Difficult Potty Training 33 Month Old Boy

Have you read the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day," by Azrin and Foxx? It is a great behavioral approach book (though for both my kids it took about 3 days).
S.

Dear M.,
One of the things I have learned in potty training was when you are at home let him go without any clothes as they do not want to go without a diaper,they dont want it on them.Thats why they cry when wet or have a soiled diaper.Also put potty chair where he is playing with no clothes.I worked in Pediatrics 13yrs and there is not one way that works for all children.But with socializing with other children their age they will want to do the same,but do not force it.
Good Luck
N.

HI M.,
Probably not the advice you are looking for but here it goes..I have four sons and I have found that with each boy..when they are truly ready, they will make it happen. I promise your son won't be in 5th grade trying to figure it out! So just keep talking to him, give him incentives...I used cheerios (sink the ship) in the potty....and rewarded with 1-2 m-n-m's when they went! Each were different....the younger ones wanting to be like their dad or big brothers, etc..but my twins didnt even "try" or "care" until they were 2 1/2 almost 3....but when they said "yes"....and I figured out how to motivate them (what worked) and they were ready...its SIMPLE...until then, its torture to try and make them. Boys will be boys and when they are ready to make it happen, they will! Hope that encourages you some!

we are in the process of potty training our 2 year old. I set the timer on the oven for every 25 minutes and everytime it beeps he knows he has to go potty. I let him wear underwear all day and we go through quite a bit, but I use washable diapers with my daughter so I already do a lot of laundry. They have underwear that are thicker in the front so if they do have accidents it stays. Maybe these will work! Good luck!

Hi M.,
I understand what you are going through. I could have written exactly what you wrote! I felt pressure from family members which didn't help either. I'm happy to say that our son will be 17 next week and he's potty trained :) haha. Instead of having our son (almost 3) sit on the potty to pee.. we used fruit loops and had him aim. He thought that was fun. At 3 I was still working on him to poop in the potty. He would wear underwear until he had to go then bring me a diaper! He was about 38 months when he just was tired of being a baby and started going on the potty. He had a great ped. She told me that I've given him all the tools and the rest was up to him. She promised me that he would be completly potty trained before he got married and she was right! Don't stress he will do it! Hugs!

My son did not potty train until 40 months. We bought underwear like Daddy's and let him wear them around the house during the weekend. We had been encouraging him to sit on the potty for candy rewards before that without much success(he would sit but rarely went). We started letting him wear the underwear at 34 months, but he didn't care about getting them wet until about 36 months. When he got upset/embarassed about wetting his pants we started to really make progress, but it took another 4 months before he would go to the bathroom without us telling him to. It was a longer process than I had anticipated but I think that is more common than we know. Good Luck!
~B.

Hi M., I always told myself I wouldn't push my son, I figured he would be ready after 3 and would be the last of his friends trained due to his lack of interest. The month before his 3rd birthday he started wanting to use the big potty (the little potty had been an available option for months but I secretly prayed he wouldn't use it much-gross to clean!)-all of a sudden he wanted the big potty. So I feel letting them do it when they're really ready makes it much easier on everyone. The thing I did was buy a big bag of 100 toy coins at the party store -i put them in a glass on top of the fridge -everytime he went he got one in his 'cup' he helped decorate. A big prize was promised at the filling of his cup-He was done in less than a week and was daytime trained 99.9% within that week-he is 3 1/2 and still needs nighttime pull ups but we have really never had daytime accident-maybe a handful since January. Another tip-some may not agree-but i used to put real underwear on (after the first few days of my potty coin week) with a pull up over them at important times, like nap and going out, to contain messes but let him feel if he got wet -he didn't like feeling wet and I didn't like cleaning up pee pee -so it really helped!

I also let him pick a new step stool, potty books, his own hand soap and big boy undies at various times throughout -and he only wanted pull on shorts-he still only wears pull onshorts so he can alone!

