Had a Close Call with My Son, Now I Can't Stop Thinkg About It

ABSOLUTELY! It is soooooo normal. I still have nightmares over close calls from nearly 20 years ago (not nightly, usually when another of my kids has a close call, it brings up those feelings generally). Interestingly, it seems like when a mom witnesses a close call, it is like we see the whole thing play out as if the worst happened. When dads see a close call, they view the whole thing as "no big deal" because all they seem to see is that nothing bad ultimately happened.

It will get better :)

Yes. I am in the same boat. My son (4 at the time) left the house and walked out the door heading to the store. This all happened within 10 minutes. Luckily, some couple scolded him and told him to go home. By the time we hit the street, my hubby and I were frantically looking for him and I was 9 months pregnant! I still to this day am paranoid. If I don't know where he is in the house, I'm screaming for him. I don't know how to get over this. You have my sympathies.

M

My daughter left us while we were in Wall Drug in South Dakota, she was barely 3. My whole vacation was over from that point. It was one of the scariest days with my children to this day. She was found by a nice grandma and all was ok but I totally understand the fear of what if.
I think you are absolutely normal and the feeling will wear thinner but not go away.
HUGS to you M..

I'm so sorry!!!!! I completely understand why you feel this way. That being said, try not to feel this way for too long. You and your son need to experience life together to have great joy and create wonderful memories. Good luck.

I think that there is a valid comparison between this and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. You cannot get that image out of your mind and you feel forever changed. I have had some extremely close calls with my kids-some of which have absolutely affirmed my belief in angels b/c there really was no way that they should have been OK except for some other-worldly intervention. In time this will get better though and you will not think about it nearly as much.

I know how you feel, I was almost crying reading your post. It is absolutely terrifying for something like that to happen and it's completely normal how you are feeling. I would say that since you KNOW for sure that the gate is fixed that you should let him play out their again, so you guys can both get though your traumatic experience. I also recommend teaching him about the road! Me and my daughter talk about he road several times each day, if we are getting out of the car I remind her, hold mommies hand, this is the road! and Look, that is the road you always hold mommies hand becuase it is dangerous! i tell her this every day so that (hopefully) it will sink in.

A couple of months ago I went for a walk up our street with my 3 girls. I had my baby in a carrier, and my almost 3yo and 5yo were walking. A neighbor had her dog out and not on a leash. As my 5yo walked around a car that was parked across the sidewalk, the dog came running at her and barking. She freaked out and started running...toward the street and also away from me. I couldn't grab her. Luckily, it was springtime and the gutter was full of cinders from the winter. She ran into the street, but fell in the gutter because she slipped on the cinders...Thank God! I am still upset when I think about what could have happened. There wasn't a car coming, but there could have been. I was so angry with the neighbor who only said to me "the dog is friendly". Well, that was totally irrelevant because the dog came out of nowhere barking. Anyway, it is normal to feel the way that you do. Time will heal it a little, but probably not completely. In a way this is good because we need to be reminded sometimes how quickly things can happen. Hugs to you!

SOOOOOOOOOOOO NORMAL!!!

I feel so sorry for you. I've had similar experiences, where something will cause me to ruminate over the 'worst case scenario' and it is AWFUL and so hard to shake.

I posted a related question once about intense fears since becoming a parent... and one very wise mom told me this (what she does when she gets overwhelmed with fears regarding her children):
She said to pray and ask God for safety for you and your children, but not just for your safety, because anything can happen at any time even to those who pray, but also pray for relief, a happy heart, and joy in the moment. Constantly.

This has helped me immensely to get myself out living in the 'what if's' and get back into the moment.

Best wishes to you... I know how you are feeling now, and it will get better. Give your son an extra hug.

I think it's normal to come that close and know how it feels for your heart to leap out of your chest. It's such a frightening thing.
We do tend to think about what could have happened, the what if's...but I think that's nature's way of making us be more careful.
However, you can't let it panick you to the point you won't go in the yard anymore or to the park anymore.
Your husband fixed the fence.
And you just have to teach your child, like all of us do, about the dangers of the street and the road and to stop when mommy yells STOP!
Your son is pretty little yet, but this is the perfect time to try to teach him these things. I'm sure you are more freaked out than he is, which to me, was always the scary part.
Give yourself a day or so to calm down a little and talk to your little boy about safety and NEVER going near the street.
I was hit by a car when I was 6 and I was holding on to my mom in a parking lot. A crazy kid who just got his license was spinning donuts and lost control. They didn't expect me to live. So, I was able to get it through to my kids from the time they were young that if mommy and Nanny could get hit by a car, anybody could so they were always careful.
Implement the STOP rule whether you are in your backyard or at the park and be prepared to either go inside or leave the park if your son doesn't stop when you tell him to. He will learn the importance of it and not make it a chasing game, which many little kids do. Stop means stop. When you're driving, or walking, point out stop signs to him and tell him what they say. Even big people in cars or walking have to STOP. Stop for safety.
Teaching him these rules will help you ease up on your fears a little bit.
I know it scared the crud out of you. I know you couldn't bear anything happening to your baby.
But, the worst didn't happen and like I said, now is the time to really work on safety with your little guy.

