First, sorry if I am posting this in the wrong area. Second, I am posting because I am honestly torn about having another child or not and while I know that none of you ladies can make a decision for my I am just looking for others who may have had the same feelings I am having. So, here is my story-I have 4 beautiful healthy daughters-I have felt that my family was complete, but now I am not certain. My youngest is 2 1/2-after delivery w/her my doctor said that I probably shouldnt have any more children b/c my uterus is so thin that I may not be able to carry another baby-and if I decide to the risks could be as serious as death for me and/or my unborn child. That didnt bother me b/c I had already felt like she was my last child anyway. Now for the last 2 years I have said umpteen million times that I do NOT want anymore babies. Well, the last month the only thing I think about is having another baby. I just got married Sept 19, we got a puppy a little over a month ago(thought maybe that would satisfy my urge for a little one :) and I work in the nursery at church to get my fill of babies. I have made a list of pros and cons to having another child and my only reasons for not wanting another seem a little selfish (vacations, a little more "freedom" or me time)...then there is always the health risk. I also think that I am feeling that we should maybe try one more time to see if we get a boy(I really feel bad for my husband b/c I know he would love to have a son....he adores his girls)....I also apologize for rambling on.......I just keep going back and forth and would love to hear anyone else that struggled with deciding how many children will complete your family...thanks so much!!!!
*******In response to a couple of posters-I never said I WAS going to have another child. Obviously my kids are my utmost concern, which is why I haven't had another child yet. We are more than financially sound and fortunate in what we have-like I said-I go back and forth over another child constantly. I am super happy and blessed with what I have and am not at all trying to be selfish in contemplating another child. I am just torn because I honestly believed with all my heart that I was done and I was satisfied with that-until a month ago. I am not looking for someone to give me an answer-just curious if others have experienced this and how you handled it. If you have something negative to say about me please refrain b/c I am not interested in any of that nonsense. I am not selfish or looking to fill voids or anything like that-I am just going through a wave of emotions right now. Probably due to the fact that my baby is no longer my baby-and as far as I'm concerned I think many women go through that. Thanks to those who have posted nice responses to let me know I am not alone :)
Good luck making a decision, but if it were me, blessed with 4 healthy children and a health risk that could end my life and leave my children orphans and my husband a widower, the choice would be easy. Find something else to fill the void of wanting another baby, which sounds like for you could be a never ending desire once your babies grow. Enjoy the children you have.
I cannot even believe that I just read that your selfish reason for not having another baby would be for vacations!!! How about for your 4 daughters that are here on Earth and need their mother to be around for them?!?
What does your husband think about this? My husband would tell me that he can't live without me and would not be willing to risk my life.
It sounds like you are trying to fill a hole with the wrong need. Please pray for more guidance to find what you are really seeking in life.
so basically what you are saying is you would risk your life to have another baby & to fulfill your need only to never know your baby because you may be dead.....good luck with your decision.
You are not alone in your feelings. I always wanted two kids and I have them...and thought I was done. Then life threw us a bit of a curve-ball leaving me with a surprising strong desire to give my children another sibling. Unfortunately, it will not happen, as having another pregnancy would be a great medical risk for me. The only reason I know I'm done with my own pregnancies is that it's the best thing for my existing children and husband. It still makes me sad sometimes, but I guess "it is what it is." I wish I had advice about how to come to terms with this, but I don't.
I will be done having babies after this one comes in December. Pregnancy is not easy for me and, quite frankly, I am not willing to take more risks that would be life-threatening just to fulfill a selfish need to have another child. I think it is very important for me to be a healthy and present parent for my family. I cannot imagine my children having to live without their mother because I would have wanted to tempt fate and try for one more. The risks you might be taking are not your risks alone; what would happen to your family if mom didn't make it?
i don't think there is an answer. everyone says "you never regret having your...(insert # here... 3rd, 5th) but you need to know who YOU are. I wanted to be the mom of 4 but after 2 boys I figured out, i am just not that kind of calm. as for the girl/boy thing, your odds go up that you'll have another same sex sibling the more of 1 sex child you have. can you afford the lifestyle you want for 5 children? not much help, i guess just a few more questions to add to the mix. I think we are all confused about right from wrong in parenting and family size, and that is okay, and no matter what you choose doubt will usually follow. at least know, you are not alone!
WOW...there was a few harsh comments to your post.....so to those i thought this was a place to get some positive advice, im sure we have to be harsh and frank at times but i think the way those comments came across sounded more judgmental towards you.......so shame on them.......
Now back to your question...i wish i had that answer for myself aswell......Im only 27yrs and have three amazing boys 5, 4 and 9mo old. After #3 was born my husband and i both though we were done and he would go get "fixed"....But then i started going back and forth....he kept to his guns.....that he was done..(FYI he has a 12yr son from previous relationship....)...
