Child Custody and Visitation Rights

Wow - how frustrating and sad, this situation..... Agree with the other posts - document everything!

What does the divorce decree say about visitiation - are other times/dates listed (besides the summer)?

You should be able to talk to the children throughout the year, again does the decree mention this?

When you visit, do you call first to arrange seeing the kids?

I would contact an attorney.

D.,
Keep a journal and document, document, document....What does his divorce decree state? Usually with 100 miles or more you have a choice for one weekend a month as long as you let the other parent know two weeks in advance. If she is not letting the kids go with you and it is stated in the decree, then she is held in contempt of a court order and then you get an attorney and show all the dates and times you have tried to call and to get the children. Also, children are not "allowed" to just decide if they want to go live with the other parent at age 11. They would want you to go through a series of psyche tests that cost a bunch of money ($2000+) and evaluate who is the more fit parent unless you both agree that the child can live with the other parent on your own, so be very cautious about some advice. Fathers have rights and can be enforced, it just takes time, patience, and prayer! Don't give up and keep trying. It is important to have both parents in their life even if one is behaving like a horses arse.

God Bless,
M.

I am the mother of 2 wonderful girls. Their father and I divorced and he has remarried. I believe that it is VERY important that they are able to maintain a relationship with their dad and step-mom as well as both of their families and mine. My ex and I are very flexible with each other and we both often bend over backwards for each other for the sake of the kids, however, it works because we both respect each others schedule/family/relationship with kids and things are discussed in advance when possible. You mentioned that you check up on the kids when u want and then want to take the kids. This may make mom defensive for a number of possible reasons. (My ex would always call me in advance b4 such visits out of respect and I would do the same with him. We never would disrespect each other with surprise check ups.) From the perspective of the kids, they see mom and dad having issues and then feel as if it is their fault since the issues are about them. Kids suffer more than mom and dad. Why would u bring police to pick up your kids!!! Police sided with mom, you two were out of bounds. Kids hurt again. Mom may be protecting kids feeling.

. If it is the mother who handles these events alone then it is her that sets the rules!!! Mom does sound a bit uptight, but she may have good reason. It is very difficult juggling work, school, homework, extra curricular events and kids socializing time. Why not talk with mom in advance and arrange phone calls at a certain time or schedule extra meet up time with the kids. Pick them up for dinner one night (let her know in advance otherwise it is not in best interest of kids and unnecessary work for mom cooking!!!).

Lorene F is spot on in terms of rights and the right action. document, document, document and have it done by third parties when possible (cops when orders are not followed, phone companies when calls are made). This keeps it from he said/she said when going before the judge and when the children grow the record of your attempted involvement will speak for itself. Document facts, not emotions!

My daughter just had a hearing on something very similar and I know that in Texas they put in a Loving and Caring Order and in that order it lists that when the children want to call they are to call and when the father calls or mother then the parent who has them at that time must let them talk to the other parent. It also covers everything from each parent has to have a photo of the other parent in the childs room at all times, each parent can not say anything negative against the other in front of the children and I could go on and on. I know no husband just get's visitation just during the summer unless that is what they worked out but the courts usually give way more time with the children regardless of how far away you live. I suggest you get an attorney and either go after the ex for more visitation or modify what you already have. I can not stress to you enough to document everything. You will then find in court that most of the time they will object and say it is hearsay evidence but any witnesses you have to this as well will be of big benefit. Still keep a journal as it also helps your attorney do their prep work.
Good luck to you.

How old are the children? By law, there is an age (I think age 12) when the child can determine to live with whomever then just put that request through the courts. Otherwise, all you can do is document and try to have the case re-evaluated by a judge. Unfortunately, its a civil and familial issue; the mother has the right to refuse access to the children to the father on her custodial days. It's not right but they can't to much about it. The police can't do much either and will tell you to handle it through the courts.

In my case, I have given up on calling my kids on their custodial days with their grandparents (Daddy is rarely in the picture) because I would find out later they would get punished when I called. I also tried calling CPS, but they felt due to it being a custodial issue, I was being vindictive with the report rather than being a concerned parent. Just like their diet and my other concerns, I only have so much control pertaining to my kids when they are over there. So I make the best of it when I have my kids at home; they have two entirely different household environments. I have no qualms letting them speak to their father or grandparents (though we are barely civil to each other) and I have strict rules and expectations including homework, reading, manners, and chores, and eat healthy. Over there, I swear its like a free for all. I have learned, for the sake of the kids, to choose my battles, otherwise, its them who get hurt in the long run.

In your case, due to the fact that you two are so far away, I would suggest having the courts reestablish new visitation guidelines so you can see them more often, but don't expect the mom to be forthcoming or cooperative on any level, or changing her habits of allowing the kids access on her custodial days. Seems shes spiteful like that rather than thinking about the well being of her kids and their relationship with their father. Also, the issue may be that she has a problem with you and she fears you will replace her as their mother; a viable fear which then results in her acting out with you and the kids.

I understand your frustration and good luck.

A.

