Homework and Focusing

This depends, in part, on what her afternoons & evenings look like. Does she get a break after school to run around? Does she have a snack? Are you waiting until after dinner to do homework?

My kids do best when they've had a snack and some time to run around. We try to get homework done before dinner, because after dinner we are usually focused on taking a bath and getting ready for bed.

But you have to find a time that works for you.

Also, how much homework are we talking about? My 2nd grader has homework a couple of nights each week, and it usually doesn't take more than 10 or 15 minutes. If she has more than that, maybe it's too much for her. She's in school all day, and at that age that's really a lot! It can be tough for them to be in school all day and then still have homework. Now, as they get older, that's different. But right now she shouldn't have too much.

I would let the teacher deal with her behavior while at school. If your daughter isn't listening there will be consequences, perhaps being moved to a desk up front, maybe even losing recess. What happens at school should be dealt with at school.
At home, I assume 2nd grade homework is about 15-20 minutes, plus another 20 minutes or so of reading, right? If she fights sitting down to do it then tie it to something she WANTS to do. My youngest (ADHD kid) had to finish her homework BEFORE any TV or video games or computer time, otherwise it was a battle. My older two just did it at the table/counter while I was making dinner.
Reading was done at bedtime. Sometimes they read on their own, sometimes I read to them. Teachers usually count reading TO your child as reading time (because of course it contributes to their comprehension, especially if you talk about the story as you go along) so do that if she still doesn't like reading on her own.
Remain calm, communicate with the teacher and you will be fine, so will she!

Is she having trouble with focus and retention and/or not listening, as in arguing and refusing?

If it is a focus issue, I would start with her diet and rest. Is she eating the wrong thing and then running out of energy? Is she too tired to focus? Have you had her eyes checked?

I would start with the easy things like put her to bed in time to allow more sleep and go through her diet and see if anything needs to be changed.

A broken home IS major and life-altering.

I doubt you'll listen to this advice, but I suggest you stop fighting. Allow her homework to be between her and her teacher, with you keeping out of it for the most part, except for praising her for effort.

No amount of 3rd grade homework is worth a combative home life. Whether we want to admit it or not, our generation of parents is extremely tied to our kids' scholastic achievement, or lack thereof. Been there, done that.

Grades aren't everything. Read with your kid, explore and have fun with her, and she will get a better education than all the worksheets you can throw at her and argue with her about.

My kids have ADD and ADHD and on a good day I could get 15 minutes of focus out of them for homework. One has an IEP and one has a 504 plan. We had meetings with the teacher and since my daughter was getting C's or better, she has no homework except reading and something once in a blue moon. My son doesn't bring math home because it's his hardest subject and I can't help him with it. LOL So he has minimal homework as well. I told the teachers and principals that there was no way I was going to fight with my kids to do homework and have us all in tears if they are getting decent grades. They agreed and made adjustments. Except one teacher who was a professor and had crazy expectations and when we met with her and the principal she REFUSED to make adjustments so I FLAT OUT told her (with the principal present) he would do ZERO homework and get an F in all of it. Funny thing was, it was so low of a percentage for his grade that it didn't matter and ended up being a great decision. Maybe see if the teacher can give less work for your daughter until she gets the swing of it. Mine did every other problem, or even or odd numbered questions for awhile. And the best year was when the teacher gave a packet of homework for the whole week. That way they could do less some days and more others. Hope this helps.Good luck.

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My kids have ADD and ADHD and on a good day I could get 15 minutes of focus out of them for homework. One has an IEP and one has a 504 plan. We had meetings with the teacher and since my daughter was getting C's or better, she has no homework except reading and something once in a blue moon. My son doesn't bring math home because it's his hardest subject and I can't help him with it. LOL So he has minimal homework as well. I told the teachers and principals that there was no way I was going to fight with my kids to do homework and have us all in tears if they are getting decent grades. They agreed and made adjustments. Except one teacher who was a professor and had crazy expectations and when we met with her and the principal she REFUSED to make adjustments so I FLAT OUT told her (with the principal present) he would do ZERO homework and get an F in all of it. Funny thing was, it was so low of a percentage for his grade that it didn't matter and ended up being a great decision. Maybe see if the teacher can give less work for your daughter until she gets the swing of it. Mine did every other problem, or even or odd numbered questions for awhile. And the best year was when the teacher gave a packet of homework for the whole week. That way they could do less some days and more others. Hope this helps.Good luck.

If you and her dad are not together I would imagine that her afternoons involve some kind of aftercare (if you work FT) or that she sometimes has to switch houses? That can factor into getting into a calm homework routine. Not the end of the world, of course, but factors to consider.

When my kids were in after-school care, I had them do their homework there so that we weren't trying to deal with it after 6 PM. They come home after school every day now and it's a bit chaotic regarding when homework gets done depending on schedules, etc.

The one thing that is working well this year is that I put together a really huge desk in our basement rec room that I use for my home office. There is a little space at the end where I inadvertently parked an extra chair and my younger boys (8 & 10) love it. They take turns coming to my "office" and will pull up the chair to the end of my desk and do homework quietly while I'm working. They can ask me questions, get supplies, etc. I don't know what the magic is of this vs. the kitchen table or the desk in their room, but it works.

So...if she has to do homework at home, is there an inviting space that you can use that might help her better concentrate on her work and tackle homework with less of a fight? I honestly never would have believed that a change of scenery would work so well - and didn't even plan on it - but they just love my desk and doing their work while I do mine.

For the teacher, let the teacher be responsible for managing her class and just back her up if the teacher asks for help. But otherwise, assume she can manage it.

