Attachment Parenting Burnout

Cutting out the night feedings may be enough for you to get pregnant again without weaning completly. She is still young and needs you.

We have also primarily practiced AP with our 19 month old daughter. I think the key to remember is that it's ok to let go of anything that isn't working for your family right now. When our daughter was around 11 months old, we reached the point where co-sleeping didn't work for us anymore - none of us were getting much sleep, and I made the choice to transition her to her own bed in her own room. Our pediatrician (who is very holistic and leans toward AP with her own children) recommended getting Richard Ferber's book and using it. It did involve some crying, but the key was that it quickly helped us to night wean and get our daughter to sleep through the night, which did so much to help with exhaustion and burnout! I was ok with some crying because she was old enough that our trust was already established, and by that age, the crying had more to do with her frustration at the change. Other friends have found Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution" to be helpful, and she also has a version specifically about toddlers. The key is to do what you need to do for yourself and your family. Parenting is exhausting! But you have built a strong foundation of trust with your daughter, and it's ok to do what you need to do for your own sanity without feeling guilty.

Also, regarding strategies to deal with being on all the time - I've found that maintaining friendships is absolutely crucial. There are AP playgorups, or you might be able to find other moms in your neighborhood. Library storytimes, etc., are great places to meet other moms. Encourage your husband to stay with her as well so that you can go out for a bit in the evenings or on the weekends, or even just get groceries by yourself. It took my husband awhile to get confident watching our daughter on his own since she was so dependent on breastfeeding, but chances are they will have a lot of fun! Also, she might be more likely to take a sippy cup if you're not around.

Hang in there!

not to play devil's advocate, but i have no idea what attachment parenting is other than what i've read here. i'm not going to place judgement but all i wanted to say was that what it sounds like you're describing is a 14 month old on a 2 month old's routine. i would encourage you to try to let her progress a little bit. each stage as your child gets older requires a little work and adjustment. it's not always easy for a child or a parent to let go of a comfortable routine. but it's our job to prepare them to be confidant self assured adults. good luck!

I know the feelings you are having. a couple things taht we did. We never did the bottle we went straight to a straw and cup. We started by using the straw baby bird style and dropping water into his mouth and then holding it longer and longer so he has to suck on it and then going to a cup.

It may be time to go to one nap ot drop one if she is she is taking more. I still lay with mine to get him asleep but we are in his bed. he moved out on his own when he got a big boy bed (a full). I used a sling for carying him around and a back pack. That helped becayse he could see and be part of what we are doing.

Remember soon this phase will pass and they will start to be more independant. Also make sure you have one adult activity. You need to take care of yourself to. I would take a craft class for a couple of hours a week and daddy would be there. It was me time and I would come home refreshed and ready to be back on. Your activity can be anything that fills you up but it needs to be you time. not chore time or catch up time but something that fills and makes you refreshed.

Hi Christine,

I think of AP as a bonded parent/child though not fused: ) I'm an introvert and needed breaks to restore myself so I could follow what I felt was right which were the main tenants of AP. I can very much relate to needing the down time to recoup. Do you have family in the area or can your husband take your daughter away for a bit so you can be home to just be? If you're at all like me, you need that time to yourself so you can be the kind of mom you want to be.

My daughter bf until 18 months and did not stop nursing at night until then. At age three, we still co-sleep and love it. Fortunately, my daughter was/is quite verbal and I talked to her about how we were not going to breastfeed at night any more. She could have what she wanted during the day, but night was time to sleep. I was right there with her, holding her, cuddling her while she cried, but I had had enough of waking at night. It took about three nights of crying and holding and then a few more nights of waking but wanting to be practically on top of me to be held before she started sleeping through the night. It does take extra nurturance during the day for a while. She really doesn't want liquid at night, she wants the closeness that bf affords and you can teach her a different way to do that.

When you do have time for yourself, really think about your SELF and who you are rather than focusing on your daughter, guilt, "shoulds" or cleaning the house: ) I read things that had nothing to do with motherhood, listened to loud music in my car to remember what it felt like to be completely free, thought about the career path I would eventually like to take. In short, put motherhood on the back burner (or at least tried) so I could focus on who I was. Then I missed my daughter so much I was happy to return to the role of mama.

Hope you find your balance: )

Jen

My son took a sippy okay while still nursing, but a good friend's daughter NEVER took a bottle or sippy. She ended up having success letting her drink directly from a cup. She started her with the little tiny paper cups with like half an oz of liquid until she got the hang of it.

Hope this helps.

T.

