After Reading the "Teacher" Question, What Kind of Parent Are You?

I can relate to how Veruca feels about her Mom's efforts, or lack thereof, when she was a child. My situation was different, my Mom was a single working parent, but she never did ANYTHING with my school. I ask my kiddos questions all the time about what assignments they have, my mother never had a clue of what was going on at school. She would have never known if I was flunking. Now in some ways I guess that made me be responsible for myself, but I don't think it would have taken much effort on her part to ask me how things were going and what was happening at school. I was VERY wild as a junior and senior in high school because my Mom didn't have an idea where I was or what I was doing. That will not happen with my children.

If there is problem with a teacher at school I coach my kiddos about how to talk to that teacher themselves. If they are not able to resolve a situation I will definitely get involved. I try to find a balance between being involved and letting them do things for themselves, but my children know I care.

M

I had a full-time job when my daughter was in school. I couldn't take off work for every little thing they did. I took off work for the big school events - certain field trips that needed chaperones, awards days, school plays she performed in, IEP conferences. Her teachers knew, as did she, that if there was a problem, all they had to do was call me and it would be dealt with. There was never a problem. All I ever heard was, "I wish I had more like her."
Her homework was her responsibility, not mine. She knew that if she needed help with an assignment she was having difficulty with, all she had to do was ask. But I did not ask her if her homework was done, and I did not keep track of when her projects were due.

I am the one that bad or lazy teachers cringe at when I walk through the door. All the others love us.
I would be suspicious of any school that allows the teacher to be the sole decider of when a conference is necessary.

I think labels like this do more harm than good. You are the kind of parent my mom was. Even though she was a stay at home mother, she never got up with us in the morning. She didn't know what I was doing at school. She didn't volunteer. I was the youngest of 4, and because of my own inner drive to follow rules, I didn't get into trouble. But if I had wanted to, she wouldn't have known half of the trouble I was capable of getting into. And I hated it. I hated how hands off she was. She couldn't be bothered to come talk to my teachers and hear how well I was doing. She couldn't wake up and give me more than the cold cereal I got every morning. I stay home with my kids so that I can be available for them. I get up and make breakfast and pack lunches because that way we can chat and know each other well. I volunteer in their schools because I can add things to the class the teachers can't and I can free the teachers up to be more hands on. I know the kids in their classes so that when they share things about their day, I know who they're talking about. And because the teachers know me, they can come to me easily. I don't meddle in the kids' relationships, I let them take their lumps if they misbehave or don't get their work done. So because I take an interest, does that earn me a stupid label?

Yes, in my world, you would be too hands off, but I'm not going to label you. I'm going to recognize it works for you, and hopefully it works for your kids. I wish my mother had hovered more.

I just hate that term 'helicopter parenting'.
I know some people do it and I don't think it's what's best for their kids but my opinion on how others raise theirs doesn't/shouldn't count.
I've seen people raising whiny manipulative little snots, and if they ever ask 'why is this happening?' I pretty much know it's a rhetorical question because any sort of answer that informs them that they've created their own monsters is just beyond them.

I'm the best parent I can be as far as my husband and child are concerned.
I don't really care how anyone else wants to try to classify me.
I defy classification.
I make my own boundaries.
It seems parents run the full range from obsessive hovering to free range neglecting and everywhere in between.
I'm not going to tell them how to raise their kids and I'm not going to listen if they try to tell me how to raise mine.
To clarify, I'm open to LISTENING to advice (if I've asked for it) but I'm not always going to TAKE it or act on it.
Whether I irritate them or not (or they irritate me) is irrelevant.

Now that our son's in high school, pretty much the only contact I have with the teachers is when we go to a meet and greet twice a year when the classes change over.
There are no emails unless there is a problem and so far we've had no problems.

It's not helicoptering to know what your child does at school and to take an interest. It's not helicoptering to be aware of projects that are coming up so you can help a younger child learn to set priorities and get organized. You don't contact school or have conferences but do you at least know what homework your kids have, and when it's due, and what projects are coming up? I am guessing you have younger elementary age kids since you're pretty proud of being hands-off.

