First Time Away from Baby for Extended Amount of Time

Take you mom and if you can afford it get a separate room. Even if you have to switch to a less fancy hotel, or to one with suites.

Let her and the baby stay in the other room so you that all basis are covered: Time with Hubby, breast feeding,time with baby. I would even pick at least one day, or evening out of the trip to let mom enjoy some time alone.

Everyone is happy.

Bon voyage.

Pam A.

My husband and I went on a vacation when my first born was about 11 months old, we went up north for a week. He was mostly weaned at that time. He stayed with his Grandma and was fine, and so was I. We had a great trip and my son really became a Grandma's boy. It all worked out. A little info about me, at the time I was an infant/toddler teacher (with my son in my class) I was always with him even at work, the vacation allowed me to be a wife again and it was great.

Hi J.!!
Go with your instincts. The way I see it, if you're going to be worried and missing your son on your vacation, then it's no vacation. I usually bring my parents along and it's definitely the best of both worlds. Peace of mind is important when you're trying to relax. Good luck to you.

You didn't say how long your vacation is???? That makes a BIG difference.

If it is for the typical 2 weeks.... to me, that is a long time away.

I would, take your Mom with you/Hubby. That way, you can have BOTH options. ie: be by yourselves, and see your baby/nurse him.
But first, you have to ask if that is fine with your Mom, in either scenario.

"Weaning" does not always go as "planned." What if he does NOT take a bottle, when you are gone? What if he goes on a nursing/feeding strike? What if he does not like whole milk? (which is typically given after 1 year old). What if he does not feed from anyone else? What is he has "separation anxiety" (which at 1 year old, typically happens in addition to "night-terrors"), and at 1 year old a baby typically hits a lot of "milestones" and developmental changes. What if he has trouble sleeping, with you away... in addition to his "new" feeding/nursing/bottle feeding? That is a "transition" for a baby. What about his naps, and that routine?

Just some things, that can and does happen, sometimes.

Yes, it is great to have a 'vacation' alone with Hubby... but if it is for a 'long' time... just being me, I would not be able to do that. I would worry too much, and knowing the way my kids were as babies... I would want to be near them.

I know every Mom/situation is different. But just my thoughts.

I know it is confusing between what we want/wish/hope... and the reality of it all.

All the best,
Susan

I left my girl when she was 18 months for five days. Everyone said, "Go, you'll have a wonderful time." I just weaned her and I was all set to go w/ my best girl friends. Well, it was tough for me and I feel very sure next time I will go with my gut. That's me, that may not be you.

I really like your idea of taking your mom with you so that you can have alone time/relaxation with your husband, provided you can really relax and have a good relationship with your mom. Hawaii is tough to do in less than four days and that's pushing it. Closer to home you can try a couple nights away. But if you want a real vacation and the best of both worlds, take grandma.

My advise, go with your gut.

Jen

Hi J.. My son is 7 months (almost 8 months) old. My husband and I never took a big trip, like Hawaii - but we did have a small trip (for a wedding) that we were obligated to take when my son was 5 months old. We took my parents along with us so they could watch him while we were out, but we had him with us the rest of the time -- rather than being away from him for the entire, extended weekend. I was SO happy that we decided to plan the trip this way -- I know that if we had left my son with my parents at their house I would have been a nervous wreck the whole weekend and wouldn't have enjoyed myself at all.
I would suggest you take your mom. It seems like the best of both worlds.
Good luck and have a great time!

If you can afford it, and you all get along well, I say bring your Mom!

When my firstborn was about 8 months old, we dragged my MIL along on a family holiday, and it was delightful. No one had to work too hard, and she was happy to stay in most every evening while DH and I had some nice dinners out. A great time was had by all.

Take your mom and the baby. Seems the best solution for everyone involved.

If you can afford to take grandma, that's definately the way to go. I think that'll be pretty tough on both you and your son to be away for 7 days. What a perfect option!

Parenting is 24/7 and for the lifetime of the child or children. You and your husband don't get to take a vacation from parenting? You are a SAHM - that is just what it means. You stay HOME and parent your child. Sorry if this is cruel, but I have 4 children, ages 28-14 with the last 3 still living at my home. 25 yr old graduated YALE and UCLA LAW - waiting for his job to begin, 20 yr old away at school, beginning her junior year...just left for the semester and my youngest is 14, and a freshman in high school, also a competitive soccer player lsat 8 years. So see its a full time/around the clock job. I won't be done for some time, and probably about that time, mine are all grown, the grandkids of the future will be arriving, or being planned. So oops. Your vacations are a day at Disneyland, Sea World, Legoland, whatever, but that baby comes first.

