Do All Mothers of 2 Year Olds Feel They Are Horrible Parents?

Yes. Felt like that with 3 toddlers---all boys.

Now I feel like Horrible Mom again--with 3 teenage boys! Almost ready to leave the house, and I have only taught them 1000 times how to pick up and their rooms look like tornados went thru. No one cooks a meal or loads the dishwasher unless I ask them. They watch too much TV and stay up way TOO LATE. I have traded my screaming from 12 years ago for nagging.
I am Nagging Queen.
It's all part of parenting. You do what you can.

I did. But now they are grown up. So they don't kick me in the stomach. Only the heart once in awhile.

Yes. Just yesterday I took my 2.5-year old son for a walk around the block [so like a total of 2 1/2 blocks- which is nothing for me but for him its a good walk], and he was fine until we got about halfway, and then he would not stay on the sidewalk at all. Kept running away from me, into people's yards, climbing onto retaining walls, he ripped someone's flower out of the ground, and finally I had to carry him all the way home kicking and screaming. Boy was I pissed! I mean, can't we just enjoy a stupid walk together??? I yelled at him when we got home and said "No more walks for you. Mama will go by myself from now on!" He cried like I had literally broken his heart.
Today we went to play, and the same thing- ripped a toy away from a little girl and would not give it back. The other mom was telling her little girl "Just a minute honey he is going to give it back". So I kept prodding him to give it back and then turned to threatening a time-out [usually that takes care of it! but not this time, since of course we were in public], and finally I had to count to 3, he still wouldn't give it back, so I had to pry the toy from his hand and hand it back to her myself and then carry him away screaming for a time-out. Screamed through the whole time-out and when he was done, he ran away from me, and that also ended with me carrying him kicking and screaming to the car and then there was a big struggle to get him into the car seat, not to mention screaming and crying the entire way home.
The only reason I took him to play is so that HE would enjoy it...I would have been happy to stay home, so it is just so frustrating when we have to leave because he is misbehaving. Why the heck did we go in the first place?
And to me, I think he should know better by now! I mean my god, I've been teaching and teaching and giving time-outs... I give him plenty of praise and positive attention too! Sometimes I feel like we can't go anywhere because he gets so out of control.
Other days, he is a perfect angel. The thing is, he DOES know better. He has perfect days where he shares, says please and thank you and you're welcome, apologizes, is sensitive and empathetic to other kids, and if he can't get something he wants, he lets it go and moves on. Honestly, I think in my mind it would be easier if he was hard all of the time, because at least I wouldn't know what a sweet boy he is capable of being and when he misbehaves, my expectations would not be so let down. So really, I know it is my own fault for expecting so much of him when he is only 2 1/2...but when he demonstrates good, positive behavior on certain days it's so hard to go back to a day full of tantrums and difficulty. Why can't it just be easy and enjoyable all of the time????!!!!!!!!!!
It always seems like everyone else's kids are so well-behaved, too.
So yes, I can definitely relate.

I have 3 year old twins and feel like the worst mom ever lately!! All i do is yell! they fight, I yell, they jump on the couch, I yell, they dont listen i threaten to yell (which actually works ;) I think it's all par for the course, but I feel your pain/guilt/concern. I cry sometiems at night regretting how upset I got with them at times throughout the day. All I want is to be the best mom I can be and I want them to love me and know I love them. I just wish I could do it a few decibels lower!!

I haven't read your other responses....YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now there are fantastic books and groups out there but GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY little siblings fight and yell and need and want and YOU are a GOOD MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!! Have I done enough yelling at you? Sorry, I had a roomate after college who taught 4th grade and she would come home with a hoarse throat and worry about all the yelling she did. It was her first year teaching, she is an amazing teacher, won teacher of the year, but she yelled so much, her throat hurt! You are growing with your kids and that is OKAY. Just questioning it will make your life less crazy, but doesn't mean you will stop :) I just read Siblings without Rivalry and it was fantastic, I plan on reading How to talk so kids will listen and Listen so kids will talk next, but I still yell at my kids to STOP!!!! whatever it is!!!!! Volume gets the attention you need sometimes. I don't feel bad about that. I don't know but neither do the kids and they will be alright :)

We mom's have bad days and so do our kids. We just go to bed feeling guilty when we have had a bad day. But normally, no matter what happens, they still love us just as much as we love them :). You just kicked my motivation into full gear to have an AMAZING day with my kids today :). You're a good mom - kids are tough....it's all okay at the end of the day when you give hugs and kisses and get to see your babies sleeping soundly :O).

