I Am Scared I Will Lose My Son One Day.....

To be honest it kind of sounds like he's parenting you. He doesn't like the leash, he doesn't like the stroller, he doesn't like holding hands, he's throwing tantrums, and you're rewarding his behavior by letting him get his way. This is a safety issue and should be taken very seriously. He doesn't get to get his way in this situation, EVER. You're the parent, you tell him how it's going to be, and enforce it.

I think you need to put a harness on him, but ALSO teach him to stay with you and when it's appropriate to run and when it's not. For example, if he runs at the park and runs out into traffic, then maybe you leave the park as a consequence. I wouldn't run with him on the leash. I would tell him no running and treat any resulting crying as a tantrum. You're the adult. If you say no running, then no running. If he behaves, set him loose in one of those kiddie play areas at the mall, but tell him when it's time to go, no more running.

You're absolutely right that this is a danger. You can also put him in the stroller and leave him strapped in (especially if you have a 5 pt harness). If my DD, who is 4, doesn't stick with M. in the store, she's in the cart, period. She gets a warning and then in she goes. Does she like it? Not always, but that's the point, isn't it? If she wants to walk, she needs to stick by M.. So if he wants to walk, then he needs to not run or he's in the stroller. Just warn him calmly but firmly, and then just do it. Trust M., all parents have had to pick up a screaming kid at some point and just deal with it.

If you are un-able to get him to stop by telling him he needs to stay with you, which you need to get under control, I have only one idea and it might seem a bit harsh but if he doesn't listen to you, then he might need it...

If I were you, I would take him to the mall (when you know its not going to be too crowded) and allow him to get lost! Talk with him before hand and tell him to stay with you b/c you don't want him to get lost....but then when he doesn't listen, hang back and watch from around the corner until he gets lost and you can see in his face that he is starting to panic! He might need to be scared a bit to finally get it that he needs to listen to you?

~No offense but you sound like you are a push-over and he knows it! The hardest part (but MOST important part) of parenting is being in CONTROL ALL THE TIME! You gotta do what you need to do to get him to listen to you. Even if that means, picking him up and NOT letting him run...or strapping him in the stroller and not letting him out?!

He throws a tantrum if I don't let him run. Also he likes to touch everything "and take them out of their place. It's ok in the mall where I can put it back, but it frustrates M. sometimes."

So -- let him throw the tantrum.

Time for him to learn. You're out. He runs. You stop him. He throws a tantrum.

Then you tell him firmly, "We don't run in the mall. When you run here we go home NOW." And you pick him up -- do not try to make him walk --and haul him to the car. Yes, haul him while he screams and kicks. Strap him in as you say,"When you run at the mall, we leave NOW." And nothing else! Let him burn out his tantrum. And then do it all over again next time. Tell him BEFORE you get in the door of the mall: "We're at the mall! We'll walk and look in windows. But if you let go of M.'s hand and run, we will leave." Repeat it as you get him out. Repeat it as you start to walk.

If he runs, stop him. Tantrum. Firm but calm removal. Not fun for you, no, but it's past time he learned that this behavior means instant removal. No second chances and certainly no toleration of the running away. Repeat as needed. He must, must get this kind of firmness or he's going to keep running away. Don't scream or shout, just do it, no matter how many people stare at you.

And why is he picking up stuff and moving it around? "Dont' touch" is what I hear constantly in the mall from moms with toddlers. Occupy his hands or, if he touches, into a stroller he goes, instant strapdown, and yes, removal if he has a tantrum.

I'd skip the mall for outdoor play much more for this active guy, but it's winter and I know that's not doable in Chicago. So he needs to learn some mall manners starting now.

Also, you tried the leash once for 15 minutes and gave up. Too soon. Try again. And you're not willing to use the stroller because he fusses in it, I'd bet. You're going to have to endure his displeasure for quite a while in order for him to learn anything; you're going to have to endure the looks from strangers or the tut-tutting of others if you want him to gain some self-discipline while out with you. Fussing, touching, running -- into the stroller or right out the door and home. And I'd try the leash again. Make it a game if you possibly can and use it with him at home or around the block and see if he'll be your "pony" or "puppy" so it's fun, before you take him to the mall with it.

