How to Cope with Miscarriage??

There is really NOTHING that makes it any easier, except trying to have faith that for whatever reason... it simply wasn't meant to be yet. So many of us, myself included, have miscarried (myself twice in a row, and both at the very end of the first trimester) and then gone on to have a normal pregnancy. Unfortunately, you just have to be sad, and then try again. Good luck!!

Hi..as many of us I have been there. I had a D& C on 14th feb couple of years ago. Me and my husband fas t on Valentine day since then in memory. The emotional pain will subside over tim and physical go away. But it will remain you. I still have teary eyes when I think of it.

Best of luck!

I just went through my third miscarriage April 15th of this year. The doctor's appointment where it was discovered took place on our 11th wedding anniversary (made for a real cheery celebration that night), with a D&C scheduled for the next morning. We have children already, but we were excited about this pregnancy and looking forward to growing our family. It was heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. The biggest difference between this miscarriage and the previous two was that I had an inkling things were not going well this time (I had had some spotting before the appointment). I spent a lot of time praying beforehand with a dual request. The first part was a prayer for the pregnancy to be preserved. The second was an acknowledgment that this might not happen and was a request for the ability to be at peace regardless what happened. I have been sad over this loss, but the prayer for peace was answered throughout the following days. I was sent the kindest and most compassionate medical personnel I have ever had the privilege to interact with, and somehow, having them express human feelings of sympathy for my loss and bearing my burden with me, even though I know they must frequently see women in precisely my predicament, was to me another answer to prayer, as it brought much comfort in a time of despair and sorrow.

It helped that the physical recovery was quick and easy. I felt physically normal almost immediately (I was also between 6-7 weeks along). In some ways, it was a relief because I had been so tired, and my energy level returned to normal quickly. Being physically capable of doing more allowed me to lose myself in being active and busy. I also made sure to enjoy my living children more. I love them anyway, but there was an increased sense of appreciation for their presence in my life above and beyond what I normally experience with daily activity.

I don't know if you have other children, but my first miscarriage was before having any, and it was the most horrible sense of incompleteness I've ever experienced. I'd never before dreamed it would be difficult to have children (I come from a line of fertile women!). It was hard not to obsess about it. My dad gave the most helpful suggestion when I was wallowing in my misery. He suggested I immerse myself in learning more about a subject that interests me (preferably unrelated to children or childbirth). I did and discovered a whole side of myself I had never known existed before. It didn't make the sadness disappear but was an excellent distraction in the meantime.

You may go through a difficult time in the days/weeks/possibly months or more to come, but as with all heartbreak, eventually the pain lessens with the passage of time. If you are religious, prayer helps tremendously. Whether you are or aren't, you can find things to take your mind far away from the subject, whether time with friends and family or immersing yourself in a hobby or creative endeavor.

My only other advice is about other people while you're dealing with this loss (and sorry that this post is so long and about to get longer):
-Don't assume that your husband doesn't care if he isn't as emotional about it as you are. Most men don't grieve miscarriages in the same way their wives do. I don't think it's really real to them yet, and they haven't physically experienced the pregnancy like we do. So try not to become sad or angry at him if he isn't reacting to it the way you'd expect him to.
-People (bless their hearts) will try to "help" you by sharing the horror stories of their own and/or everyone they know who has experienced anything similar or connected to your loss. It is truly horrifying to hear about other people's losses, especially repeated and/or gruesome experiences, that for some reason they feel inclined to share in graphic detail. I've never figured out why people think this will help when the loss is so raw to you, but know that they, in their own bizarre way, are trying to help you feel less alone (and are probably still trying to come to terms with their own losses too). By the way, I'm not talking about anyone on here; but I've experienced this with all three of my miscarriages.
-Don't feel guilty if you are sad or resentful on Mother's Day or when you see pregnant women or friends or family members who have little ones. It can be a painful reminder, and it is absolutely normal to have those feelings. At the same time, believe it or not, it can be a healing moment to love on the newborns of your friends and family or to just enjoy the sight of a little one. It doesn't lessen your own loss, but there is something beautiful about just celebrating that little life. (This was my experience at Easter, when I got to snuggle with the my newborn niece and my newborn nephew.)

Again, sorry this is long, but my heart goes out to you and any others who are or have experienced this kind of loss. I hope you find the peace and support you need.

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I've lost 3 pregnancies (one ectopic, 2 miscarriages) and I know it hurts so bad! Time is the only thing that really helped me. Well, with the first one (the ectopic), the only thing that healed me was having my beautiful baby girl. We had to try for a year afterward to get pregnant again. My miscarriages were back to back last year. One on May 31, one on July 11th. Time really does heal all. I named my lost babies and that helped.
My physical symptoms only lasted for a week or so, having cramps and bleeding.
Again, I'm so sorry that you had to lose your precious baby. Stay strong.

