6Th Grader Wants to Quit Piano to Have More Free Time

She doesn't like it anymore, time to let her quit. "Quitting" is not bad, if a person tries and truly does not like an activity/ She tried. She doesn't want to. It should be her decision.

I took piano from age 10-12. I'm 33 and I still play. I have been able to teach myself and I LOVE to play it. I'm not super advanced or anything, but I'd say I can teach myself anything as long as I can put the time and effort into it (which I don't have right now with 2 kids and working full time). I would let her quit. You never know, when she is older she might want to pick it up again. I was also in choir all through out high school, so I always had music around me, but it's like riding a bike. Once you learn to read the music, you never really forget.

My mom forced me to take piano lessons for a few years, I didn't have a real affinity for it and didn't overly enjoy it. I was told, "you'll regret it if you quit!" quite a few times. Eventually she let me quit, I haven't regretted it yet. I am glad I took lessons long enough to learn to read music, but don't feel bad that I can't sit down and play a song on the piano. My sister also was forced to take lessons, but she had a real talent and kept up with it. If it's not her thing, and even her teacher isn't too excited about her progress I'd let her drop it and have time for things she actually enjoys.

Sounds like the answer is pretty obvious. A million valid reasons to quit and the only reason you can think of to make her keep playing is that *you* regret not learning an instrument? Why don't *you* go ahead and learn how to play something and let her do what *she* wants to do?

Music isn't something where there's some magic window of opportunity to learn. If she's not into it now, then let her spend her time how she wishes. If this is a big regret of yours, then go ahead and sign yourself up for lessons and learn how to play something.

My grandfather always wanted to learn to play and never did, so he insisted that my mother take lessons when she was a kid. She hated it, and he would not let her quit. To this day, she cannot play.
Forcing a child to learn something that you wish you had, if it's not somethong they want to do, is pointless and only breeds resentment.
The only activity I ever insisted my child learn is swimming, because I consider it a survival skill. All other activities - music lessons, dance lessons, theater, sports, etc - were up to her and she was allowed to quit when she no longer enjoyed them.

I took piano from elementary through high school. Can I play? Yes,
Can I play well?....not really. I'm not a natural (most people aren't)

There are times I still play now (xmas songs), but really, it hasn't been a big part of my life.

I would let her drop it. She's not enjoying it and it's just becoming a chore for everyone.

Would she rather play a different instrument? The funny thing is music is math, kids who play music do better in math.

If she really doesn't like it then let her quit. It's no fun being forced to learn something you don't enjoy.

I think the signs are clear that your daughter is *done* with it. I'd say, if you are feeling regret that you don't know an instrument, it's never too late to take lessons yourself.:) I know a few people who have done this in mid-life and have enjoyed learning something new. You've made some great points for dropping it... let her let it go.

How about you let her take a set amount of a break, let her know you will revisit this in that time.

In the meantime, you pick and instrument and start taking lessons.. One of my close friends took Violin lessons when she was in her 40's. She still loves it. She was like you, always wanted to learn to play an instrument, but was never able to as a child.

I would usually not let my kids quit, but that was a team sport. Once committed you stick it out for the team. Piano is a bit different. Sounds like it is time to let her quit. She may go back to it at a later date.

Three activities and nightly homework is too much.

As for the piano, your interests and past regrets have nothing to do with her. If this isn't her passion, independent of your influence, she doesn't belong there.

Why not sign yourself up for lessons? It is never too late!

It's the age when they need to branch out. In out school system, it's the age when they join band. If she has no interest in doing that, then I think it's reasonable to let her quit. But if she does have an interest, piano experience translates to percussion quite well. They play tons of instruments and it can be very fun.

I have one kiddo that took piano for about two yrs but quit. He took percussion in school and now plays piano for church praise band and does an awesome job. One that took piano for about 5 yrs, percussion in school and taught himself guitar. He never touches the piano. You just never know.