I did not have the added pressure of another one coming soon and possiblyhaving 2 in diapers at once, so I can't blame you for being anxious to get it done.

I hope some of this helped and I wish you a speedy and painless delivery of baby number 2!!!!

At this age, I would, over a long weekend, just strip him down to nothing but a t shirt and tell him, here is the potty, you need to put your potty and poop in toilet. Please do not potty and poop on my floor, I don't like those stinky messes on my floor. If you potty in the toilet, them you can have m'n'm's. Then just drop it, don't sweet talk to him, he knows you're trying to motivate him to do something he might not want to do. Just be matter of fact, sort of a "this is the way we do this now" attitude . Remind him every 15 minutes, "Do you need to put some potty in the toilet? You can have candy when you go?" IF he says yes, tell him VERY good, do you want me to go with you or do you want to go by yourself? Some kids like to go by themselves. If he tries but doesn't go, just say thank you for trying, I'm so glad you didn't potty on my floor. Next time, if you make some potty you can have candy. If he goes, have a party! Give him the candy, let him call daddy or grandma to brag. whatver makes him proud of himself. Now, if you aks him if he needs to go, and he says no, you can say are you sure? Remember, please don't potty on my floor, I don't like that. then let it go for another 15 minutes. Get a good carpet cleaner our, some microfiber towels to clean up the mess and good luck. Give him lots of fluids so he has to pee. This will give him lots oppurtunity to go. He will have accidents because he just can't hold it anylonger and he will have the choice to pee down his leg and have his mom be a little upset about the mess, or to go in the potty and get a rewards and his mom will be very happy. You can put cherrioes in the toilet, too to let him sink them with his pee...lots of fun for boys. Good Luck, After four kids and a dozen 2 yr olds in my daycare, I have tried everything and what really seems to finally work with everyone of them was to strip them down and just do it, no pull ups at all unless you are going out or for bed. Trust me, if you are worried about him peeing on the carpet, you are more likely to remember to remind him to try. You can even put a small toilet on a bathmat in front of the TV, sometimes that's where they will go the first time, while watching their favorite show.

My 32 month old doesn't want to train either. My older son was hard to train also. Boys are just harder to train then girls. Believe it or not my son will go to the potty at school but doesn't want to do it for me. He tells me he wants to wear big boy underwear and I tell him you have to do pee pee and poopy in the potty first and keep your pull ups clean. We will see.

Hi, my son would not use a potty chair ever!! I bought a little step stool and he loved to pee standing up-he thought it was cool!! I let him run around with just a shirt on and told him to make sure he used the potty so he didnt make a big mess and it worked great!! He still had accidents but I let him do it on his own and then he would come and tell me and I made this huge deal out of it like dancing around and clapping which he loved but when I did have my daughter he regressed for a couple of months. Thanks and Good Luck!! S.

I have a boy that sounds similar to yours... stubborn. up until it came to potty training he did everything fast and on his own. Now he is a couple of months over 3 and still not fully potty trained. I often get the "look" from other mothers when we talk about him not going to the bathroom on his own. I too have tried stickers treats yea potty dances... but at the end of the day I KNOW IT IS HIS CHOICE. You can encourage and reward all you want. When he is ready he will let you know, until then keep being patient. It is not a measure of his intelligence or your mothering skills. All children are different, and do things at their own pace. Good luck, and don't let anyone make you feel bad that he isn't out of diapers or pull ups.

Hi M.,

Just wanted you to remember that there are 3 things you can't make a child do... eat, sleep and go to the potty. I have a 33 month-old girl who made great progress on potty training at daycare between age 2 and 30 months. Then after moving to her new room and us taking a vacation, she regressed back to the point where wearing pullups was the only option b/c I was cleaning up so many accidents per day, it was crazy. After realizing that I could not train her on my "schedule," I removed all pressure and now she's doing well again, albeit still with an occasional daytime accident around naptime and still in a nighttime pullup for overnight.

