Disciplining a 21-Month Old with New Baby on the Way

The most important thing at this age is to just be consistent. If she is pulling hair, a calm "NO!" consistently should do the trick. Eventually she'll get bored and stop.

At that age, they are still discovering - and trying to see WHAT gets a reaction out of mom. They don't get the concept of "When you pull my hair, it hurts, darn it!!!"

The other thing that worked for me was simply removing my child from the situation. If she is taking away toys from others at Playgroup, calmly tell her NO!, and if that doesn't work, just take her home.

Time outs didn't work for me at that age, as kids don't get that concept just yet.

Good luck!

PS If you think terrible two's is bad, wait till terrible threes! LOL :)

I was in the same boat as you last february. My then 21 month old was displaying annoying (if not typical) 2 yr old behavior and it was really trying. Of course all of it was exacerbated by the arrival of her little sister. we then had some issues with the older hurting the baby (but never did this to anyone else but me!). It is hard. I needed help with her behavior and found the book "1,2,3 magic" really helped. The idea behind this strategy is essentially giving them timeouts in a consistent way- and in a way that gives them an option of changing their behavior before the time out comes. Normally I really abhor getting parenting advice from a book, but this strategy makes sense, is simple and practical.
Good luck with the baby and with big sister!
K.

I have a 20 mo-old daughter and am about 4+ months pregnant. Its definitely a juggle, but my favourite books for discipline have been Gentle Discipline (more of a philosophy than a how-to book, but its incredible and does have some great ideas). I also like Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvy Karp. Dr Karp's philosophy differs a little from Gentle Discipline, but when my daughter has been in full tantrum mode his methods have been MAGICAL.

Good luck!
H.

Hi Abby,
Here's one little tactic I learned from my husband that has worked pretty well with my 25-month-old (I, too, am seriously pregnant right now/ due in a few weeks). When he displays unappealing behavior- ie, fussing/crying when he can't have something, throwing objects, grabbing from/hitting his older brother- I tell him to stop or he will go to his crib. He does his time-outs in his crib, since sometimes he needs to be "contained" in a safe place. I will ask him, "Are you going to stop, or do you need to go to your crib?" and often, he will say, "I'll stop" and we can move on. Our hope is that we are teaching him to learn to control his own behavior since he has a chance to correct himself before facing consequences.

Just an idea...wish I had good books to recommend but I have no time to read!! I did read a lot of Brazelton & liked his approach w/my first little guy, though.

Good luck with the "terrible twos" and the rest of your pregnancy!

Praise her for how much she can do now that she couldn't do as a baby. I have 2 boys, 2 years apart, and someone got my first son a present when his brother was born, a book called "I'm A Big Brother Now". We read that book a lot (I'm sure there's one for sister too) Maybe that will help.

Three books I recommend:

"Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Kurcinka
"Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Fay & Fay
"Positive Parenting" by Glenn Latham

Latham's book had what has become a lifesaver for me - he says if the child is doing something that they really can't (taking a toy from another child and pulling your hair would both qualify in my mind) tell the child they can't do that, but immediately give them something they can do instead - "You can't play with that toy, but you can play with this one" or "You can't pull my hair. Do you want to color?". This has worked wonders with my 2-year-old. My two kids are 22 months apart (now 27 and 5 months) and like you my older child is a girl and the younger a boy. My daughter always used to take away my son's toys, and the way I've been able to get through to her is by pointing out to her how many more toys she has and by telling her she can have his toy only if she gives him one of her toys to trade. This tactic seems to have decreased the frequency of her trying to take away what he's playing with while also making her more tolerant of his interest in her toys. This might work at playgroup too - bring a toy of hers that she cares about and if she starts to try to take away a child's toy ask her if she wants you to give the child her toy. Since the hair pulling happens randomly, it sounds like that is mainly attention getting/boundary testing behavior...

Good luck, with the new baby too!

Hi Abby,
I t have a 21 month old girl. She is doing the same thing. I have found distracing her is hard to do with "spirited" children. I took a class at the family cent in Peterbourgh called " when your kids push your button" by Bonnie Harris. It was a great class. This is the name of her book. She also pulled my hair.we did the same thing you are doing and we came to the fact that she was tired and that has stopped. I hope this helps. Ware do you live. We live in Temple. Adelines b-day is Agu 5 when is your daugters?
Good Luck