21 Mth Lethargy:Medical Issue or Wants Attention?

Updated on March 20, 2008
B.B. asks from Marblehead, MA
45 answers

My 21 mth daughter has been sick with one illness after another, one of them a high-fever virus requiring a short hospital stay a month ago. Since then she's had scarlet fever, and ear infection and a stomach bug with a low fever lasting 7 days now. Her energy since the hospital stay is generally lower than it used to be - but with all this illness it's hard to tell. I am worried she has some illness that is hard to detect that is causing all of this - but I don't want to put her through tests (like cathaters for bladder infection or blood tests) if this is just a normal part of a kid having to fight off a lot of stuff. She's in daycare 3 days a week.

My husband thinks she has picked up on the attention she gets from lying on the floor and acting really tired at odd times - but she is taking more naps that last longer, and the low grade fever persists. Could this be a behavioral thing, or should I keep pressing the doctor for more answers? I feel paranoid and worried (and angry at my husband for saying that she's fine - I just pick her up and coddle her too much!)

Help please! Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all so much! First of all, your reponses helped me stop panicking and start taking action. They helped my husband too. I was concerned about a bladder infection, as well as things that can show up on blood tests:diabetes, mono, infections etc., so I sterelized a container and collected her urine (she sometimes uses the potty) and I made an appt for a blood test with her pediatrician. I don't have the answers yet, but I am so strengthened by your support, affirmation and ideas. I will look into the Reliv nutrition, and I am also feeling calmer knowing this could just be "normal" following many illnesses and fighting off new ones. I will let everyone know what happens after we go through some tests and a check-up.
Love,
B.

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C.C.

answers from Providence on

Hi

Has she been tested for diabetes?? Children who nap longer then usual, always tired and not the same could be a sign of diabetes.

Its just a simple blood test. Hopefully you already ruled that out...

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L.S.

answers from Hartford on

Being in daycare, kids pick up all kinds of bugs, but i would take her to a childrens hospital for a second opinion.

You need to find out what is going on with her immune system and is there a vitamen she could take to boost her.

Kids do pick up special treatment and they will play you at times but you can usually see right thru that, the fact that she is only 21months old, i would question it.

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M.K.

answers from Boston on

Go to the doctor and get the tests done, I know it's difficult with such a young child, but if it is something serious you want to catch it as early as possible. I started acting lethargic as a toddler and when they finally did the tests I had cancer - my symptoms were slightly different so don't get scared about that, but I'm saying it really pays off to be cautious about these things.

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T.G.

answers from Boston on

B.,
First of all, you pick your baby up & cuddle/coddle her all you want, and more! She is not even 2 years old yet! We can never cuddle our babies enough. In fact, we usually do not do it enough, even though we think we do. You can not spoil a baby, no matter what people say. It is proven that babies who are picked up when they cry, and are held & cuddled, are more secure than those who are not. Sure the others may appear more independent, but they are not as secure in the knowledge that Mom & Dad will always be there with them. Cuddled/coddled children come to their parents for more cuddling, because they desire the closeness and they know that they will not be pushed away. What could be more wonderful for a child to know? A baby just can't be spoiled. Don't let anyone make you believe anything different!
Regarding her health, push your doctor or go get a second opinion! Trust your instincts! Every time I've gone with my gut feelings with my baby, despite what others have said, my pediatrician has said that I was right to bring her in.
Noone can make themselves have a fever! There is no way that wanting more attention is going to bring on a fever! Children do get high fevers sometimes that are not from serious illness, but we can't ignore fevers. They are the body's way of fighting infection, etc.
A 21 month old baby is not going to stay on the floor for long just to get attention. Children do want attention, but if they don't get it, they usually misbehave, because negative attention (yelling, etc.) is better than no attention. Babies don't just lie around, especially toddlers.
The fact that her naps are longer & she's taking more, and her fever is persisting, no matter how low it is, says something. It may be just a weird little bug that is hard to shake, but it's not good for it go untreated.
I am going to sound anti-male here, and I'm not, so please don't misunderstand. Many men miss the cues of a baby's behavior. And, they seem to think that babies are capable of controlling themselves way too early. My husband absolutely adores our baby, but I have to keep saying to him, "What are thiknking? She's only 2 years old!"
In a nutshell --
love & cuddle/coddle your baby
call your pediatrician
love & cuddle/coddle your baby
go get a second opinion if the pediatrician says to wait (even low-grade, a week-long fever is long enough!)
love & cuddle/coddle your baby
try to help your husband understand things that only a mother's heart senses
love & cuddle/coddle your baby
Hope this helps!
Trisa

