6 Year Olds Making Friends

Sometimes kids don't know how to socialize especially when they haven't had chances too before. Is he in the same class with any of the kids from K4? Who were his friends then? Could you volunteer as a tiger cub leader? Then you could watch to see if he is shy, standing back or if he is coming on too strong. Do play dates and roll playing on how to join in with the boys. Have him watch for other little boys who seem to sit alone or play alone.. sometimes the best friends aren't the ones who are in large groups. Once he starts making friends and relaxing a bit, he won't put as much into who will sit with him on the bus.

You know, I think I might get in touch with his teacher before I did anything else. She sees him "in action" every day and would probably have some valuable insights into what's going on.

If your son has problems in general fitting in or making friends, I wouldn't hesitate to help him out a little bit by inviting others over to the house or on a outing or two. But at 6, kids are going to start picking their own friends, playing with others around the neighborhood, etc. So I would look into why he's having trouble with the whole friendship thing.

My oldest son was always very social. He's intelligent, creative, imaginative, talkative...and he had a hard time at this same age not turning other kids off on himself. I was confused too, until I started watching more closely. I took him to park, watched him with friends in the neighborhood, etc. and discovered a few things. He tended to talk too much, too fast, without "sharing" the conversation. He tended to direct more than he play "together" and he didn't seem to get the idea of personal space, often standing too close for the other person's comfort.

I wasn't sure what exactly to make of it, but I decided to bring it up to him (gently of course). We would practice these skills at home so that I had the chance to literally pre-teach him. With a little work, he got the hang of it and now, at 12, does much better.

I have no idea if any of this applies to your son, just thought I'd throw it out there for you to see if it rings any bells. Either way, I hope you find a way that works to help your son. Good luck, and good for you for being such a supportive mother for your son!

It is very hard to see your kids unhappy but I would give it a little more time to see if things work out. Maybe suggest that he sits in the seat next to his friends. If he is on the older end and repeated a class already the two little boys may have been attending school together for awhile and don't know exactly how to include a third in to their duo. As much as we want to have our kids happy all the time they need to learn the hard lessons also. Maybe a play date or talk to the teacher and see exactly how the three interact during the day to see the extent of the relationship. This too will pass.

That sounds so hard :( YES if I were you I would set up a playdate. That way you can help them become better aquainted and maybe they will be more friendly.

I would invite friends over for a play date. My 1st grader is very shy, so I often have to take steps for her. I would invite the boys, one at a time, over to play. Maybe even other kids in his class that he would like to play with. The more you have kids over, the better they get to know each other, the more bonds they form, the more they will invite him over, and the closer they will become. You can even do things like meet with the kids' parents at a park, play area, McDonalds, etc., so you can observe them out of your house, too. Good luck.
S.

First of all BRAVO for keeping him in JK another year-is he a December baby? Our son is a January baby-what a gift for him! My Mom is a retired elem. teacher and always said that when I decided to have children if I had a December baby she would kidnap him/her before she let me put him in JK for his "year". She taught grades 3-5 and has always said she could see a December baby from 20 miles away. The social,emotional, psychological maturity of one year is immense. Consider the diff. a year made when they were babies.... Perhaps your son is somewhat intimidatng to the other students b/c of his advanced understanding of things-is he a tall boy? Fortunately our son is a "floater" who has always been able to assimilate with all the "groups"-wish I had that as a child! He is very tall, Mom is 6'1, so it's in his genes! I don't want to muddy the waters with too much-is he very intelligent? Our son is gifted beyond measure-he has been in MRI's to see what part of his brain lights up when he is asked questions, has to use the red/white cubes with different parts of them red/white and must replicate a design etc. He lights up like a Christmas tree-it is fascinating. He finished all of Tolkien's works in Grade 2-he decided it was a goal to complete by the end of the year-this was May-he did it!! Some gifted students find it difficult to be "one of the boys" in social settings-we/he are very blessed that this is not the case. Gifted is a great "gift" however bear in mind these little guys understand EVERYTHING however are not emotionally or psychologically ready to deal with it-it's too much for them. We cannot hold him back, turn off the news etc., he has had help in letting go of his worries. When the economy tanked he calculated the square footage of every room and "un-used space (hallways etc) to determine how many beds we could accomodate in case his friends parents lost their jobs. Last night he "googled" "average burn out rate for peadiatric oncologists post child birth"-has ALWAYS wanted to be a docter and is worrying about which speciality to chose-ah! I tell him to go make mistakes, bring me a frog-be ELEVEN!!! If any of this sounds familiar you may want to have him tested-it could be the best thing you ever do for him. Our son and daughter are now both in private school (Waldorf) and are so happy-I have an almost 12 year old say Every Sunday-"I can't wait to go to school tomorrow". If I start talking about Waldorf I will never finish-so 2 things to consider-testing and private. It's not your typical private, they have an ATA policy-accesible tuition to all-no child is EVER turned away due to money. I know there is a great woman there who is a single Mom and pays 25$ a month. It so happens she loves to paint-when a room, hall, lockers etc need painting she's the go to person-they never make you feel quilty, we all have gifts and with the ATA program you are asked to use them to "balance" costs. I don't know where you are from but I hope you will check it out. the 1st day they came home they both looked like someone had put very tight belts on them and finally someone had taken them off-I thank God day and night for this incredible school-could be what your little guy needs. Hope to be helpful, not boastful-not my style, motive and frankly who cares about a strangers child being gifted! I'll cross me fingers for your family! All the best, J.

