How Do I Get My Kids to Listen to Me?

I also have a 6 year old that doesn't listen. My boss just gave me the best advice. She said, "Never tell them more than three times to do anything." After the third time, send them to their room or time out, etc. I have started doing this with my son and now all I have to say is, "Don't make me tell you the third time," and he jumps right up and does whatever I tell him.

I found that if I provide a CONSEQUENCE to tuning me out and not doing what I ask, it had great results. Think of their most favorite toy or activity, and tell them if they do not do what you tell them, you will take it away for 15 minutes, 1 hr, whatever. Or if they are looking forward to a playdate, or outing, they will endanger that as well. You must carry out what you tell them, or it will never work again. I also found that "video vacation" works GREAT. No video ANYTHING, (computer, TV, video games)for, whatever time is appropriate for the offense.

J. B

Get right up in their faces. Tell them to look at you while you're speaking. Tell them exactly what you want and when you want it. (i.e. I want you to take your shoes to your room, and I want that to be done before you can play with your toys.) (OR I want you to stop hitting your sister right now. You can choose to stop hitting her, or you can choose to lose your GameBoy for two days.) Then, follow through. Take that GameBoy if what you asked for didn't happen. It's a good idea to give them two choices: i.e. You can choose to set the table for dinner, or you can choose not to have dessert tonight. (One of the choices is an obvious NO-BRAINER, but kids don't always get it.) So, use a consequence every single time they don't do what you're asking, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS follow through!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kids need boundaries. They need FIRM boundaries.

P.S. I've learned some of this and am still learning it because I didn't give my kids consequences and didn't always follow through or be consistent. Now, I've gone through years of counseling to learn how to get them to do what I want them to do, and I still get frustrated because my two daughters are so iron-willed. But when I remember to give consequences and follow-through, it really does work!!!!! Let me save you years of time and lots of $$$$ with counselors!

--C.

K.,
You need to set a consequence or punishment for not listening.
And then, you MUST enforce it-no matter what. After school is a hard listening time for my kids, I used to threaten no watching Clifford if they didn't listen BUT I never followed through because I need that 30 minutes to get dinner going,etc. Find a punishment that you CAN and WILL follow through with. It is all about consistency. It will suck for a few days but eventually your kids will get better at listening.
A. G

I have two responses. One, what are they doing at the time? If they are watching tv or listening to a muscial device, I would calmly go over and turn it off. Keeping your cool and a neutral expression is very important. When they yell, explain that those things are a privelege not a right. It is your right to be heard as their caregiver and parent. If it continues, I would deny them the devices until such time as homework,chores and dinner are done. Second, I would pick a good time to ignore them and let them feel what it is like in a matter that seems important to them, but may not be that important in the scheme of life. When they say they are hungry or want you to do something, simply act as if they are invisible. Do it as long as you can stand it and then quietly sit them down somewhere and ask them how they feel. Ask them if they felt good, or loved, or important to you, or abandoned, or disrespected. When they say yes, then and only then tell them that that is the way you feel when they ignore you. Then ask them if they mean to be so mean to you and hurt you so badly? It may sound extreme to some parents, but live object lessons that stimulate calm discussions are remembered way past the times we yell and scream our objections!
Hope this helps, Mom of two grown daughters and three step-children.

Hi K.,

I'm a home child care provider along with a mother of 4, it might as well be a mother of 8, lol.

The 1st thingis set up the rules. Get a poster board and write them down and post them where they can see them. Also write down what they are responsible for like cleaning their rooms, keeping them clean, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper or wherever they go. Putting their shoes, coats, and backpacks away, etc.

Get everyone on the same page, clearly set the rules and next the punishments for not following through for what they are to do or rules to follow.

Every kid has currency. No matter what it is they have it. For your daughter maybe it's a toy or a stuffed animal, maybe play dates with a friend. It might be the same for your son.

Find the punishment that fits the crime.

For instance 1 I like to use for not putting their clothes in the hamper or where they go is...If I see them on the floor they have to pick them up put them where they belong, pick them back up go put them back on the floor where they were and then go put them back in tghe hamper or whatever. After them doing this 25 times they get the point real quick, they need to put them where they go. You can use this for just about anything.

The other part of this is keeping them busy.
You don't say whether you work out side of the home or if you are a stay at home mom but either way, you need to have them stay busy throughout the day. Make sure they are getting plenty of rest. If they go to school let them know what they are expected to do when they get home from school. If you are a stay at home mom give them a little more structure during the day.

Hi K.,I used to have this problem.My boys are 4 and 6. Whenever they didn't listen I would start taking the things they love away like family trips, TV, games after a few of days they started to understand that I mean what I say Be consitant. Dont get to a place where you lose controll cause if they know they push your buttons they will continue with that behavior. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!K.WALKER

Hi K.,
I know exactly how you feel being a step-mom my kids have felt that they didn't have to listen to me. The things that I have found that's worked are consequences. I take the things away that they like the most. With my kids it's the computer, tv and video games. I take one thing away for a few days depending on what it was that they didn't follow my directions about. My kids like to play after school not do school work if they bring home bad reports from school then I add homework to their load, if they didn't do their chores or did a quick job due to them not wanting to do it, then I have them redoe it or give them more and as I add consequences I tell them why, that way they don't think I'm being just mean. They then know that they need to think about whether or not they want positive consequences or negative consequences due to their actions or words. I always make sure when they make positive choices then I do things with them, you know little everyday things but things that kids find to be important. My kids love me to play games with them so when they make positive choices then after I make the time to play a video game or board game with them. I hope this helps you.

