11 Month Old Fighting Sleep at All Times

Our little guy just turned one yesterday and it sounds like you described his routine EXACTLY! This is his "regular" schedule. I didn't notice if you had a partner to help you. The only difference was that I was only able to partially breastfeed for the first two months. I get so frustrated because I can't get normal things done, like dishes, bills, etc. but my hubby and I switch shifts. I have 4am - 2:30pm, he has 2:30pm - 4am. This gives me time to take care of my 8 year old and rest here and there since our last child is due in less than a month. Believe me, there are still those days when I'm mush but I plan everything around daddy getting home, whether it's a nap, bills, attention to the 8 year old or catching up on email. I still bathe the baby at night, feed and rock him to sleep around 8pm and we can trade off if I feel like it but it is a tough schedule. Remember, it's not forever. If you are alone, enlist a friend or two to come and relieve you for a while each week, it may be the silver lining in your week, even if you just nap.

I'm hoping our little girl will be a sleeper and the complete opposite of our little boy but "God only gives you what you can handle...this too shall pass."

Hang in there, bless your heart, it will be better...

T

When my now 11.5 m old was about 5 m I had to let her cry it out during the night b/c she was waking up and wanting to nurse every two hours and I was getting cranky and not pleasant to be around during the day. I decided that a little CIO would make me a better mom so if she woke up I would not go to her if it'd been less than 3 hours since she nursed. We had a few nights of screaming but it worked for us. She has continued to wake up in the night to nurse (it stretched to about every three hours back then, and now she wakes to nurse one or two times each night) but that's absolutely do-able.

The few times she's fought naps, I just leave her alone for one hour. She's occasionally screamed the whole time but generally falls asleep before very long.

Try an even earlier bedtime for a week (5:30) and see how that works. Your LO is probably having difficulty napping b/c he's so tired!

Try dressing her a little more warmly. We bought a space heater and set it at 68 degrees and put it in her room, and I make sure she has fleecy pjs with feet and a fleecy sleep sack on to keep her toasty. I think when she was little she woke up more often because she was cold instead of hungry, and the cuddling and warm milk in her tummy put her right back to sleep.

Good luck!

H.

K.--
Ugh, I've totally been there. Your little one sounds an awful lot like mine at that age. I actually DID hire a sleep consultant (who by the way was a total b----, and not worth the money) but her advice worked, so I will share what of it I remember for you (mine is nearly 3 now, so excuse my hazy memory....

In response to your questions:
1) I had the same question. She told me to let his napping be, but to leave him in his crib until whatever time you deemed an appropriate nap length (1 hour, 1.5 hour, etc) that way he learns that he should be sleeping longer

2)I would NOT keep him up later. If he is waking from his afternoon nap a bit after 1, you should actually consider putting him to bed earlier (I used to put mine down when he was doing this at 6pm, sometimes as early as 530 pm)

3) Its true, some kids don't sleep that much. But there's probably still hope for you. =)
4) OK....here's what we did in this exact same situation. First, I stopped nursing him back to sleep. THis was a true pain, as he didn't really want to have anything to do with it, but after about 10 days, it was ok. If he woke up in the middle of the night, he was allowed to cry for 40 minutes each time (a number devised by our sleep consultant based on his age). After 40 minutes if he was still awake, we gave him a BOTTLE of breast milk, by my husband, and put him back in bed AWAKE. Eventually he stopped waking up at night, and once he did that, his naps naturally lengthened. And he eventually started waking up later (though to this day, he still wakes up at about 630). Whole process took about 3 weeks.

Lastly, and I will throw this on the table too, it could be that your little one is in that true pain in the butt stage of transitioning out of 2 naps to 1 (mine did that at 13 months, after a while of me trying to fight it). In that case, you just slowly start to march the morning nap a little later and later, putting him down for sleep in the evening VERY early until his one nap is around 1230 to 1 pm. This took us many months of angst....