I would talk to the teacher as well, at least, if the boys are in his class. My son is a young kindergartner, and the girl next door, whom he plays with a lot during the summer, is an older first grader. He desperately wants to sit with her on the bus, but she does have other friends: both because she's socially more mature than my son, and because she's been in school longer and "gets" the concept of not being attached to ONE person in particular. I know my son seeks her out at recess to play with her, and we've talked about giving her space and letting her be friends with her first grade friends. So, that said--do these kids LIKE him, but just prefer to sit together on the bus? Kids in kindergarten, especially, are creatures of routine. I know my son is almost in tears when the other two kids at our stop are not there--he likes to know what's up. If they like him, but just want to be together, encourage him to sit across the aisle from them. If you sense maybe it's just not clicking, see who else is on the bus and maybe encourage him to make other friends. Find out who he sits near at school, who he plays with at recess, and see if you can make connections for him that way. 45 minutes is a long time for a 6 yo to be alone, but if he has something to look forward to at school, it might help. I think a playdate with ONE of the boys is a good idea, but I'd also remember to teach your son that it's ok for them to be friends, too--that he doesn't need to "claim" one of the boys as his personal friend, to the exclusion of the other boy. I know this is something my son struggles with. Anyway, yes, it's very painful, but it's also part of why we send them to school, and it WILL get better. I look at how much more adept my neighbor is at navigating social situations, and I know she's learned a lot in a year!

Yes. Invite them to a play date, one boy at a time. When my son started Kindergarten, one little boy invited a few of his classmates to go bowling with him. My son was so excited! They, and the other boys invited, are still friends in 1st grade and invite each other to their birthday parties. It's fun to see the same little group at these social events, and it has helped the moms get to know each other a little bit, too.

S.,

A playdate is a good idea. I would definitely just invite one boy. If you invite both, chances are the boys will play together and your son will be left out at his own house. See how the playdate goes. You may be able to coach your son from there as to how to develop friendships with the other boys. Children do need guidance with friendships sometimes. If they are already friends and someone gets left out once in a while that's normal, but if the problem is not making friends over a long period of time, it's time to step in and encourage some friendships.

Good luck,

S.

I would suggest you engage with his teacher at school to find out how recess is going. I have a 6 year old daughter with the same issues. She is doing better and the teacher is helping her to try new strategies to join into groups...

Good luck, I know this is a heart breaking experience as a parent.

G.

I know how you feel as my daughter is very social but didn't really have any friends in kindergarten. Eventually the older kids started playing with her (out of pity? I don't know) and that made her feel a little better. Now she is in first grade and about a month ago she came out of school holding hands with a girl. I was very moved and they have had a few play dates since. I wouldn't set up a play date with two kids at once in case the other two play with each other and not your son, but also, make sure the other child wants to play with your son before setting up the play date,

One way we got through the year is just having her play with our friends who are not from school (like my friends kids that she already knows). I didn't push any play dates last year, but I didn't have a little end of the school year party in which a few class mates came.

Good luck, I'm sorry your son is having a hard time :( It's so hard to see the little ones feeling sad and lonely...

I would start with trying to secretly obsrerve him at school. to see how he responds to the other kids. if you don't see any problems the I would invite the boys over without thier parents to see how they treat your son and that should give you some good information to start with. you also can always ask his teacher what she thinks but sometimes teacher will try to sugar coat the truth. Good luck T.

I would definitely do a playdate. But only ONE kid at a time. If you invite more they may leave your son out....

Have a few activities (playdoh, paint, and of course his toys!) out and then just stand back and try to watch them from behind a magazine or something. Don't let them feel like you are snooping. That way you can see if your son is doing something to turn them off or if they just needed some one on one time to get to know each other.

I would ask the teacher for a class list and invite some of the other boys over as well as the two he likes. That way he will get to know more kids.