How Often Do You and Your Husband Touch?

It doesn't matter what's typical or not typical here -- what matters is that you each get what you need and compromise to feel like the other is listening. Right now you are asking for something you need and deserve, and he is not compromising with you. That's the more important issue.

You just described my husband! He does kiss me goodbye though. I love how giving me a hug is lame to him, but its ok to shove his hands down my pants at any given time.

Was he the touchy type before and stopped? Or is this how he has always been? My guess is this is nothing new and it's who he is.

I'd say keep asking for what you want with the hope he will get better. Ask sweetly...... don't be critical. Do that while keeping in mind (if he has always been this way) that this is just who he is and you may not be able to get exactly what you want. Find a compromise you can live with.

We constantly touch each other during the day and night. We always hold hands when driving down the road or walking through a mall. I sleep w/ one leg on his. When we walk by each other we will gently tough a shoulder or arm or grab each other's butt. But we are the touchy feely type. So are our kids. Saying that, I don't like other people to touch me. I'm not a hugger either. Kinda weird huh? Some people just don't like PDA or don't care to be touched though.

My husband isn't a "touchy-feely" kinda guy either. I look at his parents and understand why. I've never even seen them get close to each other, let alone hold hands, hug, etc.

I told my husband once, several years ago, that it's good for our children to see that we love each other by hugging, kissing and holding hands in their presence. In June, when we were at his folks visiting, our son turned to us (we were sitting on the couch holding hands) and asked "Do Grandma and Grandpa love each other?" We said yes and he said "But they don't act like it. They act like room mates." My husband told me that night that he is so glad that, even though it made him uncomfortable at first, we hold hands and hug and kiss in front of the kids.

We hold hands in public, but we don't kiss. (Unless we're at his work for some reason...but when I say we "kiss" it's three pecks on the lips in succession which means "I Love You" and only if he initiates it.)

We don't cuddle in bed, but we do hold hands after sex.

If you want it more, tell him it makes you sad, and you know that he's not the touchy-feely type, but let him know that you're examples for the kids, and you want the kids to know that you're in love and it's ok when you're in love to touch each other. Ask him to start small...by holding your hand in the car, or while watching TV, or giving you a peck on the cheek or lips when he comes home from work, or leaves for work. Start small and go from there.

*hugs*

My husband was raised to NOT touch....it took us YEARS (and I do mean YEARS) to get him over this....he knew his parents "loved" him but it was not shown in way of affection...I come from an AFFECTIONATE family...we talk almost every day on the phone and sometimes several times a day on the phone...his family? MAYBE once every six months...and in between if it's an emergency...most likely on birthdays too...yeah - messed up.

We touch every day - we kiss every day...he scratches my back when I go to bed (most every night)...we say prayers with the boys together EVERY NIGHT - hugs and kisses...

When we are out in public - he holds my hand.
When we watch TV or a movie - my legs are on his lap and he is touching me...this really took YEARS of letting him know it's OKAY to touch.. It's OKAY to hug...it's OKAY to cry (this is a work in progress STILL after 16 years)....

We hug and kiss each other every time we leave the room for the most part. We cuddle every night and every morning. When he goes up the stairs in front of me I will grab his butt and he will do the same to me. This causes us to both giggle (still). Holding hands is something we do on our walks and when shopping. When driving in the car he always has a hand on my leg.

So I guess we touch every chance we get.

No, not typical. Your husband has issues, which will harm your marriage. I think some counseling is in order, so he can learn how to express love.

This may go back to how he was raised. If he wasn't raised in a touchy feely family, he won't be a touchy, feely man. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. It just means that isn't how he expresses affection.

However your need for affection is equally important. You may need to have him touch you more. You need to figure out a way to express that to him and get what you want and or need. Compliments go a long way with most men. When he is doing some right compliment him. When he does something wrong, show him not like that like this and reward good behavior.

Both me and my husband are all over each other more often than not. We have known each other for over 20 years but have only been married for almost 2.