I agree with Amy's response. But first......there are times still when I feel like a bad mom and my kids are 16, 13 and 7. Sometimes when they were little the minute my husband walked in the door I walked out b/c I couldn't take another minute.

However, having said that, don't wait to find effective discipline methods. Don't let your kids kick you in the stomach. Two is not too young for discipline. And you deserve the same level of respect from your kid that you would insist on for friends, family and even strangers. So many moms let their kids mistreat them saying ".....oh he has to let it out with someone.....or .....he just feels safe to be himself with me" Later on some of these kids are lying to mom, swearing at her and acting out in more serious ways. Don't be a martyr.

Good luck....someday you'll look back and laugh or at least sigh a big sigh of relief.

Hey, I've have had other people come to me and tell how well behaved my children are. I feel like sending them home with them for a couple hours and see if they still feel that way when I retrieve them.

Actually, I was worried about the neighbors hearing me scream in frustration. I sometimes feel like going outside and screaming at the top of my lungs. I have actually screamed at the top of my lungs when they were all fighting and screaming and I was completed frustrated with them. It did shock them into quietness temporarily. My husband has been know to sit and boo hoo with them when they are all crying and fussing and fighting. They all stop an look at him like his is an animal at the zoo. Actually, my husband can control them and make them mind better than I can. That makes me mad!!! I am they one stuck at home all day 24/7 with little relief and I can't get them to mind me but he can walk in the door and say go clean your room and they jump and run and toys start flying. I can tell them till I am blue in the face to go clean their room, I can punish them for not doing it by taking favorite toys hostage, etc. and I can't get them to do anything hardly for me.

I can't wait for school to start. My middle child starts school this year and since he is the instigator of nearly every fight among my children it will be a relief for school to start. Some one told me his picking fights with his older and younger sibling was middle child syndrome. He does not have the privileges of his older brother (5 years older than he) and he is not being babied as much as his sister who is 2 1/2. I don't know, but it is a relief for me when he alone goes on an errand with Dad or goes home with an aunt or a grandparent. My house is so quiet with him gone.

As to your problem, I am probably assuming that a lot of the fights are over toys. All or most of the toys belonged to your oldest originally. He or she has outgrown some of the toys and they have been passed down to the next child. He still remembers that they are his and does not want to give them up. He probably also has toys that a 2 year old should not be playing with (choking hazard or too sophisticated for his age) It really has to do with selfishness. They will overcome some of it as they grow older, but siblings fight regardless. You may try giving them a break from each other occasionally. Send one alone to the grandparents or take one alone on an errand. Just make sure to be fair about. Don't always give the same child the privilege or it will be more cause for fight.

Anyway, you are not a bad mom, we all feel frustrated at times. This is especially true if you are a stay at home mom with no relief. Parenting can be overwhelming at times. If possible, find a babysitter and spend some time with your spouse or go shopping by yourself. Sometimes we just need a break. Of course, this is coming from the mom who gets no break. Both of my parents work, my in-laws health is failing and my husband is systems admin for a law firm as well as tech support for several small business in our area on the side. He also does the sound and small jobs around the church. He does not know how to tell people no when they ask him to do something. I think I am married to a workaholic. He leaves most mornings at 8 and does not return until midnight or later every day of the week except Sunday when we are at church and about half or less of the Saturdays.

Well my daughter is only 6 months old, and I also have a dog. Also, I'm a single mom. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm a total nutt case. I don't yell at my daughter, but I do get very frustrated at times and I go to another room and yell to myself or I take it out on the dog by yelling at her to MOVE or STOP or DAMMIT HOLLY MOOOOOOVEVVEEEE. The baby laughs at me while I do this. She thinks it's funny when I yell, which makes me feel better, because I'm always worried that I'm going to cause psychological damage by not being totally calm and cool all of the time. She must not find it too disturbing if she's laughing at me, right? My windows were open and my neighbor was walking by while I was yelling at my dog. Actually, they've heard be a lot bc of bad timing. I'm not always yelling, but I think they must think I am. They are an older couple, and they have kids so hopefully they understand. I hope so. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm always afraid to face them outside bc I'm wondering if they think I'm a meanie nutty horrible mother.