Elementary is the time for parents to take an active interest in kids' homework, and for parents to at least know what major things are coming up in classwork. That does not mean e-mailing the teacher every week or demanding conferences all the time, but it does mean communicating with the child a lot.

Here's why I think this matters: Kids are not born knowing how to set priorities (Do I do the math first or the English first? Which is due when? Which takes longer or is harder?) or how to organize themselves (What supplies do I need for this project? When is it due? What should I do to start?). They have to be taught those things -- not by parents doing things FOR them but by parents helping them think through things. This happens at home, not in the classroom. Total hands-off parenting when it comes to school and homework doesn't teach them these things. Kids who learn in elementary to handle their homework well will not require much oversight, if any, in middle school and beyond. And kids who know they can communicate with mom and dad about school and homework will be kids who do so in middle and high school -- the times when you really do need the kids to be talking to you, and really do need to know what is going on at school both academically and socially.

It's interesting to me that your school does not have at least one regularly scheduled, required parent-teacher conference each year. Many schools have two, late fall and spring. Why wouldn't your school have a basic "here's how things are going" conference for each child's parents? What's the school's thinking there - that parents and the teacher only need to communicate if there is a problem? That means that school is all about the presence or lack of problems. Shouldn't it be about how well a child is grasping concepts; whether a child is ahead of or behind in a subject, and how to work with and engage the child who is ahead, or behind; whether a child is getting along and developing socially, etc.? Those things, not just problems, are what conferences can be about.
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You've got a long way to go, child!

I'm glad your kids are doing so well. I volunteered and also made it to the first conference of the yr. I felt I knew my child best and gave them a heads up on any concern. I tried to make it to meet the teacher night. They knew how important I felt my kid's education to be, but it was rare I ever had to email about anything.

There was that one time when my child was at school for 14 hours in high school (band) and there was one teacher who felt like ridiculing my child was a good thing when the child he was checking homework with didn't get the answers right. I've never swore or yelled at a teacher but boy, did they know I was angry.

So, you've a long time to go to figure out what you would do in the years of circumstances you have to go.

I love all the people listing all the ways they are involved with their kids, but they then launch into a long defense of why they are not a "helicopter" parent. Others are, but not I. What's the point of this label? Helicoptering is in the eye of the beholder. And honestly, who defines what that means?

Often the ones who are the most hands off are the first to blame the teachers when your kid does poorly, too.

I was very hands on when the kids were in elementary school. Not helicopter (as in demanding their teachers communicated every move my child made), but certainly involved. I volunteered at the school, got to know all their friends in the classroom, made it to all the conferences, plays, concerts, family nights, bingo nights, whatever. But I didn't involve myself in micromanaging my kids day-to-day school affairs. That was THEIR responsibility. They knew, however, that I was available if they needed me.

Fast forward to now. Kids are in Middle and High schools. I'm not nearly as involved in the schools. I still occasionally volunteer here and there. My kids are old enough to get themselves breakfast and make their own lunches if they choose. They're all doing well in school (I can check their grades, etc online), so I don't need to hound their teachers. I'll communicate with their teachers if there's a specific need, but those are few and far between. I still go to every concert, art show, etc that my kids are involved in. I don't get involved in friend drama, but I DO drive my kids and their friends around (with silent mouth and enormous ears, you really get to know them well when they spend a lot of time in your car and you quietly listen to them).

I think being involved early on showed the kids I was there for them if they needed it. Now that I've pulled back, they're secure knowing that I'm still watching them and interested in them, just not managing them anymore.