My hubby isn't a 'hand holding, kissing in public' kind of guy but we do hug/kiss when I get home from work (if we don't my four year old will point this out! We usually do a family group hug as well as her request). He is often flirty with me throughout the evenings - tap on the behind kind of thing. We don't often just peck and don't really ever use the tongue except during private times. I think we have a good balance of touching. But I wouldn't mind more in public....not that I want to 'show off' but I think it's good to show our kids we are physical with each other (not in that way). When we are watching tv, we each sit on our side of the couch and sometimes will reach out and hold hands but other than that we like our space.

My guy is NOT super affectionate, but I'm super flirty ;) Kind of like the yin to my yang... We always give each other a smooch before he leaves for work, IF I'm up... then another smooch when he gets home. Other than that, it's mostly all me. I'm a huge fan of smacking his butt every other time he walks by, or if he's standing around on the phone or something I'll go up behind him and give him a big squeeze (so he makes the 'oomph' sound into the phone, LOL)... and I LOVE LOVE LOVE hand holding, above all else. Even if we're just vegging out on the couch watching t.v, I'll grab his hand. If we're walking around the store, I'll loop my arm through his, or I'll grab his arm and put it around my shoulders. Guy's sometime's don't think about little things like that... so I remind my hubs ;)

Ask your guy why he acts so bothered... It could be a dumb guy something or other (in that case, you both need to compromise), or it could be something else going on with him. You'll never know unless you ask without attacking him. Best wishes!

I've been reading all of these responses and I just want to let you that I am the one who's not touchy feely. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it's just the way I was brought up. My husband gets frustrated with me from time to time cause he initiates hugs, kisses etc...and I do what it sounds like your husband does. I'm working on it for my husband, myself and my kids. It's not an easy thing to jump right into if you're not used to it. I love my husband very much :) My friends and I talk about this all the time. Some of us are flirty and some of us just aren't.

My husband and I have been married for 18 years we always hold hands while sitting and watching TV or when walking at the store shopping, he hugs me while I am cooking and is always touching me, hits my but or grabs it and last thing at night as we are going to sleep he caresses my but and say sorry I just can't resist. I always catch him staring (gazing at me) my MIL comments all the time how it amazes her that we are so close and so much in love still and that he looks at me with love. Everyone is different so what is normal for some may not be for others. You are right some people need a little more attention and touching. Has he always been this way or did it suddenly change? He could be depressed (depression makes the things we enjoy not enjoyable). I get annoyed at my husband sometimes because he doesn't leave me alone, after reading your question I guess I should be happy with all of the attention. You might just ask your husband if there is something wrong that you are concerned and that you need that contact with him.

I think many men get horney just by touch - so unless you're ready to get busy don't expect to be touched. My husband will try to grab my boob as he walks by me in the ktichen or pinch my butt - and I used to feel that it was degrading - now I realize it's just how he is. I'm 52, he's 46 and I'd rather have him "cop a feel" from me than someone else. But it's funny you ask this question becuase i was thinking how we never "cuddle" becuase I know if we cuddle he'll get horney and I'm just not in the mood as much as he is (cuz I'm always cleaning, folding laundry, cooking, etc, as well as working).

We do hold hands in chruch or at the movies, sometimes in the car too - but that's about it.

The real question is - does she show his love in other ways? Many men feel that protecting and providing for their family is the ultimate way of showing love - and ultimately it is - wouldn't you rahter have a guy who supports his family than a guy who's touchy feely but doesn't work? ;o)

I get hugs. Hand holding when we are alone on the couch sometimes. Half hearted pecks goodbye sometimes. No goodnight kisses - to be fair, I never kiss him goodnight because he will see that as a greenlight. If I initiate he ususally goes with it, unless he's in a mood. He definately messes with me too, trying to sneak a peek or grab a handful. But if I come in after a bad day and walk over to him, he will hold me and that's what's most important to me. He's there when I need him to be.