I would be careful about setting February as a "goal" for yourself, b/c I've heard that kids regress when another baby comes, b/c they want to be the baby again and get all Mommy's attention. Just don't want you to feel that frustration with an arbitrary date in your head.

I think you just keep doing what you're doing... encouragement and positive reinforcement is really the only way... they are so smart at this age that they know when we are bribing them and sometimes, they really just don't want any of the treats we're offering! They are just not ready.

My sister reminded me of something I now tell myself whenever I get anxious for her to be done already... no one goes to kindergarten in pullups! So, give him as much time as he needs... love him and encourage him no matter how hard (believe me, cleaning up urine in the kitchen after she walked right past the bathroom to pee there was almost too much for me!) and they will just wake up one day ready to be big kids!

Good luck!
K.

I just wanted you to know that both of my boys did not start until just after three. I tried everything. They did it when they were ready. When they both decided it was time to go on the potty they went all of the time even in the middle of the night. It will happen for your boy too! Also, sometimes when you have a new baby they will regress. My older son saw me changing my younger son's diaper and wanted his changed too. Don't worry. Soon your son will decide on his own that he is ready. You can't push it. When they are ready they will just do it. I am now trying to train my 20 month old daughter. She has much more of an interest than my boys ever did. Although I think it is a good idea to be relaxed about it, I do not think it would be a bad idea to let him once in a while to let him wear his underwear for more than an hour. Let him see how yucky it feels to be wet. Anyway, hope I could be of some help. Good luck!
S.

This may sound odd, but.... I had a friend who had a stubborn little boy. Her husband ended up putting fruit loops in the potty and had a game - hit the blue one, etc. She said it worked like a charm and also helped him with colors - go figure! Pushing followed right away because the potty was fun.

My son now 6 was hard to potty train. # 1 was not much issue it was with #2. He was emotional about it. The whole thing was in his head. The bottom line, he is not ready. What you are doing so far is good. No pressure, keep with the practice. Also if you husband can take him in with him while he goes that is helpful. Have him do what you want your son to do (ie: sit or stand etc) that helps also and it can be hard for men to do this but have him say "this is how daddy uses the big potty". You have a son, this is dad's part in helping with potty training and it is ok to tell him that! LOL after all we as moms and women have differnt parts.

The fact that he wants to use the regular potty is great. I think it works much better in the long run when you are out in public. Ask him frequently if he has to go and then take him in. When he does, give praise and the treat. If not, give him praise for trying and the treat still. Even if he says no say,"ok well lets try, Mommy sometimes thinks she doesn't need to go and whe she tries she has to go!" Keep it light and up tempo. He is makes a fuss, back off.

Your doing it right, tapes or books about it is also helpful. Don't push as you said, he will go in his own time. My son is not the type that could be pushed either. He had to do it when he was ready and by 3 1/2 he was. Most are not fully ready before that and girls do get it sooner most times. Don't worry about the ones that say theirs were done at 2 yrs old or something...they are all different. I know we hear that as moms alot and it used to make me mad! LOL but it is the truth. School and seeing others use the potty helps too.

The story with mine, we had been working on the #2 more than 6 mos. It took that long because I was ready, he wasn't. Then one day, I could see he had to do it and I said "ok lets get to the potty!" He did it, (I caught him mid poo sorta speak) and when he saw it was much cleaner and felt much better than doing it in his pull up, that was all it took. Literally one time and he told me from there he had to go potty. Sounds so simple and easy, but the truth is it happens that way and everyone told me it would. I just never believed them. For me potty training was the hardest thing.

Best wishes on your new baby and with your current one too! I know it will turn out good for you. Your mind set is perfect, sometimes we just need to know what we are doing is right!

