9 Month Old Not Wanting to Sleep??

Updated on September 27, 2007
K.L. asks from Oakland, NJ
12 answers

My daughter just turned 9 months and suddenly she does not want to be put down for naps or bedtime AND she has been waking up in the middle of the night. She has been sleeping through the night and self soothing since she was 8 weeks (8:00pm to 7:30am). It started by her not wanting to go to bed at night and crying, then it progressed to her naps (not wanting to go down) and now in addition she is waking in the middle of the night. She screams hysterically when myself or husband leave her in her crib. If we go back in and try and rub her back, she gets more hysterical and starts thrashing around in her crib. If we pick her up, she immediately puts her head on your shoulder. So for some reason it seems like she wants to be held, but I don't want to start a 'bad habit'. And when she is waking in the middle of the night (she seems to have forgotten how to soothe herself), she fights going back to sleep, even if I nurse her. Last night I actually brought her into our bed and she feel asleep within minutes, but only for about 1hr. I feel like she is probably totally overtired, but it seems a vicious cycle, how do I get her to calm down and sleep like she used to? Is this just a phase or is she trying to establish a new routine? She has also recently started to pull herself up and trying to cruise around furniture. A friend had told me this now exploration phase could be overstimulating and why shes having a hard time sleeping. I don't know whats going on, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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T.S.

answers from New York on

Could she have an ear infection? My daughter, who is also 9 months, does this when she is uncomfortable.

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Q.F.

answers from New York on

since this is something new, i would say to check and make sure it's not a new problem. while my daughter never really did sleep through the night until after 1 yr old, she did wake up with fits like your describing. a couple of times she would do this it was because of getting 4 teeth in at once (she got 4 teeth in at once 3 separate occasions) and 2 separate times it was due to constipation/horrible gas. EACH of the times lasted a little over a week. when it was the teeth, all she really needed was for me to sooth her and she'd go right back out (especially in my bed). if it is the over stimulation like your friend suggested, try to have down time for about 1 hr. start it off with a nice warm bedtime bath, then just lounging and maybe watching tv, or just rocking...whatever you can think of to get her to relax for the rest of that hr before bed. good luck!

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J.P.

answers from New York on

This exact same thing started happening when my son was about 8 1/2 monhs. (he's 9 months now). He was a great sleeper and usually never made a fuss about going down for a nap or bedtime and would sleep through the night. He usually takes his pacifier to fall asleep though. And one day he stopped taking his pacifier and it just became a nightmare to put him to bed - he would scream and carry on, getting more hysterical if i came in the room and of course, once i picked him up, he would be fine. I finally figured out this was happening for three main reasons. The first was that he just learned to crawl and would constantly roll over and pull himself up to his knees and look out of the crib and be stuck in that position. Also he was teething, which is why he didn't want to take his pacifier (which orajel did the trick for that) and he just starting showing signs of separation anxiety during the day - cried if i left the room and things like that - i think all of that was a combination for the hard time sleeping. I even took him to the doctor because i was convinced something was wrong, but she said he was completely healthy. He did get back to normal for the most part- i think it is just a phase. He is still teething, but orajel on his gums really works for him because then he'll take his pacifier which helps him fall asleep. before i figured that out i literally had to rock him to sleep for a week - and i was really against that, because like you said I didn't want to start a bad habit. He's all good now though. So that's may be one or a few of the reasons for your daughter not sleeping well anymore. I also heard something about maybe wanting more solid foods during the day. Hopefully this helped in giving you an idea for what may be causing this. I hope everything goes well!

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L.P.

answers from New York on

Hi K.! Seems like you created a really good sleep pattern from the start. If this is just happening now at 9 mos I would say that it's probably either teeth or as your friend said maybe just learning a new skill and that keeping her up. My youngest did that too around that age, but I started nursing him to sleep and I created SUCH A MONSTER and a bad habit. Eventually we had to let him cry it out, which was hard and horrible, but it worked. SO...I went on supernanny's website for you because I remember hearing her sleep seperation technique and I'll paste it in here. I like her a lot...I think she has a very good balance in her child rearing theories...the website, if you're interested, is: www.supernanny.us.com
Anyway...good luck and here's what that site said:
Steps to get a good night’s sleep

* Follow a calming bedtime routine.
* Once you’ve put the little one to bed, don’t sit or lie down beside them. Sit on the floor instead, keeping your head down so they can see your profile but not your eyes, turn the light off and say “now it’s time to be quiet and go to sleep”.
* If your child carries on chatting to you, insist that “it’s sleep time now” in a gentle but firm voice and don’t get drawn into a discussion.
* If they get out of bed, put them back with a kiss and a cuddle the first time, just a kiss the second time, then with minimal physical contact after that. This part can be really hard, especially as the nights go on, but consistency and a kind tone will help your child feel secure in their bed without the anxiety of being left alone.
* Little by little, move further away from the bed each night.
* Eventually, you’ll be sitting with the door open, and finally you can say goodnight and go downstairs.

