Advice on a Husband That Wont Do Little Household Things

I totally agree with your first response. Men think totally different than we do! My only suggestion is to stop nagging. He knows what needs to be done, he's probably just too tired to do it. Say it once and let it go. If it's something pressing that needs to be done, you probably end up doing it yourself. See if he can do it before you do, wait him out. It also sounds like he works a lot. Try to plan a date night. Even if it's after the kids are in bed. If all else fails - do like the first woman said - cry! Good luck and stay strong!

I feel your pain. Before I got divorced (for other reasons), the only way I could get my husband to do anything was to cry. Really. And I'm not much of a crier. Isn't that pathetic? Anyway, maybe tell him that you're going to have to hire a handyman or mother's helper or something because you cannot do all those things yourself based on your doctor's advice. Or tell him how much you appreciate what he does, blah blah blah, because men like having their egos stroked. They need lots of praise, just like little kids. So tons of pleases and thank yous and "you're such a good, strong man" type of comments might work. I know you don't get that kind of praise in return, but that's ok- come back on mamasource and we'll all tell you what a great job you're doing! Keep up the good work!

HI J.,
This is a universal issue...welcome to the real world! :) Go on strike...do what you need to do for your kids and yourself. If the grass grows as tall as the tress maybe he will get the hint! It is amazing to me how men like to stay in thier caves and pretend that other things besides work and sex exixt. Stop nagging/or in most cases asking him to be involved with help around the house. Let it go...do what you must and see how far he will allow it to go. He KNOWS you will take care of it in the end...call his bluff girl! Keep your back bone in this situation and maybe...just maybe...he will grow one too in the process. One can only hope, right? Good luck...:)

Blessings,
M.

My advice J. is to hire a handy man without telling him and just have the things done that need to be done. I asked my husband over and over again to have someone come and look at my dryer and just like you my husband wasn't going to do anything that I nagged him to do. So after "x" period of time I broke down and called Sears myself and when he got home that day I told him that I had someone come out and repair the dryer. I believe that this taught him two things.

1-That I could just take care of it myself.
2-That I wasn't afraid to take care of it myself if he could not do it, even if it was at a cost to the monthly budget.

Either way the dryer was fixed and I was happy. I did the same thing with having the dryer vent for the house cleaned out. And believe it or not the Vent Doctor cleaned out an entire City of Raleigh Garbage can of lint out of the vent. Can you just imagine the fire that could have caused had I not stepped up and just took care of it myself? This is what ultimately worked for me and showed my husband that I did not need him to resolve an issue in the home.

Why don 't you hire someone to do the work for you,Then give him the bill.

Hey J.! Good morning! I hope you are doing well. I had the opportunity to read your email, and I think I know a way to help you. It is different and to some seem old fashion and maybe even radical. However, I have been almost exactly where you are, except I only have one child. You may need a cup of coffee for this one.

I too am a stay at home mom, and I have been for the last 8 yrs. I am currently a single mom during the week, because my husband travels Mon.-Fri. He is just here Fri. night, Sat and Sun. When I first became a stay at home mom I hated it! It was so hard, not that it is not hard now, just different. I struggled w/the same things you mentioned, until one day I realized I could not do this by myself. I found my strength in Jesus Christ and by working my marriage out His way it changed my life, my child's life, and my husband's. Please don't skip this.

It was through the scripture verse "Your adornment must not be merely external...but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." (I Peter 3:3-4, NASB). I took some marriage classes through the church and did as God said. I stopped nagging. It was not easy. Every time I would get angry at Hus. I would have to go to the bathroom and pray. This happened alot. I would be nice to my husband even if he was not nice to me. I tried to get the kids and house done, I am sure that if an outsider would have viewed me in my home their comment would have been, "She is being sicky sweet." Well, if finally paid off. Now mind you, it took about a year. I would ask him to do something once and if he didn't I would let it sit. Saying nothing, unless it was trash, I would take it out. Then if he did anything for me, make bed, play with child, answer the phone, take out the trash. I would tell him thank you, and I would let him know I really appreciated it. Through my kindness and prayer, he began to change. One year later, he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. When the minister asked him what brought him to this point-He was 46yrs. old-he said,"It was the changes I saw in my wife and child." God is so good.

I know this all sound like a bunch of craziness, but it is all true. It was not easy and I could not have done it w/out the grace of God. I will be glad to talk w/you more about this. I did not do it alone. I had support of other Christians that had a marriage like I wanted. Most of all, I had the Lord Jesus Christ.

This was just a life changing experience in our lives and if it had not happened like I said we would be divorced. I came from a divorced family and I was divorced w/no children one time already. I tried it w/out God and it did not work.

I hope this encourages you. I would love to help you if you are interested in talking w/me. Just email me back private and I will give you my number.

I hope you are well and I will be praying for you and your family.

Sincerly,
D.