But whatever you do, he doesn't need cartoons on getting lost because he's still too young to understand that idea -- he will tell you "Yes, M., I don't want to be lost" but he's only pleasing the adult; he doesn't really have any concept of it because he's never actually been lost except when he wanted to hide and knew you'd find him. Give up on teaching him about "lost" and focus more on instant and firm consequences -- mostly, immediate departure -- when he does these things.

You do not have to run behind him. You are in charge and you can teach him not to run away from you. He is doing it because you let him. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I've been in your situation and it's absolutely true.

He doesn't like to sit in the stroller? Perfect! Everytime he runs, scoop him up and strap him in. If he screams, take him home or strap him in the car seat and tell him he can get out when he stops. Same if he takes things off of shelves. He can be taught to not do those things, but it takes time, repetition and hard work on your part. It will pay off, I promise you! My daughter runs circles around M., and is very strong willed. It's a wonderful personality and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but strong willed isn't an excuse to disobey or be destructive.

I wish you the absolute best. There is a time and a place for running so I suggest you seek out places to do that often. Keep showing him appropriate behavior and don't give in to tantrums or his love of emptying shelves. You can do it Mom! :)

OK, I got to the "he must stay in a stroller response" and then I quit. Parents that have never had a runner can't give good advice on dealing with a runner, you know? ;) My son refused a stroller after 2 but before 2.5 years old. Sure I could have man-handled him in there but then he would have just screamed the entire time so that does not help. You have got to teach him there are consequences for running away. I had to do this too. I took him to the mall and he ran off and up some stairs and I was prego and it was so hard to catch him. I got on his level and told him since he ran away from M., now we have to leave the mall. And we did. And he had a fit and screamed and cried but we did not go back that day. We tried again a week or so later and I reminded him what would happen if he ran. That time he did not run, but he did try it again other times and I just had to be ready to ditch whatever I was doing and just pick up and leave so he would learn the consequences. I have left a full grocery cart at the store and at walmart. It sucked for M. too but it did teach him that I meant business and that he can not run from M. or else whatever fun thing we are doing ends immediately and we go home. I once even dragged him home through my whole neighborhood b/c he ran away and crossed the street without M.. I had warned him that if he ever did that he would have to go home immediately and I guess he wanted to see if I was for real or not! Well I was and he would not walk so I had to pull him home (stopping every couple of minutes to ask if he was ready to walk yet) but I tell you what, he does not do that anymore!!!

He sounds like my kid. People always want to blame the parents, but sometimes it is more than meets the eye.

My description of my son is like trying to shop with a tornado, or trying to wrangle a tornado.

My son has sensory issues. Yours may or may not. Read the book the "out of sync child" and see if it describes him. At least it will give you a better prespective.

My son is now 4 still runs, but we don't do too much shoping with him. We try to sepearte espeically when you have to read labels etc. If we go to the mall, we let him play at the little parks and take turns going in stores.

Consistance helps tremendously. Every time you walk out of the house, we hold hands. He has no choice but to sit in the cart, everone is awake at the store it can be desruptive, but they can deal.. they don;t have to live with your kid and your actions are for thier own good. etc

Good Luck.

You need to be tough on him, mom. I'm sorry, but your rules trump his tantrums, and he needs a swift consequence that he does not like when he runs from you.

First of all, take him somewhere appropriate every day for him to run. Tell him "We're going to "x" so that you can run." He will know it's there for him and that he can run to his heart's content. This outlet is a safe place. Along with that, do NOT let him run any other time you take him out. Grab him and tell him sharply "We aren't at "x". You may NOT run now. Do you understand?" Don't talk nice to him either. Be sharp, and have your ugly M. face on you. I really mean it.

You are being too easy on him and it may cost him his life or limb.

Mom, I'm sorry, but you did NOT have to run behind him with the leash. You CHOSE to run behind him because you didn't want to deal with the tantrums. It's time to have boot camp with this little guy to teach him that you will NOT give in to his running. Part of it is that if he runs, you take him back to the car, strap him in his seat, stand outside of the car if he cries, and wait for him to decide that he is ready to obey his M.. Then you try again. It's a pain in the butt for you, but a necessary thing to keep him safe. And a necessary thing to do to teach yourself that you don't give in to a 2 1/2 year old. You are the adult. You have to play the part of an adult and not be running after him.

When you take him to the airport, have an umbrella stroller. You simply cannot take a chance in him getting away from you in the airport. It will be a nightmare. Having come down h*** o* him NOW will pay off by then. Practice with the umbrella stroller now, after you give him lots of running time somewhere safe. Do it every time, and he'll get used to the stroller by the time you go to the airport.