Of course, with my special needs son, I go between trying to give him independence to needing to micromanage certain aspects of his life. It's been a real challenge, trying to find balance there. If he's trying something on his own, and looks like he's not going to be successful, at what point do I step in and help? Do I let him fail and learn a lesson? What if the lesson he learns is "Guess I'm not good enough, I should never have tried in the first place."? THAT'S not a lesson I want him learning. It's a real challenge.

you sound pretty sensible to me.
my kids were in school before the email era, so i communicated in notes, and like you, only when necessary. if they wanted to talk to me about something i was there in a shot, and if i wanted to talk to them about something i'd send in a note and meet them at their convenience. i was available to volunteer occasionally in the classroom, but was working a lot then so couldn't manage it often.
naturally teachers come in all flavors, but i think the best way to *be* is to remain available, to let them know anything pressing (illness, divorce, vacation, house burned down etc) but not to micromanage. they're hella busy and should not have to spend 2 hours a day answering emails from parents who think their own kids should be the main focus of any teacher's day.
ETA but since i ended up homeschooling, i don't think i can be classified as too hands-off! :D
khairete
S.

Not a helicopter parent. I am only in contact with the teacher if there are issues. If my kids need help, I'm there. Otherwise, they are responsible for doing their class and home work. If they don't do it, they face the consequences.

I do volunteer at the school, but not in the classroom. I am also very involved in our Home and School Org. I know what's going on with my kids' school and am up on current issues. I talk to my kids about what is going on with them and at school as well.

I helped at the school when my kids were little. I volunteered in the classroom. I got to know everyone. I was friendly and helpful. When there were problems, the teachers knew that I was an even-minded mom who cared and was fair. When I started substituting at their school, I got to know even more of the teachers and I understood both sides of the coin - being a parent AND a teacher.

I advocated for my children. I didn't hover. I have so little respect for parents who act like their kids are perfect. I feel sorry for teachers who have to put up with that.

As a parent, I also have had a few teachers who were poor teachers or who were not nice people. I feel lucky that I didn't have many of them. When I knew I had one of those, I was NOT going to be a doormat. I dealt with it.

Hope that answers your question...

I would not consider myself a helicopter parent at all, but I am pretty involved at the school. I make a point of showing up to open house with a tote full of extra supplies for the teacher. I also donate supplies throughout the year. I volunteer in the classroom periodically to help with science, which is my background. I look at the teacher as a partner in my child's education. If one of my children gets in trouble at school, I back the teacher and enforce consequences at home. I do not contact the teachers all of the time. That being said, I don't hesitate to send a quick email to the teacher if my son has a particularly hard time with his math homework (only has happened a few times this year). This is something that she needs to know and can help her zero in on what the kids need more help with...

I am at most of the school events and am very active on the PTA Board. Many of the teachers know me and I know the administration pretty well. I do not contact the school over every little thing...I try to pick my battles and I certainly do not consider my children perfect. I try very hard to work with the teachers to get the best out of my children. The teachers absolutely know that they can contact me with a problem and I will address it immediately...

I guess I was a helicopter parent. I feel like I did know what was going on at my kids' schools. My kids have been out of school for a long time but I was very active in their elementary school and middle school (not so much in high school). I worked but had a flexible schedule where I could be there when needed. I served on PTA boards most years so I had a more global idea of what was going on in school than in just my children's classrooms. And that gave me an opportunity to know a lot of parents and faculty and staff. I volunteered in the classrooms on occasion and helped with parties or field trips. It gave me the opportunity to know most of the kids by name. I was fortunate that my kids were not behavior problems so I rarely had to deal with those problems but I did have to advocate for my daughter (dyslexia & hearing issues). My kids often told me what was going on that they didn't like at school. I learned to pick my battles very carefully--a couple of issues that I took on that impacted my children and others-- 6th graders were kept from recess for weeks because a few kids acted up in the classroom and teachers refused to let them to go out. We knew the lead teacher was out on long term medical leave and subs were filling in. The other teachers on the team were new and not great on classroom management. A group of parents approached the principal for a solution. We came to an agreement- principal would get an experienced long term sub, one teacher would go out for recess with 2 parent volunteers. Two other teachers would stay inside with any children who misbehaved. In that way, the good kids were not punished and the kids got some exercise and run off excess energy. The misbehaving kids were punished and most tried hard to be better so they would not be kept inside. I would also check their folders daily, read any communication from school and look over their homework after they did it. We always stressed the importance of learning (your job now is school) and that it was important to learn how to deal with all kinds of people.