Just what we did... it may not work for you.. but it's another option.
Suggest, don't push.
Give him tangible instant gratification, and something to strive for. Face it... "being potty trained" isn't high on the list of "things to accomplish" for a little boy. Having a piece of candy right now, is much more "their speed".
Let him wear clothes that he can easily remove on his own... my little boy was already insistent on choosing his own clothes by that age... so I had to be careful what I BOUGHT (no cute overalls!!).
I bought a big bag of Lifesavers candies (individually wrapped in bright colors/fruit flavors) and dumped them into a clear ziploc baggie. Showed them to him, and put the bag on the kitchen counter. I told him, "when you use the potty you can choose a candy." Then drop it. After an hour or so, ask him... "are you ready to pick out a candy?" If he says yes... great! "Okay, go hop onto the potty." When he pees/poops.. do a silly potty dance and whoop and holler, give him a big HIGH 5, etc etc.. Help him wash his hands then tell him "race you to the kitchen..." to choose a candy. Let HIM CHOOSE. My little boy took FOREVER deciding which one he wanted. That's okay. It's a big decision... he'll only get ONE. ..... Until he uses the potty again.....

After a few weeks, the candies were left forgotten on the kitchen counter. When he begins to get comfortable with the process.. and is actively trying (sometimes he just will not make it in time... even if he is really trying to).. he will get heavily involved in Legos or something and not notice the urge. When he gets comfortable with it, and you see him involved in something like that.. and you KNOW it's been awhile... then it is okay to gently suggest... "hey, you've been ____ (playing with that puzzle, watching that movie, building that tower, etc) for a long time... have you had a potty break yet? Which candy do you want this time?" I would only insist he go: a) if you are leaving the house, b) before bed/naps. Otherwise, let him learn to notice his bodily urges. Don't give him real big boy undies until he is fairly consistent. Use pullups or those thick cotton training underpants. When he gets pretty reliable, you can use the "character" big boy undies as more incentive.

My son was trained BEFORE 36 months, and his sister was born 3 weeks before his 3rd birthday. He did not regress in his training. I'm not saying it won't happen to you, but it doesn't ALWAYS happen. He also never went through the whole baby/sibling rivalry thing where they are mean to the new baby... He was a little sad that I was nursing and couldn't play legos with him right that moment... but we had a talk where I explained that his new sister was born into a family with 2 children (him and her) and she would ALWAYS share time with mom and dad with her brother. Whereas, he had been part of the family for 3 years and didn't have to share with anyone that whole time. So he was making out. I don't know if he understood it all, but there were NEVER sibling problems.
Now, 7 years later, they are still practically best friends. Just the usual bickering in the backseat stuff...LOL.
Anyway... don't expect the potty training to be a one day thing. It is a process where he has to learn what the feelings he experiences mean (full feelings and urge to pee/poop). He just may not see what the big deal about it is. So you have to give him a reason. I NEVER used sticker charts with my kids for anything.. except learning to read (when they were 3 or 4 yrs). It just isn't tangible. M&M's are good, except they don't last long. The lifesavers candies are hard candy, so they can suck on them for a bit, then crunch/bite them.. and they are all kinds of flavors.. not just chocolate. We went through several "refills" and usually there would be a color/flavor that was left in the bag when all the others were gone b/c he didn't like that one. So I'd toss them out and buy a new bag. After awhile, I "forgot" to buy them... all that was left was the "yucky" ones.. and they were forgotten. Voila.. he was trained. Did the same thing with our daughter.. but she was more "into" wearing "panties" instead of diapers and didn't care as much about the candy to start with. So it wasn't as big a deal.
Try to stay positive.
If you teach him to stand to pee right from the start, then keep a container of cheerios in the bathroom so he can toss in a "target". He might think that's fun. And have him use a step-stool.
We did not teach the standing thing until after he was trained. I thought a stepstool wasn't necessary, and could be dangerous. Wrong. That "hit home" when he was learning to stand just before our daughter was born. He dropped the seat on himself... !!! ER visit. I know others it has happened to also.
I must say though, that I think letting boys sit for both until they are trained is less confusing for them. I hear of lots of boys with "power" issues about the pooping, and I wonder if they started out standing to pee right from the start... just curious... It'd be an interesting study ....

