7 Year Old Still Carries on at Bedtime

It sounds like you have jumped through hoops doing what she wants at bedtime. This might sound harsh, but she is 7yrs old, this isnt dealing with a 2yr old. I would do dinner, bath, snack, teeth....... etc...etc. Tell her you will read her one book, as you stand by the bed, and that is it. Keep a night light on,and leave the room and she is to stay in bed. Plain and simple. I would think just by you laying in the bed is causing her to cling to you and not want you to leave. I just feel you have to take charge, YOU make the rules, tell her what they are and stick with it. I know easier said than done, it might be hard a few nights, but she is 7yrs old, she cant continue this behavior at bedtime. I have a 8yr old and 2yr old, and this is what we do, it works for us. Best of Luck.

You might try Calms Forte. It's an all natural sleep aid. You can get it online or at a health food store. It comes in chewable and regular tablets. My son had a hard time going to sleep so we tried this routine: Calms Forte 1/2 hour before bed. Then story time and soothing music (like Mozart). He used an nightlight and has glow in the dark stars on his ceiling so his room is pretty cozy. Hope this helps!

This is a tough one because she is boviously feeling anxious about something. Nanny Jo had an episode on this, a dad was laying down with all of his kids (all boys, 5 of them) and by the time he was done and all the kids were asleep it was well after midnight. She had them go about the bedtime routine and read stories with out sitting on the bed. The mom would calmly leave the room and tell her she loved them and she actually sat in the hall, just so that the kids knew she was there. If they got up she brought them back in and put them back to bed. Believe it or not they were all asleep within an hour. And slept all night. Hope it helps.

Hi K.! Try using some lavender in her room at night. It's very calming and restful. You can use any method that seems appropriate....candle, essential oil, dried lavender flowers. You could also try lavender in her bath at night by either putting a drop or 2 of oil in her bath water or tying dried lavender flowers in a piece of cloth (an old sock or panty hose work really well for this) and hanging it under the running water while the bath is filling.

Hi K.,
I think you're doing the right thing by having a routine at night, every night, and letting your daughter work it out on her own and not staying with her until she falls asleep. So don't doubt your parenting!! :-)

I agree with the others' advice to incorporate a story before bed and leave a hallway light on and her door slightly ajar so she knows you're around and available. I would tell her before you leave her that rest time is a wonderful time, to dream and grow and perhaps she'll be a bit taller when she wakes up tomorrow. When my son gives me a hard time about bed (he's 8 and also still gives a hard time now and then), I ask him what he'd like to dream about, and then give him suggestions for fun dreams. This makes him look forward to sleeping and dreaming. If something fun or new is happening the next day, remind her about that and say that the sooner she goes to sleep the sooner the she can get to the fun thing. (You may do that already.)

One last note: I personally would keep away from any sleep aid, even an all-natural one. It's best to teach a child fall asleep on her own. Good luck!

Try putting her in her bed with all the lights out but a hall light on - then you sit in the hall and read to her from a chapter book until she's asleep/nearly asleep. You need a book that's interesting but not frightening (to avoid nightmares) and not too exciting (or she'll never fall asleep). The Laura Ingalls Wilder books work well. OR let her have a CD player with quiet music or books on tape that meet the same criteria playing to go to sleep. Lavender (as another reader suggested) is also a calming scent.

Hi K.,
This is tough. I can relate. I have two clingy ones who have a hard time at bedtime. My 9 year old has always been much worse than my 4 year old. She says she is scared, her stomach hurts or she just can't fall asleep. I have recently started a new routine that has been working well for us. First I explained to them exactly what was going to happen, At 8 pm I lie down and read to them for one hour. Then it is lights out and I leave after I kiss them and tell them I love them. Then they may play quietly in their beds until they fall asleep. My four year old has to be returned to his room a few times. I don't get into discussions with him. I just put him back to bed and say, "I love you. Good night" in a calm tone. This lets him know that I am still here and it is safe. He also knows that he will not be able to engage me in conversation. He has been going to sleep and staying there all night! Finally!
Good luck!
I hope that you get some great ideas that work for you.
E.