I went through a tubal pregnancy that ruptured and a miscarriage. I felt horrible. I was so sad and felt that I had done something wrong. There are no words to express the loss that you feel for something that you never met but connected with in such a way. It will be hard for a few days and then when you feel up to it you and your husband or partner will try again. My husband and I tried again the next month. I bled for the whole month of november and it was hard for me to not cry and feel some loss, it wasn't until I got pregnant again and saw the baby on the ultrasound and heard it's little heart beat did I finally breathe again.

Here's what helped me. For some reason your body, God or some other power knew that the fetus was not right for you. Your body cleansed itself to make way for a more perfect fetus to come. Okay it sounds a little cheesy but I was just glad that I was not having another tubal pregnancy again. I couldn't handle going through that drama, I had lost so much blood with the tubal that they wanted to give me a transfusion, luckily I didn't need one. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make this all go away. Your husband or partner, will try, just ask for hugs and maybe someone to listen and that's all you can do. It will get better and cry if you need to. I cried a lot and took a lot of hot showers. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you get a lot of hugs and know that there is another little angel waiting for you to be it's mom. You are special and your body is making way for a special child to be a part of your life.

Dear M.B.,
My heart goes out to you and sending you big cyber HUGS.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Sadly, i know the feeling of losing a pregnancy as I've suffered through five miscarriages (I have two children). Each one was as unique as the child that would have been and my feelings and what helped me heal was also different with each one.
But the one thing that remained the same was the overhwelming sadness and emptiness. And sometimes those trying to help make me feel better only said things that made it much worse.
I remember always asking myself, how can I miss what I never had?? I miss a person I never got the chance to meet??? I still don't know the "how" but I've learned that it doesn't really matter if my feelings were "logical." Many times our feelings aren't! So acknowledge them, honor them and eventually they will lessen until eventually they turn into peace.
I am a deeply spiritual (not religious) person and in my search for answers learned so many things about life and death and why we are all on this earth. ...and why some may just want a couple week 'trial period." I guess my thoughts could fill a book ...
I promise you it will get easier. Cry as much as you need to, whenever you need to. I remember being so sick of crying. But if your body feels it needs to then honor that. I think it helps to release the pain.
Oh and one last thing... I truly believe there is NO normal. I know it helps to hear from others and learn what it was like for them but it really is so different for everybody. And like I said with me, for every pregnancy too. Luckily, my physical recovery was not too bad...walk in the park compared to the mental recovery.
Hang in there. Take it day by day and if need be, minute by minute. You will get through this. I promise. It WILL get easier. And you will be stronger because of it. I'm sending you love and light and prayers .........

I'm a very scientific person by nature so I see death differently than most. Yes, I "miss"... but not really in the same way others do. I researched miscarrages and the process. Possibilities of why it happened and how my body reacted. It made me better understand the biology of the event and thus gave me comfort. Once in a while I look at my living children and wonder what the others would have been like... and feel a little sad. But then I remind myself that life is fickle and doesn't always workout. A gazillion things can go wrong... that's why the life that does survive is all the more precious.
My husband deals with our past miscarages in a rather cute way. He says that the babies we lost were just there to prepare the womb for their siblings. (we had a miscarrage, then birthed our first.... had another miscarrage, then birthed our second child)

My point is... you need to find the comfort that's right for you. Prayer, science, crying it out, etc. If the tears won't stop... then let them fall. One of the first mistakes people make is to stop grieving before they are ready. Everyone heals at their own pace, so be patient with yourself.

I am truely sorry for your loss and wish you comfort and love.

What you are feeling is completely normal...doesn't make it any better, or easier...but it's normal.
When I had my m/c I was in a dark place for quite a long time. I think the fact that my SIL announced she was pg less than a month after I lost my babe (and she had told me numerous times she didn't want any more kids) exasperated the situation.
And my friends and mother said horribly hurtful things to me...
Those things made it worse.
I will pray your friends are supportive. I talked w/ women going through the same thing online and that helped.
I got a tattoo in memory of my baby, and that helped.
I prayed and that helped.
I tried to not get angry w/ God, but the situation w/ my SIL blew my mind.
And I got pg again and that has brought tremendous healing.
My physical symptoms only lasted about 2 weeks total (from 1st spotting to passing my babe).

Big hugs to you MB. Allow yourself to cry and grieve.

Oh and another thing-I held everything in from DH until the day he told me about his sister. He had no idea where I was at until that moment. (He knew I was sad but not how much.) I would encourage you to be open w/ your spouse/partner-it will bring you so much closer together than to go through it alone.
My DH was grieving too, but as a man he had to just put on his "I'm the man" face.
ETA: I also named my baby. And I wrote to my baby.

