19 Month Old Acts like He Is Going to Hit and Says "Ouch Mommy" or "Ouch Daddy"

He gets it - hitting hurts. He isn't doing anything wrong, so you'd be best to just not draw any extra attention to it. At the least, agree with him, afterall he is right! Say, "yes, you are right hitting hurts, ouch" then move on.

Best wishes,
M.

I agree w/ Michele; praising his self control and his understanding (of course, in Toddler language) reinforces this desired behavior. He'll get over it; he just wants to show you what he's learned: )

Jen

Hi S.,

You are asking the perfect question, "What is causing him to do this?". So often, we see a behavior we don't like and we stop the behavior, through punishments and time-outs. Those are ineffective and, ultimately, do nothing to identify what lies at the root of the problem.

Imagine yourself being 19 months old. The world is much too big for you. You are completely dependent on adults and, most importantly, you feel as though you have no power. You can't always communicate what it is you need or want and sometimes, the only control you have is to throw a tantrum or hit someone.

Hitting is not a bad thing. It allows our children a physical release of their frustrations. What is a bad thing is "ouch-ing" Mom or Dad. Next time your son tries hitting (or threatens to hit) acknowledge his need for it and find a way for him to hit something without hurting anyone. He can hit a pillow, he can hit the floor, you get the idea. Trying to prevent him from hitting just prevents him from releasing frustrations that are perfectly natural and age-appropriate.

Here is a link to an article I wrote that also deals with this issue. http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/7/21_The_Ga...

I hope this is helpful. If I can be of any further assistance, feel free to contact me.

Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

I would start by totally ignoring it. Just turn your back or get up and leave. Once you ignore it a few times, he'll get the picture. Just be consistent and don't use words. If he hits, then obviously you need to discipline. But, other then that, ignoring works wonders. You can use this in any situation that you don't like. My daughter used to play with my hair like crazy. Finally, I just got sick and tired of it and would just get up and walk away when she started. I would "take my hair back", and walk away. It took a few weeks of this and now she doesn't do it to me. She would rather me sit next to her, then me leave when she did a specific thing. It worked like a charm.
Hope it helps!
Good luck!

S., I am a firm believer that we reinforce only the behaviours we want to see again. When he says "ouch mommy" get down to his level, hug him and say..."nice mommy" or "love mommy" or "love (insert his name)".

Train to the behaviour that you want. Kids are sponges, let him soak up your love and the attention you want to give him. And he will repeat those behaviours.

B.
Family Success Coach

Hi S. -

I believe what he's doing is processing & working it all out in his head. 18 months is very young and 19 months is only a teensy bit older. At that age and well into childhood it's really pretty much all about impulse and what they're feeling. A baby of that age doesn't understand that they can cause pain in someone else. They learn from us by what they get back from us. So I'm assuming you had let him know that it was ouchy when he hit you. That's what we did too when our daughter did something that hurt us. It's sufficient to continue to gently remind him, "that's right, ouch, we don't hit." But his anger is still there and he might be trying to figure out what he IS supposed to do with it when he's doing the acting like he's going to hit.

For the most part if we're gentle with our children, they'll be gentle with us. They'll still get angry sometimes and they'll need to know how to handle it. Just as when we get angry we might get loud and our bodies move in sharper ways, our kids will yell and stomp, etc. We do have to allow them to express anger. I'm NOT saying that I think you're suppressing your baby's anger. I'm still working on this myself and my daughter's 10. We're all learning all the time, and as parents, while we're learning we're also teaching our children, whether we're aware of it or not. So my point is, while you're teaching your son not to hit, you can tell him some simple ways to blow off steam, "I wasn't finished with that" or "I didn't like that" or just, "I'm so mad!" Whatever is appropriate to whatever just happened; you get the idea.

All the best,
Colleen

I think that he is getting frusterated or something and maybe wants to, but understands that he is not supposed to. I would just say nicely thats right we don't hit. and say we are nice and have him pet your head or cheek or something. since he isn't hitting, praise him and make it positive so he will want to do it still. it may just be about the attention so make it happy =0).