If you have more questions, I am happy to answer them, and can be reached at ____@____.com you, I'm totally NOT a sleep consultant, just have been there and tried everything (ie I can tell you what worked for my kid, but i guess all kids are different). I'll give you whatever advice I remember from my sleep consultant because while her advice worked, her manner left me not wanting to refer anyone to her ever.

I have gone through the same thing with my daughter for a long time now! (I actually just posted a question somewhat similiar to yours!) My daughter just recently turned 1. She naps alot like your son. Sometimes her 40 minute nap in the AM is her only nap for the day. She just started sleeping through the night every once in awhile, and I think its because I let her sleep with her favorite blankie. I too am guilty of giving my baby a bottle to fall back asleep in the middle of the night, but its the only way she will. She has never slept much, and my mother says I was exactly like that as a baby. I have been a zombie like you for a long time! I even dealt with some depression issues as a result. When she was younger I would actually hold her the entire time she napped, because the second I laid her down she would wake up crying! Thankfully she gradually grew out of that, and as I said before, she is sleeping more sound since I let her sleep with her blankie. I struggle a great deal trying to get her to go to bed at night, and sometimes the only way I can get her to nap during the day is by taking her for a car ride. Im sorry I dont have much advice, but your definitely not alone! I have tried alot of things like calming lotions, warming her bottles, etc. Unfortunately nothing has worked so far. Good luck to you and hopefully this will be something they outgrow! If you find any solutions please let me know!!

HI K.,
I'm not sure what your routine is for your baby, but here are some recommendations. Let him sleep no longer than 1 hour for the a.m. nap and then try to keep him up until about 12;30 and 1pm in the afternoon. Does he have a feeding schedule? If he wakes after an hour don't pick him up. Gently lay him back down and leave your hand on his back until he is sleepy enough to go back to sleep. If he pops back up gently lay him back down and tell him night night. Otherwise don't talk to him. You will have to do this over and over again until he understands that it isn't time to get up.

Establish a night routine, feeding, bath, stories bed or whatever. Is he eating solid food? Don't nurse him or give a bottle in the sleeping area. Do this in another part of the house like the living room. I would not recommend nursing him back to sleep. If he isn't using something to soothe like a pacifier or thumb, I would try to introduce a soothing toy or blanket. You can do this by giving him the same toy or blanket when you nurse him or give him a bottle and when he naps. When he wakes at night give him his pacifier, or soothing item and gently lay him down like described for nap.

This is not a quick process and may take a week or several. I like it as an alternative to CIO, which never felt good to me. A lot of people swear by it, but it wasn't for me. It's true that at your baby's age he should be able to self soothe and go to sleep on his own, and that he DOES have the ability to understand that his crib is a place for him to sleep. I think what you need is a good routine and consistent practices to get him on a sleep schedule.

Also you'll have to be aware of the times that something is off with your little guy. Teething, illness, and new skills like walking will disrupt his sleep. But once you get into a routine it will be much easier to read him behavior to know something else is wrong.

Good luck!!

Greetings K.,
Now this is coming from the mother of 5, and a foster parent for many little ones, and now wearing the hat of Grandmother.
Maybe your child is telling you that he doesn't need so many naps anymore.
My children gave up regular napping by the ages of 12 months. Sometimes I's get lucky and they took them and then went several days and didn't. But they rested well all night.
So make some adjustments to your plans and see if your little one will rest but maybe not sleep during the day.
One things we did was make piles in quilts/blankets like big birds nest and have the child rest there. It worked wonders, now you can make this special time with music or have them watch a favorite program. I have 2 grandchildren that can't seem to rest without their favorite show on. For one its Nemo and the other its Veggie tales. Or try doing a gift for yourself and lie down at the same time as the child where he can see you and snuggle-- or read a book you enjoy outloud to him. I have read everything from westerns to the bible . They don't care as long as it is your voice. I just can't read just childrens books because I try to change my voice alot as I read it and it stimulates the child. This way you get a rest as well. Good Luck and enjoy your adventure of parenthood. It is the greatest thing you will ever do in life. Nana Glenda

