Daughter Gets Very Angry

My son did the very same thing when he was 2 and I was holding another baby. He got very angry and started to hit my leg and told me to the baby down. But when I found out months later that I was pregnant, he was very loving towards me and we talked to him all the time about being a big brother. His little brother is now 8 months old and he loves him so much. He is very protective of him too.

I like what Julie said about owning the baby. We did that as well. As soon as we were beyond loosing the baby, we started talking about it as an everyday part of life. We talked about what good big brothers the boys were going to be, as well as how much the baby would love them. We also got a baby doll that they could practice feeding and changing and talked about some of the changes. I also took advantage of every opportunity I could to not only hold other babies, but let them look and (for the older one) touch appropriately. We would especially talk then about the baby. One son was 3 when #2 came along, and now they're both pending birthdays to be 5 and 2. The hardest adjustment was for #2. His lovey is getting more activity and love these days. They both adore the baby, though (11 days old). I think just being honest in a gentle, age appropriate way goes a long way. They can then know what to expect.

First find out for sure if you are pregnant. Then proceed with just continuing to reassure your daughter. She will get jealous but more then likely she will be close to three by the time the baby comes and it will be different when it is her brother or sister.
My daughter did a great transisition when her brother came along, she was just shy of turning three.
I continued to hold babies when I could, so she got used to "sharing" mommy, she went with me on all my checkups and I made her very much an active part of the process of preparing for the new baby. She became so excited. The night before I brought him home she got a dolly of her own from her dad and she had someone to take care of when I took care of her brother. It is an adjustment, especially for the child that has been the center of the attention, but she will. Empower her with information as much as a 2 year old can deal with, keep her an active part in setting up the babies room, letting her see pictures of herself as a newborn, talking to her about what babies need to be cared for, telling her what a great big sister she will be and so on.
There is no specific way to prevent jealousy, just keep doing these things and she will adjust. Expect some unncessary tantrums or acting out when the baby first comes home as it can happen. I have to say I was super worried and doing all that stuff above really helped her and she was awesome when the baby was born, she would yell at me if he was crying and I didn't jump to his attention, hee hee.
NOW, skip four years ahead and it is the sibling fighting, arguing, tattling that is driving me nuts!!!!!! She will be great I bet.

You've gotten some good advice already. I haven't had any major sibling-jealousy issues myself. Just the occasional fit. I would suggest getting her a new doll when you have your baby and when you need to hold the baby or feed it, give your daughter her own doll to "mother" while you're taking care of baby. You can use it to get her used to the idea of having a baby brother or sister before it comes along, but if you let her know the baby is not replacing her, just adding to the family, hopefully she won't feel too out of place. Good luck.

If you're pregnant, wait until you're showing and start talking about OUR baby, YOUR baby (to your daughter), give her ownership and personal investment into the baby, having her rub your belly, kiss your belly, hub your belly, telling her to "say 'love you baby'", and "night night baby" at bed time, etc...

Generally, little ones take very well to their own baby siblings, it's the sudden baby from a stranger or friend you don't see often (the little one doesn't see often) that they find objectionable.

Whether or not you're pregnant, whenever you hold a baby, purposely bring her attention to it. Tell her to come look at the baby, you can even let her think she's holding the baby while sitting beside you. Show her how to touch a baby softly with a flat hand and that we do not touch babies in the face. Tell her she used to be small, and the baby's cute like her. Basically and simply INCLUDE HER. You'll find it won't be so bad.

My daughter was almost two when my son was born in January, and I was also worried about jealousy issues. Since Christmas was just before he was due, for Christmas presents I bought her her own special babydoll with a bassinet for her baby. I figured that it might help for her to have a "baby" when I had mine, and she could feed her baby and put her baby to bed at the same time as I did. As my belly grew, I kept telling her that mommy had a baby in there, and one time I walked into the kitched and she was waddling while sticking her tummy out and holding her hand on it. It was hilarious! I would also ask her where the baby was and she would point to my tummy. I think it helped to get her excited about it, because when he was born, from the start it was "her baby". She wanted to hold him, feed him, help change him, etc. They go to daycare since I work full time, and at daycare she is very posessive of him. It's "her Charlie". And always "get Charlie mommy", "where's Charlie mommy?", "Charlie's crying mommy", "I'll feed him", "I give Charlie kisses mommy". I let her help with him any way she can, such as getting me a diaper when it's time to change him, throwing dirty ones away, playing with him when he needs to be entertained. I think it helps to make her feel important, and that way she doesn't get jealous of the attention he gets because she is involved. Anyway, hope this helps and good luck!