(Btw, regarding the leash - a wrist leash could pull his shoulder out of joint if he jerks against it. A chest harness type of leash is much safer.)

Sending you strength mom~ you can do this! Plenty of moms do and if they can do it, so can you!

Dawn

Your job is to keep him safe at all times. If you can't do that with what you are doing now, then you need to put him in the stroller or get a harness and help him learn to like it. Whatever you do, don't chase after him. He thinks its a game and will just run faster and harder. The best thing you can do is start taking him on short trips around the neighborhood and practice holding hands, letting him walk a little, then holding hands. Do red light/green light. I do this with my kids and instead of shouting STOP! I make it fun and when we are walking, we say "GREEN LIGHT~ then if I need to stop, I say "RED LIGHT-FREEZE! " Its fun and they stop in a funny position each time. You are the boss---make him mind by turning it into a game. Good luck.

You can discipline kids at this age not to run which I found invaluable for my three. You can also teach them not to touch everything and not to throw tantrums. The book Back to Basics Discipline is good on concise effective ways to teach important behaviors like not running away and all these things.

I simply NEVER chased mine around unless we were OBVIOUSLY paying a game at home. Yes, I "followed behind" in parks etc, but I did not get them used to the "you're running away and I'm chasing you all over the world and that's OK" thing. I have friends though that have chased behind their toddlers all the time and then wonder why their toddlers love running away from them? Either you teach them not to do it, or you don't. Toddlers are sophisticated enough to understand that they CAN run when you're letting them, and then NOT to run when you say so, but only with discipline. If you don't want to discipline, then you need restraint. Especially in airports or hectic situations.

Also, do NOT yell, "No, Stop, Wait" and all those things if you're not going to enforce, it only teaches that they are allowed to ignore those commands. Just keep quiet and chase him if that's your choice, or discipline him to come when called with advice in book.

He's WAY to young to understand the broad concept of being lost as a deterrent. He's the perfect age to learn, "Stop, Come Here, No touching, No Fits" though. He neeeeeds those or you'll have a long few years ahead.

I'm sorry for your frustration! I have been there. You may not like my answer, but it is for the best. You lady, need a leash! I had to buy one for my daughter because she wouldn't stop running, and now I use it for her brother. I got a fuzzy monkey one from Walmart, but I know that Babie-r-us and/or Toys-r-us sell one that is not an animal, it is just a strap that goes around the kid.

I would also invest in some Wee Squeaks. These are shoes that squeek when the kid takes a step so its hard to lose them. But, finally, you as the mom are responsible for not letting your kiddo run away. Normally, at 2.5 he should be able to understand not to, but not really understand danger.

It is your job to teach him to stay with you because you say so. I know this is so hard to do, and I haven't managed it myself with the younger one, but the older one gets it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, and sorry if I do, but really, even my grandma who thought leashes on kids were WRONG bought one for my little brother because he was do naughty.

Why did you have to run behind him with the leash? We used a leash with my first granddaughter and when she tried to run I just stood still. If she kept pulling I grabbed her and held on. After a few times doing this she stopped running.

There is also a product which fastens around the adults wrist and the child's wrist.

Whatever you do you have to be consistent 100% of the time. You can teach him to stay with you just by insisting that he stay with you over and over. Take a few days practicing holding his hand when you can focus just on teaching him to stay with you. I suggest that at 2.5 you nearly always have to be either holding his hand or have him corralled somehow. He's too young to consistently stay by your side.

Be firm. Use a no nonsense tone of voice. Never chase after him unless you can immediately catch him. When he's run off, stand still and wait for him to come back to you. When you chase him, he thinks it's a game. Always give him a consequence when he runs off. Perhaps take him out to the car for a time out. He will learn to stay with you just using these simple steps.

When he takes things out of their place, hold onto his hand while you put it back. Stop him taking things out of their place by stopping him when he reaches out. Tell him to look but not touch. If he picks it up, immediately take it away from him while holding onto his hand. Again, you can give him a time out when he does this.

It sounds like you're letting him get away with running away and with moving objects. Try focusing on this behavior while you're at the store. Don't try to get much shopping done. Teach him how to behave.

Your number one responsibility as a parent is to keep him safe. if he is not old enough and mature enough to listen and stay by your side safelyh. then he must be in a stroller or have a child leash on to keep him safe. my son was in a stroller for a long long time. but he never got lost and never got hit by a car from running out in traffic.