Dear K.,

First off, I have total sympathy for you and the other mom who put up a post. My son did the same thing at unfortunately it continued for a long time. I don't think he slept through the night until he was close to turning two. YIKES!
I also learned from reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child that this problem is especially common when babies are close to achieving milestones such as walking, getting teeth, or learning other skills. Much of the time my son at 11 months did not want to go to sleep becuase he was just simply wanting to be seeing and doing so much. The book said at this age that babies need between 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I did the math and based on your description it sounds like your baby may be a bit short of that number but not by too much.

We simply started letting my son cry it out at night so that he learned to self sooth. This is not easy at all but it is very important. Nursing on demand is wonderful except that now your baby knows he can get you to come and give him attention whenever he likes in the night. If he is not really hungry which he really should not be then you should avoid the night feedings.

As for the daytime, my son would wake up but unless he was crying like crazy I would leave him in his crib for awile longer. Often if I did not go in he would go back to sleep! This was how he learned to sooth himself back to sleep.

As hard as it is try not to go in unless it seems there is no other option and once he gets past getting himself to sleep himself it will get much much easier.

Hang in there and I hope you get some rest. :)

Ok, so I know everyone is not a fan of letting little ones cry it out, HOWEVER, learning to self soothe and being able to put themselves back to sleep is a learned behavior, like walking, toilet training and using a fork and a spoon. At 11 months he does notneed to eat in the night, his stomach is big enough to be able to go 8 to 10 hours without eating. So that being said, if you solve your night time wakefulness, the daytime naps will work out on their own. I am not saying you need to stop nursing, you need to stop nursing at night. Your whole family will need to be on the same page. It will take a couple of nights, but it is really worth the time, you all will feel so much better and so much more rested...

So my kids have never been good sleepers.
1st, let the naps go. Let him sleep as long as he needs, if he wants up get up. I had to stop fighting the nap thing with my first daughter, she stopped altogether at 15mo. maybe try one nap.
2nd, suck it up and stop the night nursing. he will be mad for about 1 week then he may start to sleep through the night. I stopped at about 12 months and they were mad, but got over it in about a week, the 2nd night is the worst, so just get through it, he will cry, but in about a week it will be better.
So sorry, from one walking zombie to another, you will probably need to have some discomfort for a short time to change the pattern.
good luck, K.

I am a family therapist and a HUGE advocate of Cry It Out. It's hard, it takes resolve on your part (and your husband's), but I found, when I did that with my son, not only did he sleep better during the night, but he also learned how to put himself back to sleep if disturbed while napping, and he became a better napper, too. So, I say: stop nursing him at night, and see what happens with the naps. A typical pattern is: cry for 40 minutes the first night, cry 45 minutes the next night, then 30, then 10, then not waking at all. Good luck with this!

My daughter was EXACTLY the same at 10/11 months. Now she sleeps like a champ, and puts herself back to sleep, and we never had to do CIO. The trick was to put her to bed very early. It seems so ridiculously simple, but there are soooo many parents I've talked to who have had just as much success with this.

I picked up Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for free from Bananas Inc. in Oakland, and you can get it at the library. I didn't read it all, but I got the message. Early bed time.

What was your bedtime, the earliest you can remember? Mine was 7:00, and my mom told me that was after I was 5 years old - before that it was 6:00 or 6:30. So why was I letting my daughter stay up so late?

Before we did this, we waited to put her to bed until she seemed tired - that was too late. As she was going thru major changes (teeth, walking) my daughter's "I'm tired" time got later and later, naps were all-too-brief, and she ended up just like your child, a little crabby zombie, and my husband and I were exhausted.