I had 2 miscarriages before I finally carried a baby to term (I now have 3 beautiful girls). They are hard, very hard. I was devastated and it seemed like everywhere I looked there was a pregnant woman. I can't give you a timeline, I was sad for a long time, but it does gradually get better, probably the same with any grieving process. Another issue I had was that men deal with this differently than women, you had that baby in you and it is naturally harder on you, just don't be too h*** o* him when he doesn't quite 'get it'. Feel free to cry, I feel it is therapeutic. Another thing that really helped me is talking to other people (and sadly there are a lot of other people!) who've also gone through miscarriages. It just feels good to talk it out with someone who knows what you are going through.
God bless and look forward to getting pregnant again!

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are feeling are completely normal and good. It is good to mourn for the loss of your child. Everyone is different about how long it took to physically recover. Once my baby passed, my body immediately felt much better (the agonizing pain and cramping ceased). However, I still bled for a few more days. I was about 5 weeks along with my baby. I found that my reliance upon the goodness of God and His perfect will in my life was such a balm for my soul. It helped me to know that He was not surprised, nor was He distant and uncaring. He gave me such a peace and comfort. I hope you have that same comfort. I don't know how I would have managed without it. I'm so sorry for your loss. I did find it helpful to name my baby. He was a real child, so he should have a real name. Blessings!

I am sorry for your loss. dailystrength.org has an online support group for those who have suffered a miscarriage. Perhaps you could find some solace there.

Physically I felt back to normal within a few weeks. What helped us (and this isn't for everyone) was knowing that the pregnancy was not viable and that is why we had a miscarriage. I also did not want to talk about it with friends and family. I wanted to grieve the loss on my own and in my own time.

MB:

I am totally sorry this has happened.

I have suffered 3 miscarriages - 12 weeks, 14 weeks and 20 weeks....

It takes time. It takes patience. It takes acceptance. You never really get over it - but you can't let it define you nor can you let it control you. You have your grief..accept it. Please know this is NOT meant to be cold and impersonal. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I truly do. But I can tell you it's not something you just get over - you just accept it and press on.

HUGS.

It will get better in time. I know that sounds simple, but it is true (3 miscarriages.....)
The one thing that made a difference for me was using my husband and mom as a buffer. If I needed space, I told them, and they gave me space, and made sure others did too.
Breathe, and it will get easier in time.
Hugs to you.

After two loses, all I can say is there isn't a normal. I was sad, i was angry, i blamed myself, i blamed my husband, i blamed God. I felt such guilt that it had happened so early and I didn't have a place to go to mourn my babies. I wanted to move because it had happened in this house, ect. So to me that's all normal. Now not everyone deals with it the same way, my husband was just "let's try again" and oh how I hated that. I needed to deal with it myself and come to terms with all the conflicting emotions. I bled for 2 weeks each time and it did get a little better after my body wasn't reminding me of the loss. However it just takes time, now I know people who even after an early loss will say they have 4 kids or whatever and count that precious lost little baby, but I needed to forget in order to move on. yes it happened but i don't recall the dates and I don't talk about it outside specific instances. So do what you need to do. If remembering will help, keep a journal and store those memories, if you need space, make sure you get it, if you want answers fight to get those. It's your loss and what matters now is people helping you deal with it the way you want.

Hi M B, I am so very sorry for your loss. No matter how far along you are in a pregnancy, the grief is extremely painful. I too lost a pregnancy between 6-7 weeks after IVF. I was completely devastated and also wondered when the tears would stop. I remember actually sobbing hysterically during the day and then crying myself to sleep at night. The feelings are completely normal and seemed to subside within two weeks. I was still very emotional for a while after that, however, the crying became less and less. If I think about it now, a year and a half and a sweet 6 month old later, I could still cry about it. My miscarriage happened two weeks before Christmas 2009 and the holidays were a mixed blessing...they distracted me, but I was more emotional because of them. One suggestion that I read online at the time was to buy an ornament and place it on the tree in a discreet spot so that you know it is there. My husband thought I had gone off the deep end, but I didn't care as it helped me to heal a little. I put it on our tree again this year and cried once again The grief is real and very painful. No one can seem to relate perfectly except someone who has gone through it themselves. My best friend had two miscarriages before I had mine and she was the best help that I could have asked for. We spoke daily and cried. She talked me through it and reassured me that the deep sadness would not last forever, but that I would never forget what had happened. I hope that you are feeling better and know that the intense feelings won't last forever. You are in my prayers and I am again so sorry for your loss. Oh, I felt physically normal in about a week or two. The worst days were the two in which I was actually miscarrying. Best of luck and prayers to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage around that point as well last year. I never expected that it would affect me much and was shocked at the grieving I went through. For me the actual miscarriage was very physically painful, but after that I felt back to normal pretty quickly. Emotionally it was hard for a few weeks, but then I found out a month later that I was pregnant again. I personally find it easy to see that there is a path in life and this was part of my journey - I wouldn't have the beautiful and amazing son that I have now without that miscarriage. I know it's hard sometimes to accept an outlook like that, but it works for me. Just get through one day at a time and find someone who you can talk to about this. Just say to them "hey, can I talk about this for a while? I might be sad or cry, and that's ok.. I don't need you to fix anything for me, I just need to talk about how I'm feeling so I can process what has happened." Hugs!

