Am I Selfish Because I Don't Want to Go in the Pool?

I think that you're entitled to do whatever makes you comfortable, and I too felt like a "big fat pregnant cow" - I delivered a 42 week baby July of 2003 - but I went anyway, because my kids love swimming.

That said, now that I'm no longer the one who's pregnant - I think all the pregnant women sporting their bellies look so darn cute - I'm almost jealous.

S.

Only 12 lb!!

Girl, GO FOR IT!!

I had gained about 25 by 27 weeks and it was so hot I HAD to go to the pool.

Have fun and know that most people don't really stare at you as FAT, but rather as a BEAUTIFUL mommy-to-be.

Blessings,

P. <><

Yuck, hate the pool. I never take my children to public swimming pools and they've done well in life thus far. We have a little blow up pool in the backyard; that works just fine for us.

Selfish?! I think so...

You are pregnant! Your body is going to change. Do you realize how many woman would LOVE to be in your shoes? The women who can not have children.

Go out there and swim with your baby....hold your head up high! You are blessed to be able to carry a few extra pounds due to the fact a blessing is growing inside you.

Gook luck,

Eliyah

Find yourself a suit that covers the middle a bit and go. Now days people swin in all sorts of clothes. You need to get out and enjoy the weather and exercise. Swimming is good as the water holds you up and you move muscles effortlessly. You also need to bond with the other mothers and your child will enjoy the company of their kids and the pool. Thank your MIL for the use of the pools to stay in shape. Make yourself attractive with a pretty hat with a scarf and wear a coverup over top the swimsuit. Think pretty and beautiful put on some shimmery (sunglo) makeup and go.

I can totally sypathize with you. However, take a look around the pool and you will see that there are many more people who look a million times worse than you do. Get yourself a swim suit (Sears has amazing ones) that you feel most comfortable in and enjoy yourself. I am sure that you're little one WANTS you in the water with her. Teach her to be happy with her body by being happy with yours.

You are cheating yourself and your family... you are missing the good stuff! I am no super model in a swim suit but have been going to a VERY large and public place (LMRA) for swim lessons for the last 2 weeks.

My kids don't care what I look like, they just know I am there with my husband playing and enjoying my family.

Please reconsider missing an entire summer... she will never be 2 again!

Good Luck!
E.

I think you need to love yourself no matter your size. I can tell you I am overweight. Am not nice looking in a suit. Many moms that are gorgeous do the same thing. I put the suit on and go for it. If people want to stare, so what. If they don't so what. What is important to me is that I decided a long time ago, to just be happy and love myself. Does that mean I don't diet--er have a food modification program--? NO!! Do I want to lose weight? YES. But the hubby and kiddos would rather I participate. Than sit on the beach and say I can't because I look bad in a swimsuit. My hubby says I look fine. I know that he has rose-colored glasses on, but have realized he really thinks I look fine. He would rather have me out there having fun and enjoying our day with the kids. AND that is what is important. Sometimes I don't want to swim, but it is based on my cycle or other things not how I look in my suit. I decide a long time ago to enjoy my kids. And that meant getting over this hangup. I want them to remember the times we went to the water parks, beach, lake, pool and had a great time. Not that mom sat over there and never participated because she always thought she looked bad in a swimsuit. They won't remember my weight near as much as I will or do, but whether I was there 100% with them to swim, play and splash around, hike, fish etc. It was simple for me when I put it in that perspective. Be with the kids, nurse my hang-up, be with the kids, nurse my hang-up. HMMMM!!!!??!!
Besides what will happen if you don't lose all your pregnancy weight? Are you going to go through life never participating? Well, that was what I decided against. If I was fat so be it, but I was gonna be a happy fat person. And not let that stop me from enjoying my childrens lives.
Your daughter is young now and I suspect that she doesn't reallyu know any different, but there will come a time when your body image issues will teach her the same thing. To be ashamed of what she is or how she looks. So, I would caution you to think on these things so you and your daughter and baby can be healthy in the future, no matter what your weight. So that you can be a 100% Mommy, not hiding behind an exscuse of I look bad in a bathing suit. I think that it is funny that every woman says that know matter their size, skinny or large. Which should tell you something is extremely wrong with this train of thought.
My line of thinking is "I am woman hear me roar, all 270 pounds of me! and if you don't like it---tough ta's-ta's!!" because I am having a darn good time while all the rest of you are on the shore. I am out here with my hubby and kids making memories, not worrying about what EVERYONE else thinks I look like, because obviously I know what I look like. I do try to dress tastefully for my size, not like some teeny bopper with the lateste to small fashion. I just don't want to miss this awesome life by the negative thinking that I am only worthy of this life if I am a certain size, or that I will gain instant happiness at a size 6. Which even in high school at my slimmest, I was always a proportioned size 12. Never a size 6.
Obvously, your hubby loves you for what assets you have. And will continue to do so as you are preggers a second time--giggle. The problem is that you need to love yourself. No matter your size, or at least realize that if you do feel heavy or you feel ugly...you are making a baby and that unto itself is awesome and a huge priveldge...Men will never know and some women long for it. I am not saying that it is ok to be a fat slob, all I am saying is that you need to be happy with you and whatever package you have at the time. That the package can change but the essence doesn't. I am still the same big or smaller. I don't want to be fat and work at it constantly to lose weight, but have learned to be happy at this stage in my life and to embrace and live life to the fullest and not let my weight stand in my way of actually LIVING my life.
Good luck,
L.