When you lie down with her, is it to read a book or talk about the day, or is it just to cuddle? If cuddling, that can be hard to break. If it's for a book, there's a natural ending point when it's time for you to leave. My son David and I used to sing a song to the tune of "Good Night Ladies" - I substituted his name, threw in a verse about "We had a good day...." and filled in what we did, just cramming the words in to fit the tune, and then did some verses about "It's time to sleep now..." and "Sweet Dreams David..." The song got slower and softer as we neared the end, and it helped relax him.

If you can turn the "war" into a routine in which you lie down with her IF she cooperates, but if she eats up the time with arguing, she loses your "together time", she might get the message. It's tough if this fussy thing has become such a routine that she thinks it's normal. But maybe you can turn it around, that if she can get herself ready in 10 minutes or 15, whatever you think is reasonable (but not too long because she'll fill it with arguments) by brushing her teeth and putting on her pajamas and picking out a book, then you'll come up. Give her a clock or a timer if you need to - something she cannot re-set though!

You are not an awful mother - you are trying to train her to self-soothe! Tell her you know she is a big girl and you want to do big girl things with her, but you are not going to participate in the arguing. You love her too much to fight. You want to have special time with her but she has to let you. She has a choice now, to fight or to have special one-on-one time with Mom. Stick to your guns. After a couple of nights without you at all, she will HAVE to learn to control herself.

Why does she have such a busy and exhausting day? Is it normal, essential school stuff, or is there too much activity scheduled and she just needs more down time during the day? If she is rushing rushing rushing from school to activities to homework, then maybe you could benefit by cutting something out. Kids NEED to have down time, to be creative, to watch butterflies, to learn to fill unscheduled time. If she's got too much going on, then quiet/alone time probably scares her. If she's afraid to be by herself, then the nighttime rituals can be very emotional for her.

Once you figure out what's going on, you will know how to address it and to communicate with her.

Good luck!

I learned a trick from my mom when my daughter was about 2. She's now 8 and we haven't had bedtime problems in YEARS. You tell her what time bedtime is and keep repeating it every 15 or 20 minutes. So at 6 pm, you say "You're going to bed at 8:00, that's in two hours. Would you like to read a story or have a snack because there won't be any at bed?". At 6:30, you say "You're going to bed at 8, that's in an hour and a half. Would you like to read a story or have a snack because there won't be any at bed?". So you repeat this until at 8:00 you say it's now bedtime - do whatever your routine is - kiss, hug, tuck in and then leave the room. It doesn't really matter whether she can tell time or not - the point is to gear her up for bed so that when it happens, it's no a surprise. One of the most important things you can do once she's in the bed is stick to what you said so she knows you're serious. If you give in, then she knows all she has to do is wear you down a little bit and she gets what she wants. And don't let yourself feel guilty about it - a seven year old is more than capable of laying down and going to sleep on her own and without all that trouble!

And by the way it quickly gets to the point where you won't need to remind her so often. My daughter now just knows what time bedtime is and goes off without a problem.

How about doing story time laying down in her bed? That would be a win-win. If she calms down for bed reasonably well, then she gets rewarded with you or Dad next to her for story time. Your 3-year old can join you too, if there's room on the bed (with you in the middle of course). We have done this for a long time and it's a nice quiet time for Mom and Dad, too. When story time is over (2 short books usually), it's lights out and Mom and Dad leave.
Our boys are now 9 and 7.

Set your routine in place and get tough, she has to be in school so what is going on?????...leaving a night light on
is a good idea and maybe a chat with your pedia doctor will help also...You need to put a stop to this behavior now, or you are going to go totally nuts and she is going to be controlling your every moves

good luck to you