Finding That Balance.......

Hey. My 3 are now ages 3, 2 and 1. Boy. boy. girl. A fifteen month split and a 13 mo split. When #2 was born, #1 went to daycare 1 day per week to give me a break; to give me some undivided time with #2; and to give #1 something to do. For us, it worked great. When #2 is asleep, put her down and play with #1. And try to involve #1 with taking care of #2, and make the play about what great things #1 can do, not the fact that you are both tending to #2's needs. And about getting out with 2 kiddos...you have to do it. Get out, go to the park, go to Target, just go do something to feel normal. For my 2, it was easiest to get out when #2 was sleeping - at 3 weeks they sleep off and one most times. That way you can play with #1 at the park while #2 naps in her carseat (if it's the type of carseat that you can carry with you). Hope that helps. Just remember, everything is a season and you will someday find a "normal you" again. Best wishes.

HI B., I have 4 children all more or less 22mos apart, give or take. So I've been there 3 times over now. First of all while daycare may be ok, I don't want to shun it at all, I don't think that's your answer. Instead look for a Mom's group or a group of friends to hang with. Don't have any? Go the play place at the Mall at McDonalds at the park and be outgoing and most mom's love seeing a newborn. But for at home what I had to learn, which was really hard, was to put the baby down when she sleeps. It will relieve you first of all of the stress of holding a baby all day but that will also free you up for your older one. Little things make a BIG difference. Have a small teaparty with just water, color pictures, water the flowers, read books, start teaching your daughter the alphabet, sing songs, play CandyLand or start teaching colors, just sit together on the couch and watch a short 30min video like the Baby Einstein or Veggie Tales, play hide-n-seek. Let her sit in the sink while you load the dishwasher, so what if she gets alittle wet. Let her hold the baby, supervised of course, let her fetch you diapers or blankets and praise her for being such a great big sister. Take pictures of them two together and let her look at them. Stack Blocks, roll a ball, have a tickle fest. Put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk around the block or just up and down the sidewalk. There are a zillion things you can do in just a few mins that will mean the world to your daughter and remember her attention span isn't much longer than about 10-20mins anyway so it doesn't have to be anything BIG just something. Don't forget to take time for you too. I'm sure you're oldest is still napping so try and coordinate their naps and nap too or do something you want to do like read or watch t.v. or sew, whatever it is. But don't over exert yourself trying to do too much housekeeping. No one expects a clean house when a newborn is around and invite your parents or friends to come help and enlist the help of your husband, after all you're working full time too! Don't stress too much over this. You can handle it and pretty soon you'll be amazed at how easy 2 children can be.

I don't have personal experience in this area since I only have one baby right now, but my sis-in-law had a hard time with her toddler when she had her second baby. She started having her toddler play with a doll and do the things Mom was doing with the baby. So Mom would nurse the baby and my niece would nurse her doll. Mom would change the babies diaper, giver her a bath, whatever, and my niece would do the same with her doll.

I've been there! My first 2 boys are 22 months apart and the next one 18 months later. My oldest had to learn to play by himself more, but I also tried to include him in taking care of his brother. He would help me by getting the diaper or doing other little things. When I nursed the baby, I'd have him get a book and we'd read it while I nursed. I never even thought of sending him to preschool, but my middle son I sent to 3 year old preschool and he loved it. Depends on their personality. I always took them with me to the store, but it was challenging at times. I had to pick a time when they weren't going to be tired or hungry and usually brought a snack for my toddler. I also enjoyed going to a MOPS group to get some adult interaction while my kids were well cared for. Hang in there, eventually they'll be each others best friends and entertain each other all day.

I had the same problem seems in how my two girls are 15 months apart. I found that it helped to have the older child help with as much as she can with the baby. If you bottle feed have them both on your lap and let her help or help with changing the diaper. I of course had to wait a little longer with such a short age gap but as she hit aound two she started to love helping mommy help with the baby. YOu can always read books to both of them infants love to be read to also I think it is just the sound of your voice but they love it. I hope this helps.

