Am I a Cheapskate? = Updated My "What Happened" =-)

A perfect response to that snotty woman would have been, "Oh, do you not have enough money to cover all the alcohol you ordered?" She had HORRIBLE manners! I am so sorry you were put in this situation!

You were right but what's done is done. Next time do separate bills!

You are right. That's not what friends do. Friends take care of each other in difficult times and support each other. Friends do not take advantage of each other.

Alcohol is expensive and they know that, so they were banking on you to pay for their bill. When we go out to eat with friends or family and they insist on paying the bill before hand, my husband and I are always careful with what we order so that we don't run up the bill even more so in their expense. That is being considerate. These people, are not.

The woman's response made the situation uncomfortable. It is not a matter of enough money or not, but rather who ordered and drank $150 worth of alcohol. I don't think you guys needed to split the alcohol tab.

Equal pay equal consumption - which was clearly not the situation at dinner.

Girrrrl. If I had been there, my husband would have known to wait for my response because I would not have held back.

NO WAY, I would have paid for their liqueur and especially hers..

This is one of the rudest things I have ever heard.
BTW, they are NOT friends. They proved that by no one else standing up for you guys and saying, "no, since S. and her husband did not drink the wine, lets just split the food portion.".
I am sorry you were taken advantage of.

My husband and I learned a long time ago - the hard way :), that if we are not willing to pick up the tab for the entire table, to ask for ours to be a separate ticket at the beginning. I agree that you shouldn't have been asked to help pay for the booze and I don't think it was inappropriate for you to mention it. I can also understand your husband just wanting to "make nice" too though. Store it away as a lesson learned. Next time forewarn your hubby and the waitress that your ticket will be separate.

First of all, what kind of people are they to even WANT to split it knowing you and your husband had no alcohol!? Sounds to me like they are the cheapskates!!!! I think you are 100% right! I would've put my foot down and said 'not no, but he** no!!!'. And we she made that comment to you, you should've snapped back 'can you not afford your habbits lush!!!??'. Sorry, I get very irritated with people like that. That is very rude on their part...big time. Next time you have dinner plans, say to the waitress/waiter 'we're serperate' and make it loud enougth where they all hear you. That is not what friends do. My husband and I don't drink much and our friends do...and they know that and they pay for their own.

TOTALLY SIDE WITH YOU!!!! I'm not sure if I would have held my tongue on that one.... The woman was an idiot and I would have held my ground, ignored her and asked the waitress to give you and your husband a seperate bill, period! In regards to your husband that's a whole different ball of wax. He sounds like my husband and then would b***ch about it later... Won't stand up for himself or what he believes in. So I normally do it for the both of us, it sucks but hey, got to do it.
Just something funny that crossed my mind, after that woman said what she did, I would have ordered a few "expensive" meals to go, lol. No I wouldn't have don that, it just crept into my evil mind :) But I would have ignored her and got a seperate check!!!
Sorry you had to go through that, sucks when an evening has to end in that manner.

Ug, that would irritate me soooo much. YOU were TOTALLY right. I always ask for separate checks when I go out to eat unless I intend to treat. How presumptuous was THAT! Now I'm cross on your behalf. LOL.

I agree with you also. This reminds me of one time at my old company where we all went out for a co-workers birthday. We went to a chinese (?) place that was having "dim sum" (?). My friend and I had a bite or two but didn't really care for it. Everyone else kept ordering and scarfing it up. The bill came and everyone decided it was "easiest" to split it. It was something crazy like $25 per person. My friend and I were like WTH???!!! But we just paid it and then next time someone suggested it, we politely declined. The way my husband and I have resolved this is that we get to the restraunt early and tell the waiter that it will be a party of 8 and it will all be separate checks. That way it's not even asked, nor is one big check just left for everyone to figure out. And that chick just made herself look bad to everyone so don't worry further about it. Good luck.

You are 100% right...and you have class. You didn't stoop to her level with the sarcasm and you didn't bicker with your hubby at the table when he decided to pick up the tab. But for the record...you were right :)

I'm surprised that the other couples that you did know, didn't speak up..... If it were me, I would have said "Wait, the $150 we just drank needs to be split between the 3 of us". I often wonder what people are thinking. I would have laid $45 on the table and continued the table mingling/discussion as if I was oblivious to the $150 that was spend on alcohol. You are soooo right. I'd probably have to say no to the next invite from this group of people. I'm sorry you got into that ugly situation.