I have 5 kids and am no longer pregnant, and HATE going to our community pool although the kids beg. I hate sitting there in the heat surrounded by a million people splashing. I have to spend my entire time keeping my children from running, and keeping my 3 year old within an arms reach(pool rules or the life guards go ballistic with thier whistles), it's just hot, stressful and miserable! I've went once this entire summer. Occasionally, I'll drive 30 minutes away to take them to my friends subdivision pool that is almost always empty and I can relax, and I feel guilty at times too when we pass by ours and the kids beg but I hate it and won't be pleasant it's so stressful and crowded. I bought the kids a little one and water guns etc. for our back yard, and thank God my sister invested in one of those huge inflatable water slides and my kids get to play on that every Saturday so they don't feel neglected this summer!

I hate going to the pool with my kids. We never, ever go. My husband takes them one at a time. It's a nightmare. Hot, cement, chlorine, hot, crowded, hot, ugh. Chasing my kids. Wearing a swimsuit. Hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I say, stay home for one summer and have a blast. We got one of those inflatable water slides so that I dont feel bad about not taking them. It's all good.

You're not fat, you're pregnant, how exciting! Flaunt it! If you're self conscious put a shirt over your swimsuit but don't cheat yourself and your daughter out of a good time. Have fun!

Like the other poster said, don't beat yourself up.

But do get over yourself and get in the pool.

My kids are teens now and I can tell you it FLIES by... so jump in, have fun and play, play, play. Before you know it, you're kids will be gone.

Mama you are BEAUTIFUL!
YOU ARE A GIFT FROM GOD AND SO IS THAT BABY IN YOUR BELLY!!!
Find one of your hubbies t shirts and wear it over your swimsuit. And have fun...

Selfish?? Maybe just a tiny bit, but you are allowed! You are Mommy to a toddler with another on the way for goodness sake, give yourself a break. It may seem like a big deal now, but your daughter is only 2, she has many summer swim times in her future. She will not remember that she missed a couple swim dates, but you will feel better that you didn;t have to put a swim suit on when you didn't feel you looked your best.
I have had 4 babies, the first two I was pretty young and wouldn't have been caught dead pregnant in a swim suit. My 3, it wasn't an issue because of the time of year he was born, but this last baby was due in July (06) and we had our own pool then so I pretty much lived in a maternity swim suit. The bouyancy made me feel not so heavy. I might add that there are some very cute maternity swim suits out but they can be VERY pricy. Good luck and don't be too h*** o* yourself!!

I say do what makes you happy. If daddy wants to get in the pool then thats a great time for the two of them, and I am sure you enjoy getting to watch them spend some time together. Being pregnant is hard enough, don't add any more stress to it. If you don't want to swim, don't swim. Why care so much about what others think? There's always plenty of summers to come. And I agree with the other post; I bet she still thinks you are a pretty terrific mommy!!!!

Have a great summer!!!!