My reasons for being done is that i want to enjoy my three boys and its harder to do when you have to "drag" along a baby and all there needs.....example....its hard to volunteer at my sons school because that means i need to find daycare for baby, or tee ball this summer.... i wasnt able to help on the field because i had to tend to baby......so things like this make me say NO more........
But to think of not being able to have have anymore if my husband has the surgery makes me sad......its just so final......even now i see a newborn and my heart aches to think it will never happen to me again......i enjoyed my pregnancies, and delivery.....
And funny thing ....my husband just dropped his "decision" on me...he said in four years when we are more settled we can have one more......
made me feel better to know that in four yrs i can make the decision of yes or no .......
my boys will be a little older and if i still have that feeling of wanting another then we will.....
But in your case you still want more and if like you said your able to provide for them, i would consult with doctor and see what your options are. And from what he tells you it might make your decision easier or clearer.
And very quickly to those that werent so nice .......you do things everyday that may cause to take you away from your family....and we still do it.....So i would suggest that we give our opinions and not be judgmental......
FYI..my other reason for not wanting another is ......im scared to have a girl...i think we are good with boys.......so to not push my luck i think we might jsut stop while we are ahead... :o)......
Good luck with whatever you and your family decide .......would love to hear an update.....
Hi A.,
I often go back and forth with our (my husband and I's) decision to be done after three. He had is day at the snip snip and I cried. Then other days my dear sweet daughter will turn into the devil! Other days one of my boys want to snuggle and I start thinking about when they were babies which makes me want more babies. Five minutes later the boys are at each others throats so I want to check myself into the funny farm!
I'm not certain but I think its a normal course in a women's life and you will figure out what will work in your family!
Best Wishes!
I knew from the my experiene with my 2nd pregnancy that this was it for me. Additionally, when we got married, we discussed having 2 or 3 kids and finally agreed to 2. I was very happy with that. Both are girls but I tell you my hubby didn't push for a boy knowing that both pregnancies were high risk.
So there goes my health factor that also helped make the decision to do what's best for our famiy. I don't see your post as being selfish. We love our children as parents. But we also look forward to being an empty nesters and "going back to eden" with our spouses. :0)
Be blessed! I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
A.,
I sounds like God has a plan for your family, your plan is not always his plan ;-) You wanted to be done at four and he is changing your heart. Remember God will never give you more than you can handle and children are the biggest blessing you can have. You will never regret having another child, however you can live with the regret of NOT having another child.
I say let God bless your family with another bundle of joy.
Elizabeth
I agree with another poster who suggested that you consider adoption, which poses no threat to your health. There are SOOOO many babies out there who need loving homes, and it sounds like you have tons of love to give. I am a huge advocate of adoption. I have 4 adopted cousins, 1 of whom just adopted a boy from Guatemala to join her 2 biological kids (her hubby had decided he was done having kids about 7 years ago and had a vasectomy, but had a change of heart later on.)
I have another very close friend who is unable to have children, but is in the process of adopting a baby who is due in the 2nd week of November.
As for having your own biological child, I would leave it in God's hands if I were in your position. I would neither attempt to become pregnant, nor to avoid pregnancy, but pray that He watches over you and your family.
I have always heard that you will KNOW when you are done. I have 4 children myself, and I know that I am not done. Personally, I would love to have 6, but I too, have a thin uterus, so I will not chance it with more than 1 more pregnancy.
My doctor and I have discussed this several times since my daughter was born. She told me that the next pregnancy would just be monitored a little more closely, and we would deliver around 38 weeks because labor is what would be the risky part of having a thin uterus. (I have had 4 c-sections)
Only YOU can decide if you are done. Don't let other people's negativity influence your decision.
Good Luck!
I thought I was done after two, but then baby #3 came along quite unexpectedly. After the initial shock wore off, both my husband and I were happy about it. By the end of the pregnancy, I had terrible sciatic nerve pain. The labor itself was induced, but we ended up with a gorgeous girl, who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Unfortunately, I had to go through months of physical therapy to relieve the nerve pain even after she was born. My husband and I both agreed that we were "done" with pregnancy, and he had a vasectomy. Our girls are 11, 8 & 7 now.
What's funny is there are a few neighbors that are just starting to have babies - the moms always look super tired and strained. I am so glad that I'm not one of them!
You need to be around for the babies you already have. Please, if you must, get some more medical advice and strongly consider adoption.
I've felt that hormonal urge to have another - all the time. The hormones don't last 18 years, but the babies do! If I waited for my emotions to decide I was "done" I don't think I'd ever be done, because I love babies. So I am sympathetic - in a different world, where I'd met my husband younger and we had 10x more money, we'd have at least a couple more kids. But I feel like I owe it the kids I do have to be the best mom I can, and for me, that means we're done having kids. (every family is different, of course.)