I'm probably a helicopter parent and proud of it. I am an older parent so that may have something to do with it. I work so I have only volunteered in the classroom once this year. I don't email the teacher a lot unless my daughter is sick. There is a parent night at the school the second week of school in which I attend and there is a parent teachers conference in Sept that I attend. My daughter makes very good grades so grades are not a problems. Other than that I try not to bother the teacher unless there is a problem. I am on top of everything my daughter does and is involved in. I am the house the kids come to because I like having my daughter at home. I am able to let her visit other houses but I'd rather they come to my house.

I do tend to worry. My daughter is in 1st grade so I stand on the bus stop with her. The other day a girl that is in her class but rides a different bus was waiting at her bus stop by herself. I was so upset. She is just 7 and on a bus stop by herself. I wanted to stand out with her but didn't want to step on her parents toes. I really don't think a yound kid should be out by themselves waiting on a bus. So I guess I am a helicopter mom. Umm!!

I suppose I am involved, but not overly so. When we see that Kiddo is ready for independence (in various increments), we give it to him instead of insisting he stay dependent on us for things.

School? I try to really pick and choose what I discuss with the teacher. My emails to her have been infrequent but essential; Kiddo has some challenges (vision dysfunction and likely central auditory processing disorder) and dealt with bullying earlier in the year. I'm the kind of parent who doesn't want the other kid to be punished or excluded, just that my kid is relatively as safe as any other kid. He has a 504plan and so we check in on that at the beginning and end of the year, or any challenges that the teacher brings to me directly.

I volunteer in the library for a couple hours on Mondays, so I get to see lots of kids, not just my son's group, and work gets done. I volunteer every other week in his class for a short time and am happy to do what the teacher needs, not really there to watch my son or hang out with him. He has friends for that. He doesn't need me. And when it comes to concerning report card marks, I approach those as 'what do we need to be helping him with?' instead of expecting the teacher to defend or justify the mark itself. My kid is special-- to ME--but to her, he's one of 26 first graders and she has kids who are a bigger handful or who have more direct needs. The petty social squabbles and such-- we deal with that at home in trying to help him develop his own resilience and coping skills.

I figure that my job is to advocate for my son to be safe and be able to attend school with some very minor accommodations (for his eyes), the rest is really up to him as to how he goes about his day, etc. He understands that, as his parents, we have standards and expectations for him at school as well, and that with his teacher, we are all a team. His teacher knows that we will absolutely support her if discipline issues arise and otherwise, it's a friendly hello and just pertinent information.

I am naturally a helicopter parent, who works hard not to be. Lol.

It's sad, because when I decided to go back to school, I originally wanted to study early childhood education. Then I researched it a bit, and decided that I really didn't want to have to deal with the parents. :/ it was then that I vowed that I would NOT be the parent whose actions scare off other potential teachers.

My kid is 3. He's early in his school career, so to the extent that this relates to helicopter parenting re: school we've got a long career ahead of us.

We both work, one or the other will take time off to see the spring concert, the pre-nursery commencement or whatever else (really??? pre-nursery commencement???).

Once my DS reported that he was in the naughty chair during gym. I asked him what for, he said, because he was being naughty. Thought to follow up with the school. Hubs checked that inclination and offered, he's three, on occassion he will be out of line, it's ok. Let the school address it. If it proves problematic, they will bring it to our attention. No phone calls yet.

Best,
F. B.

I work at a school, elementary, the school my kids go to too.

I am there, but not intrusive.
I am hands off.
But I do contact the Teacher if need be. But do not overstep or interfere.
I know how my kids are doing. If there is a concern, as in, my son was punched by another kid once. Well of course at that point I do step in and contact/talk to the teacher and administrators etc.
Other than that, my kids are fine, academically and socially. And they can and do speak up for themselves and can navigate fine amongst their daily day at school.
Even if my son is right there in a room I am in or working in... I don't at all, treat him any different than the other kids. Even if I know all the kids and parents and teachers at the school. I don't hover. I don't need to. My kids also know their place in school and per their behavior, and they don't act more "special" than the others just because I work there. They do not overstep, either.

