Advice on Weaning My Little Girl

Updated on March 19, 2008
J.H. asks from Visalia, CA
50 answers

My daughter is 20 months old and I have started weaning her. I know, I know...She's a little old but she has shown no signs of wanting to wean so, I decided to just do it. I went out of town for a couple of days and she did great. I'm back and she has been just fine but my breasts are very tender and FULL! Any advice on how to make this painful process go faster?? I did pump a very little to try and get a little relief.

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So What Happened?

Well...First of all, what awesome advice you all gave!! This website is great. Once we were home I didn't nurse her the first night. She was really tired from traveling with daddy so that made it very easy. Unfortunately, the next night was very difficult. She screamed for 20 mins. then, just cried for 5 mins. after I held her and sang to her. I broke down... Last night, I had had it. I gave in and nursed her. I read a lot of your responses and it made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one nursing a toddler and so I realized, going from nursing 5 times a day to nothing must be VERY h*** o* her. I'm only going to nurse her at night until she says she doesn't want it anymore. During the day she is distracted and it's easy to give her a sippy cup.
As for my breasts, they are doing much better. With nursing her just that one time last night, I have complete relief! Thanks again for the cabbage tips and for the tip on not using my pump (I don't want saggy breasts--they are already small, I don't want them sagging too) :) Thanks again moms!!!

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T.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Liquid sage!! You can get it in health food stores. Put about 25 drops in a small amount of water. Stir it up then drink it all down. Do this 3 times a day for a couple days. It does not taste good, but it works wonders!

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

you can get on birth control to dry you up. That worked for me. You can do it temporarily, maybe a month or two.
good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is so weird!!! I'm J. H and I have an Ethan (12 months) and would like to start weaning him!!! I'm sorry I have no advice, but had to respond!!

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H.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

Why are you embarassed that you are only weaning now? I think it's fantastic that you've breastfed for so long! Good for you. I also nursed both my children for as long as I could. I would say go slow reducing the amount of feedings a day so that your breasts don't become unconfortably full. And if you're not ready to wean now, then don't!

2 moms found this helpful
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L.L.

answers from Honolulu on

First off, congratulations on nursing your daughter for this long. There's a lot of people who comment on extended nursing. I nursed my oldest son till he was 2 in half years old. He weaned himself. I also had left for almost 2 weeks (not wanting to wean him), and when I returned he nursed a couple of times and then he never asked for "nanas" anymore. I was crushed. What you can do is the "don't offer, don't refuse" tactic. If she askes to nurse then let her, if she doesn't then don't offer it. Your breats will get use to that and will not get full as much. You will have to pump, but don't do it a lot because that sends your body a message to continue to make milk. Don't EVER feel weird about having to nurse your daughter at this age. She's still a baby/toddler that needs you. Try reading "How weaning happens". You can find it at Borders or online. Check it out. I have it and I read it before my trip so I would know what to expect.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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H.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

wish i could help you on this one, but i let my son wean himself. it was PERFECT - no pain, no hassles! Mostly I'm responding because I wanted to tell you that you didn't go a long time and don't let anyone tell you she's too old!!!! you nurse as long as you want!!!!!
that's all...good luck with the weaning - I don't envy you!

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R.J.

answers from San Diego on

I don't have any advice on easing the pain but I want to congratulate you for breast feeding your daughter for so long. She will be a strong and healthy adult.

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A.B.

answers from Reno on

The exact same thing happened when I weaned my second child, he was also about 20 months when I started. My breasts got very tender and the fullness made a mess on my clothes and made me very uncomfortable. You can hand express the milk to help ease the fullness. This also has the added benefit of not making your body feel like it needs to produce more milk. Try warm compresses to help ease the pain too.