One word.

Stroller.

That's it. it's not an option for him to run. Let him have his tantrum. He'll get over it.

I know that sounds harsh, but I had a friend with a similar boy, and she just had to buckle him. Get one with a 5-point safety harness (like one for runners) so he can't wiggle out.

Good luck!

My youngest is Houdini, and a runner. She can be standing next to you, holding your hand and in a blink of an eye be gone...and you not even notice it right away.

Last week my 4th oldest called M., she's 19, and was out with their grandma. I get a phone call that goes like this..

DD: mom? Um We're in Kohls and we can't find K. Everyone is looking.
M.: Well you know she's there, where were you? Stop and think about what would have grabbed her attention.
DD: Well the dressing rooms, but I already looked in there.

Turns out she was in there, but she was sitting in one of the rooms that was locked and when my DD looked under the door and didn't see little feet, she left. She was sitting on a little bench playing. They found her cause my DD thought to yell out "Marco"...were K answered "Polo". She's 3 by the way.

While I don't panic over it, it has meant that I have gotten stricter. There is no and's, if's or but's about it, if she doesn't stay right beside M. she is put in the cart or taken from the store. All of mine were runners to some extent, but if I didn't chase and acted like I didn't care they didn't run. Not true of the last, and she's #8, buckle down momma.

If you used a leash then you shouldn't have been following him....

Toddlers have zero impulse control.
They see anything that catches their eye and off they go at full tilt.
By the time my son was 2 1/2, I could not catch him anymore - he was just too fast.
For his safety and my sanity I had to use a leash on him for about a year.
Back then, they had these overalls which had a handle built right in to them (Whoa Baby! - was a great company but they went out of business. I use to attach the leash to that handle and it worked like a charm! - better than a harness).
You can't buy them anymore but bit's of their website still exists:

http://www.mindmeltproductions.com/test/whoababy/pages/Fi...

There were places (fenced in play grounds) where it was fine for him to run and do it in safety where I could watch him.
When he was about 3 1/2 he knew much better to stay with M..
Dirty looks be darned - he (and I) survived his toddler-hood!
Other peoples opinions just didn't count.

A tantrum is not the end of the world. If you choose stroller, harness, hand hold, whatever and he throws a tantrum, well, so what? And trust M., I have a champion drama king so I know what it's like to get stares in public and have that screaming pierce your eardrums. (he's throwing one right now about a cup, and i'm not going to make that my problem; it's his.) Forget about what others think and remind yourself your choices are for safety. You will know when/if you need to leave because of his behavior.

Of course, another option is to not take him places but I know this isn't always possible. In that case, you need to make up your mind about what you will tolerate because you are in control. Absolutely reiterate the safety aspect/don't leave M., but at 2.5 his impulse control and reasoning are not quite developed. What has developed is his sense that he can engage you in a game of chase. If you are not wanting that, nip it in the bud with a restraint (whether he likes it or not) or consistent consequence, followed with a reminder of why he needs to be safe. (My son got the "you would be awfully sad if something happened to you and you got hurt or you couldn't be with M. again.")

I'm not a big fan of older kids in strollers (just a personal choice) but when you are traveling, you might need to make this a non-negotiable part of any outing. It's already stressful enough without adding the worry of a lost or injured kiddo.

you have to step up and show him who's the boss. i tend to be a bit of a pushover when it comes to my son but i draw the line when it comes to his safety. if he throws a tantrum, let him! immediately take him home as soon as he runs away from you. he'll realize pretty quickly that you mean business.

Fear, in moderation, is a good thing. It keeps you on your toes. You should be scared of losing him because you could if you don't start disciplinging him. Don't let him run. Simple. There is a time and a place for everything. Running near a road or in a mall, etc. is totally inappropriate behavior and it is your job to teach him to stop. If he doesn't like it, tough. It's not the first time you will make a decision he doesn't like.

At first I thought this might be a fake post... but assuming it's not, the answer is hold his hand or strap him in a stroller. YOU are in charge of his safety..

You are the parent, he is the child! He should be in a stroller. Non negotiable. I am sure he will have a fit, but once he knows you mean business he will get it. It may take a while. I used to take out a 3 yo, 2yo, and 1yo and never had a problem. They learned from an early age what was expected of them. They were not perfect but never did they run away from M..

