Believing in Santa - San Jose,CA

Mom and Dad always said as long as you believe in Santa you will receive a gift from him... and every year until they passed (13 years ago and I am now 63) we received gift from Santa.

However, we knew that it was a fantasy though. Maybe it is time to tell them... but leave them with the knowledge that as long as they believe... before telling them, I would talke to Grannie and let her know you were doing this. Maybe she should be there and help with the explanation so it doesn't make her look like a liar. You know... all in fun sort of thing.

Oh my. I just went through this. My oldest who is 11 has been hinting that he "knows" who is Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. I just could NOT bring myself to confirm to him. I also have a 9yr old, 8yr old and a 1 year old. Even if my oldest knew, I didn't want him to spill it to the others...even though I knew he wouldn't. So, this past Sty Patty's Day, I let him in on the fact that I was the "leprechauns". Now, I only did this because as much as I loved believing, I also had very fond memories of helping my mom be "santa" to my yongest brother who is 12 years younger than me. Once I confirmed to my son and we started coloring toilet water green, milk green, and laying out all the green Legos in the house, I realized what I had done. I could never go back. He will never again have that whimsical feeling of a magical Santa Clause. Because, if he knows I am leprechauns, I am also Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. I bawled the rest of the night. The next morning when my younger kids were mesmerized by what all those naughty leprechauns had done, my oldest whispered in my ear, "It's ok. Mom, it was worth it - we are really good at being leprechauns." So, I think there's something to be said for crossing that threshold into adultland. Sure, the "magic" is gone, but it's fun to be in on the joke, so to speak. So, I say, let them believe for as long as they want. When they come home from middle school and the other kids have told them that mom and dad are santa and they are babies for believing, you'll know it's time. Maybe they won't share their own beliefs and just go along with it - maybe squeaking out a few more years. Whatever the outcome, even if they don't have younger siblings to play santa for (if they both stop believing at the same time), find a needy family or a child from a shelter who can use a little Santa "magic". They may find that being Santa is more fun than getting from Santa. Good luck!

I loved reading all the responses from your post.........Having a Jr. Hi kid, a few brought me to tears.........I think they all have a great variety of scenarios that all say the same thing....Keep the magic alive for as long as you can........

I wouldn't tell them :O) Just let everything happen naturally. I have a 13 yr old boy who "knows"......but he hasn't told me he "knows"..........at first it was sad, but now, it makes it more fun for me because I know he knows, I can say things that only "he" would get, and not his younger brother.

He found out was when i was the Tooth Fairy one night......I wasn't sure if he saw me, but i suspected..........he has questioned everything (to himself) since. I should've been more careful..........at least i was wearing my "wings"(usually i forget).........He loved that I dressed up to be the tooth fairy :O)

It's a "silent Knowing" in our home.......I know he knows........he knows that i know he knows...........but we never talk about it..........

It's hard to be Santa.......it's alot of work to do it right.........but it's worth it. Don't regret telling them too early. It's something you can never give back to them.

~N. :O)

I say let them believe. I really like some of the answers here. When I was growing up we were too poor for Santa to visit or regular Christmas gifts. My son is 2 1/2 and this past Christmas my husband and I talked about if we wanted him to believe in Santa or just the spirit of Santa. Of course, we didn't come to a conclusion, The Easter Bunny sure did visit and left him a great Easter Basket filled with so many great suggestions from the mommys on this site.

I think a lot of it depends on what you believe in and how you were raised. I knew early on the wasn't a Santa but my husband grew up knowing there was a Santa.

Santa is real!! Santa is the spirit of Christmas personified in our parents and grandparents. So maybe you don't have to crush their spirit by saying "there is no Santa", maybe you can just let them know that grandma is santa.
My older boys (20,18,16) have been threatening to tell our 7 year old for the last few years, my response was "If there is no Santa, who is going to bring YOU presents?" They got the point immediately and now they are in on the fun of bringing Christmas to their younger brother, we are talking sleigh bells and hooves on the roof.
The idea of Santa is real, even if it's just Grandma.
K.

I got stuff from Santa till I got married at 17... and I still get stuff from Santa at my in-laws house & I'm 32. Our 15 yr old that lives w/ my in-laws was about 13 when she stopped believing... but she hasn't spilled the beans to her sister & brothers (that live w/ us). They are 2 1/2 - 6 yr old... I'm hoping to get a few more years out of the Santa thing. My 15 yr old still gets stuff from Santa and actually Santa & the Easter Bunny shows up at our house & my in-laws evey year. We just stay that since we have a kid at both houses they leave stuff for them at both houses.

In time they will learn on their own. But try to enjoy their childhood & dreams for now.

My daughter is in 4th grade and she still believes in them all: Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc. She made mention once that someone at school said that Santa was your parents. I asked her, what she thought and she gave me a snicker and said "yea right, like you would buy me all those gifts at Christmas and give me all that candy...no way". I just smiled and went on....and she is still believing....I am going to 'roll with it' as long as she does.