This is so normal, kids want all your atention when they want it! Have you heard of love and logic? They have books and seminars, what a gift you could give your kids!

When we were pregnant with our twins, once we first knew, we told our little guy. We said that mommy was going to give him a new babies and that they were growing in mommy's tummy until they were big enough to be outside. We made him a big part of the whole pregnancy. He did not go to dr's visits with us, but once we started the ultrasounds we were able to record them, and he enjoyed sitting there and seeing his brother and sister. He also loved getting their crib ready and their clothes. We took him special shopping so that he could pick out an outfit for each one. We also had his Nana take him to the store and have him pick out a toy and blanket for each one.

After they were born, we allowed him to hold them, while sitting in someone's lap :) and get things like blankets or diapers or their clothes for the day. As long as we made it important that he was there to help and love his babies then he was okay.

Since you have a daughter, get her her own baby and have her take care of her baby while you take care of your new one. You could even have her get things ready for her baby too. It'll all work out. Congratulations! and Good Luck!

Before you worry too much....Keep in mind how much your daughter changes every week, let alone 8 or more months from now.
Just in case you may want to schedule regular play time intervals into your day. Like at 8-8:20 and 10:00 to 10:20. That way she knows she will get your one on one complete attention then (don't take calls etc. during those times). That helped me out a ton when I had an 18 month old and a newborn.

R.

talk about it talk about it. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and another on the way. When my 2 year old came we had very little jealousy because we talked about it and she was prepared. Now she can't wait to hold the baby and change him and kiss him. My 2 year old is another story. She is is very clingy. But she may surprise me. She has 4 months to get used to the idea. But you only will know when the baby comes . Good luck to both of us!

Something that we always did, besides what the other posts say about talking, is give them a chance to "own" the baby. Whenever we would talk about the baby in mommy's tummy it wasn't mommy's baby or daddy's baby, it was always our baby. They never felt like it was something that was mine or their dad's it was theirs too. We always talked about how it was going to be when the baby got there and how great a big brother/sister they were going to be. We showed them how to hold a baby using the dolls and anytime we had someone willing to let us practice using the real thing. When the babies actually came home you might find yourself telling the child to wait a lot---try telling the baby to wait while you do something for the older child. Your daughter will turn around, but you need to make sure that she still knows that you love her and that this baby doesn't change anything there. Good luck and congrats (if you are) on the new one.
J.--SAHM of 6

K., this is a very good observation, and you are so right to start right now to take care of future issues.
She is definitely jealous, if she threw a fit...