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S.R.

answers from San Diego on

I'm so pleased to see other moms say this: 20 months is not only a bit old but actually a bit young. But congratulations on nursing far longer than many moms. I hope you aren't weaning due to public pressure. It is no one's business but yours and your daughter's. If you both are satisfied, just continue as long as you'd like. Like many of the others, I nursed until my children decided to wean, which was from 3-4 years old. Since she is young and you still are making plenty of milk, I second the suggestion to go slowly. You do NOT want to get mastitis. Some suggest cutting out night nursing first, but that doesn't make sense to me - reducing daytime nursing since she can be distracted more easily makes more sense to me, with nighttime nursing being the last to go.

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M.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wear a tight sports bra...and don't pump...it'll just make your body think there's demand...

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Honestly, a little pumping and cabbage leaves. COLD cabbage leaves in the bra. For whatever reason, it brings down the engorgement. Don't ask me how someone figures that out! Keep changing them as needed. My lactation consultant told me this years ago.

PS I had milk for 6 months after weaning my 16 month old, who was only nursing once in the am when I weaned him.

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S.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

well you think 20 months is bad. my daughter will be 3 next month and i see know end in site. we only nurse at night when she wakes up for it because if i dont it is a full blown fit that ends up her not going back to bed, and us both dead on our feet. as for the soreness, when i have tried in the past my Docter said a really tight sports type bra, even at night. and a few days, a week tops and it should be fine.good luck.

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S.B.

answers from Visalia on

I think its great you nursed her for 20 mos. Good Job!! As for your soreness. Cabbage leaves work great. Buy a head of cabbage at the grocery store. Place the leaves on your are breast for 15-20 minutes. It totally helps breast engorgement. I know its funky but it works. All the best!
Steph

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L.A.

answers from San Diego on

She isn't a little old to be weaned.... she is a bit young, by natural standards. You will have more luck and an easier time if you taper off. Eliminate either day or night feedings, then a few months later do away with the other. If you have done that already, it is just a matter of a few days. Your breasts will get the message that no more milk is needed. Hang in there and the pain and tenderness will soon go away. Pumping will only prolong your agony because it will tell your breasts to make more milk.

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't know if stopping the pumping immediately will offer relief. Have you tried weaning slowing? Perhaps try pumping every few hours at first. Then the next day, every 5 hours. Then the third day, every 7 hours. Extend the time between pumpings every day so that your boobs can adjust.

Good luck!
__________________________________________________________
Start your own blog. Win $10. http://gagazine.com/join

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K.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

If you are hurting, find a clean/unused diaper and put water in it, then microwave it about 30 seconds - more if you need to....until it's warm. The shape of the diaper should fit a breast, and the moist heat takes out some of the pain and you can express extra milk. Another thing I found out quite by accident is a hot shower followed by brushing your teeth while leaning over the sink...the motion brings on a wobble action that will release some fullness (and spray white, sticky milk all over the floor - so put down a towel or hold one close). I nursed mine just at night (they slept with me) for a while, it made weaning easier on me.

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M.E.

answers from Honolulu on

I would recommend you wean very slowly, over a period of months (at least). If you wean slowly, you will not experience engorgement and it will be gentler on your daughter. I chose to let my daughter wean when she was ready. She was 7 years. So 20 months is by no means old! The World Health Organization and the American Pediatrics Association both recommend nursing at least 2 years and beyond. http://www.kellymom.com and http://www.lalecheleague.org are good sites for all the info you need, whatever path you choose.

Good luck,
M.

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S.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it's great you breastfed for 20 months!
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mother and baby desire. The World Health Organization recommends continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond.
But besides that, try frozen cabbage leaves on your breasts for engorgement relief. Pumping will give you short term relief but will continue your mill supply. Wear a snug fitting/tight bra. Check out the Pump Station on Fountain and Vine or else type in Pump Station Los Angeles and you can check out what they have online for engorgment relief/ weaning info etc. They may be a helpful reference.

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

How often were you nursing her before your trip? You can try hand massage (to let off some milk) in the shower to get some relief or even into the sink when you're feeling really full and need some relief. It doesn't take long for your breasts to adjust (I nursed all three of my children past age 2).