Dear M.B.

OOh, it hurts when you are so happy about a baby coming and then the miscarriage happens. I'm so sorry for you. You received some really good answers and I would like to add that doing something to validate your motherhood is very helpful. For instance, you can designate a special journal to your baby. Name your baby and write all your feelings and unfulfilled wishes down- Also, go shopping for this baby. Buy something in memory of your child-a necklace, window cling, cement angel or lamb, a music box or plant a tree or bush, make a stepping stone and put it in a small garden in your backyard planted with baby's breath or some other plant you like. I also like the wooden angels they sell at Hallmark Stores.

I send you big hugs and prayers and hope.

I had a miscarriage two months ago. I was devastated. It was the worst thing that I thought could happen bc I'm a very anxious person and always thought I would blame myself to the point of distraction. Strangely, I had a feeling of peace shortly after everything happened. Of course, there were terrible days, but I went to a priest I'm very comfortable with and cried my eyes out to him. He told me that God wanted to give me the grace of peace, I just had to be willing to accept it. The next day I felt immensely better and things have gotten better and better since then. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, and I have to admit, I was pretty taken aback by how well I handled it. I'm still sad here and there, but I'm so grateful for my healthy son and my wonderful husband... sunny days... a good night's sleep... you name it. I feel a sense of gratitude I've never felt before.

So I guess the point of this story is that you never know where this situation will take you. Try to take solace in every nice thing you can and just go day by day. To remember my little one, I planted a tree for him/her. It makes me feel better that there's something physical here to remind me. Take care.

First you need to expect sadness and a bit of grief. Also a big hormone shift is happening and your emotions will be all over for a short time. I experienced 2 miscarriages several years ago, before the healthy births of my 2 magnificent sons. The thing that really got me through was learning how many others have been through the same thing. I very alone for a very short period of time, and as soon as I started talking I realized I was very much in good company. It also helped to talk to women who went on to have successful pregnancies.
There is a biological reason your pregnancy didn't succeed. There may never have been a "little one", it could have very well never implanted, or never developed past the very beginning stages (that knowledge helped me with my feelings of responsibility and loss).
Take some time, you will feel physically better very soon, and after a few normal periods, try again.
I always thought of my losses as 'false starts' and now as I look at my boys I am grateful things went the way they did, because these guys were meant to be here in their own time and I wouldn't trade my life, as it is, for anything!

To be honest, I still get teary eyed thinking about my miscarriage over 3 years ago. I was lucky I guess, my physical symptoms went away very quickly and I was able to conceive the next month. My dr was very surprised. I get sad thinking that had that pregnancy went full term my son or daughter I have now may not have been here. Time does heal the wound and it will get easier to deal with. Let yourself cry when you want to. Dont push yourseft too quick! Good luck.

Friend, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to find a right place for your emotions. It's ok to be upset. In fact, it's perfectly appropriate ad this certainly is worth crying over. I've had five miscarriages myself and I still get sad--to the point of tears--when I hear of anyone else's loss. I have to admit, too, that I cry even a little more when a baby is born healthy. :). It truly is a miracle and a blessing when babies are born! :)

Let yourself grieve. If you need counseling, go ahead and get it. You may want to go with your spouse so you can learn to support each other--even though you are both not at your strongest.

Know that you are surrounded by people who have experienced this type of loss.
I hope you are able to Conceive and realize the joy of a new baby soon!

I am so sorry. The best gift you could give yourself is time to grieve. On my first round of IVF (17 years ago) I got pregnant. I was so excited to have morning sickness. It wasn't ment to be. Physically, since I had been on a lot of hormones from IVF it took a lot longer. You take one day at a time. Unfortunately,.there will be people who won't understand. Feel free to email for support. What truly got me through is knowing that our babies (long story) where in Heaven and I one day would see them again.

Take care

J.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I had a m/c a year and a half ago, and felt like my heart would literally break in half. Please know that it will get better, because right now I know it feels like it won't. Physically, I think it took me about 3 weeks to feel normal again. Emotionally, it was a longer process. I did go see a counselor (who specialized in women's issues) a few times, which really helped. I also used an online support group-Daily Strength (http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Miscarriage-Stillbirth/sup... was helpful. I would say, be sure to TALK about it. People around you will feel uncomfortable, and may not bring it up because they don't know what to say, so you'll need to bring it up and tell others what you need from them. Best wishes to you-it will get better.