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom too, but I know that I am not. I am assuming that you are not a bad mom either. The fact that you have enough insight about your feelings and behavior means that you are concerned about doing the best thing for your kids. My pediatrician always says that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves as parents. It's ok to get upset with your kids. It's ok to raise your voice. We are human. We are teaching our children about life. Be easier on yourself. Take a deep breath and realize that your kids will be just fine.

Yes....Last week, I was having a particularly bad day. I have an almost 2.5 year old and an almost 8 month old. I was tired. I was hungry. I was hot. I yelled at my 2.5 year old rather badly.

When I said I was sorry to her, she came over and gave me a hug and kiss. It was so sweet.

It's OK to not be perfect, just so long as we own own it. Of course we are going to yell sometimes. I think it's a rare spirit that doesn't raise their voice when pushed to their limits.

I won't go into the endless accounts of me feeling like a bad mom.........I just wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!

After months of calmly repeating, "We're on the sidewalk, and we're near cars, so let's hold hands," I feeling pretty pleased with the progress of my toddler son's sidewalk etiquette. Today, he flung off my hand, went racing down the sidewalk, and ran into an alley before I could do anything more than gasp (thank god no cars were passing through). Do I feel like a bad mom? Oh yes. I'm not, and you're not either -- but we all do have those days, don't we?

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My husband is home days and works evenings but tells me he feels awful a lot, like he only yells. I have nutty 3 1/2 year old and 2 year old boys who do not listen well when they are excited or tired and sometimes get a little carried away playing roughly with each other (or us). Yeah, we raise our voices more than we like but try to do it when someone is getting or about to get hurt, but it doesn't always work out. I think kids this age have very selective hearing. :)

UGH! It only gets worse! My 5 yr old twins are at each other's throats &/or testing the waters constantly and I'm always yelling or giving time outs, or giving a swat on the butt because the one hit the other in the nose that just had surgery on Monday morning and made it bleed something awful. I'm hoping that things will change as soon as they start kindergarten. Maybe they'll see that Mom's actually pretty easy-going and lets them get away with more than what they think. ... Then again, maybe not.

bad moms dont discipline and yelling is discipline. :)

Why do you fell bad about yourself as a mom? This is just a stage in life....nothing to do with you being a mom... Kids will fight or play together nicely...it is them, their personality, interest, etc. Not you. You know who the bad mom is? The one who drinks, does drugs, abandons kids, neglects them, or worse...
Stop feeling bad about yourself, kids will be kids.
Pray for patience :)

My 3 1/2 year old tests my patience way beyond it's outer limits. And my reactions vary from completely appropriate/motherly to me joining my son in his behavior and essentially screaming my head off. It's those moments that I feel so much guilt!!! It just comes out of me sometimes, usually after a full day of him tormenting his infant brother and having one screaming fit after the next. So, yes, there are many days that I feel like a horrible mom. But I'm hoping over time we'll both forget. ;)

I think we have all felt like that at some point. But we have to do what we have to do! I just make sure I let them know how much I love them by the end of the day. My son has PDD-NOS and ADHD! And I tell you sometimes I just feel like I cant control him and I need a break, sometimes I need to sit in the car and cry for a while, but right after that I try to get as close to him as he'll let me and some times even give him a huge kiss. Or Ill cuddle with him when he's asleep, u know just being really close to him makes me feel less guilty, I guess!!

go to the library and rent a video called 1, 2, 3 magic. It will change your world and the way you respond to your child and more importantly, it will change your child's behavior. 2 is the perfect age to start implementing 1,2,3 magic. Like you, my 2 kids were fighting all the time, now when they start up, all I have to say is "1" and they instantly stop. No raising my voice, not hassles. It's great.

I believe the "bad" mom's are the one's that do not correct their children. Most of us have raised our voice's because sometimes it's the only way we get our children's attention. They push boundaries, it's natural, but they need to know that there are limits and consequences for there behavior. I have 4 children and the first did not like me to raise my voice at all!! She knew when I did, she should not be doing what she was doing. I did explain to them why I raised my voice. ("I didn't want you to get hurt because..." or " that hurts your brother when you...") And it seemed like I didn't have to raise my voice until I had my second. (3 yrs later) Now they are all older (7,10,13,16) so I will let you know, at least in my case, I don't raise my voice as much as I used to. They learn limits and what is expected of them. And even the older one's learn to correct the younger one's and they don't have to raise their voices like I did!! Good luck and remember you are the good mom for setting limits, teaching right from wrong and correcting by raising a voice instead of raising a hand.