We have moved to Connecticut from Florida and my son is having a hard time making friends at school. He has only been there for 6 days, but it seems that everyone here has known everyone forever and he is not good at joining in their conversations. he is a straight A student who excells at sports. he was mr. popularity at his old school and this is really h*** o* him. He wants to go back to Florida and stay with his aunt and uncle. I know it is h*** o* him not seeing his dad every day, since he only comes up from Friday to monday, but I think he should give it some more time. Any suggestions?
Thank you all for your suggestions. My son is doing a lot better. I contacted the guidance counselor at the school and she checked up on him and suggested a few ways for him to meet people. I also found a fall baseball team for him to play on. The rest is just going to take time, but it is much better than it was. Thank you all again.
Bring in donuts and hot chocolate or juice for his homeroom - don't forget coffee for the teacher - a little goes along way and the kids will talk to him first... it might be enough to break the ice.
Have a house warming party -invite some people from his class.
Go to community functions and volunteer - people are always happy to have help and you will be meeting good spirited people, who have good spirited children.
Your son will be just fine. It only takes time. 6 School days isn't long enough to relax into a new environment, and reach out to other people. Those kids already know each other, and have plenty of friends. If your son wants to connect, he's going to have to be the one to make the effort. Make sure your son shows up for sports tryouts, it's agreat way to get involved, especially if he's good at it. Take a look around your area for what other outlets there are for hobbies and activities for kids his age, and get him involved that way.
By Christmas break, your son will have fit right in, and will have a great time. And this experience is great practice for going away to college. He'll have to do this all over again, and won't even have you there as someone familiar. It's a growing experience, and he'll be a better, more confident person for it once he succeeds.
S.,
My family and I just moved from Florida to Connecticut last year. I have to say that I'm very surprised people are saying it's not as hospitable here. I have found it to be just the opposite! I lived in Florida for six years and I never felt at home or found people to be very welcoming. Coming to Connecticut has truly been a breath of fresh air! I already have more friends here than I ever did there. The same is true for my son. He is also 14 and started high school this year. He has a little bit of an advantage over your guy because he was able to meet some kids and make some friends in his last year of middle school and they've now moved up to the high school together.
I was so worried for him when we first moved here though. Like your son, mine is also a straight A student. He's not a "cool kid", meaning that he's just very well behaved, not into sports, is much more interested in "geeky" things (chess, computers, science, etc.) and is on an IEP so is in a "special class" (Study skills, but still a "special class." I cringe at this because I know how cruel kids were when I was in school).
Is your son into any sports? Does he play an instrument? Does he have any hobbies or interests that you could look into finding an activity for? My son plays the saxophone. He wanted to quit playing last year when we moved here, but I made him stick with it. I wanted him to get into a class that fosters something of a social environment with kids who share something in common with him. It worked quite well and he made several friends that way. Also, he joined DeMolay last year. It is a young men's group (ages 12 to 21) and they get together and do all sorts of social activities and have many events. So far there has been a dance (with the sister girls' group), they have played laser tag, they marched in the Memorial Day parade, they went on a three day conclave, there are monthly meetings and afterwards they go and play pool, shoot darts, play cards, play video games, etc. He has made many friends this way and now sees these same kids walking down the hallways at school and in the cafeteria and has people to talk to and sit with. I love what DeMolay has done for my son socially because normally he's such a shy, reserved guy who has a hard time making friends, but he's just thriving since we moved here! Maybe you can check out the DeMolay in your area. This is the national DeMolay site: http://www.demolay.org/whatis/ And here is the CT DeMolay site: http://www.ctdemolay.net/index.shtml I have found that the other boys who are part of this organization are very much like my son: polite, well behaved, good students, intelligent, etc. The kinds of kids you HOPE your kids will become friends with!
If that doesn't sound like his thing, I'd contact the school (my son's guidance counselor was SO helpful in this area) and see what kinds of clubs (sports, academic, hobbyist, etc) are available and maybe there will be something he'll be interested in. I really think that's a great way to meet kids who you'll have something in common with and who you can socialize with. All he needs is ONE friend and that friend will start introducing him to more and more people and, before you know it, he'll have more friends than you can count.
I wish you and your son the very best of luck. I know how hard it is to be the "new kid" at school both because of what I've seen my son go through each time we've moved and because I was moved to a new school when I was a junior in high school. It's not easy at first, but given a little time, things work out. :)
Being the new kid can be very difficult. I have never been but I remember how kids were when I was in school and there was a new kid. Maybe when he starts to get to know some of them you could let him have friends over for a "party". That could help. I just asked my husband what he thinks and he said throw him a party too. (I didnt tell him how I responded.)
If it really isnt getting any better for him you could talk to his teachers to let them know that he is not adjusting well. Maybe they could incorporate a group activity into their lesson plans. This way he is forced to interact with others and the others can get to know him. I hope everything works out for your son. I hope maybe some of this helps you. Good luck!
Maybe if you lead by example. I'm sure you're not familiar with all of your surroundings yet, either. Tell him how it scares you to start a new job (if applicable) or join a club, or something similar, to show him that you too are putting yourself out there in a scary, yet rewarding situation.
Get him to sign up for sports, or even have him ask his school counselor to hook him up with other new students.
Remind your son that he wasn't popular with his friend @ his old school because of them, but because of HIMSELF. Once he relaxes a little, people will start to see & enjoy the real him. Good luck
Hi, I can relate to your sons situation. I am an adult and have been in the northeast for 8 months and still feel like an outsider. I am from the Midwest and I can tell that there a great lack of genuine hospitality up here in the northeast. People are nice enough, but not welcoming and if that is how they have rasied their children, your son could have a hard time. My advice to you is be very understanding and remember how hard it was to be a teenager. Do things as a family as often as you can and the more he can get involved in things the more apt he is to find someone else that is looking for a new friend. I have found that I have to make most of the effort to try and get to know people. He will get his feelings hurt, but tell him not to give up, he will find a friend soon. I feel for him, it is hard to not feel welcome or liked. It tears at my heart when my 3 and 4 yr old tell me how much they miss their friends back home and ask when are we going back.
I may not have been much help, but just felt I needed to respond. Maybe others reading this will take it to heart and be more considerate of people who are new to an area (kids and adults). Invite them over for a cook out. Inform them of things goin going on the area. Be willing to "extend" your family. I will stop now. I wish you guys the best. I will keep your family in my prayers.
S.,
I have spent a great deal of time in Conn and FLA. I can tell you from experience that people in Conn aren't the easiest to get to know and become friends with. Kids and adults alike are very "CLICKY". The time I have spent in FLA people are very open and friendly. I feel for you son. It is going to take sometime for him. Keep him involved in sports and eventually he will find his place. It is also a good life lesson for him to understand what popular and not-so-popular people experience.
Good luck!
S., my friend had a similar situation. It took a couple of months to resolve. Her child gained friends slowly through sports and eventually invited a few at at time to the house for tv, movies.... worked out great. it sounds like your son has a great personality and will be fine. Sometimes, I know from experience (i have a 18 and 15 yr old) its harder on us than it is on them.
See what kind of after school activities he can get involved in. If he's good at sports, see if he can join a sports team. That's probably the best way to meet other kids in a more social environment. I actually grew up in Hamden. Connecticut isn't the friendliest of states, sorry to say. We don't call it the "snob state" for nothing! Keep your chin up! He'll find his way.
