Advice Needed on Weaning an Almost 2 Year Old

Dearest Joni,

I love nursing my 28-months-old son, and there is no end in sight! He constantly asks for it at night (I nurse him to sleep and sometimes at naptime between 2 and 4 pm). We are also continuing to co-sleep, and when I am gone in the morning on a weekend, his daddy will sleep next to him.

I recommend attending a free La Leche League meeting in your area. They have a 4-part program they rerun each month, and one of the sessions is on Weaning, with a wealth of information, plus all the moms there ready to share advice. ###-###-####
Here is the contact info for San Diego County:
http://www.lllusa.org/web/SanDiegoCA.html

If you take it slowly, it will hurt both of you a lot less. I can see how the end of nursing is also an emotional issue with closeness and bonding, and personally, neither my 28-months-old nor I are ready to give it up. Are you sure you need to stop now, at this particular time, just because this second birthday is looming, which is really an arbitrary point in time, as occasional nursing can go easily beyond three years of life, and really helps when comfort is needed, when they get hurt, in the cold season, while traveling away from home etc.??

I wish you the very best for your precious children, whatever decision you make for your family.
Loving more naturally,
C.

Joni,
Well, take it in stages and go very slowly - for example, if she nurses 5 times a day, eliminate the morning feeding first - if she likes to nurse first thing when she gets up in the morning, have your husband go to her while you get in the shower. Wear jackets, dressess, blazers - things so that your breasts are un attainable. Tell her, no nursing in the morning. Then after 3 weeks or so, stop the next one, and just go very slowly eliminating them one by one over the course of time.
One thing that did help me was letting my son sleep with one of my shirts (it it supposed to smell like you) and also keeping him really, really busy during the day so he was really ready for his naps and for bed time.
He never liked sippy cups so we went straight to regular edge cups with small amounts in them, and we tried lots of different drinks - chocolate milk, vanilla milk, plain milk, every juice at the grocery store, smoothies, shakes, etc.
Keep her well fed. Give her a bottle instead of the breast if she will take it as a cuddle time after meals.
Also, putting a pillow across my chest, so he couldn't reach my breasts, that helped too.
I understand your sorrow about having to stop - they are our little babies, and not nursing means they are growing up. But growing up doesn't mean growing away.
She will be angry and confused, but you must remain firm, constant and sweet. As to being the only one who can 'truly' comfort her, have her father 'fake' comfort her, with a love transference object - like a stuffed animal, doll or blanket. It is hard, and you may have to leave the house!
Good luck!

well i've weaned and then let my son start up again and repeated this a few times..he's almost 3..ugh! so now i've told him that "booby is broken" "booby is all done" also u could bring the bottle back..put some almond chocolate milk mixed w/ milk in it for her..then wean her from the bottle ...it just takes a few days..start cutting down..try to get her attention from the booby when she wants it..my son now says.."no hitting..no biting...no booby" i bought him some books that teach about not hitting and he's added booby...might try that..good luck*

Just adding something here....
since your daughter is 22 months old, is she drinking whole milk or any other kinds of "liquids?" At this age, she should... I would tell your Pediatrician if she is not... it's about nutrition too...

For my daughter, she was already on a sippy cup and regular cup and straw cup even while she was still nursing... and so for me, I didn't have to wean her to a sippy cup...because she was already drinking milk from one, while also still weaning from breast. So, I didn't "replace" sippy cup for breast....but each child is different.

My concern would be, that if she is NOT drinking any other kind of liquids...by this age, be it water, or juice or milk. BY NOW, she should be able to. Just my opinion.

Thus, yes, if she is only nursing, and only a little , and not taking in any other kind of liquid....then she may get dehydrated... and not getting enough of those nutrients.

I would speak to your Pediatrician about it.

Since your girl is at daycare... the how is she napping there? She doesn't have your boobs there....?