I'm so glad you caught him in time. Great job, mama!

Hang in there. I wish you the very best!

Yes.
Next what I would suggest is:
I would also make sure all the doors in your home leading to outside are safety proofed... so that he cannot just open the doors himself and go outside.... and you not knowing.
One idea, is to put a latch HIGH up on the door... like 5-6 feet up, so that only you/Hubby can unlatch or unlock the doors.
My friend with active boys, does that.
They use those sliding bolt latches... or eye&hook latches.

My other friend, her boy was 'missing' and she couldn't find him in the house... and lo and behold, he had gotten outside, opening a door she thought he could not turn the door knob.... and he was outside wandering around. Mind you, she and Grandma was home at the time, and they didn't know he went AWOL.

all the best,
Susan

I didn't read the other posts, but I definitely think this is normal especially after such a close call. I know I was devastated the first time my son came home from the park with his Dad with blood all over. He had fallen and cut his head and needed stitches and I just felt terrible and I wasn't even there. I think over time it will get better. I find that I can drive myself crazy with worrying. I tend to go into complete panic mode very easily with my son, if I lose sight of him I literally go into full blown panic when he might be right behind me. I also hovered and coddled alot when he was little and my husband did help me to let him go a bit and not rush every time he fell down. I think as Mom's we're always in protection mode and with a close call like that you can't help but think of what if. But keep in mind, nothing happened, you got to him in time and he's fine. You secured the gate and just keep explaining to him about the danger of running in the street. I think it's perfectly normal, but please don't let it stop you from doing the things you want to do with your son.

What a horrifying experience! I know the feeling -- I lost my 2yr old at a crowded amusement park this weekend. It only for about 5 minutes, until another mom returned my terrified, crying little girl to me, but it felt like a lifetime of shear panic. After I got her back in my arms, I bawled my eyes out for several minutes and could not put her down. I feel like I'll never be the same, after almost losing her. Horrible images child abduction keep running through my head. So, yes, your feelings are completely normal. When my girls were your son's age, they frequently tried to run away at full speed, and not having a fenced yard, I had to make them understand the danger that they were in if they ran into the road. 19 months is a tough age, because you're not sure what they are understanding or retaining. So, my first piece of advice is to always (every day that you go outside or near a dangerous road, parking lot. etc.), repeat to your son "we stay in the back yard, and don't go in the road where you could get hurt" or "always hold momma's hand in a parking lot near cars" ...whatever you want to say, but the repetetiveness will help it sink in. Also, as someone else mentioned, some kids that age are immune to the words "NO" and "STOP", no matter how loud they are shouted. It's a great idea to use one "emergency" phrase, where the toddler knows that when you say that word, they stop moving, like "RED LIGHT". We use "FREEZE", and I don't say that word to my girls ever, unless I need them to stop what they are doing immediately (like running away). Since it's something they rarely hear, they really respond to it when I shout it in a moment like you went through.

Hope this is helpful and the "what if's" subside for you and you can enjoy being outside with your son again. All the best.

Oh my goodness, how scary! I think your feelings are perfectly natural! I know I would be exactly the same way!

I advise you buy a key-lock and lock the gate shut. Then, no matter what malfunctions, your son cannot get out. Practice asking him to stop during various times of day, and reward him highly when he does. When you're out in public, always stand between him and the road. And try to remember that you DIDN'T trip. When you needed to, you were able to catch your son.

So normal!

Just a couple of days ago, I was sitting with my 3-year old swimmie-arm dependent little girl on a step at our pool. I turned to the woman next to me and said "we're staying at the MGM Grand", only to turn around to see my daughter stepping off the step into 4-foot deep water. I jumped up and grabbed her. It just goes to show how FAST these little'ns are. I literally said six words. Had I said seven, she might have been totally underwater. I still replay the incident in my head, just as you are with your little boy.