Bring your mom, and then your vacation with your husband will not be at the expense of your child. How can you wean him so that you can go on a pleasure trip? Once you are a mom, your child is your first responsibility. You feel nervous about leaving, because it is not the right thing to do.

Hawai'i is incredibly family-friendly. Bring your mom so you and your DH can do adult-only excursions or have a nice dinner by yourselves. The condo option is great since there will usually be a kitchen where you can prepare food at least for your son.

I traveled with my daughter when she was about 10 months old and they tend to sleep a lot on the plane at that age. Much harder now that she is a toddler :)

If it is possible, take your Mom with you. I think you will be able to enjoy yourself a little more. I think it is the least stressful option. Have fun and enjoy yourself whatever you choose. :-)

Have you considered that a whole week away from your very young son is a long time for him to not have mommy & daddy? Also, the desire to breastfeed your baby once a day at that time is a good enough reason to have him with you. If you do go together as the family you now are bring your mom or get a sitter (there are lots of "aunties" in Hawai'i). You & your husband can have some alone time and you won't regret being so far from your baby (and possibly waste precious vacation time being upset). I know from experience that Hawai'i is wonderful with a child. Bring your camera, you'll make some wonderful memories together. Aloha!

I think it's too young an age to leave him for so long. Maybe go away for one night and have your mom watch him, then go somewhere the 3 of you together.

About weaning, try to allow him to self-wean, it's much better for him. Go to the Le Leche League web site, they have alot of info on MANY child issues and some great weaning books. Find a group nearby, an awesome wealth of info and support. IF you want to force wean him, only drop one feeding every 3-4 weeks.
Their immune systems are only 60% dev at 12m, continue bf to keep him healthy and give him life long health. Kids that are allowed to self-wean don't exhibit 'typical two' behavior, don't get sick as often, have stronger bonds & attachment... Research extended bf before you make a desicion. You don't have to wean to go on vacation either, pump and leave that milk w/your mom.

Hi J., How relaxed would you be for a week away from your son? Why not use the great vacation choices close to home or ask Mom to come with you to Hawaii for the longer visit? Babies are OK on planes and everyone can travel with a toddler, but from LA it's 5 1/2 hours. How fun can that be? then a long weekend away might be more relaxing than a week with Mom and baby in tow...
Try a shorter trip and see how it goes either way.
Reconnecting with you husband is super important, and I encourage you to make some plans.
good luck, Deb

Everyone is different and you have to do what is best and most comfortable for you.

That said, I just wanted you to know we took our son when he was nine months old to England and it was a GREAT trip. You don't often have the chance to all be together without the distractions of work, household chores and other people. It was so nice to be away and enjoy a vacation as a family.

We're also about to go to Hawaii with our now four year old and our 11 month old. We can't wait. It'll be the first trip that our oldest will have a chance of remembering and the baby, while he won't remember will have lots of fun in the sand and being with all of us.

Just something to keep in mind!

Good luck.
-M

I have 4 boys - ages 18, 13, 6 and 5. My husband and I have not been away from them ALONE for an extended period - longer than like a night ever. Not because of fear or anything - mainly due to a lack of someone to care for them. My husband is the one who always wanted to take them with us - as I was the stay at home mom and saw them the most. We have done many a vacation out of state - where we took a babysitter with us. It worked WONDERFULLY. Not only did we feel secure knowing where the kids were - they had fun and so did we. We got to enjoy dinners out without them - fun times in day alone while they napped and great outings with everyone. If your mom will go I think since this a first time - this option would be SUPER!
Hope this helps!

I would take your mom for sure. I think your baby would miss you lots. He's very little to be away from his mom for so long. All he has known is life with you. To leave for that long of time would be hard for him and you. If he is there at least you have a option of seeing him. I would not leave him. It sounds like they would have a great time with each other on their vacation too. Let us know what you decide to do.
Sue

If you have the financial ability to take along your mom, by all means do it!! A week is much too long to leave a one-year old baby ... believe me, you won't have much fun anyway without him, no matter how comfortable you are with leaving him with your mom. That's just how we moms are wired :)

Takng Grandma to Hawaii sounds like a win-win for all!