Good luck,
Susan

How does she actually nurse? As long as she's peeing, she's getting enough fluids. I nursed my three until a little past two years, each weaned on their own. At the end it was only at naptime and bedtime. At naptime, we started reading story instead and at bedtime, daddy started putting them to bed. It also helps to go on vacation because the schedule upset can aid in not having time to nurse. Does she have a lovey? A blanket, stuffed animal, etc.? Try sleeping with that so your smell is on it and then give it to her at night for soothing. Sippy cup, put her name on it and then be possessive about it saying that it's hers, especially when brother grabs it. Say whatever you need to to get her to drink from it, call it princess drink or something. When my three started sippy cup, they had a quarter of it juice and then diluted with water. Good luck! It does take a bit, but not much if daddy helps and you stay strong. I do miss nursing but it is really freeing.

Hi Joni-
I can relate. I consulted with a friend that is also a child psychologist- Her advice is to tell your child: I love you and I will hold you continuously. Just keep repeating yourself every time she requests the breast. (My son reacted negatively to being denied the breast and would slap me and scream.) Then I would continue with, I'll rub your back...my son would say "no! my back!" Then I'd go through all of his little body parts...ie..I'll massage your toes, nose, fingers..etc. Until he was finally laughing and would roll over and go to sleep. I think this method keeps the child from feeling neglected or losing the comfort that they are seeking. I think this works like a charm and you will both feel good about weaning. Now instead of the breast my son gets a little massage at night before bedtime. If this doesnt' work, there is another full proof method from Brazil: put tomato paste on your nipples. Supposedly one look/taste turns them off for good. Sound creepy and kind of mean to me though.
Good luck and congrats on the little miracles.

Congratulations on your two little miracles! I completely understand your part in the weaning process. It can be a sad time, knowing it's probably your last child. Here's what worked for us...

My daughter was about 26 months old when I tried to wean her. It worked, without even a tear! For the first week, I counted to 10 (at any pace you want) while she nursed, then switched sides and counted again. Keep switching sides and counting until she's done. After 5-7 days, count to 9 each side and so on. My daughter stopped by the time we counted to 5, about 5 weeks into the weaning process. I guess she was bored with the switching! It worked perfectly for us, but it usually takes 5-10 weeks.

This technique was given to us by a consultant at The Pump Station.

Hi,
First of all, congratulations on your miracle babies! Children are such a blessing! I know you are sooo in love with them. Part of loving them is providing balance for them. I am not saying that this will be easy, but it begins with you making a firm decision to wean her, and you ( I was sooo depressed when my daughter stopped breastfeeding). Making the decision, and sticking to it is the hardest part. I don't believe your daughter will feel rejected, because you are not rejecting her. You are helping her to grow, and you are helping your marriage as well. You can do this!!! And your bond with her will only get stronger, not weaker!
:) Brandi

Hi Joni,

I nursed two of my 3 kids for over 2 years so I can relate! My daughter was alot like yours really took it personally. I always started with simple boundaries "Not right now we will nurse when I am done with the dishes" and I didn't give in to negative beahavior. If she threw a fit after I said no I would be empathetic with out giving in and rewarding negative behavior. EX: "Wow you are really mad or I'm sorry your upset" and just keep going about my duties. Even though it was killing me inside. Then when I was done with the dishes I'd say okay I'm done with the dishes now we can nurse. Then slowly the answer was just no we are not going to right now we will later after Barney or before your nap. And then I would honor what I said.

My daughter was not consuming very much liquid either. She is four now and I still have to push the fluids. I wouldn't stress over that as you switch her over she will get what she needs. I don't believe we need cows milk anyway. I give water, juice, and Almond milk. Ultimately I got her totally weened at 2 and four months. She continued to ask for it for about 3 more months but was okay with the answer "its all gone" I have a baby due anytime and I'm curious to see how she handles that! Best of luck and don't stress the two of you will figure it out!

Smiles,
S.