I guess the lesson to learn is just extra vigilance for our kids.

If you continue for much longer to have difficulties putting this issue where it belongs (in the past), you may want to consider talking to a counselor about it. All that you've said tells me you love your son with your entire being. Love is a powerful emotion, isn't it?

All my best!

E.

Hi O.:
I can just imagine what you are going through. That is scary. I don't know if where you are you have a dollar store or not, or even a department store.
Anyways, they have a siren button that runs on a watch battery. It is self adhesive and as soon as a door is opened its like a siren going off. This would eliminate him even going out the door w/o you knowing. You have to stop feeling that this is your fault, its not. Who would have thought that he could have done this. Not you nor myself. Things happen with little ones' that we just couldn't imagine. You have to realize that all is okay now. Take step by step. Take him in the backyard (yes hes' going to try the gate) but he will soon realize that it won't open. Taking him to the park, make sure the park isn't close to the road. If need be find a park that is somewhat fenced in. You can't keep blaming yourself or he himself will pick up on your fear and no doubt start fearing himself and you won't know why or what for.
Children tune into you. Take baby steps if need be. Go in the backyard for say 10-l5min at a time. Keep doing this and move the time ahead. You will start to feel better, you have to for your son. Most parks have some sort of security. When taking him out now, put a small band on his wrist with string attached or even a leash. This way, he can't run. If hes' playing in the park you can release it and keep an eye on him. He is not going to understand your saying you have to understand "no" until about 2yrs to 3. They don't any fear. I understand that things came awfully close but at least now you know yourself how quick he can be. Just be on the alert with him. If need be if he understands' tell him that someone will take him away if he runs away and mommy won't see him anymore. I know that sounds terrible, but if he understands' it just may work. Again I can't stress enough that you have to stop thinking about it, like I said he will feel your fears'. You can't keep him housebound. I think to that by you grabbing him the way you did scared him, and he may never do it again. Try and get this bad feeling out of your head, if you don't you will fear for him many many times. Hes' a baby and he will no doubt scare you again, not in the same way but again, they have no fear. Take a few deep breaths', take him outside in the yard, if need be do some deep breathing exercises' for a little bit. Then you and your son can enjoy the fresh air and be together again without fear. I hope this helps, as parents we all go through something with our child but I promise you, your fear will go away if you let it. Pls. try for the sake of your son and more so for you. This will escalate if you let it and you will have to be seen by a Dr. I'm sure you don't want that. Like I said deep breath, try again when you feel somewhat more relaxed but don't leave it to long. I wish you luck, and I am so happy that you caught up with him in time. You'll pull through!!

Totally normal! There is nothing scarier then the thought that something could happen to your baby! Give yourself a few days to calm down, and if you need to be super cautious for a few days to feel better, do it. Good mamas have that mother lion instinct to protect our kids at all costs, and you got a huge scare. Nothing wrong with be really shaken up. It will get better after a few days. I had a scare a few years ago where my son passed out and fell from high bleachers at a school event, and got his arm caught and cut pretty badly. I saw the whole thing and I was a MESS. There were so many scenarios that could've have happened to him, and I played them in my head and cried for days. I could barely sleep. Luckily other then some stitches and a huge scare he was fine, but mommy was not!! Your perfectly normal, relax :) And thank god your little one is okay! I am so happy for that!! Take care!

Hi,
My heart is just racing FOR you! My son is 17 months and loves to play the "run-away-from-mommy game". He most often does it in stores, but I know the day is coming that he will want to play it near a busy street.

We are starting to practice a new game called, "When-mommy-says-stop-you-stop-". I have lots of experience training guide dogs and pet dogs plus I was a preschool teacher before having my son. In the dog world and kid world, it is essential that you teach what you want to be learned in a non-threatening environment. Your son will not learn from you shouting and running, but instead, if you play "red light, green light" or "stop light, go light", STOP will mean a lot more in an emergency.

With dogs, in order to have them "come" when commanded, you have to practice it when it is not essential that they do so immediately. You do a few practice runs with a leash (no, I am not suggesting you use a leash on your son!!!) and give HUGE amounts of praise when they do it with or without leash. It may take a few days or weeks, but eventually, well-trained dogs do obey. I would imagine toddlers are the same - when we practice it with them and give them LOTS of praise, it will make it more desirable to do in the heat of the moment or at least make them think twice about continuing to run.

Good luck. I would imagine it is very normal to feel uber-protective after a close call like that. Go to a fenced in park or one that is away from the streets from now. Stand at the gate - in fact, make a point of leaning against it to build your trust in it.