Hey J.,
My thoughts would be to have him stay with your mom overnight a few times (and perhaps build up to a weekend) to see how things go. Every child is different and there is no way to say how each child will react to being left with another family member. A lot also depends on how much time he has spent with your mom to begin with. If he has spent a great amount of time with her, it may be an easy transition. If not, it could be disastrous.
Also, please keep in mind it may take a few months to completely wean him off the breast. Your son may become clingy and emotional during the weaning process, and leaving him at that time could really traumatize him. He could also be totally fine. When you do wean him, please remember to offer him extra snacks during that time. This will help to fill him up and also take his mind off of what he's missing.

I think you should take him to your mother's house and then go to Hawaii. You and your husband need some time to yourself. Don't worry about your boy- he'll be fine with his loving grandma. It's not like he doesn't know her.

Hi J. -

Well, I was married for nearly 14 years when our daughter was born, so it didn't really occur to us to take a vacation by ourselves. So I'm writing not out of the experience of going away for a few days, but to offer a bit of advice anyway, and hoping you won't mind hearing from me.

Having a baby really does change the dynamics of a marriage and the couple needs to do things to keep themselves close to one another, so I think it's a good idea you & your husband have. But perhaps going somewhere that will take close to 6 hours to get back home from may be a little soon. At least it would have been for me.

I do wish my husband and I had tried harder to spend time alone. We thought we had so many years bonding that we could spare it and put all of our focus on our daughter. We still want to be together and the commitment is strong, but the closeness we once felt isn't really there and hasn't been in a while, sorry to say.

A trip to Hawaii is so big. I don't know what kind of budget you have, but you may want to seriously consider your other idea of going somewhere closer instead of going away for a week. And then making sure you get occasional romantic weekends or nights away, just to refresh the husband-wife bond. Spread that Hawaii trip money over more trips. You're so lucky you have your mom to keep your son. We didn't have anybody to leave our daughter with when she was little.

I fear I've shared a bit more than is called for, but I thought my story might help others. We'll be ok, just now we have more work to do than a couple who had tried harder along the way.

All the best,
Colleen

Hi there!

If you leave him with grandma, im sure he would be just fine and it would be a nice bonding experience for the two of them! (I had to leave my son starting when he was 5 months old to travel for work, and as hard as it was to leave, it was a nice break to get a few days off).

On the other hand, if your hubby is ok with your mom coming along and you think you'd still have a great vacation, bring her along!

Don't listen to all the wackos who are trying to make you feel guilty for wanting time as a couple...being a parent is important, but so is having a healthy marriage!! I feel sorry for those people who don't have a life aside from being a mom...not healthy. Oh, and I had to stop breastfeeding, mostly for medical reasons, and my son NEVER gets sick, whereas my nephew is sick about 1x a month and he was bf for the first 2 years!! It's all the luck of the genetic draw!

Have a great time, whatever you decide to do!

If I were you, and I'm not, I take grandma to Hawaii. The best of both worlds! BUT, do you want to be on vacation w/ your mom? Does your husband want to go on vacation w/ her? And, does she want to go? even if you just go to Santa Barbara for a weekend you will have fun.

Bring your mom. That is too long to be away from him for the first time. You will miss him like crazy. We went to Hawaii when my first son was 13 months old and stayed in a 2 bedroom condo with my in-laws. It was great- we did most things together but then we had some alone time too while the in-laws babysat.
Have fun!

Go to Hawaii and have a blast with your husband!! I know exactly how you feel. My husband planned a trip for us when our first born was 10 months old. I was so upset the first 24 hrs but it passed. He stayed with my in-laws and I knew they were fine. He'll be great with your Mom and there is nothing wrong with taking a trip, just the two of you. You and your husband are the base of the family. It's very important to keep your connection. If that means a trip now and again, then go for it! A lot of people don't even have that option. You will come home rested and ready to be with your little one every minute possible. (not that you aren't already:). It'll be good for everyone, even Grandma.