I do volunteer here and there at the school too on my off hours, if I can. But I don't go overboard. And it is not only for my kids' class, that I help in.
But I am not on campus ALL the time, flitting around for no reason.
And I don't get into the politics or social clicks, of the school or staff.
I do my thing as a Staff. Then I do my thing as a "Mom" if needed, separately.

I don't even e-mail the Teachers unless I need to. Per my kids being sick or needing clarification about a project etc.

But my kids KNOW, that I am there for them, and that I advocate for them when/if need be. And at the drop of a pin, they or the Teacher can count on me.
The Teachers also know that. Even if I am not in their room, every day or all the time.

I'm involved and supportive, but not a helicopter by any means. I have 4 kids in grades 2 through 10. One of my 10th graders is an honors student who is heavily involved in activities at school. I go to her back to school night and meet her teachers so that I can put a face with the name and know who she's talking about during the year but other than that, the only communication I have with adults at school for her is with faculty advisers for programs she's involved with or when she's been nominated for an award.

My other 10th grader is a bit of a scholastic disaster. He's on an IEP for learning disabilities and ADHD and plays hockey. I talk to his guidance counselor several times a year as he frequently has to switch classes, have his annual IEP meeting, always go to his parent-teacher conferences and sometimes have to follow up with teachers directly on things. I try to go to his learning specialist first when a crisis is brewing so as to not bother the teachers but if she's unresponsive or can't sort out the problem, I do go to them directly but try to be very respectful of the fact that they teach several dozen kids a day and that their time is valuable.

My 4th grader is also a high-maintenance student. Academically he's great but he has behavioral issues so his teachers still sign his assignment notebook daily, frequently send me home notes and reports, we talk over the phone and they call me in for meetings frequently. I hope that they see me as a partner in trying to help him succeed and make their classroom management easier. I'm on the PTA board for that school so they know that I am involved and supportive of the school as a whole and the teachers in particular and hope that that makes up for my unruly child a bit,

My 2nd grader is a dream student...maybe not the brightest kid in the class but conscientious, polite and attentive. I go to his P-T conferences so that I look like I care but it's a quick 5 minutes conversation without any issues. I'll e-mail his teacher for logistical things (so and so's mom is picking him up) or to let her know about a death in the family or things like a series of dermatology or ortho appointments that will happen during school hours. I try to volunteer for one classroom activity and one field trip per year and show up at any evening events.

My goal as a parent of a student is to help my student perform his or her best while behaving appropriately and, hopefully, enjoying extra-curricular activities and to support the teachers and staff as they do their jobs. I try to be proactive and responsive, and open to feedback and suggestions, without being a hovering nag. I have had to advocate for one of my kids in the past but for the most part, we've had positive experiences with teachers and other staff and have felt that this was a partnership and not us vs. them.

I think I'm a normal parent. More of a butterfly (flitting in and out) than a helicopter. I drop my 1st grader off in the morning, I don't escort her to class unless I am dropping something off. She has an agenda that we are supposed to sign every night. Her teacher writes notes in it, we write notes in. Just little things like "great day" "too much talking today" etc. I wrote a note yesterday informing the teacher that I will be picking up my daughter early for a dentist appointment. Last week I asked when she could bring in cupcakes for the class since she has a summer birthday. I chaperoned a field trip last week. I provide needed items throughout the year (things for parties, pencils, tissues, etc.). I attend parties when I can. I go to conferences when scheduled. I drag my younger daughter along for all of these things.

I am definitely NOT a helicopter parent, but I am involved. I do work at my kids school from time to time and I do volunteer when there is a need for me to volunteer. I do attend every school event to which I am invited, such as student led conferences, meet the teacher, concerts, plays etc. I email the teacher occasionally. I do make sure my kids are doing their homework, and I sign their agendas, home reading logs and tests that they bring home. My kids don't have any social, behavioural or educational issues that I need to meet with the teacher about. I am not a helicopter parent outside of school either. I allow my kids age appropriate freedoms, such as walking to school, going to the playground or walking to friends houses alone, or staying home alone for short periods.

