Ex and Teen Issues

I think it sounds fishy that he wants to put it in his account. How's he going to keep track of it that way? I think it's good he wants to help her save, but it should be in a separate account, with her name on it (but that she doesn't have access to yet).

Until she's 18, I would tell her to keep her pay in cash on her person at all times. My ex opened an account for my then-minor daughter with his name and hers on it, and after we divorced, he emptied the account and took my daughter's money.
Let her hold onto her money until she's old enough to open an account in her name only.

It makes no sense to put her money in HIS bank account. If he wants to help her save, he should open up a savings account in her name, and make her put half the paycheck in there.

How does he expect to keep her money separate from his when it's in his bank account? That makes no sense.

She should have her own account at this age, he can be jointly on the account, to monitor it. They can both monitor each other that way, so no stealing or unwise spending can go on.

Like you - I would try to figure out the truth from the lies....that would mean you would NEED to get involved...urgh..

My daughter, 25, lives with her dad...she didn't like the rules established in our home...like your ex - he bought her a car...now that he's remarried - I REALLY do like his new wife!! things have changed...she was engaged, working, etc. she quit college - ex was going to let her live rent free....new wife says NO WAY - and took rent...called me? yep - if you live here rent...so she stayed put...new wife is taking rent money and putting it in an account for her so that when she "grows up" - she will have a down payment on a home...she's got a nice balance and doesn't even know it....

Sorry - digressed...get both of them on the phone at the same time. Then lies can't be told...however, I feel like it will be like having two 4 year olds fighting over a toy....

If he bought her the car - maybe he wants to use that money for paying it off? I don't know...

If she doesn't trust him - why does she live with him?
If he bought her a car - why didn't he take it away when it was wrecked without a response?
If he found her at a party - why didn't he punish her?

You are right - he is reaping what he sowed...what DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN FROM THIS?? That's what you need to decide....If she's 16 - she can open an account on her own without ANYONE helping her. If she's working - she can get her paycheck direct deposited into that account.

I personally wouldn't put my kids money into my account. My boys have their own accounts - savings - but their own...now related to mine.

I wish you much luck in this endeavor - it won't be easy...she might be playing you - they both might be lying to you....find out why they want YOU to be the middle man...what they hope to gain from this and what you want from this!!

In this particular situation, your ex is trying to do the right thing in regard to having your daughter put some of her money away. I would back him up in this, so when your daughter does call you and asks you to take sides, you need to take her father's side. United front in parenting especially since her father is right.

I'm almost positive that a minor can't open a bank account without a parent's name on it. My banks wouldn't allow it.

Here's what we did with the kids when they were teens. Either with allowance or babysitting earnings. We opened an account with them. Each time they made some money, they saved a portion (they decided what percent -- we usually did 10%) and then they also set aside 10% to give to charity and the rest was theirs to spend. It's a good way to teach them how to save some. When charitable things came up in school, then they always had money to contribute. So what your ex is doing doesn't sound all bad to me.

I think you should try to stay out of this, if there are issues. It sounds like she's trying to play both sides. She actually owes her dad a good bit of money from the car accident I would imagine.

My older daughter lived with my ex as soon as she turned 18 because he didn't have the rules I did, and he spends money like water. I had to bite my tongue a lot. She made it through and now is a responsible 23-year-old. But those years she lived with her dad were hard for me. I get where you're coming from. Still, there isn't much you can do.

my vote: new account for her....with BOTH your name & Dad's names on it. She's a teenager, & a minor account has perks. You & Dad go on the account as secondaries......& the account should be posted T.O.D (transferrable on death) to both of you.

My sons have savings accounts from my Mom. She is listed as primary, co-owner is a son. I am listed as secondary. TOD is to me.

Hope this helps!

EDIT: I think she needs her own account to teach her financial responsibility. This is actually a required class at our high school! The kids are encouraged to have part-time jobs & are taught basic life skills when it comes to handling money, how to apply for jobs, how to present yourself, being responsible employees, etc. They're even taught how to write checks, balance their acct, etc! It's a great class & it's something that all kids need to learn. This would be a step in the right direction for her....

My stepkids were unable to open accounts without an adult attached. To this day DH is on SS's account b/c it's an easy way for DH to provide him money at school. I think that if she doesn't trust her father, she's going to have to trust you...or somebody. The saving idea is good. See if her job does direct deposit. One amount to her savings and one amount to money she accesses. I have had direct deposits to 4 accounts in the past.

