Hi mommies!! Thanks in advance for ANY ideas on this one!!!!
I have known my best friend for about 20 years, feel like I've known her all my life, and love her like a sister. We don't get to hang out very often because she lives about an hour away from me. She doesn't drive, and I have 2 vehicles that I'm lucky if they get me and hubby back and forth to work. So in July for my niece's birthday party, my best friend suggested that I take the 2 buses up there, (which would only be fair because that's what she does when she comes to my house) and spend the night. Oh, and I would be accompanied by my 4 year old son.... The only problem with this scenario is that her house is, let's just say, not very clean. This has been an issue between us before, and she knows how I feel. And since I have a child who is just as OCD as I am.... I am terrified he would say something. I don't want to miss my niece's birthday party, but I REALLY don't want to spend the night there. I don't want to make up some stupid excuse and/or lie to her.... I am at a total loss on how to address this situation!! What do yinz think?!?! ; )
You could say nothing and offer to come a day early and help clean to get her house ready for the party!
He is a child. Its ok. Kids say things sometimes-very, very truthful things--it may be good for her to hear the truth since no one else will tell her! Don't worry about it and go and have a great time!
M
It's an hour trip... go to the party and come home that night. You don't have to give her a reason other than the fact that your son sleeps better in his own bed (probably true) and that you would rather be home on Sunday b/c you have to get the house ready for work and daycare on Monday- but you wouldn't miss her party for the world!
What about getting a cheap hotel room and having a fun time at the pool for the kids as part of the celebration. You could invite your friend into staying with you in a double room, and have a little after party girl's night chatter and cocktails when the kids go to bed - a mini vacation for both of you.
I would just suck it up and go. If your kid says something - oh well, kids say what's on their mind.
One time at the store my son pointed out how large the women's butt was that was in front of us- - and yes, she heard!
You say she knows how you feel, so maybe she will make an effort and if not, at least she'll understand why you son might say something. It's just for one night right? Just think of it like a "camping" trip - hopefully her bathroom is cleaner than those!!!
I'm assuming there may not be budget for a hotel here.
I'd just say that your son needs to sleep in his own bed.
Let her know you want to do the hotel/motel experience with your son on this trip. This should not be a cause for hurt feelings.
V.
I'd do the hotel thing too "just because you and your 4 yr old will have fun doing it together". It takes your friend off the hook for having to "try" to clean her house for you too, so it's a win/win the way I see it. Rental cars are pretty cheap, or you and your son can "cab" it.. another fun adventure for him to ride in a cab......
If it's only an hour, just drive there and back. You could rent a car for a day if you're not comfortable with yours, or you could get a hotel and have pool time with your son. If it's been an issue before, maybe she'll clean her house this time? I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it this time, because the focus is on the birthday party..but maybe if your son does say something, she'll take a hint!
I like both answer. I think telling her you want your son to have first hotel experience and invite her. get a double bed, that way there is more room for every one.
-libby
If you have had issues with this before and she knows how you feel, and knows you well, probably anything you say she will know is because you don't want to stay there and why.
So I would kept it simple and nice.
You know my son is a little OCD just like mom, I worry that would get in between. I am thinking that (depending how sensitive she is about the subject)
a) If you want we can go to hotel
b) I can help you clean
c) I will go back home after the party
I don't know,maybe she knowing you, and because the party she clean or would appreciate your help.
I'm with Krista, why do you have to spend the night if it's only an hours drive?
:)
Yes, I also suggest renting a car for the day, you would pay the same for 2 bus tickets. That way you can be there for the party and don't have to stay. Plus you have to return the car in time so that is why you aren't spending the night...
Is her home that unclean that it is so unsanitary and poses a potential health hazard, like lice or scabies or warts or diarrhea or fleas?
Here's what I say to myself when I have to board at my mom's wild home: if soldiers and troops can survive war zones, and bombings, and gunfire, and blood, then I can survive her house for one night. Although the last time I bunked there we all got a lot of spider bites and my dog got fleas. So that's it, no more staying there. We only visit and move on for the night. And she begs us to stay...nothing I can say will ever change her habits.
In the final analysis, you have to practice healthy, safe boundaries for you and your family regardless of what others say and think.
oh Renee, honey....life is way too short....go to your friends...hug her, talk to her, laugh with her....and if your son says something...oh, well...one more thing to write in the book....don't miss any chances to be with people you care about. M.
Hi, Renee:
If your son says something, it is okay.
Let him.
Go and have fun.
D.
I respectfully disagree with people telling you to just stay at her house. If you don't want to stay, don't. If you need an excuse, tell her you know she'll be busy preparing for the party, and you don't want to burden her with house guests.
Otherwise, just drive up the same day or stay at a hotel. I don't think you need to say anything other than, "Thanks for the offer, but we'll be driving up the same day. Maybe next time."
Well I would not worry about your son saying anything, if he does, then he does, kids speak their mind. Now you said you don't want to spend the night, so don't. You can either take the bus home that night, or else you can rent a car and drive up if you really think your cars won't make it. It likely will cost about the same as a bus ticket. Or you can take the bus and stay at a hotel for the night. You don't have to make any great excuse for any of it, other than it is what you want to do, you don't need to explain why. But if this has been an issue in the past, she may guess. But even then it doesn't need to become an issue again. Just tell her you want to stay at a hotel, or you will be renting a car or driving up or what ever, and if she asks why, you tell her because that is what I want to do. Most people won't be pushy beyond that. And you are not lying, or making an excuse, because you get to decide what you do want to do. I often wish people would just tell the truth instead of make up excuses. Even just saying they don't want to do something is fine, making excuses is really not good for anyone. And most people figure it out anyway. Am I so different, that i would want people to tell me the truth, even if it meant they didn't want to stay with me for some specific reason? I too am OCD, about cleaning. I would not be offended if someone did not want to stay here because of that. It is who I am, and not everyone will like that. There will always be things we don't like about other people even if they are our best friends. Anyway, if you really want to go, then go, and if you really don't want to stay there then don't, it doesn't have to be both. Good luck!
I would go with the rental car, my family is all about an hour away and we make the trip and rarely stay over night. Just tell her you have to return the car your son will sleep in the car on the way home.