I suggest that you start taking him to the park before you go shopping. Let him run it all out. Then, when you go to the store, tell him that he got all his running done at the park, now it's time to walk.

You just have to be tough on him, even when it ticks him off. No running at the store. If he runs, he goes in the cart.

As for kidnapping? Ha. That's funny. It's more likely that a kind stranger would return your child to you than kidnap him. Please don't try to show him that people are scary and dangerous...because they really aren't. People are kind, especially to children.

Just because you've heard crazy things on the news doesn't mean they are common. Kidnapping is very rare. Your child has a better chance of being struck by lightning than he does of being kidnapped. He has a WAY better chance of being killed in a car accident with you driving than he does of being kidnapped. So worry about that possibility a whole lot less. Really, almost nobody wants to cart off a squalling, screaming, tantruming 2 year old. Can you even imagine?

I've always said that if someone kidnapped my kids at that age, they'd be BEGGING M. to take them back within 15 minutes.

Calm down, mama. It'll be okay.

I have 3 boys--all were/are runners. My mom bought a monkey backpack harness for my oldest son when I had baby #2. I looked at her like she was insane and vowed I'd never use it. It has become a major safety device and sanity saver.

ETA: I disagree with those who have suggested that he is too young to bring to the mall. On the contrary; he needs practice walking with you, and the mall is the perfect place to do so, as he can't run out into traffic, etc. I take my kids to the mall to play several times a month (if you're looking for a good mall--Yorktown in Lombard or Woodfield in Schaumburg both have great play areas). When we go I tell them very simply: "No running ahead. If you run ahead, we will leave." And then follow through on the threat. There have been a few times that we have had to leave the mall moments after entering, but my kids now know, "Mom's not kidding." Your son is 2.5, which is PLENTY old enough to be held accountable for his actions. My 3 yr old knows that if he leaves M., he will be either a) put in the stroller with the baby, b) put on the harnes, or c) we will leave (as long as what we were trying to do can be postponed).

My son was a runner. I told him I loved him very much and I wanted him safe. I said that I wanted him to remember to stay next to M. when we were in public places and so I was going to swat his fanny each time he took off. He may not have understood my entire explanation but he did understand that if he took off his fanny was going to hurt. I also created opportunities for him to run. I would plop a dollar in the train display and let him chase the train at the mall. I would take him to the gym to just let him run. We would play sharks and minnows in the back yard.

You are the grown up, you chose how he acts in public. That is all that there is to say. You put him in the cart at Walmart, you put him in his stroller at the mall and if he gets up or tries to get out you tell him no. If he tries again you swat his hinny and say no again. Then if he does it again you call someone to come get him. They you tell him when they get there that when he learns to stay with you and mind you he might get to come back to the store again>

Next time leave him with a babysitter while you go shopping. That's what most mom's do when they have a busy day planned. That's also what Mothers-Day-Out programs are for. A day per week or more so that mom can go to the doc, go to the store, go to lunch with friends, etc...a day she can get stuff done without having to deal with this kind of behaviors.

MommyJen,
My son is going to be 6. Even today he still is completely unaware of safety, like at all. He used to run in parking lots!! awful.
If you don't want to do the kiddie leash, there's this website www.twigtale.com where you can personalize all types of books for different situations. I don't think there's a book for that, but you can create your own and personalize it to your needs. I made one for my son, to help him understand that my in-laws live far away and can only come certain days for a couple days. And to help him with his routine. Great books.

I understand your horrible experience with the kiddie leash, I swear by it, because it was great for M., it did take a lot of getting used to, specially on his part and a lot of tantrums. I would suggest that you give the kiddie leash another try. first, inform your little one of all the thing y'all are gonna do at the mall or store that day, be as specific as you can.

I hope you find this helpful.
Good Luck

Your letting him get his way and if you don't get a handle on him then its going to get much worst. My first was 17m when #2 was born and #3 was born when my older two were two and three. I took then everywhere alone and it was very rare to have a problem. I always tried to wear them out a little at the park first, and I always had a snack or book to give them while shopping. My rules were we hold hands or hang on to the stroller or you sit in the stroller. If they ran off which my oldest tried once or twice he got a pop on the booty. I never tried to reason with him I just wanted something that got his attention and an immediate consequence. If your son throws a tantram because he doesn't want to hold hands or sit in a stroller and then he gets his way, you are teaching him to play you and that's your fault. My almost 19 month old has learned the rules, she always tries to grab my hand before moving on and stays close. I have never spanked her I just put her in the stroller if she wonders. Not to say my kids are perfect but in this situation I would never chase them around, I would be terrified to loose one. Set the rules and follow through if his tantrum is too much just leave you only have to do that a few times before they learn the rules.