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

When I was ready to wean my son, I gradually stopped nursing him when we normally nursed. I went from 4 times a day to 2 times a day- morning and night. From there, I cut back the morning and then the night one. I would give my son a sippy cup of Whole Milk instead of nursing and he did great.

I would do this first. Over time the less you nurse, the less milk you will produce - to dry your breasts up faster, place a piece of cabbage over your breasts (It will smell like something is burning after a while), but it works.

I do not recommend stopping cold turkey, I believe that is too mean to do to a child, but gradually over time it will get easier.

Good Luck!

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M.H.

answers from San Diego on

When I weaned my little girl I remember the whole painful process. It will take a while. To get rid of the pain you might try letting it out in the shower. Dont pump because when you pump it actually stimulates your nipples so your breasts think that they need to make more. So you can sort of massage the glands. You can usually feel the glands and bumps. It's sort of fun in a sick way to stick your finger on one bump and watch the milk come shooting out LOL. I am sick aren't I? Anyway, You breasts are going to take a while to stop filling up. As long as they dont hurt, you dont need to "let it out" but warm wet compresses can help. They can open up the pores and can help relieve some of that pain. Hope this helps. Oh, and only let your milk out until it stops hurting. if you let it all out it will become engorged much more quickly than if you only let out a little. Cold compresses aren't the way to go. They can be more painful because when you put something cold on your breats they shrink up. When you have your breasts full of milk and they try to shrink up.... they're going to hurt more and it doesn't feel good.

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

rest assured, 20 months is not too long to breastfeed. the INTERnational average age of breastfeedin is 5 years. America is just so way below avg on this subject.

But it's fine to pump for comfort. you don't want to empty the breast by any means because that will just stimulate more milk production.

You can pump (or even better, hand express)for comfort and then put ice packs or cool cabbage leaves in after you pump to decrease the production even more.

I quit cold turkey with my oldest for the same reason. i was out of town.

i see that others had suggested weaning slowly by pumping a little less often. if you decide to do that. you can still give her the breast milk in a cup or with cereal. there's no need to waste it if you have it. :) good luck!

btw, with my two younger ones, i weaned gradually. definitely didn't get the discomfort of engorgement.

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N.D.

answers from San Diego on

First of all, congrats on Breastfeeding this long...she is not too old...the World Health Org recommends breastfeeding until a child is 2 years old :) . My little guy is 19 months and I am still breastfeeding. However, I am down to twice a day. I did a slow weaning process...and now, there isn't much milk in my breasts at all...I started to remove one feeding each couple of weeks (e.g. if I was breastfeeding 3 times a day...went to 2 times a day for two weeks) which seemed to be consistent with what my little guy wanted.

So, now I breastfeed at nap time and before bed which my little guy seems to be happy with with no tenderness or anything (and before I was generating a BIG milk supply).

Hope my 2 cents helps and good luck!!

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D.*.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi I am in the same boat. I would pump once every few days just a little to get some milk out but not completely so your glands don't produce more milk. And gradually go from there: from once a few days, to twice a week, to once a week, and so on. Hope it helps

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S.T.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter was around 18 months when I started weaning her so I hear you. I just used warm clothes and expressed as little milk as possible, It took a few months but soon the soreness went away. Sorry I don't have much advice, I suppose everyones experience with this sort of thing is different, but for me it was just express a little and lots of microwaved washcloths:)

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R.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I weaned my son at 3-1/2 months, because we were both ready for it. Every child weans at their own pace, so don't feel bad. As for you, I suggest expressing while you are in the shower. That way you are comfortable while doing it, and it takes some of the pressure off. Also, pumping when necessary!

Hope this helps! Good luck!

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K.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

Wear a nice tight sports bra. The pressure will help with the pain and help signal to your body that lactation is over. Good luck! K.