My husband is the touchy type. He hugs and kisses me every day and likes to hold me at night and loves to fool around a lot. =) When we were first married (20 years ago), it kind of annoyed me that he always wanted me to touch him... now it doesn't bother me and he loves when I rub his back etc. every night. We went to missionary school together and in one of our classes we learned about love languages. We had to figure out each others primary love language. His, of course, was physical touch and closeness. That's what makes him feel loved the most so that's how he shows his love to me. Mine is encouraging words so that is how I showed him... but he wanted me to do less talking and more touching...LOL The five love languages are Physical touch and closeness (wanting to touch and be near), encouraging words, quality time together, acts of kindness (cleaning the garage or doing nice things for each other), and gift giving. Even if people like all these things, usually there is one of these that makes a person feel the most loved. His may not be physical touching and yours might be. Maybe if you share this with him, he can touch more to show you love. When I realized this about us, it made me touch him more and I started liking it more and appreciating this more. I hope this helps. =)

All the time. He "messes" with me sometimes, but most of the time it's just affection. Was your husband always like this, even when dating? Is he even affectionate during sex, or is it just a physical act of sex? Is this something that has changed after you got married, or is it recent? If he was always like this, it's probably him. There are some men who are extremely uncomfortable with affection. Especially, if they never got it from their parents, never saw their parents expressing affection to him, or a long the way formed the opinion it's not masculine. I don't think it's healthy, for him to be like that. Have you both considered some marriage counseling. Counseling is needed, when a husband or wife's needs aren't being met...and they one not meeting the needs won't do anything about it. I don't find not meeting a spouse's needs acceptable, just because that's "how he is." If he were incredibly angry and violent, no one would accept that, because "it's the way he is." This is not healthy for your marriage!!

My husband and I love on each other frequently throughout the day. We hug, kiss, hold hands all that all day. We do chores together in the house so while walking by he will rub my shoulder or give me a quick kiss then continue on.
We always, always kiss goodbye, and say I love you, because when one of is walking out the door you never know what will happen next so I make sure to let him know how much I love him. We do all that kind of stuff, all the time.

My husband used to be not the type but I had to be honest and tell him that I NEED the affection and extra love through the day and that it was important to me. I told him that it made me feel closer to him and he really stepped it up and our relationship has gotten stronger for that.

If more is what you need from your husband then be honest and tell him that it would mean so much to you and he could at least try for your sake.
You just have to be up front and honest with men sometimes and tell them exactly what you need.

I didn't read the responses. But I will say it seems weird to me that he can be that unresponsive. Counseling could help but I'm guessing from the little you've said that he wouldn't be very receptive.

People love...give and receive love in different ways. If you're a reader, try reading 'The 5 Love Languages'. If possible and if you don't already, set aside time for a weekly date. Do something different and exciting.

Maybe 'life' has him stressed and he doesn't know how to cope with the stress so he's become unresponsive to too much affection.

Have you all tried sex more often? I know if we don't have sex then my affectionate husband becomes much less affectionate.

I hope I've been a little helpful. Good luck to you.

My husband is very similar. I am sorry it is bothering you lately. We all have times like that, where we may need a little more affection, or a little less. Compromise is key. I would ignore those who say you are making too big of a deal out of it or that it is "just the way he is" - I couldn't agree more with BUG!

If something hurts you in your marriage, it needs to be addressed, regardless of what others' norms are. If you have tried talking to your husband and that doesn't work, you need to go to counseling. And I think in this situation, going to the counselor alone would be more beneficial, and your husband can join in later or see someone himself. I say that because let's say this is "just how he is" - you can learn to "cope" with that to some extent, and then bring him on board to see how to lessen your coping requirements (ie, he learns to show love the way you need it, and you show him the same).

How does he like to be loved? Do you give that to him? If the answer is yes, then you have every right to expect the same in return, so long as it is communicated. You aren't asking for diamonds, you are asking for hugs. That is normal in a marriage!

Good luck to you!

We are very affectionate, with each other and with our children. We hold hands or he'll throw an arm around me when we're walking along together. When we sit together on the couch, we're always touching, either cuddled up, or I'll sit in his lap (he's twice my size). We kiss every morning and every evening, and if we spend the day together, we kiss several times throughout the day. My family is very affectionate; his is not so much, but he always has been. We have boys, but they are both huggers, even our 13 year old.

