So, I ended up placing my son in counseling, he has already had two sessions that he seems to enjoy. I've taken the suggestion of doing a behavioral chart at home, allowing him to earn certain rewards and privileges for good behavior at school, as well taking away certain privileges for poor behavior, it has not worked so far and believe me, I'm sticking to my guns. Recently, my son was given Saturday detention for dumping sand on some 1st graders, along with two other children, after being told not to throw sand on anyone. My son;s father and I feel like detention is kind of harsh for a child his age, so we've scheduled to meet with the teacher and principal. Also, last week, the teacher called and asked if I or my husband could come up to the school and talk to our son because he was being silly during Spanish class. The teacher seems to call for every little thing my son does. My son's father and I are started to wondering if it might be the teacher? He has only been teaching this age group for the last 6 weeks, prior to him taking over we never received phone calls at all! The teacher is very young, early to mid 30's and he and his wife, who also works at the school, do not have any children. My son's father seems to think that he shouldn't be teaching this age range of children with his age and very little experience. Does this sound right? I have wondered. Has anyone every experienced or know of anyone who has experienced something similar where it might actually be a teachers lack of experience? Also, the counselor seems to think that some of my son's silliness and lack of focus could be due to his asthma medications, which he takes daily and include a steroid. Does this sound logical as well? I'm just confused because I do not have a problem with his behavior at home, even with my husband being gone... or maybe I've got blinders on? Help please... :-S
So, we had our meeting this morning with the teacher, unfortunately the principal nor vice principal could make it, but we've elected to have an additional meeting to include them.
The teacher was instantly in defense mode, presuming that we were ready to accuse him if not being capable of handling our son or children of that age group. I had talked with my son's father the night before to discuss how I felt we should approach the situation, thanks to many great opinions of my extended "mamapedia" family. We went in with solid proof and instances where we'd felt as though some of the punishments as well as the excessive phone calls for every little act of silliness, were a tad petty. I'd saved emails and notes sent home on things that had occurred, which appeared to be a little shock to the teacher. We also stuck hard to our claim and provided evidence that prior to him taking over the class 7 weeks ago, our son had only received one note sent home from the teacher and even on her note she'd stated that it wasn't a big deal, she just wanted to make us aware of why he had an additional 5 minutes time out. Basically we were never called to come up to the school nor was our son ever sent to the principal's office under the old teacher's watch. His defense was that the old teacher's style of disciplining was not his style of disciplining and that his style lined up with the school's regulations and rules. My husband, quickly asked if he was implying that the old teachers (who had been with the school for 30 plus years) style did not line up. He could not comment. Needless to say, I kept quiet unless I was asked to address something because the testosterone started to flair. The teacher seemed almost child-like, even stating that when he was 5 he never acted as silly as our son and that he was never in trouble at school. His behavior was very odd. Again, we've requested to meet with the principal and vice principal.
So, does anyone think that another teacher change this late in the school year will be harmful? Should we tough it out? My husband wants my son out of the class a.s.a.p...
Have run into this before myself, is there a way that you can watch what is going on in the classroom without you child seeing you? If so do it, then confront him with the information that day. Some classrooms now have camera's or maybe there is a small window. By doing this it will also answer both questions. Good luck.
It sounds like you and your husband are working very hard to help your son, but I don't think it's entirely your son's issue. The fact that you never received a call about a problem before this teacher took over the class sends off big alarm bells to me, especially since you don't have problems with your son at home. Also, does the teacher ever say anything positive about your child? I am a teacher (of much older students), and I try to say something positive everytime I call a parent, even if I need to call about something unpleasant. Perhaps this teacher simply doesn't know how to handle discipline and classroom management (especially in kindergarten - I can't even imagine it!). Then it's a teacher issue, not a student issue. I think you are doing the right thing by meeting with the teacher and principal. If you decide it is a teacher issue, perhaps you can request a class change. Go into the meeting willing to listen to the teacher, but speak up for your child. You know your child best, and if your gut tells you that getting your child out of this teacher's class would be best, then request a change. Good luck.
Dear A.,
I can hear your frustration.
First of all, having people in my own family that had their hearts set on being teachers, and are really good at it, I don't think that age or not having children of their own really factors in to whether a person is a good teacher or not.
Secondly, with the shuffling of teachers due to cutbacks etc, a teacher who used to teach first grade might be teaching 4th grade or vice versa.
It sounds to me like what needs to happen is you discussing all of this at your scheduled meeting to find the best ways to deal with these things. I would advise you not to be accusatory. As parents were are always protective, but your son may not be the perfect little angel at school either.
No child should be expected to be perfect. I don't mean that. And I know you think the Saturday detention was too harsh for your son, but let me tell you something....what your son may have seen as being funny or silly about dumping sand on other children won't seem so funny when other children, how ever many 1st graders and "others", take it upon themselves to retaliate. You wouldn't like that either. A Saturday to think about it might be way less harsh than the alternative. Your son was being "silly" in Spanish class so you were called? Define silly. Is that your word for it or the teachers word? Silly, by definition, isn't a terrible thing in my opinion until it becomes disruptive or isn't really "silly" or funny at all.