Ouch! I feel for you, though I don't think I would have been as able to keep my mouth shut as well as you did! I admire your temperment! :)
I think I am siding with you on this one ... the group should have had the alcohol, via the waiter, split three-ways and divided it amongst themselves. Good for you for being frugal with your money ... I again admire you for your self-control! :) I am on your side!

that lady definitely took advantage of you! it sounds to me like maybe SHE didn't have enough to cover her drinking tab and wanted y'all to pitch in. You should have said "do you not have enough to cover your alcohol intake?". whenever we go out with our friends we always just divide it up according to everyone's meals/drinks/etc. My husband and I don't drink either, but our friends do, so if we always split it evenly then we would pay $35 to $50 more than what we ordered. I personally wouldn't want to go to dinner with those kinds of "friends" anymore, who try to ridicule you for being money conscious, but if you do then make sure that you tell the waiter up front to put yours on a separate tab or make sure your husband is on board with y'all not having to waste money on other people's drinks. To me that is just absolutely rude that they would want y'all to pitch in for their drinks! There is no need for him to be embarrassed about being wise about how y'all spend your money!!!

No way are you cheap, I think you handled yourself quite well, I think I would have some heavy words to reply, and Beth is right... I think husbands NEVER want anyone to think they don't have enough money.

You should have told that lady "you cant pay for your alcohol?" And honestly you are NOT ALL friends.. you didnt even know them. There have been many times where I ended up paying double the amount I should have. It depends on the group of friends you go with. Especially in this economy... I would have just paid my portion anyways.. let them fight over it. I saw someone say it was tacky to pick apart the bill? I dont agree. I think its common sense for everyone to pay their part, unless its all about the same. A lot of times we agree to order drinks at the bar, or go to a restaurant where you pay before you eat!

You are right. If it was just a drink I would let it go, but $150.00 bar bill is a
lot different. Glad you spoke up, sorry your husband paid up. Every day
is a learning experience.

We always avoid this upfront. Ask for a separate check as your paying with a debit/credit card. A waitress might get pissy but if they do then ask for a manager. My sister used to say oh we can figure it out not problem. we would each order a meal that cost the same. split it down the middle right now biggie. but then she would order extra this and extra that and a side of this and side of that oh and can I have a glass of wine etc. pretty soon her $10 meal was over 20 and she would want to split it. I started saying I don't have any cash lets just have them split it before we order. lots easier that way

I agree with you 100%. Why should you have to pay money for goods or services that you did not partake in? Budgeting is no laughing matter these days. If you had some kind of say in what everyone else ordered then maybe... but this is the real world and you can't tell an adult what to order, eat, drink or not drink. If you can't tell them what to order then they can't tell you to pay for it!

The proper response to that woman would have been "Oh, and do YOU not have enough to pay for what YOU ordered?"

I side with you. I may be cheap too, lol BUT mostly I pay for my meal - unless I'm out with my girlfriends and we split appetizers and each have a few drinks. If it's pretty even we split it. But, if I was out with them and I didn't have any alcohol there would be no way I'd be splitting the check evenly.

I side with YOU 100%! Your husband is foolishly wasting money to buy everyone else's alcohol. I would have kicked my hubby in the shin and politely, if not a little sarcastically, said "Oh, we have enough to buy everyone's meal, but are only going to pay for what WE consumed." And then I would have handed over my $45 and let everyone else split the rest of the bill 3 ways.
I do not drink and neither does my husband. I do not even provide alcohol when we have parties and bbq's. I let people bring their own, but I am not going to buy it since my family doesn't drink.
Anyways, you win!
L.

I would NEVER split it evenly 4 ways in the case that you described. My husband and I don't drink so if we went out and the rest ordered $150 in alcohol, there is NO way we'd pay for it!

I agree with the other posts that say, GET A SEPARATE CHECK FROM THE START when you go out!

I totally agree with Beth, as I was reading your post, I was thining exactly what was just written by Beth. I would have said "do you not have enough to cover your drink that I need to pitch in". I hate splitting tabs that way, someone always gets cheated, and always divide it evenly.

Yes, it was inappropriate of that INCREDIBLY rude woman to do that, so I'm on your side with that. BUT it sounds like your husband was just trying to avoid confrontation. I would be quite mad if I were you, but I wouldn't put any blame on your husband's "peace-making" move. I WOULD however, take this as an opportunity to plan ahead for future situations like this and tell the waiter to put you two on a separate check from the very beginning- even if you don't think there will be any issues with the people you are with.