Obviously - this is a very personal decision! For me, my favorite option is taking my mom with me. A lot of moms feel differently, but I really do think a baby needs his mommy. At least that seems to be the story with my son. He's not overly attached, but I do notice he gets much more needy when I'm gone more than 6 to 8 hours a day (I work part-time). Anyhow, we have done this (time/trips with a helper/my mom) a few times, including this summer on a relief trip to Texas (hurricane cleanup). I can't tell you how much I appreciated having him around, having bits of time throughout the day; and I while I too anticipated having him weaned prior to the trip, he wasn't fully (still breastfeeding 2 to 4 times per day), which was actually so nice, and comforting for him, given the new surroundings and less time with me. That doesn't mean I focused what time we had together on breastfeeding. Tried not to do that...it just was a part of our interactions. The toughest part, for me, about taking my mom is boundaries, primarily for me, since I so enjoy spending time with both my son, and my mom, and my husband. Sometimes I allow my mom to truly just be the babysitter, which means, by nature, she doesn't get to do all the "fun" things I have planned with my husband. I'm working on that - but as long as I keep that in mind, and use moderation in my time with her during these "special" trips - it goes famously - and she just eats up the special time with her grandbaby. Best of luck! How exciting! Enjoy Hawaii! PS - if your husband really, really wants alone time, I'd suggest a shorter trip, closer to home, like you mentioned. Any way you choose - you all WILL survive, and will learn from the experience. Take care!

Hi J.,

I don't post often on this site (although I do read a lot of the posts) but I felt that I had to let you know what I feel. I think you should take you momn with you - without question! It is the best of both worlds. You get to spend quality time alone with your husband and not worry about your son at the same time. Hawaii seems like a long way to be if you suddenly decided that you don't want to be away from your son. You will either ruin your vacation by worring about him - or take drastic measures and rush home early (that's what I would do). So, I think you should go to Hawaii, take your mom and son, and enjoy it as much as you can.

I missed my 20yr class reunion becasue my daughter was only 9 months old and still nursing at the time. I couldn't bring myself to leave her (1st child) and I didn't want to ween her either. I decied not to go to the event even though I had been looking forward to it for 10 yrs (since the last reunion). If we had been able to afford an extra hotel room for my mom I would have not thought twice about taking my baby and mom along. That would have been the best option but I had to miss my reunion and I've regretted it ever since.

Hope this help.
A

Go go go!

We consider ourselves LUCKY to have the opportunity to travel with our children. Granted, travel can be a lot of work, but with some organization and RELAXED attitude, ultimately loads of fun and yes, relaxation too!

I began to travel with my son to Hawaii at four months old and every year since. He is three and has traveled to many countries and several states. For the first two years and thousands of miles, flying on my lap!

Only you know if having your Mom along would be a positive addition to your vacation. Keep in mind that at nice resorts there are lovely professional sitters and while I haven't gone that route as a mother, I experienced it as a child, and I know countess families that use them today.

I hope you are able to relax and enjoy your husband and family!

Aloha!

If you have the means to take your mom with you to babysit, I think that would be the perfect solution. A 13 month old baby is just too young to be away from his mother for an entire week.

I vote for bringing your mom along. If your baby isnt accessible to you, you'll feel the need to call your mom and check on him all the time, which takes away the "romance" part of the trip. Just make sure you have your mom in another room, and have the baby stay with her EVERY NIGHT!! :)

My suggestion is to go with your husband and you, alone. You will miss your child but you will get over it and so will he.
I went to mexico with my husband for a week when my daughter was about his age and the first day I cried, more than once but I realized that I was already there and I was going to have a good time and she had a great time with her Grandparents. GO FOR IT AND ENJOY!!
Whatever you do, don't listen to little miss SuperMom down below...we all need a break now and again.
And I live in Santa Barbara...HAWAII IS WAY BETTER.

Listen to your gut. If you dont feel comfortable about it, then dont leave him. Also, weaning doesnt necessarily happen over night. Sometimes it can take a while, I never planned on nursing for 2 years, but my son wouldn't give it up and I was fine with it. I wouldn't bank on him being totally done nursing by then. What if he isnt? What would you do then, force him to wean? Dont make the trip the reason you are weaning either. It sounded like you thought you might not be done by then anyway, so bringing your mom sounds like the best resolution in my opinion. Personally I would have had a hard time leaving my babies so young, which is why we have opted to not travel far or without them until they are much older. I have never spent a night away from my *baby* he is 2 yrs. 3 months. Everyone is different but if all involved are comfy with it, then do what works. But it sounds like you have reservations, so listen to your mommy instinct. Good luck!