Your son's medications could be part of it. Your son just thinking he's playing and being funny could be part of it.
The MAIN thing, is that it isn't about blaming anyone.
The MAIN thing, the MAIN objective, is your son being successful at school and reaping the rewards of feeling that success. And sometimes that takes work on everyone's part. The parents, the teachers, AND the child.
You may well need to set up a system where you check in at the end of every week to discuss how things went as opposed to getting phone calls during the week unless it's bad enough your child needs to be removed for the rest of the day.
Sometimes what we put up with from our own kids doesn't seem so bad to us, but in a school or social setting, certain things can't be allowed. It's an extreme comparison perhaps, but my son went to school with a boy who thought nothing of spitting in other kids faces.
Talk to the teacher, the principal, the counselor and your son. Make a plan for improving things. Get all sides of the story. Stick to the goal of your son learning to be successful in his behavior. He'll get more gold stars for behaving than not.
I wish you the best and hope you'll let us know how the meeting works out.
You've gotten some great responses. I'd like to add one thought: when starting such a young child with a reward system, be sure to keep the initial rewards almost immediate. One good day at school = one small reward for the accomplishment. That makes the system concrete and believable.
Several days of good behavior may seem impossible to your son, and therefore the reward remains too abstract. He may never connect with the system, and then it becomes just one more symbol to him that he is a problem. Once kids believe that, they tend to behave accordingly.
The other thing about rewards is that they should become less frequent and eventually intermittent, or they will stop working. Google "intermittent rewards" if you'd like to read up on the behavioral science behind this phenomenon.
Good luck; I think communication with this new teacher is important, too. Would you have the ability to sit in on a couple of hours of your son's school day to observe what's actually happening? One disruptive child can really make a teacher's life difficult. AND a teacher with unrealistic expectations can really make his student's lives unhappy.
As the parent of a child with ADHD, I'm well versed with the negative feedback from teachers. However, even when our son was at his worst before medication, we were never told to come to school to calm him down. In your son's situation, it sounds like the change in teachers has him out of sorts. Someone who hasn't taught kindergarten may not realize that kids that age just do goofy things sometimes and can be quite defiant, too. It's not that uncommon.
Rather than approaching things as if there's something wrong with the teacher, try a collaborative tone. That's worked well for us. "I'm so sorry about all that's happened ... we think it's just been a tough transition. Here's what we've been doing on our end ... what else do you suggest could be done on the classroom side of things to improve his behavior?" Tap into the teacher's expertise, even if you're a little wary doing so right now. You may be surprised in a positive way. You may also find you get fewer phone calls if the teacher feels you respect him and are doing your part to resolve things.
As far as the medication, you might contact the pharmacist to discuss potential side effects. He/she would be in the best position to confirm/deny the possibility of the asthma medication changing his behavior.
Good luck!
A., I think I posted on your last post as well. Is your son in the duel language program? That is where I had my son & he wasn't doing well behavoir wise. I spent more time at the school than at work & it was very frustrating. The teachers suggested that my son was adhd & I should have him tested. I took him to the dr. and the dr. said to have the school do an educational evaluation and warned me that they would not want to do it. Well she was right, however this got the administration involved & they started observing in all of my sons classes. He went from having the worst colors in the class even suspension 1 time to the highest colors in the class. The report showed that it wasn't his behavoir but rather he gets distracted too easily. They said it was too early to test for the adhd. I made the decision to change his class. The old teacher he had has no experience. This is her first year to teach. His new teacher has been teaching kindergarten for over 20 years. My son is doing fantastic and loving going to school now. He gets up & is so excited. This is a huge miracle in my opinion. Look into changing his class. I know he has had alot of change but this could be the blessing you are looking for. As for the asthma talk to your dr.
Best of luck to you
The answer is yes to all of your questions.
Inexperience in teacher's matter, medications often affect behavior, and is there a possibility of changing classes? I hesitate to suggest this one as your son has had a lot of upheaval in his live already.
You do need to tell the school to chill. BUT, come armed. Don't just go in there and say- "well, little Johnny at home is fine. He would never do any of that". They wont take you seriously. Mention that the new teacher is calling more and more, and that you never had any issues with your son and the first teacher. Also mention the home issues and that you can understand how those issues and his medications can cause behavioral issues, but the school should be equipped to handle them.
Good Luck.
I knew a kid when my son was in kinder that had the same problem. Finally the mom asked for a different teacher. Things changed after that. He still wasn't a model student but this teacher was better at knowing how to deal correctly with this child. Have you observed in the classroom how this teacher interacts with the kids. You might want to go and sit in sometimes to see. Ask around and find out what teachers are able to handle things better. I'm not saying this teacher is not a good one I'm just saying that some people have more tolerance than others. (I don't have much tolerance, I could never be a teacher) I have spent many hours in the classroom and am amazed at how patient some teachers are.