We did this with our second. He is soooo much more affectionate and lovey than our first. (I was doing daycare at another house when we had our first and went back when she was 7 weeks old. Even though she was with me all day, I did not get to spend the time with her I would have like.....)

Awwww. The bottle fight. Our second NEVER took a bottle.... OR a nuk. So I nursed him till he was 18 months old. Although he would take a sippy. Do you take out the spill proof piece so she can get the liquid easily???? Our son would only drink water (we never tried juice as we don't give juice to our babies....) from the sippy. He was almost 2 before he drank any real amount of milk from a cup. I ended up throwing away a whole freezer full of breastmilk.

About bedtime....... Our son was about 2 and our daughter was 4 when we put them on a mattress on the floor in our room. We needed our bed back because 4 in a queen bed was just too crowded. So, you could try moving her to the floor. She could play until she fell asleep then without bothering you too much.......

If she is depending on you totally for all milk I would not wean quite yet. The main reason we weaned our son was because I didn't have hardly any milk left...... He was only using me for comfort by that time. And it was still 2 to 6 times a night! It's hard. But you will miss it when you stop. Just hang in there a little longer. You will look back and cherish this time with your daughter.

have you tried a straw cup? a lot of kids love those, even when they don't like the sippys and bottles. another trick i've done is just leave the sippy of water sitting out... it's much more interesting to them when they come upon it, rather than you handing it to them.

if you are overwhelmed with AP, you can scale it back a little. you can make your own rules to how you want to parent... if you want her in your bed, have her in your bed. if you don't, then work on moving her to her own bed. I like the idea of putting a mattress on the floor, if you or she isn't ready to be in a room by herself.
I work at night, so I would die if my daughters got up before 7am... so we keep them up later than the "norm". They are 3 and 4 years old, and stay up until 10pm on average... sometimes 9pm, sometimes as late as 11pm (the 3 year old usually stays up later than her sister but still naps too)!!! but they sleep on average until about 8am... twice this week they didn't get up until 10am (hallelujah!!!!). It works for us.

it sounds like you need a break!!! Maybe hubby can watch her so you can have some "me" time? or get ababysitter so you can have a date night... I think that would help alot!!!!

I also try to practice attachment parenting, but we couldn't co-sleep with our twins (and did end up resorting to sleep training.)Are you nursing her throughout the night? I'm not sure what Dr. Sears says about this, but I think a 14 mo old doesn't need to be nursed during the night. There is a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley that has some ideas for breaking that habit, even if you cosleep. I have to admit that none of her suggestions worked for me, but some people have found it very useful. I haven't figured out what to do about being "on" all the time, but I definitely feel your pain! My only real strategy is to remember that time flies and I will one day long for the time when they always wanted me. And to try to believe people when they say that past about 18 to 24 months, they get more independent. As for the sippy cups, my 12 mo olds have only recently gotten the hang of it, and are still working on it it. I had to just keep trying. I drink out of the sippy and that makes them want to do it; I also let them take sips out of my water glass, which they think is great fun. When I'm feeling brave, I give them a very small tupperware container that is about the size and shape of a doll's teacup and let them try to drink from it, which they also think is fun.

Good for you for making the choice to use AP! :-) I would defiantly recommend checking out Dr. Sears' books on AP, the Baby Sleep Book, the Baby Book and if you still have questions about nursing his Breast Feeding Book.
I honestly used The Baby Book as my second bible with my daughter and read it till it was in pieces (literally)!
As far as getting pregnant try spacing out the feedings longer and longer. Doing that will trigger your body to say that your daughter is getting old enough to not be totally dependent on you and you can start ovulating again. I would ask if you are feeling overwhelmed with taking care of your daughter right now is this the best time to consider getting pregnant again? Maybe wait till she is closer to 2? Just a thought.
As far as getting her to take a cup. Maybe try making up natural smoothies for her? (a pear, banana and some berries) it will be sweet and also thick enough to start out with that she can spoon feed herself (get straws that have a spoon on the end) and then as it gets thinner teach her to use the straw?
Most of all remember that this is a phase... she WILL grow out of it :-) I promise! I breast fed my daughter till she was 33months, co-slept with her till she was 4years and she is now a well adjusted 9yo that is smart (too smart?) happy and very out going :-) Although she is still very much a Momma's girl and still wants time with just me and I am totally fine with that as I see the teen years coming down the pipe very soon and I want to cry (at times) LoL.

There are three books I recommend to AP parents who want to COMPASSIONATELY (no CIO methods) teach their babies to sleep better.
"The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood" by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blaun
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems...

"The Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sleep-Book-Complete-Parenting/...

