Hold Back My 4-Year-old Son?

Wait. He may be educationally ready, but if his physical skills are at a 4-year-old level while all his classmates are older and better-coordinated, if he's always the last picked for teams, if he can't do what most others in his class can do, what will that do to him? Better to wait until he is really ready. I don't have a December boy, but I have a December birthday, and my parents were faced with the same decision. They waited until I was 5. It has never mattered. And I wouldn't call waiting until he is 5 "holding back". Kids just aren't ready at 4. My son is almost 4, and there is NO WAY he'd be ready.

I know I am late at responding to this but you made the right decision at keeping your son back another year. Remember that boys are slower than girls and it will get harder as they grow up. I made the mistake of moving my child forward based on the teacher and not my instincts. I regretted it ever since as I watched him struggle. Administrators, teachers, counselors, etc. repeatedly told me not to have him repeat it would do more harm then good. I have done a lot of research in this area and they were right ONLY if you keep your child at the same school. So I switched schools, he repeated 6th grade and is the top of his class. The best decision I ever made. Always go with your instincts. Teachers sometimes just want to push children forward to move in the new kids.

What is his actual birthdate? make sure he makes the cut off-some of the dates can be weird.
With all that is involved in kindergarten these days, I would wait. There is a lot-sight words, beginning addition and telling time, writing simple paragraphs, reading. Too many parents push their kids at an early age when it isn't necessary. My son wouldn't have done as well at age 4.
The social impact of a young one and peer groups is a big consideration. A 13 year old in high school? Definitely scary this day in age. With all the time in kids spend in school, an extra year at home can't hurt. Better to be older than younger and potentially picked on or other struggles down the road.

ps-I'm a different J. S than before

Hi S. ~I waited a year for my son, and it was the best decision I could have made for him. I was like you, unsure of what to do. My son is simular. Social & edcuation skills were fine to move forward, but the motor skills were a bit behind. My son does not struggle in any of these areas now, I think because I made the decision to wait 1 more year. Good luck with your decision, when it comes down to it, you his mom & you know in your heart whay your son needs.

My daughter's birthday is on December 9th. I was bummed about her missing the cut-off when a Principle said these words to me. Do you want your child to be a leader or a follower? As the youngest in the class your child will always be a follower. If your child is the oldest, he will be the leader. I decided I'm happy with my child being a leader.

You aren't "holding him back". Not sure why so many people word it like that? Technically, most states require a child to be 5 by Sept. 1st to start kindergarten (I think this is how it should be). My daughter turned 5 last November, she could have started kindergarten but I had no desire to have her be the smallest/youngest in her class. We know several people who have started kindergarten at age 4 and are not happy that they did it. In fact, two people I know are just repeating kindergarten. What is the rush?

Let him enjoy one more year of pre-k. My daughter will start kindergarten this summer and turns 6 in Nov., I have no regrets at all!

Sorry, I know my example is with a girl and not a boy. I have a son too, I'd do the same.
M.

Such a hard question. I have a Sep birthday & my mom put me in, but my brother, who has an Oct birthday was held back. Looking back, I thought I entered the world too young. My brother, now 17, can't stand the idea of another year in highschool???

If you want to try school without a major attachment, I would look at private Kindergarten, if he does well you can have him go to 1st grade without worrying about him being behind. However, if he goes to the private Kindergarten and you feel like he still needs more, you can put him in Kidergarten again in public school and there won't be any harm done (he won't see his friends in 1st grade).

Hi S.,

I have two sons both born in October. I had the pleasure of enjoying one more year of childhood with them, and nobody can ever take that away from me. Consequently, we had time to build a stronger bond and when they went to school a year later they were ready for the challenges physically, emotionally and intellectually. We do not "hold our children back" we give them a golden opportunity to be ready for the coming challenges. Both my boys are now in college and they are strong socially and academically. But, you have to do what is best for your family. Only then will you be pleased and not regret past decisions.

Our DD is a December baby, after the cutoff. My DH and I were split also. Well, we held her back and what a difference a year makes. A lot of growth happened in the last year - writing, reading, manners, and much more. She is 5 now and will start K in the fall and will be slightly ahead, if not on par, with all the other kids her age. She is so ready too and excited to be going into K soon. We are so glad to have waited. You might consider a Transitional Kindergarten class where they add a little more academics than regular pre-k in preparation for K.
Good Luck.
M.

i would ask what difference it makes if they are 2or4 months younger or older than each others does it make them followers or leaders? what about those who turned 5 month before the cutoff line are they always followers?

Hi S.,
First I just want to say that in regards to the response you got about a child being a leader or a follower, that is an extremely simplistic way of looking at it. A child is going to be a leader or a follower based upon their personality and their opportunities not based on their age, so I disagree with that view. However, that being said, you should go with your gut feeling and based on your parenting views and philosophies you know in your heart you should start him next year not this year. You will not be "holding him back" in any way.

Hi S.,

my sons bday is dec. 4th and i held him back, even though he was reading at a third grade level by the time he was in kindergarten. his teacher constantly asked me if i wanted to skip him forward. however i always declined for one reason, i wanted him to feel comfortable and confident. he is VERY sensitive and sometimes has a harder time adjusting. so even though he is an extremely friendly, smart and out going little boy, i wanted his transitions to be a bit less overwhelming. even a year later the transition from pre-school, to kindergarten, to first grade were at times difficult.

above all, go with what your mommy instincts are telling you. hope this helps and best of luck to you and your family :D

Hi S.: I have to agree with jennifer on this one. Leadership has absolutely nothing to do with age.It has (everything) to do with the personality of your child.I can understand, why your having difficulties deciding. Your hubby obviously would benifit,by his going. Hes got his hands full I'm sure.: ) Holding him back, is an advantage for your son.I believe this is what your teacher friend was attempting to tell you,without getting to involved.He will be a year more knowledgeable,and since when has that been a drawback? He will no doubt feel more prepared and he will have one more year to mature.I'm certain, that your teacher friends, also told you that girls tend to be more advanced than boys.I agree with the other mother here, that its still very important that he attend a pre-kindergarden class.I know of some mothers in our area,that hold private classes at their home.Its pretty kewl,because she only takes a handful of kids,allowing her one on one time with them.The very best to you and your darlin son.

I can't see many 4 year old's being ready for kindergarten. No matter how intelligent they are they won't be emotionally ready for it since most kids don't start kindergarten until they are 5. I don't get this because in Nevada you must be 5 by the start of school to be in kindergarten...which means children in kindergarten are 5 and at the correct emotional level to be in school.