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S.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't pump them, don't stimulate them in anyway this will only cause more milk to be produced. I survived my drying up by wearing a sports bra that was a little too small and wrapping my chest in an ace bandage. Then when the pain got really bad, I would take Tylenol and sit with a bag of ice on my chest to numb them. I would take a bath in very shallow water, making sure to keep the warm water off my breasts so as not to stimulate them. This only took 3 days for me, but I hear that every woman is different. If you want to "speed" up the process....DON'T PUMP or feed her off of them. As soon as you do that, you body views that as a need and will simply replenish what you just pumped and you have to start ALL over again. :) Good luck

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't pump. That's the worst think you can do. Wear the tightest bra you have, restrict your liquid intake for a day or two (just drink the mimimum you need) and give it two/three days. It will be all over and you can resume liquids as you please and should be comfortable again.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Don't feel weird about it... my girl nursed until about 2 and a half years old. In my case, I really was gung ho about breastfeeding... and I let my girl "self wean." And she did.
Your girl seems to be doing fine... for full breasts....sometimes they say to wean gradually, then the body naturally decreases milk production. You should avoid pumping when weaning to prevent your breasts from overproducing milk during weaning.

Here's some links for help:
http://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+avoid+swollen+breas...

Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

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D.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

I weaned my daughter at 14 months and the way I did it was to take one feeding away at a time, every few days. That way it wasn't cold turkey for either of us. She slowly got used to less nursing and my breasts got to adjust slowly and make less milk so it wasn't painful at all. If your daughter is totally off nursing already, I would just wean your breasts using the pump. Just pump a little less each day. Good luck!

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V.O.

answers from Visalia on

dont pump !!!!!!!!!! all your doing is letting yourself reproduce. i took my daughter off cold turkey at 1. she did great i gave her a sippy cup and let her drink out of straws by 16 mo she was off the cup too. maybe i was lucky your breast get brtter after a week. youll find your own way of doing things just stick to it . good luck:)

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M.M.

answers from San Diego on

Wear a bra all the time, even at night. You might even want to wear two, so it's very snug. Put green cabbage leaves in your bra whenever you can (don't know why but it helps). When you shower don't let the water get directly on your nipples (keep your back to the nozzle). The idea is to remove all stimulation. You might think about taking Motrin around the clock for a few days for the discomfort.

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M.M.

answers from Reno on

Beautiful names, I weaned my little girl in Sep 07. It was hard emotionally and even harder physically. But I know it takes about 3 whole days with out any stimuli. You don't need to use a pump it will just make it worse. Wear a tight supportive bra, even at bedtime, because any touching of the nipple will trigger the production. Take an over the counter pain Med ask your Dr what kind you can take especially if you think you may relapse it could pass to the baby. And NO HOT SHOWERS! It took honestly about 2-3 days, if you can get passed that, the rest is down hill from there. You will feel a maximum engorgement period then the body gets the idea, then the pain subsides and the swelling goes away. You think i would be a pro after five children. But my body didn't know the difference. Find other ways to bond with your baby take a walk together, play with her toy's together, and sing with her. Hope this helps!

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C.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't pump, it will make your milk resupply. It really is just a process of hot showers and motrin. It only takes about 3 days of discomfort before it becomes much easier. Try not to express milk or relieve the pressure, as it causes your body to produce more.

C.,
Mom of 2, both breastfed until 1 1/2 years, so don't feel bad.

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M.O.

answers from San Diego on

i went through the same pain when i began weaning my son. what really helped me was taking a hot shower and massaging my breast. the hot water helped me relax so as i massaged, milk just flowed out.

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E.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Cabbage leaves help alleviate the pain and fullness of your breast milk.
E.

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B.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I've heard that sage can help dry up milk, and that applying cabbage leaves is good for this as well.

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H.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

There's no easy way out of that one, the more you express, the better you will feel. I think it's great that you breast fed for that long, most moms quit early only because they cannot produce the demands of the babies. Wish I had more comforting solutions, but this one belongs to mother nature darling.....Just gonna have to grin n bear it.....Hope you feel better soon.....