Also, just a reminder to you both- SHE was the one who made a fool of herself- you BOTH are right and shouldn't give that night another negative thought. Let it be HER problem:)

I agree with you. You should not be buying what you didn't use!
I always insist we get seperate bills for this exact reason. We rarely get to go out to a nice dinner because it is so expensive and I don't want to spend my hard earned money on what someone else drinks or doesn't drink. Consider it a lesson learned and next time maybe buy a round if you want but not half the bill.

no way. We always have the servers split the bill before they bring it out.

that lady definantly took advantage of you guys. i would have told her to stuff it and pay her own alcohol bill. you weren't there to pay for them, you were there to enjoy your friends' company. if it were me, i wouldn't have cared about any snide remarks she said concerning MY assets, as they don't pertain to her. but, sometimes i'm blunt like that lol

You were in the right and that woman was catty you-know-what. After all, friends don't let friends pay for their liquor.

When we go out in a larger group even among our best friends, I will often order just an appetizer and my drinks...Directly from the bartender. We pay "cash-as-we-go" and when the gang calls for the $300 tab, we wave good bye and leave.

WOW! I cannot believe that woman made a comment like that! I would be PISSED. I am often in this situation and most of my friends automatically count me out of the alcohol bill but if anyone ever said that--ugh--it would catch me off guard and I'm not sure what I would do. But I am on your side and it is not about being cheap! I love Anne-Marie's comeback! I may have to borrow that one some time if anyone dares to say that to me.

So, my friends and I often do this split the bill thing but that's because all things were fairly equal. When one or more of us has a pricier meal or a drink, that person (at the very least) takes care of the tip. Bottom line - you were right.

I'm really not saying to do this, but wouldn't it have been fun to respond to the rude lady with, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize YOU didn't have enough money to pay for all that alcohol you ordered. We'll help you take care of it THIS time, but so you know for next time, we don't drink alcohol and will split the bill accordingly."

:)

You were so right. And you were so very kind to let your husband pay an unfair share.

You never know when this kind of thing will come up. My wife and I don't drink either. Having a good answer can be invaluable. I like the ones here. I would have added, "We donate to Alcoholics Annonymus already. We don't support the members' habits. Which of the 12 steps are you on or are you ready for a referral?" ;-)

I wouldn't have paid for her cigarettes either.

Good luck to you and yours.

No - you're not a cheapskate - when we eat out, if we don't drink alcohol, we let the people know and we pay accordingly. It's rude to expect to pay for other people's drinking. She took advantage, she's not a friend, and I wouldn't spend time with her in the future.

I agree with you as well. I would have been furious!!

Perhaps next time (if there is a next time...) you eat out with these "friends", make sure that when you order you tell the waiter/waitress that your order is separate from everyone else. That way they can bring you a separate bill!

Sounds like they should have done that in this case. I thought waiters/waitresses usually asked about this when there is a group??? It's part of their job to keep things separate if need be...

You're not a cheapskate! If it was a once in a lifetime thing, then live and learn (especially of there is a next time!). I have O. good friend who though nothing of ordering glass after glass of wine with her dinner (often $8-10 per glass) while I had a sandwich and iced tea. and then she would split the bill. This happened many, many times. I finally wised up and started remembering the cost of MY dinner and beverage, adding 20%, then tossing out the $20-25, saying, this covers my dinner and drink and tip! She eventually got the message. But I have been friends with her since we were 6 mos. old. And I know the situation will continue until we are 100! LOL She has a LOT of money and, honestly, an extra $20-30 to her is nothing. Well to me, especially when I was a single homeowner, it was a LOT!
I say live and learn and you can be prepared for next time!

ABSOLUTELY do not pay for alcohol you didn't drink, especially $150 worth of alcohol! If you would have had a few drinks I would have said yes split it! If everyone would have had just one I would say yes! But that much-no! Next time, if you know you are with people who drink, I would just ask for your bill separate ahead of time! That will fix the problem!!!

I agree with you. It's like splitting a game of bowling when you didn't even play. It may have been different if you all drank, but alcohol gets too expensive at outings like that...and also I would not expect anyone to pay for my drinking pleasures. I'd say next time you get your bill separate. How incredibly rude of that woman.