Great job breastfeeding! Look online for your local Le Leche League group, they are a great support and source of info. Or ask at your hospital about a bf group. Only drop one feeding at a time, will usually take about 2-3 weeks per feeding so it's gradual and healthy for her and you. I KNOW what you mean about the emmotional part. Also, don't rush it, toddler bf has so many benefits for mom & baby. MOST countries bf well past 2 years.

Ah...weaning! How well I remember it and how hard it sometimes was! I nursed five children, some to about 15 months and others up to almost three years. It was a wonderful, but sometimes horrible, experience, as like you said, you are the only one that can comfort her, and sometimes it is a test of wills when you need to move on and they don't want to. (BTW, I read a funny story about a mom with a four year old who didn't want to give it up, so she painted a scary monster on her breast with one "eye" and when it came time to nurse, she bared her breast with a scary monster sound) and he never asked again. BUT in doing this, you might have to seek child counseling, so I'm not recommending it!:o)
My advice as a "seasoned professional" of nursing is to just make it a really calm, slow process. Try to explain it to your husband and enlist his help to take over some of her "snuggle" times, so that she finds that life will go on w/o just mommy doing all the comforting. Read sweet story books while you hold her, and she holds her sippie cup,(do you have the kind of cups with the soft lid that seems more like a bottle? My little girl liked them),and make it as calm and comforting as possible, so that it doesn't seem like a harsh adjustment to her.You could try making up a little story for her that would help in the transition. I would tell my kids that "there's lots of ways to get milk, this is only one way" and "Oh look! Here's a pretty cup, do you like this cup? He wants you to take a drink from him, oh the cup is sad, he wants you to like him and hold him" I know it sounds kind of looney, but it worked, after awhile. It sometimes just takes awhile.Good luck!

Well, it's been awhile for me, hummm 16 years! But, I nursed my daughter until she was 2 years 2 months old. FULL TIME... morning/noon/night and whenever she wanted at night (she slept with us until she was 18 months old). I wanted to stop nursing, but, wasn't sure how to go about it. I tried everything! So, one day a friend told me to put band-aids over my nipples and tell her I had boo boo's. I thought what the heck, it's worth a try. I couldn't believe it, the next time she wanted to nurse I told her I had a boo boo and she was so sympathetic, she wanted to see it and kiss it. Later that evening I did have a boo boo, I was engorged! When I read her a bedtime story she asked if she could have a little sip. I thought, oh my gosh that would really relieve me so, I let her. Although she just sucked a second and she was happy! After that it was a piece of cake. Enjoy it while you can, but, do what's in your heart. I was told to nurse until she was 5! I just couldn't do it. I hope this helped. GOOD LUCK!

When my daughter was weaned at 8 months she couldn't ask for "boobie," like your daughter can, but she did know the sign for "milk" and was able to ask to nurse in that way. I told her, "I'm sorry, Mama's boobies are out of milk." and "Boobies are empty; no more milk in the boobies." I can't imagine how tough it would be to wean her at 21 months! All I can say is to be firm and consistent. This sounds callous, but she will drink from the cup when she gets thirsty enough. Just make sure she has a cup handy at all times; and because you are weaning, I might try to find one with a more nipple-like quality: soft, etc. Also, you can still comfort her with your embrace and presence - it doesn't and shouldn't always have to be food (because that is what our milk is, after all). And the naps will become easier in time. It kills us to hear our kids cry and beg and sometimes get hysterical (!), but they can't be breastfed forever and they will have to learn to relax themselves to sleep sometime. It is a learned skill - think about it the next time you lay down at night. You are the one who is in charge of relaxing your body and mind in preparation for sleep; otherwise you'd stay awake until you were too exhausted to fight. This happens to all kids until they get the hang of it - like spilling the cup, dropping food from a fork and having accidents while toilet training, it is a natural part of learning and growing. Good luck! One parting thought is that maybe your son could "help" her learn the cup or distract her from the breast. Make him a partner in it. I bet he would enjoy it and as a twin she might follow his lead if he is "helping."