I'm no expert AT ALL, but I used to nanny for a pediatric behavioral health doctor (or maybe psychologist?) anyhow, people went to her when their kids were having behavioral problems. The thing that she did about hitting (even though he's not hitting) was say while looking in her sons eyes "I cannot let you hurt (sister, monkey, daddy etc). I would never let (sister, monkey, daddy) hurt you so I cannot let you hurt them. Then she would separate him from the situation, not time out, just move onto something else. I think in this situation Mr.Monkey needs to be taken away so " Mommy can keep Monkey safe from you". Does that make sense. The separation is what is such a punishment to them. SO take the toy or thing away because you can't let him hurt it. In his mind he might think he's not getting it back so he won;t pretend anymore. If it is a person, like daddy, maybe have daddy go in another room and say "Uh oh, daddy has to go in the kitchen to keep him safe, do we want daddy around us?" YES, "ok, then I can't let you hit him and I wouldn't let Daddy hit you" .
Might work, might not ;0) I'm sure you're right he's testing you BIG TIME ;0) Here comes the terrible twos ;0)

When my kid started hitting, we would say ouch whenever the blow landed and tell him to be "nice" and showed him how to pet or caress whatever or whomever he was hitting. It may be that he's looking for some positive reinforcement, like "look, I know that this is an ouch for daddy". My reaction to your boy would be to agree with him that "yes, ouch daddy if you hit him" then tell him "but *baby's name* is nice" with an emphasis on nice and a congratulatory hug, clap or kiss when he shows he knows how to be nice. If it ever got to the point where he kept hitting even after the Nice part, we would get firmer by telling him to stop in a stronger tone, really emphasizing the nice, and then showing him another toy to play with. He's now almost 22 months old and hardly ever hits, throws or bites, all because we've always told him to be nice and that those other things hurt.

It sounds to me like he is practicing using self control and learning that he can control his actions. I would praise him for not hitting, then quickly re-direct him to something else. He is doing great controlling his urge to hit, and distraction works great to get them to move on to something else!

He does not have the words to express himself, so he is creatively using the actions that he knows. He sounds pretty smart to me! Try teaching him sign language, It is really easy to do. Get one of the many books available for baby sign language and start with the couple of signs that will help him through these frustrating situations. "help" is a good one, or whatever you think he is trying to communicate to you. good luck to you and your son!

toddlers have these little uncontrollable urges..hitting being one..what i did was i bought this book.."Hands Are Not For Hitting" your son may be having the urge but is actually controlling it but saying ouch ..he may think he's being playful and cute and that's the only way he knows how to express himself this way..you know? Try the book..read it to him a lot..they have "I Can Share" and "Mouths Are Not For Biting" reading those to my son helped SO much!

I agree that he's possibly trying to communicate something complicated -- either that's he's angry and would like to hit, or that he's just saying that he knows that hitting hurts. Someone mentioned sign language, but why? Why not just teach him to talk more than two words at a time? At that age, my children could speak in complete sentences, but not because they were any smarter than most children. We consistently expanded their one and two word vocalizations into longer phrases. We did not use "baby talk" or even, for the most part, "toddler talk," although we did say "potty" and "blanky." Why not "Are you mad? Do you wish you could hit Mommy? It's OK to say "I am mad at Mommy." My grandson would say at that age, "I am SO angry!" Or, "Yes, hitting Mommy hurts her. It's not nice to hit. Thank you for not hitting me." Gradually, children incorporate these patterns into their own language and they move beyond just one or two words and you can tell what they mean. If they say "Juice" or "Milk" or "BaBa" you reply "Do you want some juice?" Do you want your bottle?" It's a great help to children to be able to express themselves more fully, and removes a lot of frustration. Concentrate on teaching your son to talk, and you may see some desire to hit diminish.