Geez, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Seriously, I'd take that as a giant clue that these people are not people that you need to hang out with. Aside from taking advantage of you guys, they just sound like all around nasty people. Especially the one who didn't want to foot her own alcohol bill. What a piece of work!

next time have them give you two bills. One bill with food and the other bill with alcohol. Tell your friends you are more than happy to split the food portion but cannot and share in the alcohol portion of the bill since neither of you two drink. Friends will understand and anyone else can go take a hike!! You just learned a lesson hear for future dinners. So just chalk it up to lesson learned.

Un-fricken'-believable. I guess that woman was drunk, so maybe she has an excuse for being so rude, but I completely side with you. Men don't usually like to quibble over the bill the way women do, however, so what your husband did was normal.

Next time, if you think there is going to be a gross disparity in the cost of what people order, tell the waiter ahead of time that you want separate bills, or tell the group that you are eating/drinking on the cheap, and won't be participating in the alcohol.

Let them think you're cheap. At least you won't be drowning in credit card debt.

No way should you have to pitch in for $150.00 dollars worth of booze you didn't drink.

That woman is something. Of course you shouldn't pay for their alcohol!

I'm with you on this one. I mean, when everyone is drinking and ordering wine for a table or it's a smaller group of friends I don't see a problem with splitting it, but why should you have to pay for a $40 bottle of wine? I think you have a point.

i think your in the right. you and your husband shouldnt pay for something you didnt drink. maybe next time request that everyone gets a separate checks and no invite that problem couple. i also think she took advantage and that they didnt seem to have the money to cover what they bought. let it slip this time but next time stand your ground.

talk to your husband and make sure he has your back whenever you 'speak up' with restaurant engagements. men will always pay for a 'round', its a man thing.

ur best bet is separate checks, or separate the alcohol.

No, you are not a cheapskate!!!! The "let's split the check lady" was beyond rude. So, you can't fix this now, but you were right. What will you do going forward, that is the question? The best thing maybe would have been to split the check 4 ways with the liquor subtracted out and then the other couples could have split the liquor part and added that to the final bill. I think this could happen again, especially when non-drinkers go out with drinkers, so just be prepared to stick up for yourselves. As for your oblivious friends.....some blame should go there way, so you will need to be extra careful in the future considering you may not be supported again. I am sorry this happened to you.

I'm with you plus she was rude. I always tell the waiter if we in in a group who will be on my bill ahead of time so we do not have a problem at the end.

Have your hubby read this page because you are definitely right! My husband and I do drink socially. We used to go out to dinner with some friends who would order the most expensive everything, entree, drinks, etc. Hubby and I were much more conservative in our spending. But these friends always wanted to split the bill. My husband NEVER wanted to say anything and we used to argue over it. I finally said if we don't split the bill, I'm not going. These friends turned out to be "users" (oh, they also got into major financial trouble from their spending ways, imagine that) in other ways and we no longer dine with them and rarely see them. Flash forward years later and we always request a separate bill when we dine with friends, and our friends are like-minded, as well. Kids, bills and a mortgage will do that to ya!

I particularly like Anne-Marie F's response below! What an awesome comeback!!!

I feel like you were totally in the right. Sometimes the people who suggest to split the bill are the cheapest ones, and she knew what she was doing. Everyone is on different budgets and just because my hubby and I agree to go out doesn't mean we want to drop a lot of $. I don't eat meat and we don't drink so I never split the bill cause I don't feel its fair, I just ask for a separate check when we sit down. For her to act that way was so rude and tacky I was annoyed reading it.

If you didn't drink any of it, you should not have to pay for it. That lady was very rude and you may want to say something to her about it if you plan on going out with her again. I can understand your husband not wanting to argue in the restaurant and paying to avoid an uncomfortable situtaion, however, the rude lady was wrong, not you.