I got Bells palsy in my 9th month of pregnancy and had to put off treatment. When my daughter was 2 years old, I felt comfortable going into the hospital for the corrective surgery necessary for my nerve damage. I went to a lactation consultant for advice with weaning. My insurance paid for one session.
We went on a 6 week weaning schedule, cutting out one feeding a week. We left the early morning feeding for last.
Making sure my baby had enough protein on a regular basis helped her not need the breast for nutrition or hunger. She liked cubes of tofu or cheese.
I also added ALOT more playtime. When she would go to nurse, we would do blocks, toys, etc. This helped distract her.
Good luck. I REALLY loved breast feeding too :)

My son wouldn't take the sippy cup either. It was a horrible fight! What I did was give him a small plastic cup of juice so he could try it out. He loved it but he got messy and my boy hates sticky! The cup was a little too hard and the bottle doesn't go as fast. He had no choice but the sippy. Just let her explore a little bit.
My son had eating issues. Our ped sent us to a speach therapist and she had some great suggestions. First give her the cup you want her to begin to use AFTER she has nursed. This age is when they really start expirimenting with their own independance. Use it to your advantage. As far as the whole comofort nursing goes. Get ahead of it. Don't let her get all the way to the 'needy'stage before you jump in. If her brother hits her with a toy or she is begining to get sleepy comfort her witout the breast trying to create your own little ritual that will eventually replace the breast. Naptime: Man did daycare straighten me out!! I dreaded starting in dc at all because his napping is soooo bad. At dc he's the best dang napper of all! He was being a conartist the whole time!! The first few times he napped at home I rocked him and put him in awake. If he gets upset there is another bed in his room so I lay there until he feels safe. Gosh that's a long answer! There are no perfect solutions but trust yourself and take this opportunity to teach your daughter to trust herself too.

My daughter will be 2 1/2 at the end of this month and although she hasn't nursed in about a month (and had limited supply for about 3 months), she still asks to "try it". This morning she tried each "boobie" for about 3 seconds.

I had a really hard time with nursing at first but once we got it, we got it. She never accepted a bottle after those first few weeks when I was pumping and giving her a bottle since she wouldn't latch well.

Anyways I set out to nurse til she was 1, then 2. Her second birthday came and went. Oops and so I decide to self-wean.

This didn't mean letting her do it all by herself. This meant nursing only at home and laying down in bed to nurse in a quiet place.

I remember at a younger age her pulling at my shirt and with very few words I would just remove her hand and whisper that she could have some when we got home. A lot of time she would forget to ask when we got home.

It's a process so make sure you're committed to. Once I got my mind set and decreased nursings, my milk supply really decreased. This also made her not as interested...

Good luck. Feel free to send me a message if you want.

L

I'm a mom of a now 10 year old and 8 year old. I nursed both of my children but made the decision early on I would stop nursing before they were of the age they could really fight me about it. My daughter went the longest-1 year old. She whined on and off for a few days but got over it. Sounds like you are in need of a long drawn out explanation but not to sound cold or callous, but often times WE make bigger deals of things as parents. Our children are resilient and adapt to changes much easier than we anticipate. Sure, it is easier for me to see the clearer picture now because I have been there and done that. One simple idea you might try-I have friends who have done this and it works! Put band aids over both your nipples and tell your child you have boo-boos and you can not nurse or it will hurt Mommy. Sure, she will cry and fuss-probably for a week (or more in your case) but she will not go thirsty. She will adapt and start using a cup and move on to the next stage in her life. Will you miss this stage, sure, but you should focus on what is ahead and embrace all the excitement to come!