1 mom found this helpful
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T.D.

answers from Boston on

You should absolutely be pushing your pediatrician for more information and testing. It is not normal for a child of her age to have so many illnesses in such a short period of time, particularly since she has a persistent low grade fever. If your doctor poo-poos you, get another doctor! It could just be she has tough luck and got everything over with at once, or she could have an underlying immune issue that is making her much more susceptible to these illnesses. Mother's intuition is a very strong instinct, your is obviously telling you that something isn't right so by all means, act on that intuition and have things checked out. And don't be too mad at your husband, he's probably also a bit scared about all these illnesses and stressed out, so the easiest explanation is the one he's chosen. It doesn't sound like attention getting to me if she's still sleeping alot and has a fever. My prayers are with you all, good luck.

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D.N.

answers from Hartford on

I don't think she would do that to try to get attention...and you cannot fake a fever.

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J.E.

answers from Boston on

Absolutely press the doctors for more opinions and test results. AS much as we HATE having to put our kids through such tests and what seems to be like "torture" you need to find out what is wrong with your child...doing tests and getting results at this point may be your only way. Especially if you have the gut feeling that it's more than the common virus. You can NEVER pick your child up and "coddle" them too much, it's your maternal instinct to want to fix her and get her well and you are doing what you feel is right. Do what you feel is right in your heart, if you are not satisfied with what you have been told, dig further and do what is neccessary. When my oldest daughter was younger and going to day care that is when she started getting every illness, the ear infections, strep throat, you name it she was sick every other week, I would always take her to the doctor and sometimes the ER, you can never be to careful and God forbid it is something worse, you would want an early detection rather than a later detection... I don't say that to scare you or add to your frustrations either, I, like you, would just want to know! Good luck.

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S.H.

answers from Hartford on

Hi B., I'm saying pretty much what everyone else is saying - kids may get used to a sick or baby role for attention, but they DON'T get lethargic, lie around a lot, or get a fever for attention. High fever can be harmful, and a continuing low-grade fever sounds like there is still something wrong - I'd get the medical part addressed and then consider having your Birth-to-Three provider evaluate her to see if she should have any follow-up developmental intervention. -S. H.

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

She is too young to be doing this for attention given the low grade fever. This would cause her to be lethargic. Get a second opinion about what could be ailing her. I think, if possible, keep her out of daycare for 3 weeks and see if that clears things up. If daycare is the only option, then pick a family member to care for her at your home. The reason would be that she needs to get better at home and to see if this is an environmental issue at the daycare. Have they or you recently put in carpet, new furniture etc....?? These are questions to ask before putting your daughter through a bunch of tests.
A side note: No need to be upset at your husband. He loves her as much as you do and men want to fix everything and when they can't, they can say things that sometimes doesn't make sense, but to them it is just a solution. You should be happy he is involved and loves the two of you so much!

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T.G.

answers from New York on

Hi B.,

I very rarely respond to these but when I read your story I had to. I have to start by telling you that I have two young daughters, a 20 month old and a 3 1/2 year old and thankfully I have not had to endure what you are going through. But I will say, KEEP PRESSING THE ISSUE! As my mother-in-law constantly reminds me, NO ONE will know your children better than you, no doctor, no family member, not even your husband. Trust your instincts! You're not coddling her too much, I'm sure she's a bright child but she's not faking a fever and over-extended naps. I think your husbands response is his own fear because it sounds like something my husband would say...it comes from a place of not knowing and feeling helpless...press the issue, that's why the doctor's are there. They are not always right. Don't be afraid to bring her to another trusted pediatrician if you want a second opinion. You are her advocate, you are her voice, I wouldn't stop until I was comfortable with the answers I received...good luck to you.

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H.Z.

answers from Boston on

A fever can't be "staged". I think you should definitely consult a doctor. She may be acting on all the attention, but it sounds like something else might be going on too. When a child is in a child care environment they will pick up all kinds of germs...not all bad!! It helps with their immune system, but you still want to make sure she is doing okay. It may just be a growth spurt. Better be safe than sorry. Good luck!