I can't remember how old I was, but I found it very comforting (and was not at all concerned about the lying that had occurred earlier)when my mother explained that Santa Claus was just a way of explaining the SPIRIT of giving and that we could ALL be Santa Clauses by giving gifts to others . It made a good transition for me because I was entering the stage where I wanted to do important and loving and generous things for my little sisters and parents and friends. I do not think the emphasis should be on the Truth or lack thereof, but on a different way of "seeing" Santa Claus. Maybe you and Grannie should get together on this..Lots of luck. Maybe she can help them to do as good a job at becoming Santas themselves as she has been.!!

Great grandma N.

Here is something that I've forwarded to many friends and people love it. I hope it's something you can use. It's called "Keeper of the Magic":

The Keeper of the Magic

The time has come for some of the children in our
class when they are questioning the existence of
magical creatures/people (Santa, the Tooth Fairy,
etc.). Although it may seem a bit sad to us, it is
one of expected growth. I ask that when this happens
with your child, you gently explain that there are
others who still believe in such magic and that
telling them otherwise would not be appropriate. It
might also be nice to somehow recognize your child’s
passage into another phase of development with a sort
of “rite of passage”. So often these steps towards
adulthood go unrecognized/honored. The child
“loses”something from childhood yet does not “gain”
any recognized privilege and/or responsibility. Such
a ceremony can do exactly that.
Below is a ceremonby taken from Sanctuaries of
Childhood, Nurtuing a Child’s Spritual Lift by Shea
Dorian (she is also the author of 7 tTimes the Sun.
Although this may not be the “right” ceremony for your
family, I offer it to you as a way of beginning to
think about such a ceremony. I also encourage you to
begin thinking of other situations/”passages” you and
your child will be faced with eithin the next few
years, and how your family will acknowledge your
child’s emerging adolescence.

Keeper of the Magic Ceremony
Child’s Vow:
“In the name of the Easter Bunny/St. Nicholas/Santa
Claus and his reindeer, Garden Gnomes and Flower
Faries, and the Tooth Fairy I ______________ vow on
this day _______________ to share the magic that has
been so generously given to me. I promise to be a
keeper of the magic for my little
(brother/sister/friends/buddy name each) and all the
children everywhere who continue to believe.
As my mother and father before me, I promise to keep
alive the spirit of the Easter Bunny, St. Nicholas and
his horse, Santa Clause and his reindeer, Farden
Gnomes and Flower Fairies, and the Tooth Fairy (fill
in what you want). I will carry the spirit of giving
and magic within me, and promise to faithfully serve.”

Blessing: Child repeats 3 times:
“I am the keeper of the Magic.” Parents sprinkle child
with fairy dust (white glitter).

Gift Giving: Parents give a symbolic gift (ie. Crystal
pendant on silver chain) as a reminder of child’s vow
to be a keeper of the magic.

Sending Forth: As a final blessing, touch child and
sing a blessing song.

M. G.
____@____.com

If you can still keep the belief alive in Santa...then let it be....I believed in Santa all the way up to middle school....but my parents still did Santa until I got married....it's all a part of celebrating christmas, family, etc.

There will be a time when they do find out...and may jjust keep it so themselves because they believe so much in the christmas spirit.

Kids can be ridiculed for different things in middle school.....they also need to learn to figure things out on thier own..there is definitely a lot of that in middle school......you just have to be there if he needs help in processing it and to help him understand that the christmas spirit lives on....

For me, I wouldn't force the issue of growing up too soon....because once they are grown up, they can't go back.

This is a tough one...when I figured it out (Santa's handwriting looked exactly like my dad's lefty scrawl) and told my older sister she was so mad at me! She still reminds me of this to this day!

I have struggled with this decision for awhile too! I have older stepsons and older nephews and they believed for a very long time too...older than your kids and they are OK and not too bitter when they learned the truth...however I feel terrible lying to my own kids and fear that they will feel tricked when they find out...but I still do, b/c believing in Santa is magic when your little...don't you remember?

I have decided I am just going to let them figure it out for themselves...all the rest of the kids did in their own way and it wasn't as traumatic as my sister's experience...some of the ways they found out were actually kinda funny...like when my oldest SS got a bottle of Ranch dressing from Santa at his mom's house! He was @ 13 and ranch was his favorite thing to put on everything, he loved it! But he loved 'Hidden Valley Ranch' specifically...and got 'Western Family Ranch' (which is a generic brand)...he came over that night and told me Santa would never have given him anything but 'Hidden Vally' and he knew Santa wasn't real...that was the kind they used at their mom's house! He straight out asked me if Santa was real...and I told him the same line we say in my family which is "Santa is real for as long as you believe"...he told me he doesn't believe anymore, then remembered all the stuff Santa had gotten him over the years and said "Thank you"...it was sweet!