I THINK THAT YOU ARE RIGHT AND THAT SHE DID TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT AND PRINCIPLE IN THE MATTER HE NEEDS TO LEARN THAT WITH THE ECONOMY RIGHT NOW SPENDING TO MUCH MONEY AND SPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN AVOID SPENDING THE MONEY IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA SPENDING MONEY that can be keeped

A similar thing happenned to us once, we had dinner with friends and they brought another couple and the other couple ordered 2 bottles of very very very expensive wine and then made no offer to pay for it even though they made a huge production of picking it out, did not pass the wine list around during the consultation, and never once mentioned the price (which usually means "it's on me"). We did split the bill but exchanged meaningful glances with our friends as we did so. The next day our friends called us and offered to pay for our 1/3 of the wine, with a huge apology for the other couple's behavior. We said no, it's ok, but we're never going out with them again! And we were happy that our friends were willing to take responsibility for this debacle.
I wonder what the folks you do know would say about this in the sober light of day, because I would never go out with ANY of them again if they didn't find that woman's actions abhorrent.

I'm with you. If you had ordered alcohol, then I could see paying for it. You didn't so you shouldn't have to pay for someone else to drink. I think your husband only payed for it because of the snide comment about you not being able to afford it. I wouldn't go out with that couple anymore. Obviously they can't afford it or they would have been straight up and paid for the drinks themselves.
When I go out with my friends, we all pay for our part of the bill or get separate checks. When we ate at a family style restaurant we split it evenly. Good luck next time.

I think you were totally right! If it was only one or two drinks, that's one story. But $150 worth of alcohol, that you didn't drink?!?! Not your responsibility. I'm glad you said something!

I think it was obvious that you both did not drink, and there for this woman should have acknowledged that.

I think splitting the bill 4 ways is easiest when everyone partakes. She was wrong, your husband was not. Yes, she shouldn't of expected you to pay for her booze. But, he was smoothing things over, men don't like to deal w/ that sort of stuff.

Ew. That's a really annoying story. I felt my eyes narrowing as I read it. I totally side with you. Your husband must be like mine: he'll do ANYTHING to avoid conflict whereas I'm always fighting for what's right. Rest assured, in this situation, YOU are right!!!

I have only read your post and a few responses. Its disgusting how tacky people can be!! I just wanted to say that, and that I side with you. What a B-word that lady was, expecting you to pay for her alcohol? Please. And your husband just wanted to step up and be a man anyway. If its any consolation your little friend probably had a massive hangover and a waste of a day following the dinner.

I know you have already updated your so what happened and have received good responses. I wanted to add, I side with you on this, my husband and I do occassionally drink but usually not when we go out, maybe a beer or glass of wine at home with dinner. We too have gone out with couples for dinner that consume a lot of alcohol and it does get very expensive. We normally split the ticket evenly because we order appetizers and share, etc. The lady who said let's split the check needs some manners, we only do this with couples we know well. Not someone we just met, that was out of line.
What we say right up front, mainly to the waiter/waitress but so everyone can hear, "Please start a seperate bar tap for the alcohol, we are splitting the dinner cost but won't be consuming any alcoholic beverages from the bar this evening." It lets everyone know your intentions right from the start, and lets the waiter know don't come to you with any charges from the bar only the food. Also, like the small bills cash idea, someone in our party usually wants to pay with their credit card and with the cash you can get it really close or right on what your portion would be.

It looks like you got plenty of responses, but I felt compelled to answer because I have been in this situation too many times. I don't think you should be responsible for alcohol you didn't drink, especially for that much money! Unfortunately, there are lots of people (and I know many) who will take advantage of a shared check at a restaurant. It would have been different if everyone had ordered approximately the same thing, but believe me, I'm sure these people noticed that you and your husband ordered iced tea. What a rude woman to make such a comment. You and your husband didn't order alcohol because you don't drink, but suppose you hadn't ordered it just because you were trying to save some money. Some people DO got out but have to stick to a strict budget, and it was very obnoxious of this woman to even bring this up. I would make a point to not go out with this woman again. Most imporatantly, try to remember to ask for A SEPARATE CHECK as soon as you get seated next time. This is something I always have trouble remembering . The last time I went out with a particular couple, they only brought $40 then proceeded to order dinner alone which came to $40, not to mention drinks, tip, tax and appetizers. They just expected I would make up the difference and handed me the $40 at the end of dinner. Some people are just constantly this way...

I have been in your same situation and I have conceeded to splitting the bill a few times but not anymore I work hard for my money and when I go out to a restaurant it is now a luxury and I don't agree with splitting the bill unless you have eaten family style and ordered the same items.

It seems to me quite often the person who always says we should just split the bill is always the person that orders the most food they always order drinks and appetizer and dessert. When I order conservatively based on the money I want to spend and drink water.

