Extreme Anxiety over Medical Situations, "What-if's"

It's really funny because we have the same screen name and when I read your request for advice it was like listening to my own self-talk!!

I too am a very anxious person. I am in the medical profession and deal with very ill people and high-stress situations daily. At work I cope well and remain calm with collected thoughts, but let something happen to my child and I lose my marbles. All of my years of training go out the window when it comes to my children. My son had a fever and chest/sinus congestion and I was just sure he had pneumonia and would be in respiratory distress soon. I found myself putting his monitor closer to his bed and turning the receiver way up so I could lie in bed and listen to him breath.

I agree with previous posters that basic CPR and first aid training would help in a crisis and every parent should be trained in this area, however, if you are an anxious person like me all the training in the world is not going to put you at ease. At this level of anxiety logic is not helpful.

What have I done to cope? Well, I've attacked my anxiety from multiple fronts. Initially, what helped most was medication. I took citalopram for almost a year. Although I had to stop taking it (or rather, opted to stop taking it)once I became pregnant with my second child, once I had some medicinal help I was able to think clearly enough to teach myself some behavioral and cognitive techniques to anxiety control. For instance, positive self-talk. When feeling stress related to my children I tell myself, "I am feeling very anxious right now because I am such a conscientious mother and very concerned for (my son's) well being. It is okay to relax a little. The odds of anything being seriously wrong are so small I am just wasting energy. It is okay to worry less." Other times it is helpful to redirect myself. If I find myself obsesssing I find something else to do. I check e-mail, play with my son, go for a walk, call someone... The point is to change my focus before my anxiety snowballs into an all-out panic attack. I cannot be a good mother or wife when I am paralyzed by anxiety.

I hope sharing my experiences helps you. There are lots of free resources on the web for dealing with anxiety. Good luck to you!

Oh, P.S. You are at prime time for post partum anxiety and depression. If you need help - get it!!! Call your OB, that's what they're there for, and it will not be the first time they would have treated someone for the same thing you are experiencing. Do not feel shameful, weak, or like a failure as these things are many times beyond our control (especially when there's hormones involved).

You said, "Part of this stems from my mother who is a complete hypochondriac and is even more hysterical than me if something happens." You have solved the case right there. Would you wish upon your child what your mother wished on you as you were growing up?

It's critical for you to find a way to relax and live your life with less stress. The first step would be to get involved in some kind of activity that will help you to do that, such as yoga, meditation, etc. Stressful parents raise stressful children, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Eating a balanced diet, free of caffeine and sugar is a good first step top feeling less stressful. You can use honey or maple syrup in place of sugar so you don't have to give up sweets all together.

Take a deep, deep breath. People who live the longest, healthiest lives are ones who can handle stress with a "Que cera, cera" ("What will be, will be") attitude. In an emergency, they are able to keep a level head, and pay attention.

Panic prevents us from hearing things correctly, and from handling things efficiently. You owe it to yourself and your son to find a way to calm yourself and work against your upbringing to live a healthier, calmer life. I know you don't want him to be afraid of living a normal life the way you are.

I'm sure part of your anxiety is your mother. If you grew up in a household where every little symptom was agonized over, you don't know any better. My family was the exact opposite and we NEVER went to the doctor! But, as a first time mommy, I STILL freak out everytime my daughter falls, gets hurt, or gets sick. I think it's part of the territory. I've learned that if I freak out, so does she. So, I try to take a deep breath and assess her injuries. Luckily, it's never been anything that needs medical attention. If you really feel that this will impact your parenting, then perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist. Like I said, if your mom was a hypochodriac, that's all you know. You may have to re-learn how to act in a crisis. Honestly, it sounds like you handles the situation just fine. Of course you're going to be nervous, he's your little guy and bumps on the head are VERY VERY scary! Docs always say it's better if it swells out than in. :)

S., take a deep breath! I have a 22 yr old son & a 9 yr old daughter. My son played football from age 5 until middle school - that's when it was the last game of the season, last two minutes of the game and another dad ran by me to tell me that the kid he was going to take care of on the field was my own. I was almost 4 months pregnant with my daughter at the time - so emotions/hormones were a raging! By the time I got to him on the field I thought I was going to pass out. He had two fractures in his arm and his hand was pointing in the wrong direction. After three surgeries - he loves to tell everyone about his "war injuries". He has played basketball since he has been 6 and has injury upon injury with his ankles. He was trying out for the school team in high school when he fell and had to spend a few days in the hospital due to a concusion (sp?). My daughter is another story. I had a lot of problems with her during my pregnancy. And she was born 4 weeks premature. she has had a lot of health problems to the point where if you were to mention "dr" or "medical test" she would down right throw a fit!! I am not telling you this to scare you....I am telling you this so that you will know that you will live through EVERYTHING that is thrown at you. I know that being a parent is one of the most scariest, maddening, rewarding role that anyone can play. Hang in there ..... the support that you will receive from other moms is wonderful and much needed at times!