What kind of commitment is involved? If there is no commitment, let her quit. Otherwise, she will end up hating it and you because of it. If there is a commitment (recital, show, etc) fulfill that commitment, with the usual shpeil about keeping your word, and then let her quit.

My daughter went thru the same thing with piano, not practicing, pleading to be free of the onus of learning an instrument, making things difficult for her teacher and parents.
BUT when she went to college, she came back and blamed me for not making her stick to it, as she wanted to be the college kid in her dorm who knew how to play the piano and understood music. So all I can say is that in my cse, my daughter went on to regret it and blamed me for not pushing her into staying with it. BTW, she also resented (at the time) other activites (sports mainly) that she was pushed into for her own good that she has come to recognize as absolutely good for her growth as a better person (she's in grad school now).

But it also sounds like in your letter her quitting would really help you out as well, less running around in the car, more time to do things - she could be picking up on that and sense you really wouldn't mind her quitting piano lessons because it would be a good thing for you and or course less work for her - what a victory, she gets what she wants while you act like like its a shame, you're really pleased because it helps you out too.

So - do you want to have her continue? even if it continues to make you have to drive 3x a week instead of cutting back to 1x and having less time to work out and do outside things as a family? Are the piano lessons hurting you enough to secretly enable her to quit?

You don't say how long she's been playing. If only since the start of the school year in Aug/Sept, then its not enough time to know if she really likes it because at the start of anything, there is work because you have to learn basics. music especially, how to read it, what the notes mean, timing, keys, sharps, flats, measures clefs, pedals, chords before you can produce even simple songs. It is hard.
As far as practicing, I'd have her sit in front of the piano for an hour anyway, without phone, ipad, book, whatever for her practice time anyway. it's practice time, here's the piano and nothing else.
is there an instrument she would like better than piano?
a reward for sticking it out a year?
Cutting back on lesson 3x a week to 1x or 2x a week?
Or maybe a cute tutor would help.
find a carrot.
I'm just throwing ideas out here. feel free to ignore me.

in Austin, when kids enter 6th grade, they have to join either orchestra or band and play an instrument. I'm guessing they don't have to do that where you are. So here they have to play for a year whether it causes them to be annoyed or not AND they're graded on it. (parents who have more free time and big cars tend to be the ones whose kids have cellos and basses and tubas and such.) Mine chose violin so she wouldn't have to march outside in the cold.
And if you regret not learning an instrument, go out and sign up for lessons yourself.
if you really want it, you can learn it. And I'm guessing its piano since you have one in your house. Maybe it would motivate her to see Mom learning an instrument, or arouse her competitive spirit (if mom can do it, I can do it better, you know how they're like).

And if your 6th grade girl is anything like mine, beware, puberty is a terrible time, like terrible two's times 1000 coupled with a cunning mind and no foresight. So keeping her as busy as possible will really help keep her out of trouble as she moves through middle school. And if yours isn't like that, you are really lucky.
Good luck whatever you do.

She's not into. Let her quit. She shouldn't be doing more than one or two activities anyway. She's been begging you, is still begging you, and her piano teacher is telling you she's not into it.

Please don't let YOUR regret at not sticking with an instrument become HER regret at being forced to stick with it.

I played piano and I loved it. I had to quit because my parents couldn't afford the lessons after three years. I do still play, and after stopping lessons I was able to pick up some lessons in school and got some help from my grandmother and from then on have been mostly self-taught. I'll never be great because of that, but I do still love it.

If you continue to force it, your daughter won't love it or even like it, and she'll never choose to pick it up again.

If YOU regret not playing, it's not too late for YOU to take lessons. :-)

Have her finish out whatever you have paid for so she understands the money involved, but then drop it. Just because you regretted not knowing an instrument doesn't mean it's her thing - you gave it a try and that's good. If you feel music is important, you may be able to replace that with other activities she (and your family) would enjoy, such as concerts or even watching old musicals on DVD. There are lots of concerts for young people as well as youth symphonies where she can enjoy music without having to drill at lessons. In middle school she will have access to chorus activities or other groups, including drama groups that sometimes put on musical plays - encourage her to explore without committing to one instrument.

