Death of a Father in Law

Hi D.,

My heart goes out to you and your family. A similar situation happened to me in April. I was planning my husband's 40th birthday party for that Saturday, and woke up Thursday morning only to find that my mother had just passed away. I was num then and I am still num now. My advice is to pray with your son and his wife, because they are truly going to need your prayers and support. It is pray that keeps me from falling into to depression. On mother's day I cried all day long, I even ask God could he have extended her alittle more time. I pray God will keep them in perferct peace!

Just open up your arms and hug them through the tears. Let them know you are there and willing to help any way possible. I don't know how far apart you guys live from each other, but if it's possible, try to take the kids so the final arrangements can be made. Offer to cook, to help with the service, offer any way that you feel you can because it will be appreciated. Let the presents sit for a few days then offer them to your son with an "open these when you feel like it." They are both very lucky to have a mother (and mother in-law) that care so much so I'm sure just your love and sympathy alone will do wonders. Five years ago, a very dear friend of our passed away on June 11, the day before our anniversary, and it's still somewhat difficult for us each year. But with time the pain has lessened. (No, it's not gone, and we miss her every day, but the heartache is no longer as great.)

Just tell them you are really, really sorry for their loss and ask how you can help- watching the kids? Buying a plane ticket for one of them to get home? Ordering flowers? There's no one right thing to say when someone dies. You didn't say whether this death was expected or unexpected, but if it was a heart attack or something your son is likely to be even more upset at the shock of being there for it. Just let them know you love them. I wish you all the best.

Death is never easy on the ones left behind, but just offer whatever comes most naturally to you. We can only offer what we have, but God uses everyone and everything, multiplies the effect, and uses it to help and comfort one another for His glory. I read a story once about this family that had a death, and a poor man in the community stopped by and asked for them to bring him all their shoes. He had a shoeshine kit with him and quietly sat alone in a back room and polished all their shoes. It meant so much to them. You just never know what small act of kindness is going to mean 'what' to 'whom'.

D.,
You won't have to say anything. Your son and daughter-in-law know that you love them. Just hold them when they need to be held. And, maybe, if the time seems right, you can mention that they are in the prayers of complete strangers to whom you have reached out to today.

In the meantime, please know that I will pray that you are able to feel God's embrace as you, in turn, embrace those you love.
V.

There is nothing that you can say or do.... .just sorry for their loss. Tell them that you had planned a party but you know that it is meaningless now and you are so sorry. Just hug her tell you love her and ask is there anything that you can do for her. Give her the pearls (presents) and tell her she can wear them with love from you.
You sound like the sweeteest most thoughful mother in law.
Maybe she will always think of her dad when she wears those pearls so it will be extra special.
There is really nothing you can do but let her know you love her and you are there for her. She will appreciate that forever just knowing. Don't let the NON party get you down and don't have hurt feelings if they don't want cake now or even open the presents. If that is the case, just give them to her and tell her even if it is on her way back home and don't expect a thank you right now. She will be preoccupied for a while and won't mean any harm or disrespect BUT YOU can be very understanding. And after it is over, she will come to you and thank you and love you more for it.
I am so sorry for you and your loss of such a fun visit.

I understand your situation my mother was divorced and I was on my way to atlanta when my mom got sick my sister and her husband was taking her to the doctor with her grandchildren in tow when she looked at my brother in law said help me and was gone her heart exploded the doctor said she continued to be overwelmed for years and her son wont have anything to do with anyone he was about 6 when grandma died and still blames himself becouse he was in the car.you just need to pray for him and let them know you love them and are there if they need to talk.but prayer does change things.

Dear D., what can anyone say to comfort the pain we feel about death of a loved one? Your son and daughter-in-law are fortunate to have you in their lives; someone who cares about how they feel. Be there for comfort and a shoulder to lean on. Let them verbalize it, or not, depending on how they choose to handle death. If they have a pastor, or person of this nature, call and ask that the kids be visited and support given. If your son lose his dad, you have some experience to offer. Let your daughter-in-law know that she has wonderful things to remember about her dad and although she can't see him, he will be watching over her. Instead of a birthday celebration, you could now provide a gathering for the family, if they both agree. God bless you all. I pray that the grieving will not be long, as I am sure that the father is comfortable at this time. D. G.

Deb, I recommend telling your son and daughter-in-law how very sorry you are about their tragedy.
I would put the party food in the kitchen, and would keep it for later. Feed it to them when they arrive for a meal (cake without candles), just acknowledge the birthday verbally. I imagine they may be a little late with everything that is happening. Be supportive, offer any help you can provide. Can you go to where they are? Your presence could be a real blessing to your son!! Just to have you sitting there quietly, wherever they may be, will be of great value to your son. I am so sorry for what has happened to you, and your son's family. May God Bless you, and keep you and yours safe through this difficult time.

Just be there for your son and daughter-in-law, there is truely nothing you can say other that your sorry he died and that you'll be there for them both a shoulder to lean on / cry on.
I have just gone through this and it wasn't easy I had to be the strong one and it doesn't go away for a good long time, even just reading this was hard.