How to Have One Year Old Not to Scream for What She Wants?

She screams because she doesn't have the words to tell you what she wants. Try calming her before you give her the item so she will start to connect getting the item with being calm rather than thinking "if I scream they will give it to me to shut me up".

I would teach her some baby sign language. I would also not give her what she wants if she is screaming. Calmly and quietly say, no screaming. Once you ask me for x calmly you may have it. If she totally freaks out take her somewhere quiet to get it all out (her room, sit with her in the car) and when she is done with her tantrum again say, Ask me calmly for x. If you are calm and ask nicely you may have it. Great job! Here you go! Just be like a calm rock yourself...you are training her. Every time you give in and give her what she wants when she screams it is reinforcing that behavior.

L.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

What are you worrying about? Your daughter has learned to get her way by screaming. As long as she continues to get her way when she screams? She will continue to scream.

When you are at the park and she screams? You take her away from the situation and tell her that that is NOT acceptable. Keep it simple - she's one. Tell her she needs to use words. You can teach her sign language so that she can learn to express herself with her hand language instead of a scream.

DO NOT give her what she wants when she screams.

You can't respond to her while shes screaming. She will stop screaming when you stop giving in. Its going to be hard and its going to suck. But you have to stand your ground and be strong. If she's screaming at the store for something, leave. If she wants something at home, tell her to ask nicely or point. I know she can't talk much yet but say can i please have the toy. Let her hear you say it. Then walk away if she continues to scream. She'll realize that she won't get what she wants when shes screaming.

Screaming is a phase and is common in kids who don't have enough language yet. My son was a late talker, but I didn't give in to the screaming. He also developed a nasty habit of head-bonking - ramming his head into my cheek or shoulder or leg, whatever was closest.

He did a lot of grunting and pointing, which worked to some degree. If I had it to over, I would do sign language.

She keeps doing this because it works. You don't like it, but eventually you give in, right? So that teaches her to yell louder. This is not going to end well.

What I did was take my child away from the situation. Every time. It's annoying as hell, but it's effective. Kids who yell in the park (at kids or adults) get taken out of there, and not with another fun alternative. "We don't yell. If you yell, we leave." Then, at the very next yell, it's into the car with no extra talking. Silence. The consequences have to be immediate at this age. For toddlers, it doesn't work to take away TV or toys later on for an infraction now.

While some things will get easier when she is more verbal, the expectation of immediate results will be well-cemented in her brain if you don't change things up now. My cousins have a 5 year old who has never heard the word "no." Whatever he wanted, he got. He didn't want to go in the car seat at 11 months, so they gave him the iPhone to play with. He didn't want his diaper changed, so they gave him another iPhone (because he broke the first one, of course). He didn't want to sit in a restaurant, but rather than adapt their own pattern (not go out to adult places, get a sitter, etc.), they let him yell (annoying other diners), stack his toy cars on the divided with the next booth (dropping them on unsuspecting diners and then yelling for them to pick up the toys), or walk around freely (causing enough accidents with wait staff that the restaurant told them they couldn't come back even though they had been regulars for years). He's now 5 and very verbal, but they were just at our house for 2 hours and he had 5 tantrums, threw his metal toys or put the full weight of both forearms on the dinner plate, threw cheese back on the appetizer plate because the mom prepped him for not liking it, refused to play with a suitcase of new toys they had brought because I didn't have anything for him to play with (which I used to do but stopped because he never played with them!), demanded entirely different food (and I had made him chicken nuggets and raw veggies anyway), and then pulled his mother's hair and head-butted his father's stomach for a full 15 minutes. He will behave for me if I intervene, and he likes me - but his parents don't like anyone else to calm him down. They hate his behavior, but not enough to exert themselves to actually discipline him with immediate consequences. They find it embarrassing but they think he should just magically outgrow it. Why would he? It works! So, my point is, it's not going to go away by itself. It's not always a language-based phase.

I think it's easier in the long run to undergo the hard stuff now. Yes, redirect when you can. But no, don't wait for it to go away and don't allow repeated screaming to pay off.

lots of good advice given already.

