6 Year Old Asking Where Babies Come from [And More]

Updated on June 17, 2009
M.A. asks from Longwood, FL
13 answers

My 6 year old is a bit of an organizer. When we moved into our home I gave him my old desk, not realizing exactly what was in it. I knew I needed to clean it out though but never got around to doing so. He decided to organize the desk this weekend and in doing so found a book, the kind of book that you don't want your 6 year old to see. Basically the book shows sexual positions, but not in graphic detail. This morning, I went into his room and found him looking at the book.[When he was organizing and found the book in the first place he didn't bring it to me or his father, he simply put it back] I took the book from him and then noticed that he stuck his hands under the covers....I pulled the covers away and he had his underwear and shorts down around his ankles. We talked, and he told me that he didn't know why he had his shorts and underwear down, and I told him that what he saw in that book is something that only mommies and daddies do. I didn't know what else to say. I don't want to be judged by asking for advice on this. In recent weeks he has also asked where babies come from. I just need to know what to do now. I already feel like a horrible mom for not cleaning out the desk sooner. I'm worried that some of his innocence is now gone and that saddens me.

*Side note, I completely forgot that I even owned the book as did my husband. It wasn't like I knew it was in there when I gave him the desk.

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I spoke with my best friend and she gave me some great advice.

More Answers

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K.G.

answers from Miami on

oops! well, you can't undo what he has already seen, but it's not the end of the world!! First of all, do not shame him for self-exploration....this is normal. Just tell him that he needs to do it in his room, in private, and don't interfere. Actually his dad should probably have that conversation with him.

Secondly, since he has already seen some images and doesn't understand them, I would suggest you take this time to teach him the basics of the birds and the bees. We have a book called "the wonderful way babies are made" which describes the process from a Christian perspective, but there are many other books out there....you go look at them first and see what you think is on his level. Explain it to him from a biological point of view....this is what these body parts are for, and this is why we don't do these things with other people until we are grown up and ready to make a baby. Keep it simple and matter of fact, but answer his questions. nothing is worse than misinformation! And you can tell him not to share this info with his classmates, because their mommies and daddies need to explain it to them. At his age, he should accept that. Also tell him it's usually not something we discuss in public.

With our kids, my husband and I told them together, as a family discussion. I didn't like ending their innocence either, and that was 5th grade! But you have to deal with this problem, and that's how I would handle it.

1 mom found this helpful
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W.T.

answers from Tallahassee on

You should not be ashamed you just made a mistake and I can tell you from experience it will not be the last. The best way to handle this is with honesty and being completely open. He already knows more than you think he does so ask him what he does know then start from the beginning. I had to tell my son when he was four what smiling bob meant because he wanted to put it on his baseball shirt one year. Now both my sons know I will not lie to them and that they can talk to me about anything – which came in handy last year when my 17 year old started having sex. Good Luck

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A.G.

answers from Mayaguez on

Kids are naturally curious. that's how they learn. One of the talks parents most fear is the birds and the bees talk. Just give him the basics, ask your husband to help you. Don't elaborate and only answer what he asks. As soon as he's satisfied, he'll drop the theme. Better that he learn from you than elsewhere.

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L.L.

answers from Melbourne on

I can only imagine you were horrified, but you shouldnt beat yourself up over it. We do as good of a job as we can protecting our kids, but whether we like it or not, times arent innocent anymore. Magazines, books, TV, billboards, everything has provocative material so readily available. If he didnt see it in that book, he'd see it somewhere else soon enough. Kids mature so quickly these days, maybe it's not a bad thing that this happened because it opened that line of communication between you guys. I've read things like this, and it seems like the 'experts' always say to give the kids the vague basics, then if they ask for more info, tell them they will learn more when they get older. I'd give you a hug if I could! Poor you! He will be fine, you'll be fine, and in a couple years you'll laugh about it.... :) I suppose finding the book was better than walking in on you during the act!

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V.

answers from Melbourne on

I would be honest, just not too revealing. Let him know enough to understand for his age, and no more. If he asks a question do your best to answer without putting in more detail then he really needs to know. But don't tell him he's to young to know about that stuff. My mom did that to me when I was 13 and I already knew more then I should have from kids at school. Much better they learn from an adult that knows what they are talking about, then hearing who knows what from kids at school.

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B.K.

answers from Tallahassee on

When I was about 3 I told my parents that since I came from mommy, my brother must have come from Daddy. They decided to show me a book right then called How Babies Are Made that was put out by Time Life books. It has papercut out drawings, and runs you through simple plant reproduction, animals, then people. It is scientific but geared toward little kids. I read it to my daughter who is now 4. See if you can locate that book maybe on amazon or ebay or something. Honesty is the best policy. Give hime the facts and also let him know then when his body is grown it is something he can do too. You may have to be frank about masturbation. Let him know its okay to touch himself in the privacy of his room or something. Good luck.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