Next time if someone is so rude to put you on the spot tell them yes I am on a budget and ordered what I wanted and I prefer to pay my portion or better yet before you even order you food tell the waiter in advance that you want a separate check. My husband and I have already started doing this when we go with friends and family and then they can work about the haggling of how to split the bill and not getting enough money back from the group.

I don't think it is right to behave in such a way. I think it is ridiculous for someone to order a salad and water and have to split the bill with me for my steak, beverage and dessert.

As soon as you see the waiter ask for a separate check I do it so descreetly now that when the checks come my family and friend most of the time did not realize that I had even got a separate check. Also if you share something with them after you requested a separate check then you can put in your portion by handing the cash to them.

Yes, she knew exactly what she was doing and that's why she bullied into exactly what she wanted and knew that as a man to not be petty that your husband would give in. Take this as a lesson learned and ask for separate checks next time. I always ask for separate checks when I'm out with other couples -- and even my girlfriends. I don't care if I look like a cheapskate, that's their problem.

I haven't read the other answers, but I am 100% on your side. If the alcohol alone was 150 then you are stuck paying $40 you wouldn't of had to pay. And that's pretty much almost double what you should of had to pay. Thats alot of money to just throw away because they wanted to drink when you were trying to be responsible.

You were not wrong. I also think it was rude that no one else spoke up as well. I drink, but lately I have been out with friends who do not. I always start the evening with, let's do separate checks because mine will be much more.

In the future, when the waitress takes your order, start off by asking for a separate check.

N.

I am completely with you!! This woman's request is completely unreasonable. And - (of course - too late for this) - but I would have definitely stood up for the perspective and said - "it is not that i do not have enough - it is not the right principle to follow so I will only chip in what we owe." And just leave it at that. She is obviously drunk so I would not care much about her reaction to what you said.

You were absolutely right. When my husband and I go to dinner with friends we always talk about the bill ahead of time. Sometimes we like to treat, sometimes we know the bill will be pretty even so we just split, other times (especially if we don't know someone very well) we make sure to tell our server immediately that our bill will be sperate.

I would have stood my ground and said I was sorry but I would only leave enough to cover my meal, drinks and tip and that was it. $150.00 is a lot of extra money ($37.50) a couple. Enough for another meal. If we were talking $20, there would be no issue. Of course she wanted to split the cost, she realized she had over done it.

I'm sorry you were stuck in that situation and sorry your hubby or your friends didn't speak up.

Next time bring your credit card only and say sorry I didn't have time to stop at the ATM. So the restaurant has to give you a seperate bill and you don't look bad by not splitting the bill. It's unfair to pay for someone else drinks.

Updated

Next time bring your credit card only and say sorry I didn't have time to stop at the ATM. So the restaurant has to give you a seperate bill and you don't look bad by not splitting the bill. It's unfair to pay for someone else drinks.

I think you were definitely in the right! I was in the this same situation a while ago, but thankfully because I was pregnant I used that as my excuse for why not to just split the bill. Personally, I find when people do this it's completely classless and rude. I would never except someone else to foot the bill for food or drinks I had, which is obviously what this woman was trying to do. You sounded very polite in how you handled this as I would have given her a piece of my mind about how cheap she is for not wanting to pay for her own drinks. Then again, most people don't pitch in enough when out for group meals as they get cheap and leave those who actually consider things like tax and tip to make up the difference. Next time just ask for a seperate check as this will save you the headache and fight with your hubby.

In these economic times, who needs to spend all kinds of money on drinks they didn't even have? You should NOT have had to pay for that wine! No you aren't a cheapskate. That woman is a witch, and I suggest you don't go on any more outings if she and her husband will be there. If I were the one drinking and another couple didn't drink, I would go out of my way to make sure they didn't have to pay for the wine.

I have been in your shoes, so I know how you feel. I must be a cheap scape too because after this happening to many times, I always bring cash and only put in what we have. My husband drinks and I always make him go to the bar to get his drinks and pay for them there. Or if its with people I dont know very well, I always ask for a separate check and say, oh I dont have cash :) Dont let stupid people who cant handle their drinks, and that dont want to pay for them make you feel like you have to pay their way. I sure the hell wont! My motto is you eat it or drink it, you pay for it!