I would recommend bringing your mom if you can't do a trial weekend first. Its hard to leave them the first time. I personally cried, but baby did so well with her grandparents that I have the confidence to leave her in their care for longer. I think a week is a big jump without a trial run for both you and baby. You don't even have to leave town, have grandma take baby for a weekend and see how it goes.

Lucky you! do what you'll enjoy most! If you think you'd be okay with being away from him, you will really appreciate all the time away and no stress on the plane etc. But if you think you will be too stressed out and miss him too much, then take your mom so you can enjoy your vacation. I was also in that situation when my little girl was about 18 mos (I had never been away more than a couple of hours) and I left for a week. I missed her, but I really enjoyed it and I wasn't worried at all because I knew she was enjoying time with grandma. You may want to try an overnight with grandma sooner and see how everyone feels. Good luck- and enjoy that vacation, mommies need them!

I went for a week's vacation when my son was almost a year old... had worked on slowing down the breastfeeding to only the bedtime one for a month beforehand and didn't think it would be any problem for him or I once it came down to "out of sight, out of mind". This turned out to be truer for him than for me... my mom watched him and offered him a bottle (which he'd rarely had previously) at bedtime and he turned up his nose at it and drifted off peacefully. As for me, my breasts were excrutiatingly engorged and I spent a lot of time the first three days at Disney World in restrooms squishing out milk by hand trying to get relief!

By the time I got home, I was fine and he seemed to have completely forgotten about nursing... for a few days. Then he had a middle of the night crying episode and I held and rocked him and he signed "milk" so pleadingly that I gave in. My husband thought I was crazy after what I'd gone through but I ended up nursing him for another two months and he gave it up on his own at 13 months old.

Sounds like you've got a couple options to choose from, so my only advice would be to be prepared with at least a hand pump if the real thing isn't going to be close by!

Hawaii is perfect for families! The culture is very family-friendly. If it is an option to travel with a sitter you are comfortable with, bring your baby!

I would recommend doing a 1-2 night local vacation first - somewhere no more than a couple of hours away by car. That way, you are close enough to come back if needed but far enough away to feel like you're really on vacation. Going all the way to Hawaii the first time you leave your baby will probably be very stressful for you and you might not enjoy the trip as much.

If you feel good after a weekend away nearby, and your son handled it well, I think you could do 5-7 days in Hawaii.

K.
http://oc.citymommy.com

Hi J.. This is always a tough decision, but if this is the first time you will be away from the baby, then I would suggest taking him with you (and maybe a babysitter, like your mom, as you mentioned). It is hard to know how you will feel until you are away, and if it ends up being really difficult on you emotionally, then you won't enjoy the vacation. A week is a long time away and if all you have done before this, is a few hours or a day. Then, just trying a week might be hard. But, if you do decide to go and leave the baby with grandma, decide in advance how often you will check in, so you can help yourself to step away and have fun during certain times during each day.

Hi J.,
My name is A. and I am a SAHM as well. I am on baby#2 but I have 6 years in between them. My baby is only 2 months old and my oldest is going to be 7 in January. I honlestly don't think my older son spent any signifigant time away from us untill he was 4 but that was due to my husband being in the military and us not having much family around. I did however go back to work when he was about 10 months old and he was with a sitter for at least 5 hours a day and he did fine. We went to Hawaii for a week when he was 4 and a half and we left our son with a close family friend. He did very well with our friend and we enjoyed our time away. It may be a bit wierd at first to be away from your baby for that long but with a new baby you need that time away with just you and your husband. I would deffinantly recomend leaving him at home with your mom, unless of course you really want your mom to come to Hawaii with you on your first vaca since you had the baby, but if you do that, you won't have as much privacy alone with your husband and you won't fully get a break b/c you will want to help when you are back at the hotel. You will have to schedule everything around when you plan to feed the baby instead of just relaxing and being care free like you are supposed to do on vacation. I know the children come first but you do need to take care of your self as well and trust me you are going to want to get that break in before you hit the terrible 2's and then you may want one after! LOL. If you are still weaning him and you still want him to have breast milk while you are gone, pump and freeze. But I would suggest completly weaning him before you go and give your self time for your breast milk to start drying up so you dont have to worry about your breast leaking or having to wear breat pads with your bathing suit. I say go for it, enjoy it. You will be glad you did it.