I'll add one more thing: demonstrate quiet, eye-level speaking in a soft voice. In fact, when you have to tell her something (especially if it's something exciting like "we're going to Grandma's house" or "Mommy's baking cookies"), kneel down and meet her on her eye-level. Don't say anything at first. Meet her gaze and wait until curiosity gets the better of her and she quiets down. Then tell her what you have to say, in a low calm voice.

If she is screaming, try getting down near her face and remain very calm and still. No sign of frustration. When she pauses to take a breath, ask her "what do you want?" in a quiet voice. It is essential that you do not appear upset or agitated.

I don't think this is a cause for worry, but it's a habit to replace with a better way of communicating. If there were hearing concerns, you'd probably be aware of that (you'd notice that she couldn't hear you when you called her name). Some kids are just vocal and exuberant and excitable, and it's just a matter of learning to communicate needs and desires in a tolerable volume.

This is totally normal. It's not ideal or desirable, but it's not cause for concern.

She can't talk to you. She can't tell you want she wants or tell you how she feels. She has learned that if she screams you will pay attention to her and figure out what she wants. It works, so she keeps doing it.

It might not be easy or quick, but there are things you can do to teach her other options.

When she starts to scream or get upset, make eye contact with her. Get very close to her so that all of her attention is on you. This will help her block out everything around her and just focus on her. When you have her attention and she is quiet, ask her to point to what she wants or say, "Do you want your blanket? If you want your blanket nod your head," and then nod your head to show her what that means. Do this (or something similar) every single time, and she will get it. Stay very calm. Be very matter-of-fact. She really will get it.

screaming is a phase most kids go through, and the best way to get through it quickly is to NOT reward it.

if she's screaming in the park, pick her up and leave. do not give her whatever it is she's screaming for.

if you're in the car, grit your teeth and ignore it. really ignore it.

if you're at home you tell her 'i don't understand that. when you stop screaming i'll listen.' no long explanations. no demands that she use words she doesn't yet have. short and simple.

separate yourself from her if at all possible. let her back into your presence when she stops screaming. if it's completely impossible to do this, make sure you are not giving her one iota of attention while she screams. no heavy sighing, no eye contact, no threats or pleas or bribes or promises.

the reward for stopping the screaming isn't giving her whatever she wants either. it's your attention, your eye contact, your smile, your encouragement. the answer will sometimes be no, and you have to be patient with her baby frustration.

but every time you give into the screaming you are reinforcing it, and lengthening the time you'll have to contend with it.

khairete
S.

It might take awhile to get through this phase.
Of course a 1 yr old has no impulse control.
Some ear plugs to take the edge off the screaming might help your nerves.
1 yr olds don't play well with other kids - that comes when they are closer to 4 years old.
So she doesn't really have a need to play with others right now.
Read a book on child development - "What to Expect Toddler Years" was my favorite.

I used sign language with my girl and it saved our sanity. I will never forget being at a restaurant and trying to enjoy dinner as a family and she started shrieking. I immediately left with her (didn't want any of the other patron's meals disturbed and this was a family restaurant). I knew right then, something had to happen and understood she could not communicate and I was going to fix it. Sign Language is a beautiful language. I did not have to teach her many signs, before she was able to communicate with me which made both our lives so much better. She is and was a very high strung, strong willed person.

Another beauty of sign language is I could communicate with her while she was with friends or taking gymnastics (5 ish) and get my point across. I used it frequently even in the tween years. If she was doing something she needed to stop, I could sign stop to her and she would take my cues. If she needed to quiet down, same thing. It allowed her to change behavior without being spoken to about it.

I used a book, Signing with Baby, (19 years ago) and a friend of mine used a video series Signing Time. Her daughter is now being certified in Sign Language and will be an interpreter professionally.

Not giving in is a must when they're screaming. You do NOT want to enforce bad behavior. Just like you don't give a whining child what they want. Another phrase you might want to learn for the near future, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you use that voice" or "I'm sorry, it hurts my ears when you use that voice, come back to me when you can find your big girl voice". Always calm mamma, even if you have to go to your bedroom to compose. I used to put myself in Momma time outs if I could feel my patience leaving.

Best Wishes,

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