I think you have two choices: he either stays in the stroller, or he wears the furry animal backpack leash while you are out.

There are some issues in parenting that absolutely must have consistency. Physical safety is one of those. (getting dressed is not one of them, just saying).

There is no backing down on something like this until he understands it is not a game. His reasoning skills will improve significantly in a few more months. Until then, pick a system (hand holding, child safety leash, sit and stand stroller) and do not waiver.

I get this. I've had two kids who love to run off. I felt horrible using a chest leash on the last one, but I just had to. It was scary how quickly she disappeared. I don't know what leashes are like now, but the hand leash did not work. It was best to tie a belt around their waste.

GL!

Jen, I understand. My little ones were a handful at that age too. Not so much running off, but just wanting to throw a fit when they didn't get their way in public. After 2 times of immediately leaving the store or wherever we may be, & taking them home, they seemed to get it. My son loved to hide between the clothes racks. He used to scare M. to pieces!!! One day, (when I knew exactly where he was) I hid from him!! He never hid in the clothes rack again!:) Hang in there!!! Explain to him what you expect him to do when you are in public . He must hold your hand & if he can't see you, he has gone too far. If he doesn't do as he is told, then he will have to stay home. Best Wishes!!! It'll get easier!:)

If he runs, put him in the stroller. If he cries and freaks out, put him in the stroller. You will need to practice this at home or other locations where you wont be mortified and he he can learn. My son fortunately always stayed by my side. I think some kids naturally are like that and some are naturally not. It wont be easy to "train him" but he is 2 1/2 and he is old enough to understand. You might also allow him to enjoy a treat after he successfully stays with you and doesn't run.

I think you need to think h*** o* what motivates him. Use that in a reward system for behaving well in the stroller and leash. The seat belt on the stroller and the leash keep him safe so they are wise restraints. He won't behave well in them all the time, but eventually he will learn the rules of them and will stop fighting them so much. Eventually he will be able to walk next to you in public, but there are some steps in that learning process that he has yet to take. Use more rewards than punishments. Special toys saved only for shopping trips, new books from the library, favorite food or snack that he has to eat while sitting in the stroller, etc. I used to spread snack time out a bit so that my son had enough food in him to not have a melt down when it was time to get in the stroller, but he was also still hungry enough to sit down and finish the snack. It gave M. a guaranteed few minutes of good behavior. Good luck!

This is why I stopped going to the mall. I had a very brave, curious toddler once too and realized it was easier to stop trying to shop with him. If we had to be out traveling, he was in the stroller or had to hold my hand. I had a nice, big kid stroller that worked until he was probably 3 or so. I insisted on having him holding my hand to cross the street. Grocery shopping was fairly easy, since I could have him in the cart or have him in the little car-cart. He loved that. At the park, it was all about him, so I didn't have to worry about him getting lost, since I was playing with him anyway. We didn't have too many problems at restaurants that I recall, but he did need a break every now and then to walk around with one of us. We'd hold hands for those walks too, so he didn't get in the way of the restaurant staff and get stepped on. It's tough, but in a few years you'll forget how much you had to worry about it!

I'm not sure how large your child is but my 6 year old can still fit into his stroller - it holds up to 50 lbs and yes my son is on the small side - however many other types of strollers do hold children for a longer time. I highly recommend you look into one. My 6 year old does not understand the concept of danger quite yet(no pillows thrown please he is autistic and has SID)so he always holds my hand and if he will not in the stroller he goes. When he was younger I did use the baby leash for him and would now in a minute if I felt we needed it.

YOU need to parent your child and do your best to teach him the dangers but I do know that this is not always possible however it is always your job to keep him as safe as possible at all times even if it makes him do something he does not agree with.

That was my 3 1/2 year old! I think I have a post a lot like this a year or so ago. I did not to the leash, but often times I think it would have made my life easier.

I basically never let go of his hand. The rule is, hold my hand or be carried. There are no other options. Once in awhile he tries to get loose, but I've gotten so much better at not letting that happen.