I'm with you on that one... i don't know how i'd handle a broken arm or worse............ it's super scary!

I took an infant CPR and first aid class with some moms in my neighborhood. it freaked me out a bit, since they have you pretend the kid really is unconscious or hurt, but I think it was really good for me to realistically imagine it and act as if my child really is hurt. It helped me a lot with my confidence. Now i know exactly what to do, in what order, and since i've practiced it I'm not so worried about what if...?

one natural remedy i can't live without-- Cypress essential oil reduces swelling, helps prevent bruising, and "goose eggs". just a drop on the owie works wonders!

also remember that your post-partum hormones have everything heightened. in a few weeks/months this won't be quite as un-nerving. I do know lots of natural things that help with post-partum depression and anxiety, since i had to deal with it. feel free to send me a message if you want more details about that.

OK breathe!

Do you have CPR and First Aid training? Perhaps knowing what to do in an emergency would help you stay calm and focus on what is going on and what you need to do. Even if it is just to cuddle him and get an ice pack.

Have you ever tried yoga or other breathing exercizes? These could help keep you centered and focused on what you need to do. Plus, and I am sure you know this, the calmer you are, the calmer he will be. This will undoubtably happen again and again, so you need to find a way to deal with it. I would start with education. Knowledge is always power!

it is definately very scary when your child gets hurt, and it is normal to worry about them. I have found that each time i go through something with them, it gets easier to handle - between my two boys (7 & 4), we've had 5 broken bones, 3 surgeries (2 for broken bones, one for tubes in the ears), 2 stitches in the head, a cracked tooth, and 2 hospitalizations for pneumonia - it has been quite a ride! the very first time a bone was broken i was very freaked out, and i had to go with him to the surgery by myself, and cried profusely as they put him under. the next time one was put under for surgery, it was SOOO much easier - i knew what was going to happen because I had been through it before. it was the same way with broken bones, the hospital stays, etc. the chipped tooth was last fall and i freaked out when that happened, rushed him to the er, and he was just fine - for me the situations i haven't been through before are the scariest, because i don't know what to expect. i would guess that the next time your son gets a bloody nose or a goose egg that you won't be as anxious, since you know what to watch for and how to handle it. when i'm in a new situation, i just try to take deep breaths, and give the boys lots of affection - it helps keep them calm and me as well :)

hang in there - i promise there will be plenty more of these things to come, but you're a great mom, and i would be more concerned about you if you weren't upset when these things happen.

HUGS!
~T.

http://MamaWorksFromHome.NET
http://FamilyBenefitsLive.com

S., all moms have that what if's and anxiety then our children get hurt, we all express it in differnt ways though. You just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago, your emotions are going to be hightend. The great thing is that you have reconized that your behavior is not healthy. The next step is to talk with your doctor who can direct you. You're going to be fine.

I'm not sure what to tell you except that you have to learn to let things go or your kids will become hypochondriacs. If the worst that has happened in 3 years is a bloody nose and a goose egg, he's either REALLY graceful or you are REALLY sheltering him. He's never fallen on the play ground? Been pushed over by a play-mate? School gym class is going to be really h*** o* him if he thinks falling is the end of the world. Make sure you never show him how upset you are. Maybe you can talk to a therapist about how to calm anxiety because it's definitely not normal to get so upset over such a small injury. Maybe an anti-anxiety medication could help?
Good Luck:)

First and foremost, if you have ever read statistics, over 95% of "what-ifs" NEVER happen! WASTE OF MENTAL ENERGY!
2. Stress disables your body from absorbing a number of nutients which is a big contributor to people "getting sick" after a stressful period.

3. You need to read the book THE LITTLE BOOK OF LETTING GO by Huge Prather

4. There are 365 "FEAR NOTS" in the Bible. One for every day. THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT!

Lastly, If you prepare your children for life situations and teach safety, precautions, etc WITHOUT going overboard, you've done what you could do. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING SO DONT EVEN TRY! Do what you can to prepare him and yourself for life and leave it at that.

You are way over-reacting. You may need professional help if you can't stop thinking like this. It was just a bump on the head - I can pretty much guarantee that he'll have MANY more in the years to come. My son is almost 7 and we've taken him to the ER several times for random injuries (falling off swing, jumping off roof of outdoor playhouse, twisting ankle playing soccer, etc). These things just happen. And our older daughter has been to the ER a couple times herself - so it's not just a boy thing.

