Advice on Boy Crazy 6 1/2 Year Old

My little one went through something like this in pre-school and kindergarten, it look a lot of consistency on my part that everytime she brought up her "boyfriends" that it was not acceptable for little girls to have boyfriends. (she used to talk about kissing - which really worried me, but that's another story!) She has definitely toned it down that last year or 2 - now she insists she has friends that are boys if someone teases her or mentions a boy being a "boyfriend". Anyway, I suggest that you keep telling her that it is not appropriate for little girls to have boyfriends - tell her when she's 16 (or 30) that you can talk about her having a boyfriend or dating! - she still "likes" a few boys better than others, as do all the other girls in her class- she is just not quite the boy crazy girl she was a few years ago :)

I think that your concerns are normal but to some degree, so is her behavior. First, I would try to think back to when you were her age and when you had your first "boyfriend". Mine was when I was 7 or 8 but that meant you'd smile at each other, sneak tic tac toe notes and always choose one another first for monkey bar races (and I did like boys before that). It was very innocent. And just because she's interested, it doesn't necessarily mean that she'll be an early bloomer (although she could)...I was very a late one!

What I would focus on is that she learns to prioritize social activities and school activities and learn when it's appropriate to discuss personal things. It sounds a lot like she's trying to practice at being grown-up.

Another suggestion is that you may want to take a look at her external influences (maybe you already have). I'm not saying keep her completely isolated - it wouldn't be possible and she'd resent it. However, maybe you should watch a few episodes of whatever show it is that you allow her to watch. Many of the kids shows today have older children who are dealing with "relationships". She may be modeling what she sees. Same goes for music (the lyrics can be really inappropriate sometimes). Anyway, I'd recommend that you participate in some of these activities with her and then discuss it with her. Take advantage of the fact that you have a lot more influence over her now than you will when she's a teen. If you talk about what you liked that you saw, what you didn't like and what could've been done differently, those impresssions will stay with her when she's older and making decisions for herself.

Good luck to you! My two are each a year behind yours so hopefully you'll find some advice that works for you and then you can give it back to me next year when I start to worry about the same thing :)

J.,

I see nothing wrong with your little girl. So...she likes boys. As far as you have told us.......she is a smart chatty kathy, most girls are. She seems like a delightful outgoing little girl. I wouldn't change a thing. Well maybe curb the talking in school, but good luck with that!

I think for some kids this can be very normal. I myself remember having a boyfriend at that age. he and I went to the movies together & were pretty much inseperable on the playground. I may even still have the letter he wrote me that when we grew up he was going to take me away on his motorcycle & we would get married. I also remember both sets of our parents & the teacher thinking it was no big deal. the teacher even gave us a "wedding" but at the end I refused to kiss him in front of all the other kids. we "broke up" in 3rd grade but stayed close friends until I dated one of his guy friends in highschool. It really was my first crush and totally harmless. I am now 38 yrs old, have been married for 14 years and have a 5 yr old boy who considers his best friend one of the girls in his class.

Dear J.,

i was wondering what is so bad about having a boyfriend at 6 1/2? What do you think "having a boyfriend" at this age means? Is it the same as your daughter sees in it?

Also, if she is already really drawn to sociallising particularly with boys, you saying that that is inappropriate is unlikely to change her desire and behaviour. Maybe you can explore what it is you are afraid of exactly? You could share that with her, instead of demanding her to act against her impulses. Perhaps you are loading the issue with your own fears and dislikes more than necessary -- is she really "boy crazy"? Maybe she is just playing "i have a boyfriend", just like my son likes to play "i am a chef and sautee fish for you" without me actually having to worry about salmonella. She sure does not sound "boy crazy" to me, just nice and normal.

Good luck,
D.

I would not freak out. I was just like this at her age. In nursery school and kindergarten I had a "boyfriend" and we actually did use to "kiss" (which my husband thinks is hilarious). Once I got to first grade though the girls and boys separated more and I had a long dry spell! (ha ha)! This behavior didn't lead to developing early or early sexual activity or anything like that. It is normal behavior - like instead of directing her affection towards a stuffed animal she has currently channelled it into this "boyfriend". I think as long as you don't make a big deal about it except to maybe have a conversation that it is fine to have a boyfriend as long as she still has her girlfriends and her activities etc and does her homework, this period may pass and she may likely be hating boys in another few months. Hang in there!!

She sounds like the typical 6-7 yr old girl...boy crazy! I don't think there is anything wrong w/ that I would just talk to her about doing her class work and less talking during class. My son was coming home w/ tons of work in Jan. because he wasn't doing his work and I sent a note in to his teacher requesting that if he didn't complete his morning school work than he shouldnt be going out to play in the snow so for a few days he missed his morning recess but hasn't since because he realized if he didn't do his work he would be staying indoors I would suggest that to the teacher that way her work gets done and she learns that there is a time for play and chit chat and a time for work and if you don't do your work you don't get to play. My now 7 yr old didn't really seem to care about taking his work home and completing it after school but your daughter sounds like a social butterfly like my son so I bet she will miss recess.

Wow, the responses you received amaze me. I guess I agree a little bit that it can be somewhat normal behavior, but it is definitely something to be concerned about.
I just found out yesterday, from my seven year olds teacher, that she is "boy crazy". During her parent/teacher conference her teacher hit us with a bombshell by saying that our daughter has this boy that she chases after and has to always sit by. We were blown away because we thought she was so shy and innocent at school. It was like the teacher was talking about someone else; like she was a different person at school. The teacher said she is in a clique of about five girl that are always worrying about how they look and about boys. She is not doing so good in school because she doesnt pay attention to anything but her social atmosphere. I didn't portray this behavior until about 8th grade! Her teacher made it clear that this is not normal behavior at her age. In fact, she said that in her 26 years of teaching, this is the first she has seen this behavior in her class.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
I know this was last year when you posted this, so I am curious to know how things turned out with your daughter, and how is she now that she is my daughters age?