Sorry, but it sounds like you know what the rules are. You may simply need to step back so THIS is not what the kids remember as their "growing up" years. Live by the rules for now if you intend on changing them. Sounds like you don't want to make it h*** o* the kids, but arriving unexpectedly is doing just that. Until things change legally in the visitation dept, put the shoe on the other foot. Think of how you would feel if YOU were the ex- and the father kept coming when not expected, or asking you to make changes to your routine- that the kids have "JUST" gotten used to. It is hard enough for the custodial parent to deal with the changes that come about when the kids come back from being away. Their goal is usually not selfishly driven, rather to get the kids back to a place the custodial parent is comfortable dealing with. When visitation changes, the CP will have to abide, and figure out a whole new way to renew the bit of normalcy they cam create. Don't get me wrong, the new normalcy may be inclusive of your husband and yourself, but apparently not right now. There is obviously some issues attached to her holding on to the kids like she is....but... she can, she is the one who gained custody. (I'm hoping it was to benefit the kids and create a security in their daily lives, not to simply keep them from the father). If it is in the kids best interest to change the custody plan, and your husband agrees completely- hopefully without anger toward the ex, then proceed to make changes. Be calm and don't be hurt by what was in place at divorce time. THEY agreed it was the best thing for the kids (in most cases).
Good luck, enjoy the time you have with them!

You need a good lawyer. Maybe he can have the court apoint a person that looks after the childrens intrest. Not sure of the name of that person, but I don't like the sound of them being afarid to even come out an hug you. That's not right. He has a right to see them. Please let me know if I can help

D..Thank,you for the question.Does your husband have joint custody or split?He can take her back to court and tell the judge the things that are going on.Please write down everything that is said and done during these times of you two going to see the kids.Your husband has rights as their dad.Please check into this and let me know.

have your husband look at his court papers on his rights to visitation.I am a law student and we just covered this custody batle three months back.I await your reply.MP

Its going to depend upon the custody agreement that has been filed with the courts. for instance, my daughters father - had he made the intial visits would have standard visitation right now. Which really means every thursday from 6-8pm and then the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of every month - from 6pm Friday and he drops her off at school NLT 8am on Monday. Now, if for whatever I reason I told him he could not see her, he has the right to call the police and the police will come ask me to let him see the child, if I refuse (which I can) they file a report. He can get copies of those reports and pay an attorney to take me to court and I could be arrested for intereference with visitation. If you truly feel the children are being mistreated in anyway - see if you cant find a child advocate/social worker from their area who can check on the children both in home and at school away from her. It will cost of course, but for the welfare of the children it is always worth it - even if its just for your own peace of mind!

good luck.

Oh one more thing - always keep a journal. Write down everything from the atempted phone calls and exactly what her reply is - and the visits. always make sure that when you attempt to visit them it is the calendar time that the visitation order specifies. Keep phone records to proved the length of conversations.... the more documentation you have the better your case.

D.,

It sounds like your ex feels threatned and insecure. Your husband needs to take with him his court ordered custody papers that spells out his visitation rights on his next attempt to visit the kids. If his ex is not allowing visits, then the police will enforce the court order.

In the meantime, I suggest you and your husband remain calm and try not to let your emotions get the better of you. You'll also need to document EVERYTHING (when you call and ex refuses to let the kids talk; when you go and the ex refuses to let the kids leave, etc.). I'd also contact an attorney to get a court date so visitation (and the ex's actions) can be reviewed. The better prepared you are in court, the better your outcome!

Good luck!

I would be speaking to an attorney. Your husband has rights. He should be allowed to visit his children,especially if he is paying child support. Good Luck.

How old are the children. After Age 11, they can choose who they live with. Also I would go to the attourney general and talk to them. They will give you good free advice. Located in the family courthouse downtown. I would let them know everything, and they can also change the custody rights, and impose new rules for her to obide by. That is your best bet. Good Luck!!!

It seems like you are going through what we had been going through with my husband's ex. I am sorry. You still need to file police reports every time she denies visitation. My advice is to get a good family attorney so that you have good representation in court. Denial of visitation is Contempt of Court and she is violating the visitation portion of the decree. (I am assuming that there is one in place.) I will pray that your situation gets better.

What exactly is the custody agreement? Doesn't he have visitation other than summer? Lawyer up now if you feel that they are being abused mentally or emotionally. You need to do this for the kids' sake more than for your husband's. Good luck with this.

he needs to go to family court and have his privileges reevaluated. It may mean hiring a lawyer, but it would be worth it.

Hello,
Congrats on being a great stepmom but, the only way to get this to work is to take the children's mom back to court and have them lay out what you want. For example, if you are in town the 1st and 3rd weekend in any givin month you can pick up the kids on Friday 5pm and return them Sunday at 1200. As long as the mother knows she can hurt you and your husband by keeping the kids away from you trust me she will continue to act like a witch. Please, take her sorry butt to court and get what you deserve. Good luck.
Faythe

Your husband really needs to talk to his lawyer, if he doesn't already have one he should get one. There should be no reason to not let you speak to the children and visit during the year. If you or your husband think the children are in any danger or are in an abusive situation then you should call the local Department of Social Services or Department of Childrens services. They will open a case file and send a case worker to visit to make sure the children are in a safe living situation.

I think with some good legal help you can remedy this situation and have the custody agreement enforced. If the custody agreement allows for regular visitations then you need to show that to the local police so that they can enforce the agreement.

Good luck!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to add that it is his right to see his chidren, whether he pays child support or not. Of course, I"m sure he does, but she can not keep the children from him based on whether or not he's paid child support. Likewise, he can't hold back child support if he hasn't seen the children.

I only say this because it's been mentioned that "if he's paid his chid support...." and I just wanted you to know that the two do not depend on each other (child support nor visitation can be withheld based on the lack of the other). You may know this, but it seems a lot of people don't.

Good luck in all of this. I think documenting everything is a good suggestion, talking to an attorney might be necessary, and definitely review the agreement to make sure you do everything right.