It's will be way too long, but for you more than him. Try to take your M. or just go to the Pacific coast for a nice weekend away (where you could rush home to him in an emergency/needy moment), like Carpenteria, or San Diego or something nice and completely different than what your use to, but not so definite. Your first few days will be nice, but then all you will be doing will be counting the hours when you can go back to him. There will be plenty of time for Hawaii alone vacations, this time is for your little guy. Good luck!

We went through this!!! All advice and our gut feelings told us NOT to leave the baby. We wound up taking a relative with us and that worked out perfect! Do you have any friends who also have small children that you could do a combined vaca with? That would work, also, and share the babysitting, but I just could not leave a baby like that. We didn't leave her with anyone at all overnight until she was 3.

If you trust your mom, I would stop worrying and go on your vacation with your husband.
We had my brother come in to watch our kids when we went on a road trip(10 days)as well as a week in Hawaii and they had a blast. I'm sure your son would have fun with grandma. Go and have fun with your husband. You need that once in a while.

I have 4 boys - ages 18, 13, 6 and 5. My husband and I have not been away from them ALONE for an extended period - longer than like a night ever. Not because of fear or anything - mainly due to a lack of someone to care for them. My husband is the one who always wanted to take them with us - as I was the stay at home mom and saw them the most. We have done many a vacation out of state - where we took a babysitter with us. It worked WONDERFULLY. Not only did we feel secure knowing where the kids were - they had fun and so did we. We got to enjoy dinners out without them - fun times in day alone while they napped and great outings with everyone. If your mom will go I think since this a first time - this option would be SUPER!
Hope this helps!

If you don't feel comfortable leaving your son, why not just take him with you? I bet he'd love the beach! We've travelled all over with our DD (in country and insternationally) and it's not that hard. Especially since you're nursing him. Just pop him on the boobie for the flight and it's all good!

One thing to keep in mind is that if you do leave him for this period of time, you do have a real risk of him not wanting to nurse at all on your return. It doesn't happen with every kid, but it's about a 50/50 shot. To pretend that risk isn't there is false. If you do end up leaving him at home, you need to be okay with him suddenly deciding to wean. And at 10 months, he would need either expressed breast milk or formula because he's too young for plain cow's milk and needs the extra nutrients that your milk (or formula provides). Just something you should be really aware of.

Every baby/mama is different, so this is going to be a personal decision for you to make. However, here is my experience. I did an overnight away from my daughter first, while she stayed with my mom. I had enough BM pumped for her, plus pumped a few times to keep from getting too engorged. When our daughter was 9.5 months I had a trip planned with my mom and sister. My husband was at police academy so wasn't really available, so my in-laws came to stay with them. We normally do a 4 day trip, but cut it to 3 days since I wasn't sure how I'd do away for that long. There was a lot of pumping and I missed her like crazy, but it was so nice to get away! Not sure I could have handled more than the 3 days though. I was also worried that any longer and she might not get back on the boob, but she did fine afterward. In fact, she is 15 months and still nursing like a champ! Whatever you do, plan ahead and have plenty of pumped milk on hand for her. Have fun!!

I also think your best options is to bring your mom. They say you should leave your child for as many days he is old. So technically if he is a year, you should only be leaving him for 1 night. YOu should also try and keep nursing him why do you need to stop at a year. It is a great way to connect with the baby.

Take your son with you. You had alone time with your husband before your son was born and you will have more "alone" time with him as your son gets older.

My parents used to go on wonderful (Europe, Hawaii, Etc) vacations without me, and aside from me missing them like crazy, it really hurt my feelings that they didn't want me along.

I think the option of bringing your mom to help out is a good happy medium - that is if you can handle vacationing with her ;)

I left my 10 month old with my parents for 4 days when my husband went to San Francisco for our 5th anniversary and the stress of being away from him ruined the trip. I think it's better to 'wean' the baby away from you also, and if I'd had it to do again, I'd have done shorter trips and gotten him used to the idea. If you can bring him and have help, do it. We came back and the baby was much more withdrawn, although he did come out of it in a few days. That was just my experience, though!