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B.E.

answers from Boston on

I very much believe in Mother's intuition. Yes, there are alot of nasty bugs going around this winter, but if you are worried, I don't think you should care what anyone thinks, and get some definitive answers. Some quick easy blood tests can tell alot, and although they stick at the time, the beauty is that a 21 mo old likely won't remember it! If I were you, I would push for some answers. A child can't fake lethargy....

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A.L.

answers from Boston on

Hi.
That's alot of illness in a short period of time. I think any fever that persists should be evaluated. Sometimes following illness or hospitilization, there can be fatigue and lethargy. How is your daughters appetite??Has she lost any developmental gains?? I would find out what tests(blood) were done in the hospital and follow up with your pediatrician and get his/her input. There has been so much going around this winter, maybe she has just been picking up illness after illness!! Spring is almost here, time to open up those windows!!
Let me know how things turn out. A.

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C.L.

answers from Boston on

a low grade fever cant be faked so i would check with you DR. and children crave attention when not feeling well . your not parinoid just concerned. give your self a break.
coddle her as much as you can all to soon they are grown and gone then you cant enjoy ..

i am a mom of 6 kids 3 grown and gone 3 still home.

C. L

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B.B.

answers from Boston on

I agree with everyone else. I would be concerned also. She has a low grade fever (that can't be faked). I would have the Dr. check her out and give her the TLC that she needs.

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T.W.

answers from Hartford on

Hi B.-
Sounds like your little girl has had a rough time of it!! I also think that you have real cause for concern. Little kids/babies just don't lay around if they don't have to. Especially since you have noticed some real signs and symptoms: persistant low grade temps, longer naps, less energy. If I were you, and from a nurse's standpoint, I'd run it by your doc again. A mama's instincts are usually right!
Take care and good luck!
T.

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A.W.

answers from Boston on

I would definitely keep pressing the doctor. She can't make herself have a fever at that age just to get attention (think light bulb trick when they're older). If necessary I'd ask for a referral to another doctor or just breakdown and have some tests done. We all want to spare our children pain, but if that's how you figure out what's going on with her system, then it's probably something you should have them do!

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A.T.

answers from Lewiston on

She may be still trying to fight off all the stuff she had,kid do pick up on the attention thing but there is now way they can fake a low grade fever, which makes me believe her body is still recovering. I would suggest that if it goes on for more then another week, then have her checked to make sure it isn't something more going on.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Go with your gut...mother's are usually right. A blood test at the drs. is not a big deal and they can use it to monitor white blood cell count. That could indicate and infection. Call the dr. and let them no you are concerned.

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R.H.

answers from Springfield on

has she had vaccinations recently - did any of these symptoms/sicknesses/problems come shortly after them? I would be interested to hear back. poor little thing

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K.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi B.,

You must be feeling very overwhelmed, I hate to see my little guy not felling well. I personally think that the lethargy is because of the low grade temp that is persisitng, rather then a show for attention. I can tell my son has a temp by looking at him from accross the room, because he looks very lethargic, and glossy eyed. My son is 7 years old now, when he was 2.5 years old he had to start daycare, he had a cold or bug of some kind every other week, I was very concerned, my pediatrician calmed my fears, by telling me that this kind of daycare syndrome, is normal, and that this is the way that my son would build immunities. He was right, now my son is in 1 grade, he has had nothing more then a sniffle the whole school year.

If it has only been a month since the hospital stay, and then scarlett fever, and an ear infection, and a stomach bug, I think you would not seem paranoid at all to press the doctor for answers, chances are her resistance was down because she was fighting one infection, making her more suseptable to getting other infections, I would ask the doctor why her fever is persisting, and what signs and symptoms to watch out for. There is an illness called primary immunodeficiancy, I would want to rule that out.

Good luck to you, you are in my prayers :)

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D.G.

answers from Boston on

You can never coddle a child too much...I would go with your gut feeling and have your daughter checked out.

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J.V.

answers from Hartford on

Hi B.,
I think I would make an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician (just you, without her,and perhaps without your husband, as he seems to think this is nothing physical, to discuss your overall concerns. There is often a fine line between attention seeking behavior and real physical/emotional neediness. Unfortunatley, it sometimes takes a mother's intuition and "hounding" the doctors (and our husbands)! to get to the bottom of things. Good luck.
J. V.