I think you are being way too h*** o* yourself. I came from a family where talking about sex was taboo. If my sister or I entered a room where the "grown-ups" were talking about sex, everyone hushed up...until we left the room. Sex became a fascination for me because I was curious to find out what the big deal was. Fast forward and I'm 37 years old with 3 children and I feel that sex is not be be viewed as taboo and I do openly talk about various topics as they arise. Unlike my mother who gave our "privates" pet names, my children know that boys have penises and girls have vaginas and breasts on women are for feeding babies. My children's ages are 9, 6 1/2 and 2 1/2; two girls, one boy. When I was preganant with my third child, the question came up: How did he get into my tummy? I explained to my daughters that only mommies and daddies should have babies and that when God sees how much a mommy and daddy love each other, He allows them to have a baby. I did not explain anything graphic, as there was no need for it. That will come later. Your son found a book and the images may have excited him. Please consider this normal. Sex is not bad nor is it abnormal or dirty. I think your son may have been embarrassed when you found him under the covers. If anything, he was exploring...that is not bad. You don't need to explain the book nor do you need to explain what the book is about. Simply say it's a book for mommies and daddies and that it was not intended for children because it's not a child's book. You should explain, if you haven't already, what his body parts are called and if has seen you naked, explain the differences between girls and boys, much like I did with my daughters. His innocence is not gone. He has not had sex, so he is still innocent. Don't be sad...be glad that he is comfortable asking you questions...it will make a world of a difference later, when he is older when you can talk to him about how he should treat girls, talk to him about abstinence, etc. He is 6...he doesn't need graphic explanations...just basic facts.

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M.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

Well, your story is a lot easier to deal with than actually getting caught in the act. My 7 year old little girl actually saw a birth on tv. The next day we went to the hospital to visit a friend and her new baby. It kind of made sense to her why the mommy stays in the hospital with the baby for a couple of days and she understands why everybody ask 'how is mommy and baby?' good luck with this. I think after a couple of days, he will forget he even asked that question.

A.F.

answers from Orlando on

Stop beating yourself up. Nothing was done intentionally. I would explain in an age appropriate way that when a Mommy and daddy fall in love and they want a baby that God helps them to create one. Then just explain how God created the Mommy's body to carry the baby for the nine months. Try to keep it light - maybe after sometime he will forget what he saw. maybe go to the bookstore and shop for a new book for him.

I am here to talk if you need to - I have 3 children 14, 13, & 9. And I like to try on shoes too!!

A. ###-###-####

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S.W.

answers from Miami on

I was brief but honest with my children. Mommy and Daddy are Santa Claus (though he did live a long time ago as St. Nick); we keep Jesus in our hearts; and babies grow inside a womans' uterus. The less said the better, because a child will want to process the information a little bit at a time. But always be truthful. Making up stories (like the stork) can only confuse and then teach the child that adults lie.
Yes, he is young; but he's curious about his body. Just allow him to explore. I used to tell my sons "it's your body and if you want to explore, then it's in private time, like bath time...meanwhile, as teens I'd have to knock on the door after a LONG shower..."come on dinner's ready!")
This is also the introduction to molestation. His body is his; and noone else's. The doctor will examine him during a physical, so explain that briefly to him before going in for a doctor visit. This is a great time for anatomy lessons. Why not learn the functions of the organs and the many systems of the body.
Why not learn the anatomy in Spanish as well?
However, no adult or sibling, babysitter, neighbor, NOONE, has the right to his body except for him. So, teaching him self-respect will also teach him self-acceptance; and later on respect for others. He'll be a great partner to some lucky person one day.
In no way do you lie or ignore the fact that he's a human being. And because he's young, a little information at a time goes a long way.
Also, taking kids to the zoo to see "nature" helps. We city kids don't know what goes on with animals and nature. We neuter and spay our pets so don't have the first-hand experience of watching them reproduce.

And watch the internet. It can be an asset for learning; but can be festered with pedophiles. That's where I'd be concerned.

What about your ten year old? He's probably m***********, too. Just be casual when they ask you about sex.
Blessings, S.

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L.V.

answers from Miami on

Please stop beating yourself up about this. It could happen to any one of us. We had a similar situation happen with our daughter. I won’t go into details, because it is too embarrassing, and I am not as brave as you. What I think you need to do now is talk with him about it. Ask him how he felt and make sure he knows that he is not in trouble. Explain that whatever he felt was normal. Your husband may need to do the talking as your son may not be comfortable talking with you about this. What you do NOT want to do is establish any shame regarding sex or sexuality.

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J.G.

answers from Orlando on

Firstly, don't feel bad. I am thankful to my parents for always teaching me that my body was nothing to be ashamed of. When my sister (older by 16 months) asked THE question when we were both young (I think she was 5 or 6), my parents told us the process, complete with the correct anatomical names. We were fascinated but it was not something we became obsessed with. I am mom to a 2 1/2 year old, and I have always felt that when she becomes curious about the subject, I will do what my parents did: answer the question with honesty and frankness. Again, don't beat yourself up for having the book or forgetting it was in the desk. The subject was bound to come up sooner or later, and this was just the catalyst for something natural to discuss. No big deal, so don't make it into one! Good luck!

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M.S.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

Get Kevin Leman's book "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex". GREAT practical advice !! It will walk you through the whole thing. You MUST address it though, since he's asking. But I wouldn't rush into it until you read that book and then decide just how much info he needs right now.
If your husband is a reader this is a great opportunity for him to build his relationship w/ his son. Although I am a big advocate of a child being able to talk w/ BOTH parents about these issues. I have 4 boys (13,11,8,6) and so far they feel free to discuss sex etc. w/ mom just as much with Dad :>) Blessings to your family!

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