One way is to get eye level with them and look at them and don't yell ( I use to do that) this way you are sure you are getting their attention, kids have a real way of having selective hearing. I am a 77 year old grandma and wish someone would have told me these things when our 5 were young. hope this helps.
W.

Your children need to know that you are in control. I have worked at a school and seen that children actually respect someone who enforces rules more than someone who lets them get away with anything. The first thing I would do is sit your children down together and talk to them about the problem. Tell them it is unacceptable to ignore you, and that there need to be consequences for it. Let them help you decide what the consequences will be. They should be something that goes along with the offense such as: If they ignore you about cleaning their room, all the toys on the floor end up out of reach for 3 days. If they won't turn off the tv when its time they can't watch tv the rest of the day or the next.
The children will probably enjoy getting to help choose the consequences, but they won't like it when you remind them. The main thing is to stick to your guns once you set a rule in place. The better you do this, the easier it will be, and the children will soon come to appreciate knowing what is expected of them.

My initial thoughts are that maybe they are trying to get attention. Are you giving them enough GOOD attention? Sometimes if kids think the only attention they will get is bad attention, then they will eat it up. How much time do you spend and talk with your kids that is productive? When they misbehave, what are your forms of discipline? When they refuse to listen to you, take privelages away. They have to learn life lessons and you are their best teacher. Are there family problems? Kids tend to misbehave more if there are family problems. If you are doing everything right, then you may want to get professional help and advice, but it's usually not the kids fault , there is probably something you could be doing differently. Don't blame them for being "bad kids" just love them and discipline them at the same time.

I agree with Susie R with the 1-2-3 Magic....there is a DVD/Video out as well as a book. The DR who wrote the book/did the DVD, talks the basics....Count your children, then do not get emotionally attached. Count 1-2-3 then just take them right to time out (1 minute for every year of their age) and do not say a word. If they get out, put them back. Did it was my 4 yr old and works pretty well. You have to stay with it once you start it...no slacking off. Took my husband and I week of Hard core time outs (my son was way out of control) to get him to realize mom and dad were sticking to their guns. It was a little stressful but now it worth it! GOOD LUCK!!

there is a program out there called 123 magic and it is awesome. There is a video you can check out at your library and it won't cost you a thing. It is easy and it works!! It will teach you what you need to do. Good Luck.

You should watch, "Super Nanny." I'm not trying to be funny or anything. She just really has some great advice. She's helped me. Even if you really don't need help, she just has a lot of fun ideas to do with your kids. And she's an expert with the unruly children stuff.

super nanny on wednesday nights very good info you have to be consistent and they have to realize if they do not listen and do has they are told their are consquences time outs etc

I think a huge this is following through with the consequences that you set and making sure you're consistant! If they know you mean business then they will soon learn to listen. If they don't listen to you and just walk away, then sit them down, get to their level and explain a punishment that will occur if they don't start listening. Once you set that standard the first time then you must actually follow through with the consequence each time there after. Kids know your weaknesses and it sounds like your kids have figured out yours! Make their consequence something that is important to them like taking away a video game, or something that they particularly play with all the time! Good Luck!

All I have to do is take away the things they like the most. My kids do this too. But they know when mommy has had enough. After telling them 3 times they sit in the corner, if they continue, they lose their DS, then they get grounded from playing with eachother or going to their friends to play, TV, then they sit in their room, if that doesn't work they get the yellow gloves (cleaning time) my boys get to clean the toilettes my daughter gets to dust,&mop (they hate this) if they say bad words they get HOT Sauce they have only had to get this once ever. Now all I have to do is say Hot sauce.
All I can say is if you let it continue and don't put your foot down then you are adding insult to injury because they know you are just making threats. My sister raised her kids that way and now they are the most disrespectful, rude, lazy, & unappreciative teen agers I have ever met. They yell and scream at her like she is their sibling. Not in my house UH UH! You better nip that one in the butt right away!
I don't think it has anything to do with you not paying attention to them! What? That is ridiculous! you just have to be consistent and make good on your threats
Good luck to you

Try giving them consequences. IF they do not do something, THEN something will happen. And stick to it. For example, take something away that is cherished. Tell them they will not watch television. Or that they will not get to go somewhere. Actions speak louder than words, and if you get them to Feel the result of their misbehavior, you will have better results.

Do you respect yourself? Stop whatever they are doing until you have their full attention.

I always say "right away - all the way- with a happy heart!"

It works

or take away things they really really like......certain toys, things they sleep with, certain tv shows, playing with friends, anything that is a routine for them

make a calendar/chart and put stickers on it when they do certain chores and at the end of the week could be a trip to the ice cream parlor! Go to Dr Jazz in Lebanon! My friends own the place! Its adorable!!!!!!!!!!! and the ic ream comes from Wisconsin...its called Cedar Chest and its YUMMY!!!!!!!!

Check out the book Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline. You can get it on Amazon.com. It gives great advice in all areas of parenting.