Okay so I have 3 daughters and 2 sons. My 16 and 18 year olds have boyfriends, and I was just curious, how much do you incorperate them in the family? Like having them over for dinner or something like that. My husband and I might be a bit old fasion, but we tell our daughters, we want to meet the boys (which we have!), and there gonna have to have a chat with my hubby, and we want them coming over for dinner, to talk to them and to get to know them. We want to make sure there good guys! My 14 year old girl knows darn sure when she gets a boyfriend, their gonna have to go through the same thing, same with our sons. My 16 year old doesn't mind that much, and her boyfriend is a family friend, and he knows us, but my 18 year old thinks its rediculous, and she thinks were gonna run the boy away, but we just wanna make sure he's a good guy. I mean, im sure all parents don't love the idea of their kids datting, but, its gonna happen, so we just want to be involved! I was just curious if other family's are like this, or if it's just us!
Absolutely! My parents were adamant about meeting anyone picking me up for a date or anyone I was "serious" about -they came to dinner, went to family gatherings, etc.
I have two sons, but I want to meet the girls they date when they're teens. It's really important for parents to know who their kids are "into" -as well as just the ones they're friends with!
There is more than one way to make this happen. We have the same rule. But we actually started this process when our kids were in kindergarten lol. we were and still are the koolaid house. Have your kids bring friends over to play from the start. have them do homework projects, practice sports, play music, play games, video stuff, cards, etc.... all the time. If your kids start out knowing their friends are welcome the girlfriend / boyfriend issue is a non issue since they are already bringing friends home.
I'm with you, the more you know them and they are welcomed in your family with lots of family outings, the better, in my opinion.
We have the same rules too, but we have made it more inviting. WE INVITE ALL THEIR FRIENDS. Have a bbq and invite everyone over. That way it is less pressure on 'the couple'. You get to see how they get along with everyone, friends and family. My boys know that anyone they date must come over. If they don't want to come then there is a problem.
Good Luck!
D.
She is eighteen years old. Everything her parents do will be considered ridiculous at that age :)
We're like Sherry. I have boys, but I expect to know their friends well, so I make our house inviting. I want their friends to feel comfortable here so that I can get to know them. Our oldest son is 14, and he isn't dating yet. When he does, we will expect to get to know his girlfriend, and I hope her parents will want to know our son, too. It won't be an intimidating meeting; it will be a fun, come on over and have a good time sort of setting (like you describe). Hopefully she will be as comfortable here as our boys' friends are now.
My parents did it with me and I HATED it, but it was the best decision in the long run. I would definitely do this and get to know them well--have them over to hang out, dinner, family time etc. If the 18 year old is hoping it won't run the boy off----it won't if he is a good guy. If he isn't right for her or a bad boy--then he will run like hell from this and will refuse to come. GL and stand your ground!
M
If your 18 year old still lives at home and is still in High School, yes, I think you can and should let them know he is always welcome to join you all for dinner. If she is not living at home.. it is a little tougher to insist..
But you can certainly always tempt them with dinner at a nice restaurant your treat.. Or a family gathering and include the boyfriend EVERYTIME.. He eventually will feel obligated to say yes at some point.. Hee, hee.
Invite him over for a family game night. We used to invite my boyfriends to church or church events. Family events like reunions birthday parties etc..
My mom always encouraged us to spend time at our home. She was a very clever woman.. The less she liked one our boyfriends.. the more often she invited and included them..
I could then see how he treated my mom and my sister. Usually they really respected and liked my mom and so they respected me. If they were not good to my mom or sister I was done with them.
My older two didn't date until they were in college so I am not sure if I can answer. I knew most of their friends, male and female, although they never dated I had kids in my house all the time and yes they stayed for dinner.
Now that they date they bring them along to dinner. I don't invite or ask them to invite it is just a known that they are always welcome. I don't need to meet who they are dating, I trust them, perhaps that is why they bring them around without me asking.
Oh, yeah. Totally with you on this. Like others, we try to make sure we know all our kids' friends. With our younger two we've been very fortunate in that we found a small school that we like very much. Consequently, we know the friends, their parents and many of their siblings. Makes it much easier to say "yes" when the kids want to go out.
More to your point, yes we absolutely insist on meeting dates. We try to be welcoming and non-threatening, but my husband especially wants the young men our girls bring home to see first hand how he expects our daughters (and, in fact, any woman) to be treated. We try to get to know the kids but also try to avoid being too pushy in including them as part of the family. Honestly, I expect my girls to casually date a number of young men before getting serious (2 of our girls are married, one is in college and dating one guy in particular and the youngest has gone on a few dates but nothing serious). I don't want anybody thinking they're "part of the family" before our daughters (and the rest of us) think they are. So, in our house, coming over to hang out & watch a movie or join us for dinner is fine for boyfriends; coming on family vacations or to "major events" like a family wedding is not.
Welp, I'm guessing your 18 year old is seeing this from an 18 year olds point of view. "I'm an adult now and I shouldn't have to introduce you to everyone I want to hang out with or date." Maybe not that much attitude but that general idea. That's why she doesn't want to bring them home to meet you. What about meeting in the middle? Since she's going to end up dating whether you meet them or not, maybe you could have a double date with her and the boyfriend at a restaurant and meet him like that. Win win. You get to talk & meet and do everything you want but she doesn't have the big awkward freedom robbing moment of having to "bring him home." (Of course, all that is the way I saw it as an 18 year old, not necessarily how I would see things now). Good luck! :)
