimes the best response is just to listen. An over- medicalized approach can create problems out of nothing.

If I was you, I'd take my daughter on a date --for an ice cream, to a book store, and just be with her, and her alone. I'd do nothing and just wait and see if there is a problem. If such behavior were to continue for months, I might then start to worry, but your daughter is at an age where peer relationships become harder and more important. Her incident at preschool sounds normal to me. A counselor would be my LAST option, because what you focus on, is what you get. By dragging kids to "expert," you are basically screaming there is something wrong. In most cases, it's just normal life stuff, and listening, caring, and loving are all that is needed.

My Mom had my sister so "I wouldn't feel lonely".
Worst mistake EVER.
We were different as night and day and we fought (brawled really) until the day we moved out.
To this day we don't get along - and we're in our 50's.
Not all sibling are BFFs - some are life long enemies.

At any rate, your baby and the attention he's needing is making your oldest feel very left out.
With more than one kid it's a balancing act to try to give each the attention they need.
Try to have dad look after the baby once a week so you and your oldest can go do something together.
Babies are major attention stealers.
When people immediately zoom in on talking about the baby - talk about what a great big sister she is or have them ask her questions about how she feels about the baby, how she's doing in school, what her favorite toy is, etc - don't let them make her feel like she's not even there.
Every conversation should not be all about baby baby baby - and it's tough because when you have a baby it's what we like to gush about.

Speak to the staff at the children's hospital where your son receives his treatments and surgery. They have groups and resources for kids whose siblings are ill or hospitalized or who require the kind of care that your son requires. They have social workers who can suggest resources, or who can help you get your daughter evaluated if necessary.

https://www.childrenscolorado.org/wellness-safety/health-...

Reread B's advice.

The best thing you can do is mirror your daughter's feelings. "Oh baby, that must have been sad when you felt that way." Mirroring feelings usually makes them feel better.

Your daughter's life has recently been drastically changed by the addition of a new family member who is taking up a lot of her parents' time and attention. Most older children usually have a problem with this. This is normal, and it will take time for her to adjust.

The best way to handle that is to give her one-on-one special alone time when possible, and NOT to try to give her wise advice to make her have more compassion, etc. Your daughter's feelings are normal and common, and are NOT an indication of mental illness.

Give her lots of hugs and kisses and attention when possible. That's the best remedy for all this.

This sounds like a tough situation and I'm so glad to see that you're trying hard to make sure everything is ok with your daughter. I don't think counseling of some kind is a bad idea. she might tell a therapist something that she isn't comfortable telling you, such as resentment for the amount of attention her brother needs.

I think that keeping her routine as normal as possible is definitely important, but I also think you need to make a point of planning some special things for her too. Remember that special does not have to be expensive, it just has to be quality time where she is the main focus. Go out for ice cream, have a movie night at home, bake cookies, etc. Let her know that you are still there for her.

Talk to her teachers so they understand how she's feeling and can keep an eye on her at school. Preschool teachers can be a great resource, as they have seen countless children react to the birth of a new sibling and can help interpret each kid's reaction. They can also make sure that she's being included while playing, or interact with her if she's choosing not to join in the other games.

I can only imagine how stressful and overwhelming it must be to take care of a sick newborn... I only know how stressful and overwhelming a healthy newborn can be! So this must be so much harder. It is understandable if you haven't had the same amount of time or energy for your daughter that you have in the past. But now that she is reaching out and letting you know she needs more from you, it's really important that you do your best to show her just how important she still is to you.

To me, that seems pretty typical for a 5 year old - the preschool bit. That just sounds like kid behavior - sometimes they don't play together well. So that - I would let go. If it's still continuing in time, then get concerned. And just talk to the preschool teacher at that point to get a true perspective.

My youngest had an imaginary friend. She doesn't have a sibling close in age to her so I think that's pretty typical. Her imaginary friend hasn't really been around in a couple of years so I think it was until she made her good friends to play with. I had imaginary friends too - I too didn't have a sibling close in age. I was always told they were a good thing. Shows imagination and means they can play on their own.

Sorry to hear your baby is in need of medical care and procedures - must be stressful for you and the family. I'm guessing your daughter is picking up on the stress. It's just hard for a 5 year old to process all that. I don't think you need counseling at this point. I like the idea of making time for mommy-daughter dates. Or if you can't do that, then have someone care for the baby for you and bake cookies or play dollies with your 5 year old. Maybe she feels a bit left out. My kids sometimes felt that way when we brought a new baby home. Again, I think that's pretty typical.

Good luck and let us know how it goes :)

I think the preschool thing could very well just be kid stuff that you're more aware of due to the other things. My daughter had an imaginary friend but I think she went away before 5. I don't necessarily think any of these things on their own are big red flags, but I get why you're concerned. Honestly, I'd call your pediatrician's office and see what they say. I think most offices have a child psychologist on staff anyway. But I'd talk to a triage nurse and explain your situation and just see what they say, might be worth it.

Counseling never hurts...a good child therapist work on giving them tools to deal with things in life. My daughter will tell me her feelings and she has said things just like this. We moved her last year in preschool (when she was 4/5 and this year she is in kindergarten) and it was hard for her. She missed her friend. She felt left out and lonely and sad at school. I think listening to her feelings helped. But also giving her other ways to think about things...she was very focused on the negatives. We make a list of all the things she loves about her life every now and then. It sounds to me like your daughter is feeling lonely, left out, and sad. And it sounds like she has a very good imagination. Can you focus on her regularly?...take her out on mom/daughter special dates or activities. Invite over school friends every week for a play date. Sign her up for a couple activities that are all about her (dance, soccer, whatever she loves). The biggest thing that has helped my daughter has been time. It has been a year and a half now and she just made a "best friend" in the neighborhood...suddenly the last 2 months she is much more happy and positive. She is loving her daisy troop, her ice skating class, and her soccer program. I invite over one of her classmates every week and this has helped her to make some good friends. Good luck helping your little girl. It is so hard to see them being sad. PS - When my daughter was born my son was 5 and it was h*** o* him. I set up a mom/son date night every other week and he loved it. He told me for about 4 years that he missed being an only child and getting all my attention. I have had my son do a couple years of therapy for issues he was having in life and it was very very helpful.

My 12 yo grandson has had several imaginary friends with whom he talks, makes room for in the car. He has Aspergers, lacks social skills and feels lonely.

I worried when he didn't outgrow them. His counselor is not concerned. She said the imaginary friends are his way of coping with loneliness and is OK. Several medical people have said imaginary friends are only a psychological problem when they tell the child to do things.

Sounds like your daughter's friends are there to help her feel less lonely and it's OK.

I would let her get some counseling to see if something is going on but I'd also do my best to get her into activities so she can make friends. While I realize your schedule right now has to be crazy, perhaps a friend could help you get her back and forth to activities? She needs whatever time you can give her...uninterrupted girl time, painting fingernails, watching her favorite movies together, cooking etc. Hang in there Mama!!

I am a mother of two, ages 8 and 5, and a preschool teacher. I have taught students who have imaginary friends, and though not everyone does, I have accepted this as somewhat normal especially with little girls somehow. Just be there the best you can for her. If she is in the imaginary world most or all of the time, I would seek counseling. If it is only sometimes, I would be there for her to answer her questions if I was in your shoes. Some children are not phased by difficult surroundings regarding loved ones, and some are very affected. Go with your gut on this one.