Maybe you should brush up on basic first aid. A goose bump on the head is a Good Thing... if he bumps his head and the bump goes down into a depression (therefore putting more pressure on brain), that's when you can worry and go to the ER. Most of the time, these little acidents are nothing to worry about and you can treat at home. The best thing you can do for your child is remain calm and let him know these little bumps and bruises aren't a big deal - just part of life.

I find educating myself helps me deal with stressful situations. Have you taken first aid class that has both child and adult first aid? And/or even a basic first responders class? Classes such as these are often by local fire departments, churches and such. They often cost a fee, and take a few hours on a Saturday or even one night a week for a few weeks depending on the class but having such information helps. Even if you arent one to remember what you are taught, they normally give you a whole book/information cards that help you with any emergency. Red Cross and other organizations such as this also have such classes. Knowing exactly what to do if something happens has eased a lot of my anxiety.

The first time can be really scary when it concerns your child. Just remember you have to set the example of being the strong and calm one. If you stay calm they will to. And it doesn't get any easier when they get older either. My oldest daughter hit the corner of a coffee table when she was 2 and had to have 6 stitches in it. I almost fresked out on her, it just wouldn't stop bleeding and I was all alone. I finally calmed down and she did too. She was telling me it was gonna be okay. It was when I realized that she was calmer than me. She was fine after stitches ,shots and everything. But I went home and sanded the sharp corners off that coffee table so that it wouldn't happen again. I wanted to protect her from that happening again.

A possible explaination could be that you are not getting as much rest (like 'cause the 3 week old?), so your anxiety level is higher. Also adjusting to another child when reality/routine sets in. It is great to vent, but seek a physician if you start to get depressed, overly anxious or something else tells you in your gut you need help. We are all human and we all need each other. You are not alone. If your mental health is a real concern to you, I am willing to correspond privately and share personal stories with you.

Don't feel bad about feeling ill and shaky afterwards - the important thing is you remained calm for him!!! You are stronger than you think in those types of situations - I think our adrenaline kicks in while something like that is happening, and really, one of the reasons you feel so shaky afterwards is that your body gets overwhelmed with all that adrenaline and once the emergency is over, doesn't know what to do with it. I've had this problem when I've injured myself in the past - did fine while I was getting the cut bandaged, etc, but one I sat down to catch my breath, got very shaky.

Our daughter had a similar accident when she was three. You didn't mention whether or not you had taken your son to the doctor to have him checked out, but you really should just to be safe. As a parent, there's no way for you to tell if there may have been a more serious injury than just that bump on the head. When my daughter had her accident (no bloody nose, but big goose egg on the forehead), we took her to the E.R. because I was worried she might have had a concussion. Always best to just play it safe and have them checked out for any type of head injury. No one will consider you to be overreacting.

The best thing you can do is be prepared. Make sure that you have all the phone numbers to all the doctors, clinics, hospitals, poison control, etc, handy and accessible. If it makes you feel better to keep a list in your car, your purse, the fridge, and sewn into the lining of the diaper bag, that's okay. Take a first aid/CPR class so you know what to do in an emergency, and read up on the common emergency procedures that you might have to do yourself for broken bones, knocked out teeth, bloody noses, vomiting, etc. If you have studied what to do, your training will take over when you need it to. Some people are okay with blood and injuries, some aren't. It's okay if you aren't. Remember that no matter what the situation is, all you have to do it stop the bleeding and get your son to someone equipped to deal with it better than you, whether it's taking him to a hospital, or even just calling your husband or a friend that handles that type of stuff better and getting them to come over.
As your son gets older you should train him in basic first aid as well, because some times kids are calmer when they are hurt than their parents are. I was extremely accident prone as a child, and I remember being 5 yrs old and putting my own front tooth back in, but ice on it and cleaning up the blood while my great-grandmother was freaking out on the phone asking my mother what to do. (it was the third time I had knocked out a tooth) Unless you live in the middle of nowhere with no means of communicating with the outside world, it's extremely unlikely that your son will ever be severely injured without help only minutes away.

Talk to your OB/GYN part of this could be post partum hormonal issues, or it could be the start of panic attacks which there is medications for. I consider myself a self sufficient woman but when my son (now 20) was 4 he had to have his tonsils out, a normal outpatient procedure turned into a 4 day hospital stay. I myself ended up in the ER having chest pains, and difficulty breathing, all which proved out to be a panic attack. I take medication and have had few attacks since then but its not something I can't handle I have also learned that there is nothing I can do about it. Its a chemical reaction. See your doctor they can straighten this out. Good luck!

Sounds like you needs meds for anxiety. Shot if I went off the deep end on everything my boys put me though, I would be in a mental hospital. The only time I had that much anxiety was when my son was wrestling in High school. The first time I was at a meet the guy who he wrestled looked like a gorilla and Greg was going to die. I thought also that they fought like they do on TV. Totally different kind of fighting and he was fine. I prayed so hard. Never that hard before or since.