I'd let her drop it especially if her teacher is noticing she Is not interested in it. Maybe in 6 months see if she wants to pick it back up.

My daughter was fired from clarinet lessons in 6th grade. I made her finish the school year and then I let her quit all together. She doesn't have any regrets.

She played pink panther on the the piano the other day, but wasn't able to do much more.

Maybe she doesn't say anything because she knows she messed that up herself, but she doesn't say she has missed out.

I'd make her stay with it for a while longer. She hasn't had enough to actually learn much yet. She may realize she likes it once she can play songs and read music better. The first few years are little more than learning technique and methods.

Please let her quit. If she really misses it, she can go back to it.

My mom MADE us take piano lessons for five grueling years! I hated it. We did not make any progress after the first few years because we didn't like it and hated practicing. It's a waste of your money to force her. You can force her to go to the class; you cannot force her to learn it.

She got so far though...6th grade.

I understand the problem, though.
Maybe a break for a session?

I think she needs FUN songs right now, to respark interest.

I don't believe in making kids continue extra curriculars they don't enjoy. However, I quit taking piano as a kid and regretted it terribly by the time I was in high school. I begged for lessons again in 10th grade and regretted the years I had stopped lessons and never stopped playing in all that time or since. If she never wants to practice and states she wants to quit, let her, but be open to starting again, perhaps over the summer when she doesn't have school and homework. I only quit because my siblings all wanted to and I just went along with the crowd.

How long has she been playing? Is she at a point where she makes real music or is it early days and she gets frustrated because what she does isn't yet feeling like she's making the magic of music?

Does the teacher have her play music that interests her? For instance, does the teacher have her do solely classical when your daughter might want to do a popular piece sometimes?

Why does cutting piano mean reducing your travel to just "one day per week instead of three if we let her quit" as you put it--? That indicates she has piano twice a week--? That confuses me. If she has a lesson more than once a week at her age, that is one too many and she should have a single lesson each week, not two.

Did she previously enjoy some stages of learning piano? What were those? (Possibly when she first started getting identifiable songs out of it; that's typically a time when kids like any instrument.) Has she clicked with teacher well in the past but that has changed -- or has she never really clicked with the teacher?

How much practice is expected of her, and whose are the expectations? Does the teacher expect a set amount of minutes per day or per week and have her record those? Or do you, yourself, tell her she must do X minutes a day? Are the practice expectations realistic or too long, so they perhaps could be cut down? Have you considered a practice chart with rewards for successful practicing -- not for perfect playing, for practicing -- until she is over this hump and is mature enough to find playing is its own reward?

As you can see, I think that you need to sit down and first think through what you have noticed and then talk with her, without an agenda and while really listening to her.

I do not think that the other two activities you describe are at all over-scheduling -- one meets DURING school hours! Unless she has reams of homework or has struggles with her homework, she does not sound overwhelmed. I think one thing to ask her is: What do you plan to do with the free time you would gain from not having piano practice and lessons? She wont' expect that question, I think, and will be taken aback by it and hem and haw searching for a response. If she practices only 10 minutes a day now, and has a one-hour lesson each week, that is not a lot of gained "free time" in reality. If she is expected to practice 30 minutes every day, that might be too long unless her teacher is telling you "She's super-talented and should be pushed" etc. (in which case - maybe a new teacher is in order, because pushing can burn a kid out).

Have you or the teacher sat down and just asked her why she is not into it and is stalling? Did it get tougher and she's not up for the challenge? Or is she bored with the pieces the teacher chooses? Does she, as others note on this thread, think another instrument is for her? Does she have the opportunity to play in a school band or orchestra or did that start earlier and she feels she missed that boat? (By the way, piano is an excellent base for learning to read music and then go on to play another instrument)

I would have her stick it out the rest of the school year while working with her and her teacher immediately to reboot the practice schedule. Make it shorter or longer or whatever it takes; have a set time for it each day so there is no more nagging - it's 5:00, so it's piano time. Ten minutes a day of solid playing practice is better by far than 30 minutes of poking around and not playing much. Offer her a chart system with specific goals both in what she learns (this is where the teacher comes in) and goals to reach for (after two weeks of daily practice without missing OR complaining, she gets an extra...whatever works for her, extra TV time, etc.). Bribery, some parents will cry. Well, yes.