I think when it happens organically it is better somehow...but you know your kids best, so do what ever you feel...and know that you are not alone with this one...lots of us feel terrible for perpetrating this ridiculous fraud on our kids...but I could NEVER have deprived them of the 'magic' of believing in Santa!

~Just as a side note, I just recently learned that Coca-Cola is responsible for inventing the image of Santa that we all know today...talk about a bummer?!! I was very disappointed when I learned that...and I am a grown up...so if you do decide to tell them, please make it special somehow!

Rae,

So you're telling me there's no Santa? Just kidding....I think the Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc., is just fine for little kids. They usually figure it out, but still like the presents and perks that come with holiday's and events such as losing teeth.

If your worried about your older child, just sit him down as say something like, "Come on, you do realize that Granny, Mom and Dad are Santa?. Someday you will be Santa for your kids too." I doubt he will be shocked and disappointed at 12. Keep us posted.

Blessings.

I think it's hysterical that Grannie was furious at her parents for lying yet lays it on so thick herself. Here's my take. I believed for a long time as well because my parents did a fantastic job of storytelling. I even had proof (torn Santa outfits, letters, soot mess etc.) and let me tell you when I finally found out boy did it ruin the magic of Christmas. And there's not getting it back. Nothing compares. Did kids laugh? I'm sure but I had such proof that of course they disputed but I don't even remember the laughter. I don't remember who laughed, what kids etc. My thought is he will come to that conclusion himself soon enough. It can't be far off. And then it's over. Would it be so bad to go another year? Then when he truly figures it out ask him not to tell his brother until the brother figures it out on his own. Good luck! By the way, I was NEVER mad at my parents for being so crafty in deception. I was thrilled!

I think it's better if they figure it out for themselves. Of course, you could be a little careless and leave price tags on things. Or leave the Santa wrapping paper where they can find it. I remember questioning whether Santa was real when he wrapped gifts one year (Santa didn't usually leave wrapped gifts at our house AND he used our paper!). Then I realized that the same chocolate bunnies I kept getting were at every store. And when I didn't tell my parents that my loose tooth came out, the tooth fairy didn't come. I was disappointed that these things weren't real, but I'm glad my parents didn't spoil it for me. And I never felt lied to or deceived. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

i don't think there is any harm in it. They will know the truth soon enough don't rush it. They may be on the later side of figuring things out but so what...You are only a child once....why take away the magic of Christmas?

It is soo funny about how everyone makes such a big deal about this. I think every situation is different but of course your oldest will find out about the truth soon, and then you can talk to him about not spoiling it for your youngest. That is what happened with my brothers. I do tell my son that the Easter Bunny is a little different and only comes until the kids are about 13 and then he stops and if he finds out the truth before then so be it. I think that the belief just translates into real life on believing in hope, a higher being, it helps with creativity etc. But if you are going to hint that it is not so, don't make Grandma the bad guy. Just tell her that you want to tell them and let her be in on it too.

Wow are you sure they do not know and are just pretending for all of the grown ups sake? It just seems almost impossible that they still believe in Santa AND the tooth fairy?

Grannie should win an Oscar!

I think most kids figure it our on their own. It seems to make it easier to find out and then be able to ask parents.

Is there a way they could find some clues on their own. I figured out a couple of ways. First of all I came across some of "the" Santa wrapping paper. I also remembered that Santa had forgotten a gift and my mother "found it later" even though I knew I I had checked under the tree.

Do you still have their baby teeth? Maybe you could have them somewhere so that the boys will come across them?

If not, just tell them by explaining that this year for Christmas, you would like to do a family project by adopting a family in need and all of you can "play Santa". We have done this many times and it makes the holidays so special to us.

I am sure they will be fine.

I think your kids will find out for themselves this year. All three of my kids kept believing into 5th grade, and each one found out in 5th grade.

I was always surprised at how nice the kids who already knew about Santa were to those who still believed.

Let them keep believing. It won't be long.

I agree with letting them figure it out. My brother and I were quite old when we found out about Santa and were a little disappointed but I think some of the things mentioned her can carry the magic and spirit forward. For children who don't have younger siblings or cousins, I thought maybe the gift drives around the Holidays could be an outlet. I like the idea of learning about other traditions and the History of Santa.

Updated

I agree with letting them figure it out. My brother and I were quite old when we found out about Santa and were a little disappointed but I think some of the things mentioned her can carry the magic and spirit forward. For children who don't have younger siblings or cousins, I thought maybe the gift drives around the Holidays could be an outlet. I like the idea of learning about other traditions and the History of Santa.