I can definitely relate to what you are going through. My son just turned 4 yesterday!

When I started the potty training process I completely stressed myself out because I kept hearing my mom say 'he needs to be trained by the time he is 2.' Well, that did NOT work! I felt like I was banging my head on the wall and he was never going to get it. My son is a very strong willed boy also and he DOES NOT do things until he is completely ready. His doctor continuously told me not to stress out about it and when he is really ready it will happen almost overnight. I put him in underwear throughout the day and he wore pullups at night. I took him to the store with me so he could pick out his own underwear. He started to like the feel of the underwear and told me he didnt want to wear the pull ups anymore. So I stopped all fluids at around 645pm and gave him a little water at bedtime. This worked when it came to night training.

As far as pushing on the potty...this was the last thing that my son accomplished. He WOULD NOT go on the potty. But after several times of feeling it in his underwear and exactly 3 weeks before his 3rd Bday he just decided to start going in the potty and that was it! Just like that! He had to make up his mind on his own that he was going to sit on the potty everytime and use underwear everyday and not have accidents. Along the way, I would remind him at times. Not tell him to go to the potty but just a friendly reminder. I also read some books from the library which I think really helped him to think about the choices he was going to make as a 'big boy.'

I know it is frustrating, especially when you have a very head strong little guy! It is challenging!

Good luck! Try not to stress too much! It will happen when he is ready, and not a moment sooner! Good luck on your new bundle of joy!!

C. Casciorizzo Licensed Instructor
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I just wanted to say that I share your pain. Ha ha. I tried to train my little boy at 34 months for 2 weeks straight with no luck. So I stopped it and will try again at a later date. I do continue with the pull-ups. Per my pediatrician, she said he may not be ready until 3.5 - 4 years of age due to his brightness and strong will. Sounds like your son may share some of the same traits. Just thought I'd share with you my experience. Hope it comes together for you soon. Good luck. I'm looking forward to NO MORE DIAPERS. WHAT A SAVER THAT WILL BE. Hope someone can give you some helpful hints of what to do. I went by a book my neighbor used that worked with her girls. Not so with mine.

You've already gotten some wonderful advise so far. Here's a few more ideas:
- We used lolipops for our treat (after the sticker charts and prizes didn't work). Tootsie-pops are too big and take forever for them to eat . . .dum-dums are small and yet the idea of the lolipop was so "cool" to him that it really motivated him. I always made him sit at the dinner table to eat it though - hate the thought of him with that stick in his mouth playing (and sticky hands all over).
- It's a control issue for him. My son was the same way. We just finished his training a few months ago (at age 3.5yrs) and he was totally not interested. Instead of asking him if he has to go potty (which he will always want the control over and say "no") just TRUST him and place the responsibility in his hands. What do I mean exactly? Say to him "Let me know if you need to go potty". Or "where should you go when you need to go potty?" He'll be giddy with the idea that he can control it but you've just given him a "reminder" without TELLING him what to do.
- I got Daddy more involved with "modeling" behavior and that helped. Especially in public places.
- I started announcing (at home, never in public) that I felt like I had to go pee-pee or poo-poo and asked him what I should do. Do I go in my pants? When they tell you to go to the potty, ask them to show you where it is. Make a game out of it and race him to the bathroom. Forget to pull you pants down and ask him if you are doing it right. Kids love to teach and be the boss/leader.

I believe you are totally in the right track. No rushing him, no scolding, only praise when mission accomplished. I kept my son in his underware when he was at home and this helped a lot. Monitoring the times HE wants to go, just after waking up in the morning, after feedings, whaever works best. I've heard about the one day thing, but I don't think it works for everyone.(This is the age of wanting things fast, fast, fast).I do think it takes a lot of practice. Be patient, you're almost there. Good luck and God bless. I read the advise given by Angel, and LOVED his ideas!!:)