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" by Elizabeth Pantley
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...

She might be old enough for "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep"
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Toddlers-Pres...

Really, the whole No-Cry series is great:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3...

I found that both my sons just didn't sleep well with me. I wanted to co-sleep but neither of us slept well when I tried. My first son started sleeping through the night on his own around 7 months old after I started solids. But my second was up every 1.5-2 hours until he was 9 months old. It wasn't until we tried putting him in his own room that he was only up once or twice a night. So maybe it's time to try getting her out of your bed?

I also learned late that I was missing early sleep cues, so by the time I thought it was time to put my son down, it was too late and he was wound up and past being able to fall asleep. Babies sleep best when they go to bed between 6:30 and 8:00pm. Don't wait until she's fussy. Set up a sleep routine (it can be as short as PJs, nurse, brush teeth, cuddle and bed, or include baths, books, rocking, etc..) and start it as soon as you see her yawning. If she's cranky, it's past her bed time.

Have you tried the cups with straws? I like the Nubby straw cup. Babies who don't use bottles don't understand how to suck on a sippy cup. The way you suck a straw is closer to nursing, so lots of nursed babies do better with a straw. Our speech therapist also told me that sippies are bad for speech because they can produce lazy muscles and tongue issues. But really, you don't want to be giving her anything but breastmilk or water at night.

You definitely don't have to wean to get pregnant. Usually going 4-6 hours without nursing regularly is enough to start ovulation again. So, if you can just get her to sleep longer stretches and only be up once or twice a night you'll start to ovulate again. Start fertility charting so you know when you can get pregnant.

Good Luck:) Do what you feel is best. Don't let anyone tell you that you HAVE to sleep train your child or that she's old enough to scream herself to sleep if you don't feel comfortable doing it. It's human nature to want to respond to her needs and there's nothing wrong with that.

I am not sure how to untrain a AP child. I think I would pick one area and work on that. For example ease out the nursing thing then when she is comfortable with that work on something else (sleep in a different room). Do what works but do your best to have her think and act independantly. There is no way you can do what you do with a newborn!

Next time around try a different approach. Buy Baby Wise by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. This was a lifesaver for our family. I used to sit for an AP family and I decided then that I would not go that route. You can still raise and affectionate caring loving child and not do AP.

My blog talks lots about simple activities you can do with young ones to ease them into more independant activities. I also talk lots about character training.

www.shapinglittlesouls.blogspot.com

go to the bottom of the blog and search transitions. The post you should read is called ONE MOM'S QUESTIONS ABOUT TRANSITIONS. You might be interested in BLANKET TIME.

Can you get your husband to help out by doing things like give the bath or feed her some meals or take her for a walk just so you get a little down time? My husband has taken on things like that when I am getting burned out.

As someone else posted weaning doesn't guarantee that you will get pregnant right away. I have several friends who weaned but then didn't get pregnant for at least a year and were a bit bummed that they missed out on nursing. With my first 2 children I got my period when they were each about 14 or 15 months and I was still breastfeeding them and I was pregnant again both times within 5 months.

I have one friend who decided to sleep in another room at night because she was overwhelmed with the night feedings but her husband continued to sleep with their son until it was obvious that he wasn't waking up for nursing. You could also put another mattress next to your bed so that you all have a little more wiggle room which is what we did in our home.

As for the sippy cup I would just get some drink bottle you like to drink out of and let her have sips of yours. Kids often want to imitate what you are doing and she doesn't see you drinking out her sippy cup but I wonder if she will try share and drink out of your bottle.

I'm Mother of 6 Grandma of 15. While not being introduced to AP years ago, I instinctively practiced many of the priciples. One thing I am not hearing from anyone in the comments is about a rocking chair. My chair must have a million miles on it. It has rocked happy kids, crying babies, sad children, sick children, and babies who just can't sleep. While rocking the baby rather it be daytime or in the middle of the night, the motion also serves to calm mom (grandma) as well as the infant. It has put more babies to sleep in my house then any other method. Also after making many mistakes with my first baby I became much less uptight and today a toddler who absolutely doesn't want to go to bed before adults are ready to go, can have a pillow and blanket on the couch till everyone is ready. Usually they are asleep and can be tucked into their own bed w/o issues.
They all grow up sleeping in their own beds sooner or later. Before we know it they are teenagers and they sleep in their own beds. Our problem then, is to make sure they stay alone in that bed. :o)

my children are all well past this stage but my dil used the sign of the moon to wean...and she took and pumped breast milk into the sippy they wanted to use for our little Bekah...maybe that would help you get her started on the cup at least. Good Luck.