Kids are very smart and they hear things at school so my guess is they already know. I have a 10 year old and he's know for at least a year now- that he's verbalized to me about. I know my 7 year old has heard at school that Santa isn't real but she has rationalized it in her own mind and still believes. I only said something to my oldest because he asked in a way that I knew he knew. I also was able to tell him how important it is to keep it a secret for his younger brother and sister. He gives me a little smile once and a while when the younger two are talking about Santa. If your kids ask, I'd tell them but otherwise just go along with the fun.

It's your decision. But I'd sit them down and tell them everything. I truly think they deserve the truth and need to know that you & Dad & Grannie love them so much and it is so fun to pretend and use our imaginations, but truth is truth. We never went that route with our kids and when they encounter other kids who believe they know not to tell them because it is up to their parents. But they do have the 'fun' of Santa with grandparents, while still knowing the truth.

I'd ask myself, do I want my kids FURIOUS with ME??? (Grannie's words)

Take care,
D.

It is only make believe and granny has rights too. From one granny to another. Our children grow up way to fast...Relax when they are ready to grow up it will turn out fine.
Hey I was laughed in school...so what! There are worse things ie like bullies.
Besides there was a real Santa Clause and at 12 your son probably knows that. He also probably knows that many people play Santa every year. He may let on that he does not know the truth that is his beloved Grandma, hey I still think is okay. He might just do it for your youngest boy. Besides everyone likes to be remember and given gifts, relax mom. I personally think you are lucky to have such a neat family. Enjoy your day. Remember Santa only comes once a year.
Ps Granny was only niffed about Santa cause she did not figure it out for herself....

let them believe, it's only a matter of time until they find out the truth, it's harmless...

Let them figure it out. Santa only comes to those who believe. I'm a Grandma now, and I still believe after years of putting toys together at 2:00 a.m.

Hi Mama-
These are tough ones. How about getting the real stories of Santa Claus and sharing those. Start with Kris Kringle who left presents on doorsteps and move on to the Germanic stories about coal in stockings, etc. Some of the stories are a little creepy, but take all the lighthearted moments and religious points (like the gift of Christ to the world, etc) that lead to the American Santa Claus and explain that this is why we celebrate the giving of gifts. Then, to make it less traumatic, Grannie can help with the new and improved "secret santa" business of Christmas.
I do believe it is okay for kids to dream and believe in those things (my mother in law used to shake sleigh bells outside her kids windows when they were young to get them excited about Santa coming) but there is an age where they use the story to further hopes and dreams and know that real people existed about whom this folklore has spun and created. It's like Robbin Hood or King Arthur. real people with extraordinary hearts who had tales told about them hundreds of years. One could only be so lucky to be so legendary, you know!
I say let them dream, but start the change to secret santas with the stories of what happened to inspire all of this. It will keep the magic alive and still present the truth.
Hope this helps!
-E.
P.S. If you children, still knowing the truth, want to play and pretend that Santa is real, etc., encourage games and make believe time at home. There is no greater thing than a child with an imagination. Perhaps now, too, is the time to start them on some books like treasure island or the chronicles of Narnia. Inspire the imagination and yet the return to reality is inevitable even though the dream lives on. =)
Good luck!

Hello Rae, As the mother of 5 I hated to have to pop the bubble of my childrens world at times just like you feel you must. We always taught our children that the Christmas Angels brought gifts and to thank them they had to do a secret service for another family and each child has their own Nativity set. As pre-teens this is very exciting to do esp. with so many families out of work. and at Middle School they will hear about "Secret Santa's for food and toy donations, this way you can start early getting them used to the idea along with Grannie's help. It may also help her to see that she isn't being left out or the children are outgrowing her and to not make the same mistake her parents made. Family Traditions are always interesting aren't they?
All 5 of my children have instilled the gift of giving into thier family - one year they bought a wheel chair, another paid for a family to go out to dinner, did yard work, decorated the front lawn when they weren't home etc . Grandma brought Santa into our world and we made sure that we taught that he was the spirit of giving and would then talk about ways we could give. I wonder if you have "Grannie" send them a note about a new way to do Santa and to help in his work they might get very excited.
About your other thought of son being able to take it in and understand.. I have a child with learning disabilities, he is socially about 6 years younger than his age. It is wise that you take this into account becasue it will upset his world to some degree. I know our son is a literal learner and it is hard to let go of things once he learns it. As the parent of a child with special considerations along with the other 4 that are the pattern that Curious George was made from I understand what you mean. I have found that people that do not have children that view life in its innocent form just get so political correct that they forget the problem and the nature of it!
This is just another adventure in Parenthood and along with all the rest of the twists and turns of life you will get past this one. Good Luck

I did not read the responces when I wrote and then saw one that was as way out of line and boundries of what I believe Mama Source is about. I have been working with not only my own child with Asperger's Syndrome but many children over the past 25 years and found this persons remarks outlandish! You go girl and keep making people that are out of line with reality accountable for making it harder for our children. Glenda