The first night we tried this, we fed her at 6:00 and put her in bed at 7:00. Out like a light. We were shocked that our little "sleep fighter" would go out like that, but it's been so consistent. The days following she napped much, much longer too. And on the third or fourth day, she walked to her crib at 6:30 and tried to climb up the wall to get in.

TRY IT!

It can be a little sad to minimize our time with her (we both work), and it can be a challenge to be prepared to feed her very soon after she gets home from daycare, but it's all worth it. Her job is to play hard during the day and to sleep, sleep, sleep. And we are all so much happier on the weekends and have very special cuddle times right before her bed time. Not to mention more time for mom and dad to pay attention to each other!

Please let us all know how you are doing.

C.

Lack of sleep is like living in a 24/7 nightmare! Every child is different, but I do believe your son is WAY overtired and needs help ASAP as do you, obviously. While you will get a lot of responses, you really need something tailored for your situation. I had a lot of help from a lady in an online forum - a couple of years ago when I need help with my son. She now has her own website with a TON of information, a free forum, and consultation fees if you so choose. (BTW, I have no vested interest in this; I just feel your pain and hope you find this helpful.)
http://www.picknicksbrain.com/

GL

My 5 year old was the same way at 10 months & never slept through the night on a continual basis until about 16 months or so. It was exhausting. I stopped going in when I heard her cry and realized that if I could tough out the crying, most of the time within 10 minutes (a very LONG 10 minutes) she would lay down and go back to sleep. It took persistence for me to NOT run in there. Occasionally she would wail and when it got too long (30 minutes or more) I would go in, but I had to resist the first 10 minutes and it made a big difference.

By the way, my mom said my brother (very 'active') child never slept through the night until he was about 3. Sorry! I hope it is better for you! It WILL pass, you can do it, take it one day at a time, get a friend to take him out for a couple of hours and instead of doing all that housework that sits there, just go to bed. Ignore it! The friend or grandparent will be delighted to take him for a couple hours. Just ask. It will help. If you do this once a week or once a month, you'll be surprised how refreshed you feel with just that little time to yourself for your own nap.

Take care,
D.

PS - I have 5, youngest are 2 (twins), I don't sleep much either, but I will take a nap when I can!

i dont know if i have any great wisdom, but i can say that reading your situation, i dont think your kid is too extremely abnormal with his sleep patterns. clearly, though something is not working for both of you. what is really impotant is to find a method you feel ok with, not comparing him to what he should be doing.

night weaning your son may be a good idea if you know he is filling up. my boy is 13 mos. and has very little interest in solid foods, so i am not completely cutting him off yet. just limiting the night nursings.

i would not try to keep a kid up later or cut out a nap if i thought he was overtired. SLEEP BEGETS SLEEP. if your child is not getting fulfilling naps, try to work on that. i was thinking maybe you could plan the morning nap in a long stroller ride (fresh air for you too!) to esnsure a good nap. with my son, i let his early nap be as short as he wants -- usually around 45 min -- and then commit to putting effort into resettling him if his afternoon nap is shorter than an hour.

with 2 naps and an early bedtime it is hard to imagine him overtired, but he does wake up early. i focus on non-nursing back to sleep techniques in the early night and then let my boy nurse in the early morning hours to extend his sleep period. he is legitimately hungry at 5 or 6.

dont feel too guilty about nursing him back to sleep. lots of us use that and its perfectly natural. it is very important to make sure your child has several different sleep associations. when nursing your boy down in the daytime, work on removing him from the breast before he is completely asleep and resting his head on your shoulder, patting his back. get him used to settling asleep there. also, rocking, laying on dad, listening to music, and saying the same soothing words are all good sleep associations to work toward.

i have been in the same situation and i can tell you that i have obsessed over my kid and sleep and that everything changes quickly, so just keep trying your best and know that your kid is going through a lot right now and that he will get better, especially if you guide him. you have the right to choose how intense you want the training to be.