I'm really sorry that you are feeling "needy" lately, Sweet*Tooth. I would miss the touching and cuddliness if I were you. ((hugs))

This almost sounded like me writing the question .. except for the weekly sex.. I dont even get that once a month if im lucky but as of now were going on 2 mos :( Weve only been married since march of this yr. it was a whirlwind actually we got engaged 2 mos afetr we met, married 6 mos later, and havent been married a yr yet :( But... the way it we started out was AMAZING like 12 times in 7 days! I obviously knew it wasnt going to always be that way,but once a week was pretty much what i honestly expected. I could even deal with once a month if EVERYTHING else was good. he hugs me from the side like a buddy or a friend, he kisses me goodnight and goodbye but its like kissing a friend hello, or goodbye, if i get a pat on the leg sitting on the couch my heart jumps! id give anything for just hand holding, holding eachother, a real hug, real kisses, just soft touches, with all of that i could deal with a sexless marriage... i dont want to cheat on him, i do however need to feel like im desirable and worthy and i dont its so heart breaking :(

Troy and I touch all the time. He is just that kind of guy. Some guys aren't, ya know.

I have dated guys that were no touching. I could never spend my life with one, it would drive me nuts. Still it is part of their personality so it will not change but on the other hand it has nothing to do with how much they love or care about you.

Many men are like this. For many different reasons.

My husband and I are always hugging and smooching. He and I are both sensitive people though too. I find that we're a pretty rare couple.

I wasn't touchy-feely at all during the earlier parts of dating and our marriage and my husband likes cuddling and hugs and all that. He asked me for that and over time I had to learn that he felt loved when I touched him just as I felt loved when he did something nice for me. I highly recommend reading the book, 5 Love Languages, together as a couple and learning how each of you show love and how you receive it. If he can understand that you need that to feel loved maybe he will change. I was showing my husband that I loved him by doing things for him (because that is how I feel loved) and all I had to do was give him a hug or a cuddle every now and then and he felt so loved.

I think all men are different. My husband enjoys holding me in bed, giving me kisses as he walks by and "messing" with me. I love it all. But, my neighbor down the street...her husband is very proper in public and so improper when no one is looking. We're both equally happy with our different men!

I read a great article online somewhere that couples who indulge in at least one tongue kiss per day feel happier and feel that their marriage is more intimate. I shared this article with my husband--not to complain, but just share--and he took it very seriously. Dang if that article was spot on! The warm fuzzies from that one kiss can last all day!

While I can't quite square that your husband is not "touchy feely" when he enjoys copping a feel under your shirt, I would encourage you to look for other ways your husband shows his love for you. For some men, it's working very hard for other men, it's doing stuff around the house and yard. One of my best guy friends shows his wife how much he loves her by building her the most beautiful household items out of wood. He built her the most gorgeous, old-fashioned sewing cabinet with every bell and whistle a sewer could dream of. He worked on it for years. Not only did she cry when she showed it to me, I cried looking at it. It just screamed, "I LOVE YOU, BABY!!!!!" Perhaps if you found those non-physical-affection displays of love and showed appreciation, he might be more willing to give you what you need. I don't know...just a thought.

In the end, though, only you can decide if his lack of physical affection is something you can live with. From your "so what happened" it sounds like he was not very affectionate before and it got worse. Perhaps asking him to return to pre-baby (low) levels of physical affection would be reasonable. If he refuses, I guess you either learn to live with it, you find a man who can fill those needs or you leave your husband (maybe not necessarily in that order). Tough choices all around.

Good luck.

My ex and i were the opposite of you. I am not a touchy feely person at all and my ex needed to be huged, kissed, touched all the time. I grew up not seeing much affection between my parents and i as a child dont remember ever being kisses, huged or told i was loved.
At first i like all the attention and then it got old and i need my space. I have a bubble around me and that is my space i dont want people in it. I love on my kids and kiss them and tell them i love them, but if im sitting on the couch and they want to be right next to me, it bothers me.
I think it has a lot to do with how you were brought up.

We do frequently enough, however sometimes it is dictated by his psoriasis, when he is having a bad attack it seems any touch anywhere is painful so for the past while we have had little to no contact while his flair up calms down. He initiates when he can during these times but it is something I understand and deal with as part of our relationship. Yes, I know there are ways to help psoriasis medically with toxins and such but we are doing what we can to have a toxin reduced home and those medications come with a different kind of pain; he is deciding the lesser of two evils right now.