In my view, I am a helicopter parent, although not in the classroom. I am very comfortable and confident with the school and teachers. As well, they do not allow parents in the gates and I am at work. I don't volunteer, as you have to take classes and go down for fingerprinting and I work full time during the day and don't find the hassle worth the small amount of time I would be able to offer.

My husband walks her to the gate and then he has to leave her there to go to class on her own. When she goes to Kumon, I often drop her off near the front door and watch her go in and then run a small errand. The instructor will not allow her to hang out in the lobby to wait.

There is an awful lot of drama and we don't say anything. It is hard, but there have been very few instances of physical drama. I try hard to teach my daughter to shake things off and live by the golden rule.

I have freaked out twice this year and emailed asking about grades. Once while I was with my niece in the hospital and once recently when my daughter said she had the lowest grade in math. Both times everything was fine and I found I was overreacting.

My problem is at home. I have already raised one child and she turned out fine, but she even agrees, I can't allow my daughter to go ride her bike on her own like she used to when she was that age. We now live in a much nicer neighborhood, but I can't let her go. When she plays outside, there is always an adult outside to watch them, while my older daughter had freedom with a few check ins. I just bought a bike so I can ride with my daughter. I blame the times, but sometimes wonder about myself.

By definition, I guess I would have to consider myself a "helicopter parent". But I still know my place, and I know that 99.9% of the time I have to back the teachers and be supportive because they are right! I can't stand parents that take children's sides when they get in trouble and they actually believe them when they say things like "but I didn't do anything". The come up with a thousand excuses for their children's behavior and it's not right! Some parents actually do believe that teachers just have it out for certain kids and that is for the most part so NOT TRUE! I think rather than calling myself a "helicopter parent" though I much rather think of myself as an "advocate for my kids". Trust me I work at a school, not as a teacher, but in the administration aspect of it and I see what goes on. I see the kids that do slip through the cracks and the ones that REALLY required certain things that just didn't get them for whatever reason....... not because the teacher didn't care! I really feel there's very few of those out there. But because they're just human! Because they have 17 other children to worry about and they just slipped through the cracks. And the so-called parents that we call "helicopter parents" are the ones that are heard, loud and clear and don't allow for these things to happen to their kids! So I work at the school my kids attend, volunteer as much as I can! Yes, I literally take time off, switch hats, and walk on over to my kids classrooms and volunteer. Not often, but I do it as much as I can. My kids love it, they know I am involved and I strongly feel that they are excellent students because of it.

When my kids were in public school, I wasn't a helicopter parent. I did keep tabs on the work they were doing in school, and helped them figure out their homework as necessary, made sure they had what they needed ahead of time for projects, etc. I did volunteer one morning per week in my youngest daughter's classroom, but it was mostly grading papers. I really didn't interact with the kids. (My daughter seemed thrilled that I did that, though.)

However, I wasn't thrilled with their school. Just wasn't. Didn't think my kids were learning what I wanted them to, as well as I wanted them to learn it. So now we homeschool. I guess that makes me the ultimate in helicopter parents! :-P

As far as interactions with the school, I try to work with my kid, and step in when and as necessary. When SD was in HS, we stayed back but she knew we were there if she needed backup with a bad teacher. I talk to DD's teachers often because I see them AM and PM (kindergarteners are walked to/from their classroom by someone, a parent, a patrol, etc.). I use both email and in person communication, and try to keep it to things I need to know or things I am concerned about. When I see DD's work and she needs help with something, I help walk her through it, but I want HER to do the work, not just listen to me tell her about the work. I go to conferences. I find them very informative. This year I learned that my DD is a tactile learner and got tips for how to help her learn.

