I embedded my Teen years in my brain. For the pure fact I would some day have my own children, and not make some of the mistakes I made and where my mom and pop seemed to lack.
My early teen years I was a dancer. I was in the studio 6 days a week. So I did not get out much in my spare time. I normally saved what little I did have for homework or hanging out with my best friend(who was almost as involved with her soccer as I was Ballet).
I was a loner at school, even with a best friend. I still was a wall flower. She had her own group of friends and I just tagged along. Every now and I would find someone that was worth a little time and changes things up.
I had stuff from my child hood that were not easy memories to carry around for a kid my age. My dad was a severe alcoholic, when I was growing up which messed with my head big time. I was never physically abused, mentally abuses or neglected in any way. He just drank alot.
This disconnected me from people at an early age. I would play the part of the sullen teenager. I did not fit in at home, did not really fit in at school.
It sounds like she could be depressed. She is right, you can not make her take the medications. She may be 17 and that still makes her a minor, but it is her body and she can decide what gets put into it to most extent.
There are positive ways to stay involved or become involved in that distant life. Maybe instead of ''prying''(which is most likely what she thinks you are doing).....You take her on a daughter date, but leave all the hard stuff out. Ask her what her top three favorite things to do near you guys are. Then make a date day. Go do one of those things each week or as you can afford. She may push back and say no at first. That is ok. Just keep at it.
Is it possible she could have Agoraphobia? Or Social Anxiety? It could be that school is majorly stressful, harsh and overwhelming for her. Why would she then want to go spend time out in bigger not as secure mall, movie theater or where else a 17 year old might do?
As for the working and the laziness. My mom grew to tolerate my room. Even to this day by bed room looks like my closet exploded. If I have my clothes hanging up my ADHD brain would literally not be able to focus on the fact I need to get dressed.
So, is a messy room annoying for you? Yes.
Cup half Full: Start telling her if she wants NEW clothes she must hang ALL of her clothes up where they belong. OR you will be cruising the racks at your local ''Thrift Shop''........''Popping Tags''.
She also must keep food, dishes and trash from collecting. Nothing is nastier then have week old plates growing sciences labs,,,,,,,,All stuck under the clothes all over the floor.
Could she be working more? This will depend on what your state laws are on time worked by a minor. When I was that age I could not work any more than 20 hours per week. Plus had to have the school sign off.
Cup half full: When she turns 18 yrs, draft a rental agreement and make her pay whatever seems suitable for you. Dont tell her, but put that money aside and have that become her secret savings account that you can some day give her back for being able to prove she is almost an adult(I understand she would be 18....but 18 is like being an adult with training wheels). You can even break the rent into different monthly bills so she has to learn responsibility.
If you can not get her to put more effort into her life, then tell her that in order to be a functional person in your house hold X amount of things will be expected of her. If she does not make the effort, take the computer or whatever means life to her away.
Is it possibly she is getting bullied at school? Or had anything majorly embarrassing happen to her, that maybe she has not mentioned(I know how would you know, goes back to the date day).
College.....touch base on this....I had two things required of me once turning 18, I had a job. Or if I did not have a job I would HAVE to be in school. I choose them both for about one whole quarter. Then I realized I was wasting my parents money, not knowing what I wanted to go to school to do. I took on a second job to help my self out alot more. I only sort of came close to having to pay rent.
My guess would be something is going on st school. That is just my cyber gut kicking in.
Depression is serious. I can totally take over someone's rational thinking. It may only be the difference of her maturing out of High School. I remembering breathing a sigh of relief once I got to college(my short exp.). People were real. you did not have to worry about cliques, popularity or drama. The only place I could think of that would maybe echo HS is if she were in a dorm.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
It can not be easy watching your baby go through this. If we could only block them from all the bad.
When ever I am dealing with a group of student activists(after Occupy Wall Street I became a protest organizer, I dealt with many different causes since then, student marches and walk outs over new grading system), I leave the kids with this bit of advice...''It gets better'' meaning life gets better and the people get real(to some extent)(The slogan is actually a Campaign started by Dan Savage in support of teens in general but more to give LGBT youth community hope towards one day being accepted..but for now all we can say is..''It gets better''.