Then SHE and the teacher need to communicate about what pieces she does and whether that's an issue. Ask the teacher for her ideas, too - have you talked with the teacher about the fact your daughter wants to quit?

You can't push her to play because you didn't play an instrument and wish you had but I do understand that feeling; however, she has to want it too. I would not just let her drop it yet and a "break" will just turn into quitting after a while. I would get into why she has stalled if she was doing OK previously, and point out that the "free time" gained is really not an issue here--she won't gain a ton.

If you are worried she's over-scheduled, heavens, no. She has one hour outside school in one activity, plus piano. That's minimal, around here. If she is a kid who has trouble with schoolwork (which is job one) or who simply needs lots and lots and lots of down time because of her personality that's different. But if she just is finding piano too challenging and/or too boring right now, that can be changed to a degree, and she needs to try the discipline of sticking to a practice schedule. Only by practicing will she actually get to the point where she plays easily enough to enjoy playing.

I HATED taking piano when I was a kid.
I had no choice.
FINALLY after 2 years of it, my parents let me quit.
I did not like it at all.

Your kiddo is in 6th grade.
She seems to have a lot of other activities, besides, school responsibilities.
Nightly homework.
To me, I would let my kid quit one of them.
I would not have my kids in 3 things.
But that is just me personally, not anything personal against you.
;)

I have a 6th grade daughter.
And from 5th grade on, she had TONS of, nightly homework.
And she has 2 other non-school activities. Which SHE loves and will not quit. It is her passion.

You, personally "regretted" not knowing an instrument.
But your daughter is not you.
Or let her try another, instrument, if she wants.
Not all individuals, like learning an instrument.
It is not in everyone's blood.
Not everyone, likes or wants to learn, music.
- In middle school and high school, one of the electives will be Band. But it is NOT "required." Not all kids, HAVE to take band. My daughter is in middle school and does not take band. She did not want to. And she preferred to take another elective. However, MANY of her friends, HAVE TO take band, because their parents made them. And they do not like it. At all. They complain about it all the time to their friends.

Both my kids take piano.
Why?
THEY wanted to.
My kids are 11 and 7.
And they LOVE it and we do not have to nag them, at all... to practice.
And, their teacher can tell... they love it.
And enjoy, it.
That, is the difference.
No matter if you are an adult or a kid... if your heart is not into it, it will be a pain to keep going. And just because you keep going, it does NOT mean, a person will learn to eventually..... "love" it.
As I said, I HATED, taking piano lessons as a child.
I still do not like piano nor want to learn it.
But we have a piano.
Fortunately is it now, being loved... by my kids. Who love, to play it.

Sometimes, when a kid has too many activities... they lose themselves and are not as centered. Because they lack, family time and time by themselves to learn, about themselves.
I even read an article once, that over scheduled kids don't always learn about themselves more than idle kids. Because, they are too busy.
Even if it is busy via various lessons, that they take for "enrichment."

I'd let her quit. After years to Tae Kwon Do my son was in the same situation. If she was in and out of things constantly that's another story but that doesn't seem to be the case. If she isn't enjoying it, isn't making progress etc. it's time to let it go.

Let her quit.
She's done it long enough.
She can always pick it up again if she so chooses to do so.
Sounds like she has a lot going on.
Let her enjoy some other things. Diversify.
She most likely won't regret it. I didn't.
Neither did my best friend.

It's just an excuse. She's tired of doing the work. You decide if she has any talent, or if she is just spinning her wheels.

The other thing to do is talk to her teacher about giving her music that she might enjoy playing more. (Like a carrot for continuing to play.) That might get her to be willing to practice more. If the teacher isn't interested, I'd find another teacher.