With my first, I remember not wanting to go the pool because I couldn't tell everyone I was pregnant and I didn't want them to think I was fat. My second pregnancy, I was more pregnant during the summer season and it was obvious that I was pregnant, I felt better knowing everyone understood my weight and I went swimming more often. When you're in the water you don't feel the weight and it is so relaxing. Several years ago, I even went to the neighborhood 4th of July pool party and I was huge. My daughter was born 2 days later(July 6).
I think you should bring the swimsuit, but if you don't feel comfortable don't swim. If there happens to not be very many people around and you feel like swimming, then you can swim. Your daughter is having fun with her Dad and I'm sure your husband is enjoying his time with his daughter. You can tell your friends she went swimming with her Dad and you don't want her to get too much sun or just make something up.

I admire mothers that are not ashamed to show their pregnant belly at the pool, but personally I wouldn't do it because it would make me feel really uncomfortable. I hang out with so many mom's right now that are very religious and they have pool day's where they all hang out. I don't go because I have so many tattoos that if they saw they would freak out, so I just say no to the invitation, but go to many other of their outings. So in a way, I can kind of relate. I would say, do what makes you feel comfortable, there's always next summer.

Advice#1: Never scratch your belly! Always use a ton of lotion. Scratching causes stretch marks!
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Actually, being in the pool water feels wonderful when you are pregnant. Talk about selfish? Splurge on a couple new wonderful mom-to-be suits for yourself! You can look beautiful during that time too.
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Don't worry about it! If you go during the day you probably will see all mom's there anyway and who is looking? You show up looking pregnant you will probably find that people will gather to you to ask you about your pregnancy and tell you so much advice (like you haven't had one already huh?:)
Go and have a good time. Relax in the water.
If you don't feel good don't go. Your daughter will not notice a thing because she is still little. She just wants to play in the water wherever it may be.
C.

You're not selfish, just self-conscious. But, like you said, people aren't looking at you, and you're pregnant, not fat, so GO FOR IT. I Found a 2 piece suit that covered my entire top half, and the bottom was a skirt, so it was cute, but I wasn't sticking out all over. Just find a suite that flatters and covers what you want covered, or wear a shirt over it.

Plus, going in the pool helps the baby float a bit, and will take some of the baby pressure off your body, so it'll be good for you to get in the water :)

Enjoy!

I was pregnant for seven years straight...seriously. And no one can sympathize more with the fears of being a big fat cow than I. I had issues and wouldn't be seen in a bathing suit, and unfortunately, I gave up my figure completely after baby number three....after baby six....my body is shot. But how my body is now (or was) is temporary. A little spec in the scheme of life...however, if I didn't go on those little swim dates to the lake or to the pool I might have been denying my little ones to a wonderful memory.

So I got over it and realized that the whole point of having these little ones was to nurture and expand their knowledge and experiences...how was I going to do that if I didn't go on these types outings??

Well, now I AM a big fat cow and I'll proudly wear a swimsuit! I gave birth to six wonderful kids and sacrificed my body for it. And if anyone else doesn't like it, then look away. I'm there for my kids. And truthfully, no one cares what you look like. They are there for themselves and their children. I mean, do you look around at people and judge them that way...I don't. So I'm going to guess that people have better things to do with their lives and family than to worry about what I look like in a bathing suit!

My advice, get over it, enjoy the summer with your little girl while you're still able to move around in the early trimesters!

Girl, I am having some major Pregnant Thigh issues, and I dread the pool! We go, but I do feel self-conscious, so I feel you! I was very slim before pregnancy, but have gained a LOT (a lot) this time, and it is hard. The belly is one thing...but unless there are babies in my but and legs, well...hard to excuse yourself!

If it helps, for everyone you think might be thinking you are big (and there probably are NONE), there is most likely one or two who are envious of some part of your body, or that you look so cute and pregnant. That's just how girls are. I suggest you make yourself go and just count it as an exercise in "getting over your issues." Try your very best to focus on how much fun your daughter is having. You'll also be getting exercise and fresh air. Now...let's see if I can take my own advice, lol!!!

It's your decision on what you do but have your husband take a picture of you in your bathing suit or underwear in private. I guarantee you will look back on it someday and realize just how beautiful you are. I am 42 so trust me on this.

I dont think selfish is the right word maybe just a little self concious. I would say that the more you put on a swim suit and get out there the more comfortable you will become and at the end of the day have a good time doing it. My best advice is do what feels right to you and if your heart is tugging at you for not getting in the pool with your daughter maybe that is your answer. Good Luck and congradulations on your pregnancy!