Ooooh! I hate that! It happened to me once when I was pregnant. Not only could I not drink, but I had "morning" sickness, and couldn't eat much either! I ended up paying $50.00 for a side salad and water! I agree with you, and I always get mine on a seperate check now. So when the time comes, I can easily say, "oh, sorry, I put mine on a seperate check!" Then I can offer to chip in on the meal of the person whose birthday or special occasion it is.

this one is hard. I am of the mind set when we get together for dinner it is split between everyone. Otherwise, you seem to get the "passing of the receipt" and it becomes a "business deal" versus a social night out. I don't charge when I host a party and I provide alcohol for those attending (whether I drink or not) and this is kind of the way I see nights out with adults.

If everyone had responded to her, "oh no, let's all just pay our dishes and drinks"..then yes you would have been in a far better situation. Since no one did then you were the minority in the group and probably should have just chalked this up to a lesson of when to socialize and maybe no more dinners.

Now, the woman's caddy reaction to your addressing your issue was inconsiderate, rude, thoughtless and just plain mean. She is someone I would definitely make sure is not there next time I choose to attend dinner. :)

Take care and good luck to you

after reading the amount spent on alcohol, I get why you were peeved, however, I still feel that this is simply a chalk one up to not going on group dinners when you know this is a possible scenario and may close the evening out on a poor note for you. As couples, we ararely get date nights..spend it together.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! We has a friend we loved and traveled often with. He would find the most expensive resturant around. He would order five drinks (doubles) to our two (then his wife would wave her finger and the waiter would bring another set all around). We would order something from the middle of the menu that pleased us both and split it. He would order the most expensive meal offered usually in the steak division and then order lobster for his wife. There would be more rounds of drinks after dinner as well as coffee and desert.

After smiling and sucking it up a few times my husband got wise and brought cash to the table. He would guesstimate the cost of his dining experience, add 20% and toss it to the center of the table, excuse himself and leave for the bar or elsewhere to wait for the others to get themselves together and on to the next adventure...

P.S. I agree... separate checks are the answer but OUR DEAR FRIEND always created a diversion when being seated (I see now was a ploy) and none of us would ever remember to ask for separate checks or if we didn, he'd say something like, "Oh, that's too much work for the waitress, we'll just split it" and the waitress would smile thanks...

And you know what, after a while he toned down his ordering as he began to get stuck with half the bill....

Since you are married to your husband, whom I assume you love, let's not take sides. =-)

How about this? If your husband was pulling out his wallet to pay and the suggestion to split four ways was made, let him take the lead in agreeing or disagreeing with that suggestion. Yes, clearly it's a lopsided split but think of it this way, you missed your friends so you bought each of them a drink.

Then when you get home, have a discussion with your husband. Express to him how you did not appreciate the oversight on the part of your 'friends' regarding the difference the alcohol made to the bill. Don't make it an issue between the two of you. Discuss is there a better way to handle such suggestions - i.e. ask for separate checks at the beginning - that way when it's so lopsided, the two of you as a couple are already in agreement. Then it's the two of you working together.

Regarding your 'friends' and the company they keep…personally it sounds like people I would not need to hang out with again- sorry. If this woman - who was a friend of your friends- talked to you that way and they as your friends did not speak up to see that it was lopsided and had nothing to do with 'Can you?', etc…..I really think you need some friends who are your friends and stick up for you. Just my personal feelings….

Hope you have a better time out next time!

Technically, mathematically, you were right. Socially, your husband was correct. Unless someone says, up front, 'separate checks, please,' all divvy up, or one generous soul picks up the tab. I'm with hubby. Probably too late to tell him, since I slow on the pick-up. (Tip: it works for waiting for someone to pick up the tab, too.)

I'm a bit of a cheapskate, too, but I learned this lesson from my husband, G-money. He's a CPA, watching every penny, but as he says, sometimes good will is priceless.

PS, seems like that snooty woman didn't have much goodwill, either.

hi, i have been in this situation too many times to count. its actually one of my pet peeves (spelling?). After going round and round with this topic and being SUPER frustrated with it, I think the bottom line is that when you go out with a group, the ettiquite is to split the bill even ways no matter who ate or drank what. I think if it bothers you too much you need to choose to not go out in groups like this. Another way around is to discretely ask the waitperson for a separate check. But this is awkward too but is another option. Its really tough because the group dinners are super fun, but I hate when folks order super expensive things, multiple courses, expensive wine and you end up paying for a lot of it. good luck! i hope your husband is more sensitive but, since he's a guy, i'll take that back. anything to do with money and guys, just give up the conversation now. you've attacked his ego and any more pushing will get you nowhere.