Hi B.- The day before my son's 2nd birthday I had his little sister, so I know how you feel about trying to balance. I read an article shortly before my daughter was born that helped me and one of the statements it had in it was, your newborn will not remember you not being there when they wanted to be cudled but you toddler will. So right away I tried as hard as I could to be there for my son's needs over my daughters. Things went more smoothly because my son wasn't as needy when he knew that I was there for him. Then when my son was sleeping and my daughter was up, that is when I bonded with her. She's about to turn two now and she's just as happy and fun as her brother. My son has never acted jealous of her and for now, they really seem to enjoy their friendship. As for getting out with a new baby and a toddler, take little steps like going to the park. Just to get out of the house will be a benefit to your daughter and help your sanity alittle.
Let go of finding balance and eventually it'll find you !!!!!

When my kiddos were younger they were 20 months apart. So my daughter became my "helper" she was 2 and was able to do alot - bring me a diaper when I needed it or just anything simple that I would think of . That way she felt apart of the whole experience as well.

I also had a play doh/craft table set up for her. Showed her how to play tea party with her stuffed animals and dolls. You can play music in the back ground - this will help increase her attention span. Simply let her know that at the end of the song she can do something else. Puzzels were another good thing for us too. Hope that helps!

Many Blessings,
C.
www.AHomeCareer.com

B.,
I know how you feel, as my kids are 22 months apart. I don't think I can add much to what the other moms said, but eventually, it will get easier. I think it's hard for moms to deal with the guilt that they feel for having to split their attention between kids.

I found it was always easier if I included my toddler when doing most anything with the baby - a bath, a story, a walk. When I was getting ready to feed my daughter, I tried to set my son up with something to do, like look at books, coloring, blocks, or even a quick episode of Blue's Clues. As long as it gave me about 15 minutes to feed the baby in peace. Then I made sure to give him some undivided attention while the baby was content or napping.

I think a few hours in daycare would be a great idea for all of you. It would give your eldest a good start on social skills and get her ready for preschool. My son didn't start preschool until he was three, but it was the perfect amount of time for me and my daughter to be by ourselves. And he LOVES school.

And lastly, join a mom's group (MOPS, MOM'S Club International), an excercise class, a church group, etc. You need the support of other moms going through the same thing and where your children are welcome to come with you.

Just always remember it will get easier with each day, especially once your new one develops a good routine. And as they get older, they will be really good friends and playmates.

Good luck!

I am actually facing a similar problem myself. I have a three year old son and gave birth to my second son five weeks ago. It is exhausting and overwhelming and on top of that I feel guilty because Nicholas is very active and I am preoccupied with the baby so much of the time. I would suggest Gymboree or something similar to help occupy your little girl and help her use some of her boundless toddler energy. I would wait until the baby is a little older to look into these, I haven't even begun to take my own advice yet because my baby is still far to small. Try to set up play dates or if you have the extra funds, look into a preschool program in you area. I hope this helps!

Hi there! How are you doing? Hope all is well today and your life isn't too intense at the moment.
I just read your request and ironically just joined this web site last night, it seems pretty cool? Anyway, I too am a '30 something~~34 to be exact, Mother of 2 girls in Littleton and just 9 months ago I was in your same situation. I had my second girl when my first was only 21 months. It was a long and crazy winter to say the least. I know you know about the waiting game...and yes, you do have to let it ride for awhile. BUT, if you can muster the energy it would be worth getting out and just going to the park or whatever. Start small and build your confidence type thing :) Do you have a play group or group of Mom's to hang with, that helps for sure. My, now 2 1/2 yr. old is very active and needs a lot of attention too. Its been quite the test of patience and skills. Very demanding indeed.
But, without sounding too earthy...we all need one another and the more women support the better. Hope you are doing good and this helps a little. TAKE CARE!!! Peace~~L. in Littleton :)

I will soon be in the same boat as you, as I will have a 22 month old and a newborn baby in January 2008. My little boy currently goes to daycare, and in January he will continue to go until the summer months. I believe that if you can afford it, have your daughter go to daycare. I know that there will be a lot of change when our new baby arrives, and the best thing for our toddler will be for him to know there are still somethings that will be consistent and unchanging during this time, and one of them is daycare. He also loves this daycare, so hopefully he'll still look forward to going there and he'll still feel that it's "his space". In addition, daycare can give you some time to focus on your new one, and then be a better mom when your toddler comes home from daycare (because you're a little more rested, and you also appreciate the time you do have with each child). Hope this helps some!