As far as being somewhere she should not have been, that's a whole nother issue. It makes me wonder what he did and what he could have done to prevent it. Maybe not having an SUV or a car at all would be a start.

I think she's trying to play mom against dad. He may have said anything. You did say she's been lying. I think he has a good idea. Learning to manage money takes time and saving part of it is not bad. A teenager does not need their whole paycheck for anything except getting into trouble.

I wish there was an "i agree" button. I feel the same at K. O, put money in a seperate account that she can't access yet.

As far as not telling dad what happened in the accident...she still has a car? There is no way I would be driving something my parents paid for without being honest with them. Thankfully that's not something I have to worry about for awhile, my kids are 2 and under.

Good luck!

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I think your daughter might be playing you both. I think her father is on the right track about setting up a savings account, but it should be in her name. If he wants to teach her a little responsibility, I suggest that he start charging her a percentage of each paycheck for room and board. Since it doesn't sound like he needs the money, he can put that amount into a savings account for her college and/or future needs.

As for the lies she tells, I think you should both sit down with her and have a long talk.

Blessings....

On one hand I think she should have her own account and on the other hand if he has purchased a car for her and wants the money in his account, I don't see why not.

I think a good comprimise would be to have him open an account with both of their names on the account. Let her know what the intentions are about the account. Is she allowed to use the money? Is the money being saved for something such as school? Let him handle the bank statement and let him tell her that he will be checking it and all funds need to be accounted for and same goes for her checking the statement to make sure he's not spending her money on things for himself. For example if she takes money out to buy new clothes, then she should have receipts to back it up. Reading your post, it's only a portion of her check, not the entire check, good for him to try and get her to save. She may not trust her dad, but let's face it, she doesn't seem like she can be trusted either. If that doesn't seem to fly with the two of them, then offer to open the account in your name with her name as a second account holder. Once again the bank statements will show what is being saved and what is being spent. It's hard to deny that, no matter who is taking care of the account.

while I agree with the attempt of trying to teach her how to save it is HER money and therefore should NOT go into HIS account. She can open an account at a local bank or credit union in HER name so that she can see the interest and how fast the money can add up etc. Also if the money is in his account then they will be arguing over how much of it is hers and it will be VERY easy for him to spend it. While she isn't living under your roof she is still YOUR daughter and you have every right to put your two cents in, though I would try to minimize the one parent against the other thing by speaking to the ex and giving him your point of view.

Why is she working? Is there something she wants to save for? Is it just to have money for going out? Dad and daughter need to sit down and discuss her goals, he needs to talk to her about how she would feel at the end of summer with nothing to show for all the work she did (if she is just planning on spending it on going out). I think it would be a good idea to split her pay 3 ways - 1/3 for spending, 1/3 in savings, 1/3 in an IRA. Dad should go with her to the bank and assist in opening the accounts for her. She can still access the money in the savings account but not as easily as if it were in a checking account.

If you suggest this to Dad and he agrees then you can tell your daughter that you and her Dad are on the same page (then she can't play either of you)

Good luck

Ya, I'd stay out of this issue. If she's under your roof, then she has to abide by your rules. If she's with him, its his game.

Best wishes!

Sorry about the state of affairs here. Sounds like your daughter's really suffering the break up of her folks. Sounds like she needs to deal with it with maybe some family counselling.

But as far as saving money, if she's telling tales, and not being honest, and has trouble with you and dad, I question if by opening an account, she isn't going to just drain it and show no responsibility. Sounds like dad blew it by buying her a nice SUV. That sounds a lot like guilt. There should've been some serious conditions, like she pays the insurance and gas. She needs to figure out if she's going to plan on school after graduation and that she should think about what expenses she should cover.
She needs to understand that these days, having a job is a luxury. And she shouldn't waste her money on partying.
That being said, it IS her money that she earns. She can blow it and end up with nothing or listen to reason. Dad might consider 'charging her rent' and then putting any 'contribution' in an account and do the saving for her.
But it does sound like you and your ex are being played and manipulated by your daughter, against each other. If you open an account, make it accessible. Some banks don't allow accounts in minors' name only; a parent has to have its name on the account too. That way you could monitor the savings and expenditures. But set some guidelines and get some control back. If she's going to use you, maintain control.
And suggest to pops to develop some backbone and quit indulging her! That won't make her life easier.