I think it's totally normal...we had a close call situation a few weeks ago that I won't get into details about but still conjure up the images in my head and am a little more paranoid than usual. The fact is that you did save him and he's okay and you're taking all the proper precautions and that's all you can do! HUGS to you! It's tough but you're doing a great job and this will pass with time. If these intrusive thoughts don't quit maybe you should talk to a counselor a few times and help you work through it.

I have those days. We lost two babies and there are days when I can't check on my youngest often enough. I have decided that each day I have with my living children is a gift. I thank God for sending angels to protect my little ones each time there is a close call. It will all work out and you will be at peace again.

Yup...been there, done that. You'll lose a few nights sleep over it, dwell on it for a while then gradually you'll move on. But yes, the visions in your head of what 'could've' happened will haunt you for years. I've heard people say that to let the scenario play out in your head to it's conclusion can remove such thoughts from your head eventually...that never seemed to work with me. On bad nights where I couldn't sleep because the 'What ifs' wouldn't let me I have to use a mind trick I called 'The Black Door' (don't ask me why it's black it just is) in which if these thoughts play out in my head to the point where I lose sleep or physically cringe I block them w/ an image of a black door, sometimes it's an old medieval door, sometimes it's solid and imposing like a vault...either way it's huge and no thought can get around it...if my thoughts try I just block it w/ the black door which fills the entire space in my mind leaving no room for the 'what ifs'. It takes practice (like any technique to clear your mind) but for me it works. Sorry if I do go on about this but I feel your pain (my son wandered away from kindergarten (long story, he thought he'd missed the bus though school wasn't out yet) was found half a mile up the road from his school going the wrong direction from home (he was folowing the bus route) and brought home to my house BY A STRANGER!!!!(very nice woman...but still!) *shudder*)...the 'what ifs' plague every mom but I think some it plagues more than others, and for longer periods of time. You will get past it and the initial traumatizing effects...just don't let the 'what ifs' haunt you and stop you from doing things like before.
Good luck Hon and remember, your little guy is fine...that's the most important thing. :)

Your feelings and replays are SO normal. Don't beat yourself up, and trust that once you have processed this occurrence, the thoughts will fade. Normalcy will take hold again.

This may help: When you see the replay, place special focus on the part of the event where you were there in time. Begin to shift the ending – where you cried (normal relief reaction), see if you can interject an image of you and your little guy laughing in relief and joy instead of crying.

If the dreadful worst-case scenarios don't fade, If you continue to be plagued by these thoughts, Iknow a couple of folks who have been quickly helped by EMDR therapy (http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html)

I have nightmares about this very issue. I can't play at the park or anywhere that's not enclosed. It takes control of your life. But it really is a valid issue. I don't know how to resolve it, your little one has no concept of what you are saying, he is still going to do the running. I think if you check the gate each time before you let him go then you may feel better about letting him play. I sit between the door at the gym and the classroom area. My little guy thinks it's fun to run to the door and try to get out. His teacher really tries to keep his eye on him and not let him take off but J does get away occasionally. I understand what you are going through. Best wishes on getting him trained in the next couple of years.

Completely normal and excellent save!!! Wanna know what my 5-year-old did about two weeks ago? She stuck my car key in an electrical socket in our kitchen!! I walked in the kitchen and saw my car keys dangling from the socket and a huge burn mark all around it and I absolutely FEAKED out! I ran around the house, calling for my daughter, fearing the worst! Couldn't find her anywhere and I was about to lose it. Then I heard something coming from her closet and I found her in there, curled up, but fine. Thank God that she chose my car key, which has rubber on the end of it and stopped the shock from going into her body. I tell ya, though, O., I know exactly how you feel. I cried the whole rest of the afternoon and we talked about it endlessly with her. Who would think that a (newly turned) 5-year-old would do such a thing?? Anyway, it was on my mind for about a week and I thanked God over and over for keeping her safe.

Your feelings/fears are totally normal and I'm so glad that you're a fast sprinter. I guess we all have close calls. Hopefully OURS are done!! hang in there!

Yep. It's pretty traumatic. And it takes a little while to get over your fright. Take what precautions you can, then put the fear aside and watch them for whatever they get into next. Motherhood! There's never a dull moment!