I don't feel you should have had to pay for the drinks... your 1/4 should have been figured after the drinks were taken off the total. Meaning since the drinks cost $150 - the 3 couples that drank should have paid out $50 more then you for dinner.

But in saying that - I'm not much of a drinker & end up being the one that drive home. Also, we don't go out much - mainly with family for birthdays & we always have kids with us when we go out.

Next time - just ask for seperate bills... that way you stop the issue before it starts. Actually that is what we do when I go out for brunch w/ my mom, grandma & sister every month... that way we don't have to try figuring it all out in the end.

You're right. But your husband has a point about just doing "what friends do"... the classy thing to do is just graciously split it four ways and not haggle over how much each person portion actually cost.
Alcoholic drinks are SO expensive though- I don't think it was wrong of you to speak up and try to decline paying for the bar part of the bill when neither of you indulged... especially in these tough economic times. How rude of that lady to manipulate you into a situation where your only 2 choices were to pay or look like the cheapskate at the table. She should not have done that.

So.. you're right for speaking up. I would too. But your husband is also right in just sucking it up and taking the financial hit as to avoid further drama at the table.

While you may have been right, so was your husband, and frankly, I agree with him. Perhaps you should have kept your thoughts to yourself. It cast an unpleasant pall over the evening.

I didn't read all the responses and I am probably odd man out. We always split the tab evenly when we go out no matter what.

In the long run, it all evens out.

One thing I HATE seeing in a nice place is people at the table picking the bill apart....that looks cheap to me.

If you don't want to participate, then ask for separate tabs BEFORE you order.

I think you were correct in speaking up. good for you...but that is a problem when you go group dinning!!! your husband was being gallant in paying (to save a embarrassing moment trying to talk to these people) he should have gone home and agreed with you and both of you should have trashed them in the privacy of your own home.

Cash-bring it in smaller bills as well so you can just hand over what you owe quickly and not have to worry about change if the waiter forgets to split. Request within the first part of the meal to the waiter so they are aware that you would like a seperate check. You were right, she was wrong. There wasn't anything fair about that evening (hopefully the food was good!~)

Hello, No, you were not rude. The other woman was. Why should you pick up her alcohol tab?
K. K.

One word comes to mind when I think about the lady who challenged you -- a boor. Someone who is rude and ill bred. You are in the right. My ex would have been the same way though, and to avoid conflict he would have just paid like yours did. I never drank when we went out in a group, but to make up for it I always ordered the most expensive dessert, because we always just split it. (Never that much $$ though! Geez!)

Updated

Hi S., interesting situation. One that comes up for many. Are you a cheapskate? No, you are not. Were you treated unfairly? Yes, you were. Is it your responsibility? YES. You were bullied into paying for something that was not your responsibility. If you didn't like the situation you have no one but yourself to be upset with. When you did not stand up for what is right, you let the "bully" win.

Imagine this, if your kids came home from school and said that a kid in the lunch line "told them" they had to pay for part of their lunch, you would be outraged. Interesting though that when it came to your own money, you allowed it to happen.

I recommend this ebook: http://www.heyyougetreal.com/NewFWords.html. When you learn your money habits and how to be in control of money and not let money control you, this will not even be an issue next time, because there always is a next time.

B.
Family Success Coach

I feel that your husband was wrong in paying for alcohol and was intimidated
by the lady that was drinking so much. I agree it was nice for you to see your
friends but the three couples should have paid for alcohol. You didnt drink it
so you shouldnt have been asked to pay for it. I side with you Mrs.

Well I am glad that your husband read your responses, mine would have been exactly the same. My hubby and I do not drink, I would not split the bill and I would completely have made a jerk outta her right there on the spot. Maybe it should have been, "Do you not have enough money for all the alcohol you've consumed, is that why you are needing us to pitch in?" Good for you and good for your husband the next time you are posed with such a yucky situation!

ithink you were in the rightif you dont drink why pay for others drink

I Think you was right and i would ask the waiter for a cheek for just what my husband and I had. Then gave the lady a look back that says I handle my life not you spend what you like but not of my money. Oh and if you don;t bother you what other people think and if this other was very good friends and knew you and your husband I would have said. With the economy like it is everyone is cutting down but if you have enough you can pay for all of us. And watch her face. lol