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A.Q.

answers from Honolulu on

The more you pump the more your breasts will just continue to make milk, its a vicious cycle :-). Take ibuprofen and wear a tight fitting sports bra untill its over but don't pump!!

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J.D.

answers from Reno on

Have you thought about just letting your milk dry out? It hurts, but it only takes a few days, and then it's over. (Frozen cabbage leaves in your bra can help with the pain.) If you've dried out, she'll have to drink something else. :)

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C.S.

answers from San Diego on

Dear J.,
Don't use a breast pump! It'll break down the tissues in
your breasts, and you'll end up with saggy breasts at a very young age.
If your not drying up naturally- your doctor can give you a
shot to dry the breast milk up quite a bit faster.
Good Luck, C. S.

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T.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Good for you! I, too, nursed my 3 children for a very long time and loved every minute of it. They are all extremely healthy and I attribute it to this. I didn't care what anyone else thought.

You can ask your OBGYN for some type of shot to dry your milk. I don't know if they still do this but they did about 10 years ago and it sure helped me. Until then, lots of warm showers will help soothe your breasts.

Hope this helps!

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H.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son weaned himself at 18 mo., so I expected my daughter to be similar, but NO! She was still going at 27 mos! I'd finally had enough and she did fine with the transition. But it does get uncomfortable. The problem is the more you pump or express, your body will continue to produce thinking there is still demand. So the more you can just leave it be, the sooner you'll dry up. Like some of the others have mentioned, hot showers, or hot towels, offer some relief. I think the power of the mind is strong too, help your body to understand and accept the fact that it's ok to stop producing. By the way, I have an Ethan too, great name! :)

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T.

answers from Las Vegas on

J.,

I nursed my oldest until he was 2 and I'm still nursing my 17 month old. There is nothing wrong with it. :-)

When I weaned my older child, I basically would just pump when I was uncomfortable and just until I wasn't uncomfortable (I was not trying to empty my breasts). I only had to do it a couple of times.

You can also try taking a little sudafed (if it will dry out your nose it will also dry out your boobs) or a little sage tea. Both those items will help reduce your supply.

:-)T.

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R.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hey good for you! I just weaned my son and he is two. I think it's great! You give yourself a huge pat on the back. Let's see....aobut the full breasts. I'm not sure what you do. I think standing in the shower is good. Wet heat I thin helps. But about your daughter. Tell her that you are celebrating her being a big girl. And get her some goodies. I didn't go the food route. I went and got stikers, cool fun DVD's, CD's music, and books. And when he asked I gave him a present. And sometimes just gave him one because I am so proud of him. Go easy on yourself. And again, Bravo for doing such a wonderful thing. Hey, they are now saying that it's good to go till they are two. So you did great!

HOpe that helped a little. R.

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T.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Cold cabbage leaves in your bra. I don't know why, it just helps. That and a tight bra for good support and patience, lots of patience. Good job with the 20 months and good luck!

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M.V.

answers from San Diego on

hi,
try putting fresh cabbage leaves in your bra. this will dry up your milk. it works!
M.

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L.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am attempting to wean my 20 month old daughter too! Due to some antibiotics I have to take suddenly, we are going cold turkey as of yesterday afternoon.

I am really bummed - I planned to stop by 24 months but more on my own terms... I just told her that "Mommy's boobies have ouchies" and she seems ok with that answer but not thrilled about it.

She keeps patting her hand on the bed for me to lay down (and nurse her). It's breaking my heart...

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K.O.

answers from San Diego on

Don't pump! Pumping sends the signal to your breasts that they are not finished making milk, and it will delay the process. Having weaning three children, I have found cold turkey is the only way to go. You have to just suck it up and deal with the tenderness. With my sons, my milk dried up within a few weeks but with my daughter there was milk for months afterward (but not painful after the first month or so) I nursed everyone for more than a year, so I don't know why the discrepancy, but just stay strong and your breasts will get the message.

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