I hear ya, I really do. It is scary, and the problem is that they have no idea. They just really don't have impulse control. If they see something they like, they go after it. My son also loves to run and be chased. He doesn't understand how dangerous that is.

We spent most of the summer working on this, and it has gotten a lot better. But he still does it, and I just have to be vigilant.

You are not alone!!! This can be really tough to deal with, because there are many moms who have never faced this and assume that he just lacks discipline. My brother used to think that. His daughters are so laid back and patient. They don't get as antsy as my sons do.

You are not alone, and this is not your fault. Just keep working with him. Be consistent, and he will get it.

Whenever I read a question like this I do two things: 1) smile that my youngest is 6 and I will never have to battle a toddler again and 2) wonder why it is that you bother bringing him to places like malls and stores. I was a single mom who was basically at work or with my son and managed to rarely have to take him shopping. I am now married with three more kids and can count on two hands the number of times my youngest has been to a mall. I go shopping with kids (grocery store, Target, Kohl's) maybe six times a year tops and usually only because one of them needs clothes or shoes. Other than that, I always schedule shopping for when my husband is home.

Clearly you have to get this under control for places like the park or being able to go to the zoo and such, and I think you have great suggestions below for that. But I would just eliminate half the battle and not take him shopping at all, ever. Why stress yourself out with that?

Wow, your son sounds like my daughter when she was that age. Now she is 11. I had the same problem with keeping her close to M., safe, contained etc. The biggest scare for M. was when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter and D11 took off running in the shopping mall. She loved to run and the goofy grin on her face was priceless! I can laugh about it now BUT, at that time it was dangerous and risky. After D11 took off like that in the mall and I was too pregnant to run after her she could've been kidnapped for sure! Luckily a couple moms caught her and brought her back to M.. She would also take off and run out in parking lots and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Back then I was attending a parent/child class every week. The teacher told M. to use different words with D11. Instead of saying "don't run", say "walk." If your child hears you say the word run in the phrase "don't run" they want to run. So tell your son what you want him to do instead of what you don't. Also D11 had no impulse control at that age (and she still doesn't a lot of the time because of her ADHD) and after the mall incident I didn't let her run lose anywhere. Eventually she understood that when M. goes shopping she is to stay in the cart strapped in because M. wants her safe. Usually the best time for us to shop was in the AM right after breakfast, that was when she was the most compliant. I made sure to have her sippy cup and a snack ready in case shopping took a while. When she was 4 she had to hold our hand in crowded places or sit in the cart. If she disobeyed she went right in the shopping cart, end of story. So make sure you have some rules set in place, make them known to your son before you go shopping and have a consequence in place if your son doesn't follow your rules. If he throws a tantrum take him back to the car and strap him in his carseat. Wait for him to calm down and make sure to repeat what the rules are. Safety comes first, fun later. For a reward, after shopping you could take him to a play area and let him run to his hearts content. HTH! Good luck

First off - you MAY be worrying too much but with good reason. Given his behavior, it is a reasonable fear. I know he's young and that impacts his impulse control but you have to nip this behavior NOW. It sounds easier than it is because it will not be easy and it will not happen over night.

You have to be consistant not for a day or two but ALL the time. First have a talk with him (not at a time when he's already running) "Joey, I know you like to run and have fun and especially to have M. chase you. That is fine when we're playing together but when we are shopping, you have to stay with M.. You can be in the cart or in the stroller or you can stand beside M. and hold my hand but you can NOT run from M....you must stay with M. . If you can't do this, you can not go to the store with M. any more. I am scared I will lose you. You don't want to loose M. do you?". Then when you go out next time take someone with you that can take him to the car and wait with him if you won't be able to leave if he doesn't stay with you. If you can't have a backup with you, be prepared to go directly to the car and go home. Before you go, remind him "Joey, remember we talked about this. You have to walk beside M. and hold her hand or you have to stay in the stroller. Which do you want to do?" If he starts to run firmly remind him that he must walk.

I have had to leave a store more than once with my daughter...that and/or let someone else mind her while I shopped because I couldn't do both.

BTW...this is a safety issue as well as a listening problem so when he runs and hides from you and/or runs in a parking lot I would not be afraid to swat his behind. I have done this with my daughter and she gets it now.

I had 2 of these. It was a guarantee with DD that if she didn't run off, she'd strip naked. That girl could literally undress in 2 seconds. So we did a lot of hand holding. When we were at the check out counter and I couldn't hold their hands we had a 'hands on the counter rule" so I could always see out of the corner of my eye.