You really need to replace her attachment to your breast to attachment to something else that you are willing to live with. I liked to read to my little ones after weaning. it is still good snuggle time, and they learn something too. You can also give her a "lovey" if you are willing to keep track of it. Whenever she asks for "boobie" give her the lovey and snuggle with her and read a book. As for replacing the fluids, if she only nurses for a couple of minutes, is she really getting much from you anyway? In the last month of nursing, I found that my production was so low, that they didn't really get anything from me anyway. Maybe your boobies are more productive, but she will find a way to get more eventually without you. Good luck.

Hi Joni,
Congratulations on giving your daughter soooo much. I did the same for my two the older girl is now 5 (weaned at 2.4 yr) and my boy I weaned at 23 months. Weaning the girl I was in solidarity with another mom with whom our kids were playing a lot together and we both put band-aids on our nipples and said, "oh no, boo-boos, hurts mama." And kept that up till they stopped asking (about 2 weeks). We made sure that they both talked about it together so they didn't feel alone in their 'loss.'
The boy was harder. He didn't want to give it up yet, but I was done - feeling pretty much what you are feeling I think, like you are the only one to comfort them... I started making nursing shorter and when he protested I would concede but say to him that the milk is going bye-bye soon. I said that a lot for about a month (I nursed to him to sleep for naps and for bed - he wouldn't fall asleep any other way). We practiced falling asleep reading books. I would let him know that, "we need to practice this 'cuz the milk is going bye-bye soon so we want to do this. You can still have milk to go sleepy now, but the milk is going to go bye soon." Finally one day (nap) he had a stuffy nose (hard to nurse) from the tail end of a cold - and I just knew it was the right time, so I told him that the milk was gone now. I had him say good-bye. He kissed each breast (not nipple) and patted them. I talked to him - what a good boy - held him close and we snuggled close and went to sleep together (he needed me close to sleep for awhile...but that too has changed). It was sweet it was positive and we did it together.

Through all of this I used a communication style that acknowledges what the child is feeling. The child is asking you in their way for milk and you say, "you want more milk right now" Instead of just "OK, but I need to do this other thing first..." I always try to get them to hear that I heard and understood them and get them to say "uh-huh" meaning, "yes, that is what I want" then I let them know what I am planning to do about it - either give them what they want when I do this thing, so they have to wait a minute - or let them know that I cannot do what they requested and why and when it might happen later (if applicable).
This is my magic elixir with my children. I let them know that I heard what they said - by saying it back to them and getting their nod that they hear me hearing them. It stops the crazy 'wanting something' freak outs that kids do. Another important addendum to my reply above is that when we leave things we say good-bye (got that from Dr. Sears Baby Book) for closure. So when he said good bye to my breasts that was part of our normal ritual of leaving things.
Does your girl drink from the juice boxes w a straw? They make some with water only in the box style. Or will she drink from an open cup - and you just have to monitor it from the grand spill. She'll find a preference if she is thirsty, but like all the big transitions, they take a little extra TLC from you to start but when the routine sets in its so much easier to have that freedom.
So when you really get to the weaned phase, plan some extra nights of simple meals with your husband so he knows that you are going to take a week or whatever to facilitate the change and nurture this new dynamic in this relationship and allow a little laundry to pile up so you can do it without stressing. See if he can be involved even if it is just sitting with you and the other child and talking softly to each other in the dark. I know that the marriage is super different when the kids are young, but they do grow and turn corners that allow you two more time together and in the scheme of things they are little for such a short period of time. Just remember to tell each other, "I love you" every day - that's worked for us anyway.

I've found the responses that you've gotten to have some helpful tips, as I have a 15-month daughter that I suspect will keep nursing for quite awhile. My first one weaned herself by this age, so I don't know what you do when Mom has to lead the process.

Regarding the sippy cup, one thing that I've found helpful is to use straw cups instead. I get those psuedo-disposable ones (FIrst Years, I think) at Target. They seem easier than sippy cups to catch on to since they don't have to tip them up. Maybe just trying this for something new would get her interested?