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B.S.

answers from Boston on

poor thing. I doubt she's faking it, especially since you can't fake a fever. My daughter had mono when she was 3 or so. It does entail a blood test, but may be worth a try. Go with your instincts--you are your daughter's voice right now.

good luck!

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J.D.

answers from Boston on

A fever can definitely make a child tired and lethargic. At her age it's probably not a game or manipulation. Go with your gut instincts. If you feel that something isn't right definitely press the doctor for more tests. If he makes light of it - find another doctor. Your her mother and her health is number one priority and a mom's gut instincts are usually right. Maybe there won't be anymore to it, after all where she's been so sick with different viruses and illnesses, her immune system has been working overtime so maybe just needs time to build itself up again. But better to be safe than sorry and rule out anything more serious. I wish you all the best and hope she feels better soon.

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C.D.

answers from New London on

I think the fatigue she is experiencing could be a normal symptom after having her recent illness, but I would be concerned if she is still having fevers. If you think she is not acting "normally", don't hesitate to bring her in to see the doctor. Go with your gut feeling~moms are usually right!

Good Luck~

C.

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C.K.

answers from Pittsfield on

get a second opinion from another doctor, sometimes a fresh look at things helps.

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K.L.

answers from Providence on

Hi B.,
My daughter is 5 and goes to pre school. She has been really sick this winter. First with a bad ear infection, then after that a bad virus, which caused a fever for 5 days. Doctors did do a blood test to rule out mono. But she was really tired as well. She was better for about 2 weeks, then got the flu. I was really worried but the doctor has reassured me in that the problem is once they get sick, there resistance is low. And by the time they fully recover from a virus, they get something else on top on that, so there body really doesn't recover from the original infection. If your daughter is going to daycare, then it's really hard to keep them healthy. I just take it day by day and cannot wait for warmer weather.

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P.S.

answers from New London on

Trust your instinct, a 21 month old does not "play" sick. Bring her back to the peditrician and ask for some blooddwork. Most children pick up numerous bugs from daycare but build their immunities up without lingering illness. My thoughts are with you, P.

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M.A.

answers from Hartford on

How is your daughter doing these days? A child who naps longer than usual and runs a low grade fever is NOT looking for attention, except medical attention. She's had ear infections, stomach bugs not to mention scarlet fever, an infection caused by streptococcus, a bacteria.
You need to address this medical issue. The poor little tyke has been through a lot of draining medical issues. Scarlet fever used to be common but now is relatively rare.
Please get her medical attention.

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A.V.

answers from New London on

Chiropractic, chiropractic, chiropractic. I'm a mom of 4 and it has been amazing for not only our "normal" colds/allergies, but also my son who has mild cerebral palsy and my daughter who has been treated at Shriners for skeletal issues. Please get her (AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY) checked. It's the best natural, non-invasive way of letting your body heal. My docs are Inner Wisdom Chiro in Groton. At this point, you have nothing to lose by getting a second opinion and everything to gain by helping your beautiful child. Get to the cause, don't keep looking at addressing only the symptoms.

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L.D.

answers from Hartford on

Hi B.,
I see you already got many great responses already. I just want to suggest trying to help improve your child's immune system. You can give Baby Flora or similar product. It's super easy (just mix a little powder into juice). I think it's like 70% if our immune system is in our intestines, so building health there will go a long way. Can't hurt to try.

good luck.

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K.S.

answers from Providence on

Hello B.
I have a 6 year old little boy that is in the first grade that we went through the same thing when he was only 8 months old. When a child that young goes through so many illenes right in a row they get extremly tired and its hard for them to catch up. When was the last time she was officially sick and with fever? I might want to get her tested maybe one more time, blood test or what ever thedoc might think. But don't be paranoid its very hard being a first time mom and a husband that thinks his daughter is better. I have 3 children at home believe me been there done that. You are lucky though that your daycare lets you bring your daughter. If you need any help just email me. hope this helps you. K.

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C.T.

answers from Bangor on

A child can fake a behaviour... but they can't fake a fever. Call your doctor - run the tests.

Look at your choices:

1. They are 'faking', you coddle your child, they eventually grow out of this phase...

2. You do nothing - your child is really sick and something big happens... and you did nothing.

Which choice can you live with? It's better to be safe than sorry.