And after a while, we just didn't go out much. DH would shop on the way home. We didn't eat out for almost 2 years. And eventually they grew out of their impulsiveness and life resumed.

I think Curious George got lost once or twice. You could try reading those books to him.

The only options you have are a stroller or baby leash. It's too bad for him that he doesn't like the stroller but you need to explain to him that when he can learn to stay next to you, he will be able to walk. Just keep emphasizing that point and let him try again after a couple of outings where he has to be in the stroller.

As for running behind him with the leash on, I would have pulled him back to M.. He WOULD NOT have controlled the pace of the walk; I am in control. And I don't give a rat's a@@ about what anyone else would think. They would think a lot worse if I allowed him to run ahead and he got hurt, lost or worse! And until they are supporting M. and my family, their opinions matter not to M.!

My son was a runner and I eventually decided I really didn't need that extra dozen eggs or an outing that would mandate M. taking him into a public situation until he was able to understand how scarey this is. I asked my mother once to babysit him and she said yes then said she was going to a basketball game at the stadium and all I could picture was my stepfather encouraging him to go to the bathroom with two thousand people while they waited outside. If you have never had a runner you don't understand. I declined and actually he is twenty eight and they never babysat in my life for either of my children. My advice: avoid all of those situations where he could disappear. He will get older and understand it.

This is a tough stage. I also had runners who rejected their strollers and writhed on the floor when we tried the harness. I marveled at the other children shopping with mom quietly and contently staying in their strollers or shopping cart. Of course all "those" moms who have "those" kids are on here saying "just keep him strapped in." Couldn't you just strangle them?

Of course you worry, even though a kidnapping in a store now days with cameras everywhere is unlikely, it still puts you through too much emotionally. I can say this, it won't last forever. By 3 and 4 they get a lot better at following direction.
Airports aren't as bad as you think. There is great visibility, no chance of kidnapping, and you can focus on them because you aren't trying to focus on shopping. Trust M., shopping in places with clothing racks and multiple entrances will remain your nemesis for another year or so. In the mean time shop on- line, shop smaller stores and skip the department stores. Do your department store shopping in the late evening and leave kids with dad. If I just had to shop I strapped her in a cart or stroller with a sucker, and that bought M. about 20 minutes. Its a phase, a phase for which my wardrobe and home suffered, but you're in the worst of it at 2.5.
Both my daughters have the wiggles and hated strollers by age 2. Today I braved a department store for the first time ever (otherwise Target and Old Navy were it because of the single entrance, Macys and Nordstrom are off my list for now. I don't think you are going to get through to them about danger, but you can begin to teach them that you expect them to stay where you can see them, and they are to answer you if you call. Again the key word here is "begin". Now, in instances of danger I swat. So today I had to swat my 27 month old when she just ran and ran and ran from M. (forcing M. to abandon both my other child and purse and run 50 yards through clothing racks). The swat actually helped a lot and she did not run like that the rest of the trip. But take it from M., If you have a runner, you just can't be much of a shopper.
I also remember when I was pregnant not being able to catch my oldest in Costco. One time she went from one corner to the other and back before I in desperation begged another person to catch her for M. as I just could not. It was then I realized that it was life or death, so I began with the swats on the bottom. I also just had to have her strapped in during this time and since that didn't work well for her, we only shopped for groceries and at Target until she turned three and was able to follow direction better.

At that age, I kept my kids strapped into a stroller during outings to stores/malls. Snacks and toys will keep him plenty occupied in there until he's older and can get better about staying with you.

Honestly the best thing you can do to keep your son safe is to have him in a proper carseat. You mentioned traveling with him so...that's the thing to focus on. Kids do run off. They get lost. They get found. Very, very rare something really bad happens. But in a car crash, it takes only a second. Make sure he's in a carseat on the plane, and in the car make sure he's in a rear-facing carseat if he's only 2.5, with straps super tight.

2-year-olds. They are stubborn. You can only control what you can control. You might have to alter your routine a bit, but please be super strict about car and airline travel. There is no such thing as over-protective there. And if you take control of that part of his safety, statistically he's very, very well off!

My oldest son was a runner and hid everywhere. I got him a nice wrist leash I guess you could call it. He hated it, I loved it. He learned really quick if you take off I put this on.