I truly think the teacher needs to address this. If your daughter misbehaves at school and they turn it into your problem then your daughter gets to act any way she wants at school and not mind at all. She has all day to act like this until she gets home.

If the teacher addresses the issue instantly then your daughter will get her consequences then and there. She'll start associating consequences at school and her actions will change.

If you continue to manager her school behaviors I believe they'll continue.

So tell the teacher that even though you fully support her she is the trained professional that has years of experience dealing with this sort of stuff and you defer to her judgement up to XXXXX point. My point they can't pass is swats. They have to call me before that becomes an option.

Keeping her in the room at recess, keeping her after school if she doesn't go to child care or if she does after school care she has to stay in her classroom and do her work until she's done then she can go to the after school program to play with her friends.

There are many things the teacher can do. Tell her to do her job.

3rd grade seems to be "the" hardest grade for girls. They all seem to have issues then. I think your support will help her get centered and focused again. The girls all have their stuff going on and they'll all effect each other.

It is much the same at my home as Mynewnickname's. Homework is done first and there is nothing on for distraction during that time - no one watching tv or playing games or anything. The house is quiet and the home is conducive for homework. Nothing gets done (except after school snack) until everyone's homework is done.

I also do not understand the "fight" thing. The rule is the rule - there is nothing to fight about. If he/she sits there and does nothing for say 30 minutes, then it would be bath and bedtime (but that has never happened) Again, no fighting. I don't fight with children.

I would go back to basics when you are home regarding interrupting people, listening when spoken to (we have 2 ears and 1 mouth to listen twice as much as we talk) and time and place. She can talk to her friends at recess but not when the teacher is talking. I'm sure the teacher will have tools to rein that in during class but it is good for you to know about so you can work with her outside of class, too.

As for the homework, how much is it, is it new concepts, etc? Sometimes my DD (and her big sister, too) needs someone to sit with her. Even if she "knows" how to do it, sitting at the table alone is boring and dull. So I might sit near her if I'm not actively helping, or she sits in the kitchen while we cook dinner, do chores, etc. I would think about what she is "not focused" on and if it is a new concept or a harder level of work and if there was anything I could do to make it fun or break it up. My DD doesn't sit down and do all of her HW at once. She does one section or one page, her choice, and then her reading, and then back to finish up the rest of her math, over the course of the night. Remember, too, that it's her HW and if it's not perfect, then it is still an accurate representation for the teacher. SD used to rush her work, write sloppily, and get points off. When she complained about it, we reminded her to take her time and make sure she wrote clearly enough to be understood.

I also have a second grader. Some days he has a great day at school and comes home and does homework right away and some days you can tell were tougher. So I give him the choice when he comes home...do you want to do your homework now or have a snack first? Most days he does it right away, some days you can tell he needs a break first. I would also suggest setting up a conference with her teacher. Come up with a plan together. If the choice is to let your daughter suffer natural consequences of not doing her homework (points off at school or whatever the teacher's policy is) then at least the teacher will know what your plan is and that you're just not letting her not do it just because. Hopefully that makes sense...if she has those consequences at school, maybe she would be more apt to complete it on her own. But maybe she needs help or doesn't understand the material either. But start with the teacher to see if she's having trouble at school and come up with a plan together. If it doesn't work, then work on it and try something else! These are tough ages...I can relate!!

I am wondering exactly what is happening when you say you are fighting over it. I do not argue with my son over homework. But, he doesn't have the option to do anything else until it's done. All electronics (including the TV for everyone) are off until homework is done. Bedtime snack is not served until homework is done (homework time is after dinner for us). Toys are not available until after homework is done.

So, my son does his homework as quickly as he can, because there is nothing else to do at our house until it's done.

As a side note, the 'all electronics off for everyone' is really important here. If anyone has TV on for any reason, it will distract my son. He cannot concentrate on homework if he can hear the TV or the Wii or any other electronic game/music/noise in the other room, even if he can't see it.

I think the teacher has to handle the talking in class. That needs to have immediate consequences, and you can't do that from home.

I don't believe this is an issue for the teacher to handle alone. I think that is part of the breakdown in our educational system. Too many parents let the teacher handle what should be handled by the teacher and parent. It could be the split with your husband or it could be ADHD or a combination of both. I say talk to your dr or get her into therapy to determine what issues she has. Also work with the teacher as well.

My daughter is in 2nd grade and hates it. She loves her teacher and her classmates but hates school now. I am hoping its a phase. Maybe its a 2nd grade thing. Wishing you lots of luck!!

The goal here is to guide her to the point where you don't have to nag her about doing her homework. I suggest taking a Love and Logic approach to both the homework fight and her lack of focus (though, regarding inattention, I believe that a formal evaluation should be done sooner than later to rule out anything that could potentially be treated and mitigate future difficulties). Utilize the natural consequences of her not doing her work and of her not focusing.

The fact of the matter is that homework is her responsibility to complete, and the grade she earns is based upon her effort or lack thereof. Homework is not just about getting all the answers right, it's a way for teachers to know that the student understands the curriculum on their own, and it's a way to teach a good work ethic.

I recommend backing off a bit. Make it clear that SHE is responsible for completing her work and bringing it to you for you to make sure it's done. But instead of getting onto her for incorrect answers, just make sure it's done and legible. You might mention that you see some that are incorrect, and encourage her to check through the answers, but put the onus on her as to whether she fixes her work or not. And ensure that she understands that the grades she earns, and the consequences of those grades, both positive and negative, are based upon how hard she is willing to CHOOSE to work.

I told my boys years ago that I was not responsible for their homework or grades, they are. And when they let their grades slip because they chose not to put forth the necessary effort, there were consequences and I tightened down the oversight a bit. Today they are both in middle school and maintain high grades without my help.