This technique will help your child get used to sleeping alone in a bed. It will also make it easier for you to gain a period of blissful independence each evening before you, too, head for dreamland.

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L.G.

answers from New York on

I'm new at all this but...I've found with my son that he goes through sleepless phases more when he's working on a new tooth. Suddenly he will hate to sleep and hates to be changed, but generally settles back in when it breaks through. And he always has a shift in rest when he's working on some new skill. It's funny cause when I stop in to check on him at night, he will be even almost practicing in his sleep!

C.B.

answers from New York on

My now 10 month old went thru a similar phase at about 7 months. She was having separation anxiety. She just wanted to see me. I would go to her, lay her back down and pat her head until she settled.

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T.S.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,
My now 18-month old daughter went through this too. Have you had her ears checked recently and/or looked at her teeth? We had a perfect sleeper from 10 weeks until 9 months, when her top teeth started coming through. Then she got an ear infection. She tugs on her ears when she's tired, so we had no idea it was her ears until we took her to the pediatrician.

Hope you get some sleep soon.

T.

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D.S.

answers from New York on

sometimes babies get like, they feel like they are going to miss something, so they try not to fall asleep so they don't miss anything. This could be brought on by the fact that she's being able to pull herself up and get around a little more now...she may also be having some attachment/security issues. When put in her crib or down for naps, she may be feeling a little insecure, like it's not safe, therefore she doesn't want to sleep..which would also explain why she can calm down once you pick her up but gets out of control if you just try to soothe her...it's almost like you're teasing her (to her perception). I would call your pediatrician about it...they may have some pretty good advice or be able to refer you to a child psychologist.

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L.V.

answers from New York on

My 2nd son was similar..he hated being in his crib. So we put him in his twin bed and that didnt help. He wants to sleep in our bed....he is 3 now and till now its a struggle. He started not wanting his crib at about 1 or so and hasnt changed. My oldest was the easiest ever...he loved to sleep.....at 7PM or 8PM i'd say Bed Time and he would go down with no problems at all.....he is still like that.

I am not sure what to tell you....I wish I knew so I can get my youngest to go to bed with ease. It's gotten to the point where I put him to bed now, kicking and screaming, and just walk out. If he gets out of bed I pick him up and put him back. It works...he eventually stays there. When he was in his crib, I would leave him and sometimes he would not stop crying but most of the time eventually he would fall asleep.

Maybe you can try with your daughter. I know its painful to hear our children cry....but just put her down, leave the light on or a small light, maybe some music and walk out.....let her scream and see if she eventually cries herself to sleep.

I hope it gets better....parents need a break too and if our kids dont sleep neither do we.

Take Care
Linda
www.wah4yourfamily.com

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A.R.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,
My name is A. and I have a 9 month old son who recently went to a very similar phase.
I get the weekly newsletter from 'Women's life learning center" at Yale New Haven Hospital and here is what research has to say about your concern:

Crying at 9 months

Don't be surprised if your growing baby, nearly a toddler by now, cries a little more than he has for several months. Crying fluctuates during the first year, research reveals, peaking at 6 to 8 weeks, and again at 9 months. Like almost every developmental event, it's only temporary and will soon give way to another stage of growth.

Hope that helps a little to ease your concern and feel better about comforting her while she needs it.
Best,
A.

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A.M.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,

I know what you mean about your baby not wanting to nap. My lil guy who will be 10 months on Sat. will not go down for a nap unless I rub his back in the crib.
I have started to let him cry it out. You must not start "bad habits" I would suggest letting your baby cry it out, I think eventually she will learn. Starting tomorrow my lil guy will have to cry it out for naps, until he gets the idea that he needs to self sooth and go down on his own. ugh! I know it's soooo hard. You'll get through it. Your baby waking in the middle of the night is her way of trying to get you to pick her up. Change her diaper and put her right back down. It could also be her teething and this is a rough patch right now. Give her some tylenol when she wakes and see if that helps???
Good Luck
Anj~
mother of (2) 3yrs and 10 months

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S.C.

answers from New York on

Hi, K. --

I agree that teething combined with learning a new skill are keeping your baby up at night. But I wanted to add the possibility of separation anxiety, which starts around that age. Your daughter may not want to be separated from you at bedtime; she's still too young to understand the idea of object permanence. To her, if she doesn't see something it's not there, and the idea of Mommy not being there is frightening. You'll hear this a lot during your kids' childhood: it's just a phase they're going through, and this too shall pass. Soon enough you'll be looking back on these times and realizing this was the easy part!

Good luck.

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