Divorcing Parents

My mom went to divorce my father twice. The first time she had a weak attorney and things were in my father's favor entirely. They reconciled because she felt stuck and her self-esteem was probably in the gutter from being in a bad marriage for years. Anyway, when she went to divorce him the second time 10 years later, she got a good and more expensive attorney (I think it's a case of you get what you pay for) and the situation was tipped in her favor. She needs to get recommendations from several people who have been there and done that to get a new lawyer ASAP. No way would I accept a divorce process like this!

First of all, stay out of the drama! Both of these people are your parents. This was their marriage. If you get dragged into this, you are going to feel a responsibility for one or the other. It gets uglier than this.

Just a thought, If it was reversed would you be saying the same thing about your mom not working and now only making $1400 a month and needing someone to pay her attorney fees? Needing some sort of retirement?

There are a lot of moms that stayed home and took care of kids and refused to get jobs and expect their husbands to give them half of everything during a divorce.. Even when the husband wanted and needed his wife to get a job.

I am in no way taking sides, I am just letting you see this from the other side. The problem here is the basic.. there just is not much money to work with. It is what it is. So, your mom needs to make sure her attorney is protecting her interests, but also going to satisfy the court.

She needs to forget about keeping it all for herself, because that is not going to happen. She needs to make an offer to your dad and get this over with because the more they bicker over this, the more it is actually costing them in attorney fees.

Divorce is terrible and pulls families apart. There is your moms version, your dads version and each child's version and the truth is all swirled in there somewhere. I know this because my parents started their divorce when I was 10, it was not settled until I was 13. I am now 50 and still cringe remembering the awful feelings I had and the horrible things my parents said about each other. It took years to be able to go back to just having some peace with each of them.

I had a horrible attorney who did nothing but taking my retainer...after a while he was doing nothing good for me, on the contrary, he was hurting my chances to win my case, not answering my phone calls etc..., I FIRED him and told him I would not pay the extra money he was asking for. The retainer I gave him was more than he ever deserved for what he had done...he kept sending letters asking for money, I kept ignoring him until he stopped (not before telling him that, if he hurt my chances to gain custody of my child, I woul have asked HIM for damages for thousands of dollars). She needs to fire him immediately and get another one who will actually do his job and help her.

What kind of attorney does she have? Um...and why is she paying his attorney? Sounds like the scales are completely tipped unfairly. Either your Mom has a terrible attornery or she doesn't have a backbone..She needs to stop paying for his stuff period end of story. Look into that new attorney asap.

I agree with Lucky. She needs to get another attorney. The one she has isn't looking out for her as he/she should. Not fair to her at all. Good luck and I'm sorry that ya'll are having to go through this.

I agree: your mother needs to seek another lawyer.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Divorce hurts children, even when the children are grown up and on their own.

It sucks, but she's the bread winner and he was her spouse for such a period of time that he is "entitled" to half of what they have. She should appeal the decision based on what he is or is not currently paying, but all of the "other stuff" regarding why he quit his jobs is really irrelevant and if his name was on the house, he didn't technically break-in nor did he "steal" from a joint account.

I'm not a lawyer or went through a divorce, but I think your mom needs a new one that is working for her. Not that you should be brought into it, but have you ever talked to your dad. I would encourage your mother to find another lawyer.