1. INVOLVE HER into raising the little one: say you cannot possibly manage it all on your own: you two - three, with grandma, are all FRIENDS, and help each other, so you absolutely need her help, because here is a little FRIEND for her coming, and she wants her friend to be good and happy and smiling, and the only way to make it happen, is to work on it together. You need to make your elder daughter very IMPORTANT, and she might secretly know that you love her to death, and NOBODY will ever be better than herself, she needs this little assurance, as her first concern is that there will be a baby who will take her place, and all your time and all your love... leaving her on the second plane.
2. how to engage her? Think about EVERYTHING what she can do, so that it is still safe: any little movements in the house, be it about the baby or just household tasks...and keep an eye on her much more now, because as you will see a little frown there coming, or unhappy mood, you can make a shift in her emotions very quickly, before it takes over... you can shift the situation in those cases also, making her feeling more responsible and important: instead of rushing to hug her, you can tell her: "Oh, Mama (YOU) is so tired (sad), she needs a hug real quick, can you help me honey, before I start crying, hug me quickly, cozy-cozy!!!" She might be surprised at first, but by and by she will figure out that SO much depends on her, that she has a power to make you happy, and she is in charge of helping others: this works really well, try it! "I am so thirsty, can you please SAVE ME and bring me some water." "Dad is coming from work soon, he will be SO hungry, we need to make dinner: how do you think, WHAT WOULD HE LIKE TO EAT TODAY?" See, what I mean: as you are the one making decisions in the end anyway, you can still come up with millions of situations and ways where she will feel like she is the one in charge, making decisions, and setting up the stage.
I even did such tricks, when one of my sons started feeling like it's time to start whining
: I said, "you know, this is really NOT a good time for whining, you can do it later, but right now I need you help SO bad, I cannot clean and vacuum this carpet alone, look, it is like in the abandoned pirate ship: all the toys scattered around, but what if the storm starts, it will wipe all the toys out into the ocean: can you help me to save them, just in case... " he forgets whining as the situation is NEW, unusual, pirate talks, and storms always appealed to boys, so first thing I shift his attention, then I find some activity to do, and by the time we are done, he is in a good mood again...
Your really need to be VERY creative, but that's the beauty of it, as while they are growing, YOU GROW also: they are great teachers for us!!!
I did not have problems with my sons, but they were only 1,5 years apart: no fights, no quarrels, no fits, no probelms.
The elder son was making sure that the pacifier is always in place: nearby, or in the mouth :), he helped cooking, held his brother on his lap very often sitting deep in the couch, under my supervision :), taught him how to speak, walk, play... and felt AWFULLY important. Now, they are 25 and 23, and GREAT great real friends. The elder one OFTEN used to say: "Ivan, grow up good, and faster: I need a friend so much!". He was also singing him a lullaby in some very strange Tibetan-kind-of-language, explaining me that his brother does not understand the real language yet, but the sounds need to feel very good, soft and soothing (he was about 1-2-3, when he came up with this set of songs, and Ivan was a tiny baby!
I wish you all in this happy family to be CONSCIOUSLY happy, making the environment happy, not just enjoying happiness as if it happens on its own :) !!!
Good luck in all the motions! M.

K.,
Many of the hospitals have classes for kids who are going to have a new little brother or sister. You could call your hospital and ask them. Also they have a ton of books about this, so try your local book store too. If they don't have the book in stock you could ask them to order it. Also you can find used books in excellent condition on Amazon.com. Good luck to you and Congratulations on baby #2! I'm sure that your daughter will end up being a wonderful big sister! (I would tell her that every day too!)

Well, if you only THINK you are pregnant, that must mean not very far along at all...which means your daughter has several months of maturing before it is even an issue. Kids adapt well, and I think everything will be just fine.

Talk about it a lot. Give her lots of opportunities to get over her jealousy, too. Let her see you holding a baby, but don't make it torturous or anything. Just hold a baby for a minute or two. Would it work if you invited her over to see the baby while you're holding it? Point out the nose, the tiny fingers and toes, etc.
Maybe you could use one of her dolls to practice, too. Practice taking care of it and ask her if she can help you. Not that my son cared, but we bought him a doll and a friend gave us a doll car seat. They were gifts for the new big brother, so he could take home a baby, too. Like I said, he didn't really care, but he really never cared for dolls (and still doesn't). Maybe it would do the trick for your daughter. The plan was to continue to use the doll afterward, so she could imitate you changing the baby's diaper, feeding it, etc. My son (he was 2 years, 3 months when he became a big brother) really enjoyed learning how to wrap up his Tigger like a baby while I was wrapping up baby brother.
Good luck!

Well, the good news is, you have 9 months to warm your daughter up to this big change in her life. I would get her a baby doll and all kinds of baby accessories, like a little stroller, her own diapers, clothes, etc. Then play with the doll with her, talking about how to treat a baby, how to take care of it, how to love it. When you tell her she is going to be a big sister, make a huge deal about it being "our baby", so she feels more a part of things. There are a lot of good big sister books out there, too--we had one by Joanna Cole that my daughter still makes me read, and her little brother is almost 2 now. Good luck...your daughter will learn to share you!

you've gotten a lot of good advice already. The only thing I would add is to let her make some of the decisions about little things for the new baby when your closer to your due date. Let her pick out some toys, clothes ect. Talk about her role as big sister and how important that is. And after the baby comes remind her of the things that she gets to do that babies don't.

let her hold babies. and when yours is born, encourage her to help by holding and being a big sister