First of all, don't beat yourself up. Being pregnant is a very emotional time for everyone. If you aren't comfortable swimming or putting your swimsuit on then next summer plan on spending the summer like fish! There are plenty of other ways to have fun other than swimming in the pool! I bet that she thinks you are still the world's greatest mommy! Cut yourself some slack and I bet that you look great, not matter how you are feeling! Good luck and have a great summer!

G., I completely understand! I was very pregnant two summers ago and I was huge....lol. But I got over it the second I got into that pool! You have no idea how good it feels to be in the water, nearly weightless when you feel like you weigh 1,000 lbs! It's good for you and for the baby, and it just feels so nice. Being pregnant is one time in your life when you can be larger than you'd prefer and it's ok! It's actually cute! lol They have some great maternity bathing suits at Motherhood Maternity, or at least they did when I went. Trust me you will love it and your little girl will love being able to swim with mommy again.

Kimberley

Do what I do and just wear a cover up over your swimsuit even in the water! The problem with skipping this year's pool season and promising to go next year is that you will have a young baby to take care of next year so it will be a lot harder to get out and take two kids anywhere let alone a place that the toddler will need to be so closely supervised. I don't look so great myself, but I only wish I could find more time to take my 2 year old swimming without having to worry about my baby.

Honey, if you don't want to, don't. I feel terrible in a swimsuit, my baby is four months. I think I'm going to invest in a pair of board shorts and dedicate a t-shirt to the swimming gods so I can get in the pool less self consciously. Join me in the more is better revolution and remember that being in the water feels great when your preggo, weightless is good. Have a good summer.

I can remember being huge with twins and the unbearable heat of July and August her in Texas. The only way I could cool my entire body down was getting into the pool with my toddler. I'm sure I was a sight as I gained 46 pounds with those two and i'm typically very slim. But it was worth it!

Enjoy the time with your daughter, no one is judging you for how you look. All the other moms around you have been there and done that!

You are preggo! Even if you were not. You only live once! Go swim! It is summer take your little girl to the pool and have fun!

They have sooo many cute maternity swimsuits! I would find one you're comfortable in and enjoy the summer! I felt the same way last year. I was at the end of my pregnancy...and HUGE! The weekend before my son was born my back hurt so bad I didn't care how big my belly was, so I went swimming! The water felt great b/c it took the pressure off my back. I wish I had gone swimming sooner than I had, and with the next pregnancy, I will.

have you seen all the men with potbellies in speedos and large women in bikinis? honey, if they can wear those with pride, you can find a good maternity suit and cool off some. but at the end of the day, it's your choice and just make it with conviction. don't waffle over it!

You may have a touch of the pg blues. You may even want ot talk to your doctor but.... Inteh meantime exercise would be good for you and give you more energy and help get you back to you. Let you husband take on the swimming but try to find a fair compromise. Once you feel better about yourself and embrace the pg you...you'll have a lot more fun and so will your daughter.

Thank you so much for asking this question!! I have been thinking the same thing myself. I am 32 weeks pregnant and have put on an additional 15 pounds (and I didn't start out thin). My normal bathing suit before I was pregnant looked like a pair of shorts and a tank top. (I don't have the figure for a bikini.) I loved it. I can't find something like this in a maternity suit. All I find are the bikini type bottoms and big old tent like tops. I mean, how rude is it for designers to make bikini type bottoms when you can't see down there to ensure you are all covered? hahaha (but I digress) So, no, I have not gotten in the water with my daughter this summer. My husband does. I don't see it as being selfish. I see it as one less thing to worry about. Do I have a lack of self esteem too? Probably, but I've seen women who have no issue and they wear bikini's and let their bellies hang out in the open. That sight literally makes me sick. Perhaps that's why I have issues getting out there myself.

Having said all this, there are advantages to getting wet: spending time with my daughter, and staying cool (I do go with her, I just stay out of the water and that is VERY HOT). So, I say do what feels comfortable. If being out in the heat is too hot (and for me, I get sick after I come in, even if I'm only out for a little while), then stay inside. It's not worth it. Personally, I've been thinking about stealing a pair of my husband's swim trunks. I don't mind them getting wet and then it just looks like shorts and a tshirt. I don't know if it will help the me feel better. But I figure I might try it once and see how it goes. :)