It is completely normal! I have had some close calls with my almost-3-year-old son. He is stubborn and does not listen when he has his mind set on something. He is also very quick. I've thought that I lost him before, he's squirmed away from me in a few different parking lots. I'm a very small person and he is so strong, so when he puts up a fight it is very hard. I always feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest after a scare. I replay it in my head as well. I just thank God nothing has ever happened and tell myself I will have lots of stories to tell him when he's a grown boy!! The same way you will have this story to tell your son when he is older! Congrats on being quicker than your son and I would try not to worry when in the yard since your hubby fixed your gate.

It is so hard to even imagine anything happening to our children. It is totally normal to be shaken up for a while after an experience like this. It will get better though.

My daughter is 21 months old. About 1 1/2 months ago we were at Sesame Place for the first time and we were in Elmo Live's show. She was sitting on the bleacher in front of me and was sitting so nicely- quiet and still. Next thing I knew she went forward and crashed into the bleacher in front of her. I can still hear that crash. There was blood everyone and my brain was racing with all the "what-if's". Thank God, she only had a small laceration above her eye and was fine once they cleaned her up and closed up the wound. I held her all afternoon and checked on her all night. Every time I look at her cut I can hear the crash of her falling and hear her screaming and see her bleeding in my arms. Thankfully with each day it gets a little easier and I think about it a little less, but I know it will never go away. The "what-if's" can absolutely haunt us- try to focus on what actually did happen- Your son is OK! That's what I do when I start to think about the "what-if's"- I focus on the positive outcome that we had.

(((hugs))) to you. It's absolutely amazing the strong emotions that motherhood provides!

Absolutely! Us women are pros when it comes to the "what if" game. You just have to stop yourself and distract yourself with something. It's normal, but that doesn't mean you should just allow your imagination to run wild either without making yourself stop

I know how your feeling! Last year we had and awful choking experiance with our son who was only 14 mo. at the time. For months I had to be sitting right next to him whenever he was eating and practially ground up anything that he ate. It took a while before I could "get over it". Of coarse I still get sick to my stomache whenever he starts coughing while eating. It is normal to feel exactly how you are feeling. You will move on when you are ready and I am sure you will make sure that never happens again. :)

It is normal to keep playing it over in your head , but you have to try and not let it intefere with you going out to play. Get a chain on the gate so that if it does pop open again it can't open all the way.

Of course it is normal to feel anxious after such a close call. But the "what if's" are just that. He is fine, you didn't trip, you weren't too slow and he wasn't thank God hit by a car. But this can definitly traumatize you. Lucky for you it didn't traumatize him. Last thing you need is him being scared to go outside. When my son was that young STOP didn't mean anything to him. So I made a game. Red light Green light. We were at home and I said run away from mommy and when I yell RED light you stop, when I say GRENN light you go!! He loved it as he was so into cars and being a car himself. I told him from now on when we are outside and you run ahead if mommy says RED light you stop. He always did as he thought it was a game. It is scary as all get out when they are just out of your reach, but you and he are fine, it'll take time but you'll get comfortable again.

Of course it is normal to feel that way! And you must force yourself to do things. You will have the proverbial close calls the rest of your life. He will become a teenager and you will hear about car accidents and worry that he is out there somewhere alone or in that one and he will walk through the door- in my case one of my sons went in the service and he went overseas and I worried about him straying from his troups or worse getting killed. I worry about my other son who could be driving home from his part time job at night in the rain and worry and worry. It is perfectly normal to feel that way after a close call. I tried to lock myself in a lot and that creates resentment from the child, so if you can pick yourself back up, talk to eveyone on earth (us!) about how scarey it was and move on. Life is fraught with the daily close calls. I was on a bus once, stepped down and a bike rider whizzed by me, caught me and my lovely dress and we landed no less that about an inch from the buses front tire. Things happen but more often than not life is filled with adventure. I never used to be one of those people who liked looking at people with leashes but actually it seems like not a bad idea. My point is as I could tell you hundreds of heart pounding mommy stories along with all the other wonderful moms here is that this happened and you probably conveyed with your terror that that was not safe!! Sometimes children are way too fast. You did the best thing as the wonderful mother you are. Keep that terror for your memories. It will go away and be replaced by lots of wonderful ones, too.

It's completely normal. I had to rescue my step daughter a few times during her early life and each time I had the same problem where I couldn't stop thinking about it and had me so nervous for weeks afterward. It will pass. Give it some time. As your son gets older you'll feel more and more comfortable with it. Until then though, while you're playing, I would stand by the gate and let him run around the rest of the yard. Good luck!

I had a close call with my daughter when she was 2, and she's now 22 and when I think about it I still get chills. I'm sure it will get better with time, but you'll probably always vividly remember it. I sure do.