I don't know what I would call me. I don't volunteer as I work full time and can't. I try to make 1 field trip a year (each year they have 2) and I try to make some of the major stuff (they did a living museum and I went and saw that) and I will try to make end of the year awards. I don't make field day. I email the teachers about medical stuff (ie - letting them know he was getting his braces and the nurse had Tylenol if he needed it) or out sick. I have had a couple of conferences at my request with his teacher as he has had a rough year behaviour wise. My son will tell me about his day - good and bad typically. This is all for my elementary age son. My junior high age son - the less he sees of me during the day the better LOL. No - for major things - games - he wants us there but at that age there isn't alot of field trips and other things to do. I very seldom email his teachers because there is no need to. He keeps up with homework and will let me know when and if he needs help with things.

I am very involved with my childrens school. I am on the PTO board and have volunteered in classrooms when they were younger. (they are in 3rd and 5th) They go to a private school were parental involvement is very big. I do work full time but I make to their events at school and if I can (and they want me too) field trips. I am good friends with some of the teachers but if I have an issue I will email them to set up a time to chat, I try hard not to drop in.
My kids love seeing me at school during their class parties and so forth. I know as they get older that may change.
As far as classwork and homework that is on them, I do check it and we have our son in tutoring for reading but they know the only person that can do their work is them. I do keep dates of reports that are due.
This was a pretty cool question
Many blessings

I have a 3yo. I waited to have him once I'd been married a good little while and in a position to do it the way that I think I should. I work outside the home, but he is more important than my "day job". There's a line that I walk between telling him what he needs and letting him tell me. That said, I want to know as much as possible about his day. I want to know how he interacts with others and how he reacts to being hit the first time, the circumstances surrounding the first time he hit someone. (This method has always kept me from wondering where the tiem has gone. I don't ever look up and wonder where time has gone because I have been able to be present for each moment. I'm hoping that this foundation will serve us well as that changes.)

I send his teacher an e-mail if I have a concern to address and don't want to have an impromptu conference at a time that's inconvenient for either of us. I let her tell me if she can address my concerns in one press of the send button or if she wants to schedule a sit-down.

I take him to his classroom in the mornings. Sometimes he wants me to stay for a few minutes. I do that. When I go to pick him up, I want to know if he ate his lunch and how much. (He is considered to be somewhat underweight by his doctor, though he is still healthy, and I like to keep up with what and how much he's eating. I also like to keep track mentally of how his tastes are developing.) I want to know if he's having bowel movements at school. (He's toilet-training and tends to hold everything. I like to combine the information about his daytime "activity" with information about his nighttime activity, so I can have a good idea of his habits and his needs.) I want to know if he slept at naptime. I want to know if he's been in time out and why. I want to know what happens when he and another child reach for the same toy. I don't run down this exact list every day. I just establish that this is the type of information that I will be looking for with my child. I also share with them some things that he does at home, as it relates to whatever is going on at school.

When I walk in at the end of the day, I don't rush out. I observe what I can before he sees me. I let him finish whatever he's doing, even if it's just running around. Whenever something happens in the classroom that sends him running to me, I teach him that the teacher is in charge of the classroom and encourage him in that direction.

I don't know if they hate to see me coming. They haven't indicated such to me. I try to stay out of their hair, and I think that they get from me that I just want to make sure that my kid gets the best that he can get. I don't think that they think that I want him to receive any treatment more special than what the other kids get.

Feel free to label that how you see fit. I just call it parenting.

I'm going to answer it from a teacher's point of view. As a former Dance instructor, I respect parents who send in money for costumes on time, who pick up their children on time, who show tangible thanks to me for the extra hours and gasoline/transportation that I put in teaching or counseling their children (notes to adm., gift cards, or holiday gifts).

I'm pretty sure I'm not a helicopter parent. Like you, I only e-mail the teacher when I have a need, and so far I haven't had a need! I had the annual parent/teacher conference and that's it. I do not volunteer in the classroom - I work full time. Teacher did e-mail me that GD did not do her book report. I know she has a monthly book report to do, but it's her responsibility to get it done so I don't bug her about it. Since she didn't get it done in April, she lost all electronics for a week and I refused to sign the field trip permission slip until she had done April AND May's book report. Her book report is now done 2 weeks early!