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H.P.

answers from Barnstable on

A fever is never nothing. Sometimes it indicates a child fighting off an infection they''ll overcome with out medical help but still a fever is an indicator of something going on. Your child is tired because she's sick. If she's been on antibiotics it could be her natural protective bacteria in her gut have been destroyed and opportunistic bacteria or viruses of a less friendly nature have taken their place, especially since she has had several other infections since the hospitalization. Trust your instincts. Watch antibiotic overload, and tell your husband that you are taking her to the doctors office today because a low grade fever for seven days is not a temper tantrum! They can get urine samples without catheters. Tell your pediatrician about your concerns. Find someone who will listen.

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E.G.

answers from Boston on

Hi B.,
I'm so sorry to hear that your baby has been so sick.
My only advice is trust your instincts. No one knows your daughter better than you. If you feel that something is wrong, unfortunatley it probably is. I would have another Pediatrician check her out or at least push your Doc to run test. A finger prick is all he needs to do a cbc to indicate if there is an infection.
It's our job to fight for our kids when we have to. You daughter is lucky to have you on her side.
Good Luck & Let us know everything works out

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D.L.

answers from Hartford on

Hi B.-
I would definetly seek medical attention. I have a friend who was basically dealing with the same thing, her son is sick more often than normal, so her ped is doing bloodwork to see if his immune system is off & checking for lyme, mono, & a few other issues that can be going on.

As for you, go with your gut & tell your hubby that a 21mo old child can't fake a fever just to get attention! I hope things work out ok :)

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K.D.

answers from Providence on

always go with your gut feeling your daughter has had a tough time of it she may just still in recovery most 21 mth olds are hard to keep still so if you have any doubts I'd bring her back to the md. sick children need to be coodled and loved the hospital is a scary place for a 21 mth old.my son had major surgery at 9 mth old so it can throw them off for a while K.

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C.H.

answers from Boston on

21 months is too young to keep up with "just wanting attention". That baby is sick. Its normal for little ones to be sick alot, sometimes one thing after another. But she may have a weak immune system, and they should check that out. Its so rare for a child to get scarlett fever nowadays. If its possible to stay at home with her for a week or 2 and not expose her to all the germs at the daycare, grocery store, library etc. you should try that, let her get completely better. But it sound like the doctors may want to do some more "invasive" testing. Godd luck

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C.O.

answers from Boston on

Go with your gut. EvenI have had illness after illness this winter, my energy is sluggish. I have had ear infections. I have had two stomach bugs. But I can tell a doctor what is wrong with me. Your daughter probably can't. Don't think you are crazy. Talk to her doctor about it.

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D.S.

answers from Boston on

21 months is too young to be "playing" you, and most modern books say you can't coddle a baby too much. Trust your instincts, if you think something is wrong, have her seen, but perhaps a second set of eyes, a second opinion? But don't rule out a test like blood work just because you don't want the tears, you need to find out what is going on, and that might be the best way. Good luck.

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B.T.

answers from Boston on

hi you must take her to new england medicl center in boston they are the best . i thing this child has something going on . if i where you i have it checket out . this is not normal the poor baby . i worket at new england medical center and they are the best in the country. she must realy be feeling sick. ty
B. mello

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R.S.

answers from Providence on

I agree with most of the replies. A temp & longer naps are not something that would be faked. I would definately go to your pediatrician & if they think it's nothing, I would get a second opinion. You know your daughter better then anyone else, I would keep being persistent until you find some answers. They may be an underlying issue that you don't want overlooked. Good luck.

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K.D.

answers from Boston on

Hi B.,
Thats sounds very scary, Im so sorry that your babys sick . I know how that feels. When my son was an infant he was very coliky cryed all the time. The Docs said "Oh babies cry" or "there is nothing to do about colic". I listened to my intuition dispite everyone around me(Including the Hubby!!!!)and turns out that he had Severe milk allergy so he was crying cause he was sick.
My mother always said"Listen to YOUR insticts" as a mom they are always right!! Am I right ladies.
K.

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G.H.

answers from Barnstable on

Scarlet fever is a strep rash. Was she treated for strep throat? Continuous low grade fever and tiredness is not normal. The kid is sick, possibly with strep and that is easily treated! When my daughter had strep as a young kid she didn't have a sore throat, just tiredness and vomiting. Don't give up! Good luck.

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