I definitely think Saturday school is absolutely ubsurd!
BTW Higher antioxidents can help with your childs asthema. There is a water called EvaMore has a very high ph level will get rid of asthema flair ups. My husband uses it. It really works. The water isnt cheap but neither is asthema medicine. Also dark chocolate helps. It has to be at least 70% cocoa. He thinks he getting a treat and you know its helpful for him! Bigger HEBs carry it. If not you can get the water from a health food store.
I definately agree that you need to meet with the principal and the teacher. Some schools (like the one my daughter goes to) also have counselors as well as behavior psychologist that could be in the meeting as well. We are having issues with my 7 year old daughter not listening and acting up in class and we had a meeting with the principal, assistant principal, child psychologist and the teacher. The meeting went very well and the teacher started implementing some things in the classroom specifically for my child and while it has only been 4 days so far they seem to be working. I don't happen to think the issue in our case is with the teacher..however; if after the meeting you still think it is possibly the teacher then I would ask the school to have your child moved to another class. If a teacher is going to teach that age group they should no how to handle it without calling the parents all the time. Good Luck.
Wow, A. you have a lot going on. You are right that detention is too harsh for a 5 year old.
As for the asthma, it can definitely affect his behavior. I am a health coach and work with women and families. It is probably your son's diet that is causing all this. My email is kathleentisdale.com Good luck!
sounds like your son dosent like to be told what to do. the sand situation he was asked to stop. i am assuming they told him not to be silly durring class. he chose to continue and even kick it up a knotch by pouring sand on the other kids. i think the school is right in this situation. your son needs to listen to the teachers when they correct him on a behavior. i would also call the pedi nurse and ask her if the meds could be the cause. could be simple to fix either way he needs to listen and follow directions. good luck.
I have heard that those types of meds can affect behavior, but I guess it's different for each person. Before my son started taking meds for ADHD, taking a nasal spray with steroids actually *improved* his behavior.
When you meet with the teacher and principal you should ask if they have any teachers that are trained to help kids with behavior issues because it sounds like they don't have a plan to improve your son's behavior. My son(who has Aspergers/ADHD) is now in 2nd grade. He's always gotten a daily note about his behavior. In pre-k, he could earn a smiley sticker for each part of the day he did well at. In kindergarten, the teacher would tell me what punishment he should receive at home(such as no TV) so we were on the same page. In 1st grade, he started off with a teacher with lots of qualifications and experience, but halfway through the year she couldn't handle him and they switched him to a younger teacher. It worked out fine because she was more patient, willing to try new things, more understanding of disabilities, and the daughter of a great teacher, too. Now in 2nd grade, all the kids have a notebook that goes back and forth to school every day. If they have a good day they get a stamp, if not there's a short note. If I have a concern, or if something unusual happens at home, I can make a note on the page for that day.
My situation is probably more extreme than yours. The first half of this year was really bad. Even though the school was doing their best to help my son with an aide, work out in the hall if he became agitated, and lots of breaks, he was still having trouble. The classroom teacher wasn't that involved with the discipline- it would go straight to the assistant principal. My son would end up in the office for hours, writing long apologies(an extreme punishment because writing is very difficult for him) for behaviors related to ADHD that he can't yet control. In the office, he wasn't allowed to eat lunch or get a drink of water. It would get to the point where they would call me because he was acting like a crazed, caged animal. He would hit and spit at the teachers, hide under the desk, try to run away, lick the walls, knock over chairs and papers, talk about ghosts haunting the school so no other kids would have to suffer, and say he'd rather die than go back to school. The next day, he would be seeking the approval of these same teachers, giving them cupcakes, showing them art projects, etc., as if nothing ever happened. None of the punishments stopped the behaviors- they actually made them worse. However since starting ADHD meds after christmas, he has not been to the principals office a single time and is having mostly good days.
Are any other parents experiencing similar problems? Detention for a 5 year old does seem a bit harsh. What does your son say it? Does he admit to acting out?
Saturday school for a five year old... give me a break! Be an advocate for your child and if they won't remove that teacher for his every little call, I would remove my son!
oh wow, i would guess it's the steroids causing at least some of the behavior.
i don't think some in their early 30s is "very young". age and not having children does not preclude someone from being an appropriate educator for young children. he may just not have a lot of patience OR your son may have started acting up due to the change in teachers? saturday detention for a 5 year old is RIDICULOUS! i'd be meeting with the teachers and administration about all that is going on - remember, don't go in with "blazing guns", they are much more likely to really listen and work with you if you're not in attack mode. good luck, hope you can get something worked out!
As a parent, you may be interested in a university study about how kids think about other people's thinking. We will ask you to watch with your child three brief, online videos of puppet actors and then to record your child's answers to questions about what the puppets are thinking. We will also ask you some general questions about yourself, your child, and your household. Participation would take less than 15 minutes, and it's a great way for you and your child to contribute to our knowledge of how children think. For more details go to the following address:
http://www.milestoneshome.org/current/thinking/
Best wishes,
Kimberly
